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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?      Home login  
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 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 26
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Society as a whole most certainly has more compassion for women than for men.


This was the point that I was trying to make. Although, I chose my words poorly.

I do unto others as they do unto me. Those who know me, know just how much compassion and empathy I have. My friends are about 50/50 ratio of male to female. As I stated before, I care about my male friends. And they know they can rely on me to be there when they need me.

I've already stated why I think women are sometimes mean to other women. Why are men sometimes mean to women. Why are women sometimes mean to men? Because we are flawed human beings. We say and do thoughtless things. Some mean to harm. Some don't. Egos frequently get in the way.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 27
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/19/2012 4:58:27 PM

She danced with one man that I'd turned down and told him that I'm high-maintenance anyway. He told his friends, one of whom I'd been having a conversation with and who stopped showing interest suddenly.


I had a ‘friend’ like that. Always with the snide insidious remarks and bad mouthing me to men I expressed an interest in behind my back. It was obvious what was happening when a guy who acted hot for me one minute, then spoke to her, then shied away from me after that. She told me that if she looked like me she would bang all these guys…wtf? I’m not a whore and she acted like one anyway, so I guess it didn’t matter what she looked like. Jeez, what a horrible woman. No more toxic people for me.

I don’t play little insecure girly games and I have ZERO patience for that kind of crap.

Most of my life

Women have always been my greatest support.


as I’ve been for them.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 28
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:19:15 PM
yes, I even had books on the topic- i experienced it in my personal life as well as at work...take it as a warped compliment, it is basic jealousy & obviously YOU had/have something that THEY are jealous about...

it's evolutionary based- female dinosaurs did some mean crap to eachother, quite literally...if a female dinosaur & her offspring were done eating an animal but there was some flesh left, the Mom would take a dump on it, rendering it inedible for the other Moms & offspring who may have eaten the leftovers...

it's in our dna, but I guess we should be able to control some of our competativeness at this point...

you know that old saying about bridesmaids- a mother will advise her daughter who is the bride to choose only her homely friends to be bridesmaids so the bride will not be upstaged by her better looking friend(s) on her wedding day...

A good read is: "Tripping The Prom Queen- the truth about women & rivalry" by Susan Shapiro Barash if you'd like to delve into it more deeply...



Although I do have amazing female friends I adore and respect, in the long run, I do get along much better with men than women. Always have. Trouble with that is.. they always end up flirting with me.
I just can't win *sigh



Please don't let anyone talk to you like that. You were kind enough to be there for her therefore you deserve accolades, not insult.



I've observed the relational aggression thing often, and understand it to be a self esteem issue. Attempts to one up another typically are. It also seems to be an attempt to assert dominance. I avoid people like this, but they are interesting to observe from a distance. I have nothing to prove to anyone, so don't participate in games such as this.



She danced with one man that I'd turned down and told him that I'm high-maintenance anyway. He told his friends, one of whom I'd been having a conversation with and who stopped showing interest suddenly.


I had a ‘friend’ like that. Always with the snide insidious remarks and bad mouthing me to men I expressed an interest in behind my back. It was obvious what was happening when a guy who acted hot for me one minute, then spoke to her, then shied away from me after that. She told me that if she looked like me she would bang all these guys…wtf? I’m not a whore and she acted like one anyway, so I guess it didn’t matter what she looked like. Jeez, what a horrible woman. No more toxic people for me.

I don’t play little insecure girly games and I have ZERO patience for that kind of crap.




PS-OP, I think I remember seeing your pic on here. I bet you get faced with this a lot, AND I can also understand why you took it off this site-some of us get tired of certain kinds of attention ;)
Yes, the OP is gorgeous, highly intelligent & has a razor sharp wit. Many people would be intimidated by her...

 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 29
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/19/2012 8:34:04 PM
^Rock on ! Now That's the good sisterhood network in action! Forget the catty garbage.. I concur! Rock on beautiful OP and outshine all evil underminer 'step-sisters' :)
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 30
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History
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:54:10 AM
I've always been fascinated by how women will be nice to each other in person, yet talk bad about each other in private.
You really don't see that sort of thing among men.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 31
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:14:53 AM
There were times in my life when I was heavier & lost weight...the cattiness at work, from friends & even @ CHURCH...omg...I saw a chunky woman I knew from church-during services staring at my waist (smaller after losing weight) then staring at her own (larger)

After I got lasik, a friend w/ glasses told me she was jealous...

Dating...the comments, put downs, etc due to jealousy...

One time I went out to a really nice singles dance, where they have a buffet hot dinner & if it was ur b-day month, a cake & bottle of champagne at ur table w/ a group of people from a singles group @ meetup...I was "fresh meat" plus one of the younger ones in the place, so I had tons of men dancing w/ me all nite, including the hottest looking guy slow dancing w/ me...the other women in the group got nasty w/ me...I wasn't even wearing a slutty outfit, in fact I looked plain & nerdy as I went after work...just competition from women...only one of them was nice...

I do not even let other women know anymore where I go on a date...a few years ago a friend went ballistic on me cuz my date took me to a fancy restaurant & a YES concert in Poughkeepsie of all places...she said why didn't u tell me (beforehand) cuz she wanted to go...WTF? it was a date planned at the last minute...why would I invite a friend along???

I do not let other women know what I was given for my b-day or xmas by my current beau...it seems like when u have/had a bad experience, other women will be nice, not all of them, but many, but when u have a Cinderella moment, it is too much 4 them to take!

At my last job, when I was new, I had no idea of how miserable the women were...they were all married (unhappily) never went anywhere, hated their husbands, etc. On Monday morning they'd go around the room, asking "what did u do this weekend?" I was so dumb, I would answer honestly...I had a date, we went to____ or I went to a singles thing & we did ____ They did not like it! So after a few weeks I caught on & said, I did nothing. I kept my dating secret...

I learned to keep things to myself to save some friendships, I do not think I bragged, if anything, they'd brag if some guy took them out for a cup of coffee...

I see it in the forums too- some people will outright get nasty for no good reason, some do it in a sneaky way...if I have done it, I am sorry, not something to be proud of...

I consider myself an attractive woman, who was lucky enough to get some good genetics & motivated enuf to work w/ what I have, but that should not make me or the OP or anyone else a target for jealous, insecure women...


There's one right here on the forums who posts as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth but if you look closely at her postings and compare it to her profile, she pays lips service to the qualities she thinks are appealing but doesn't follow through with her forum behavior.
I think I know who u r talking about, but I do not take her too seriously, it is what it is, the result of the disappointments in her life...hopefully, she will be happy again...

 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 32
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 10:20:07 AM
Why are women so mean to other women?
one word: JEALOUSY. =)
 fillyphilly
Joined: 5/12/2012
Msg: 33
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 10:44:16 AM
^^^Then I guess I'm such an ugly loser no women have ever had anything to feel jealous of me about.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 34
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 11:04:07 AM
^^^^
no way- u look like a young Linda Ronstadt IMO- u r prob lucky & have never been around such bad women, or if u had been, u were 2 nice to realize they were being mean...I only started seeing it recently, I was too nice in the past...I only got savvy myself recently, hee hee hee!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 35
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 5:59:52 PM
larissan04- It is a fact of life and alive and well, I'm afraid.
I grew up with all boys, quite the tom boy and loved every minute.
To this day I get along better with men than with women.
Very little gets on my nerves more than grown women (especially with children) being so petty and catty.
No patience for it myself.
I'm not much of a "joiner" or a follow the crowd type anyway.
If a woman wants to act like a child, I don't have time for her and have no problem telling her so.
I have several close female friends, but they are all like me in that they just don't care for the type of woman you describe.
When you meet this type, steer clear and consider yourself lucky you don't fit in with them, I don't want to.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 36
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 7:31:19 PM
Trinity~

"I have to admit...I am much more compassionate and considerate towards women than I am towards men."

I actually prefer men to women. I tend to regard women with suspicion, and it takes me a while to trust them. Men, they are pretty easy to read. I also think that men are much more honest in general. Women often get offended by the littlest things, then nurse the grudge like a new born or something. They will pretend to be your friend, but the whole time they are waiting for some opportunity to stab you in the back or undermine you in some way. I definitely prefer to work with and for men; however, I have had some decent female boss' in the past.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 37
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 7:36:57 PM
Landra2~

"Any woman they perceive as younger, prettier, more outgoing, better dressed, better figure, (etc) is considered a threat to them and they will rally the troops and destroy or get rid of the threat."

I agree with everything you posted above, and I too have dealt with the Mean Girls all of my life. I have learned to grow a thick skin, and I have also learned to be much more selective about what I tell women, especially in the work place. Also, you hit the nail on the head - the Queen Bees always rally the troops. It amazes me how women always try to get others to gang up on their victim. A man might sock ya one if he doesn't like another man, but women? ha! They take it much further. They try to destroy a person's life. It's psychological violence, and anti-social behavior that should not be tolerated in the work place or anywhere.

I love to watch the Housewives shows. These shows just illustrate how petty grown women can be. The women pretend to be friends, then dish on each other behind eachother's backs. They get mad at each other over the dumbest things, and find insults in the most innocent of comments, facial expressions, and gestures. Every time I watch one of these shows I am reminded how not to behave despite the temptations to respond to such pettiness in kind.

I have also come to the conclusion that you can not ignore this behavior - especially in the work place. If you do not confront the bully calmly and firmly, the behavior only escalates. When you confront a passive aggressive person, they will pretend that you are over reacting and give you a "what-are-you-talking-about" look of astonishment. But if you are careful to give them specific examples and insist that it is unprofessional and detrimental to productivity in the workplace, then you can usually at least put the person in check. Keeping a careful log of incidents so you can keep things clear in your mind also helps in case you need to take it to HR. unfortunately, HR people and bosses often don't take this stuff seriously, and when you report such behavior to them, they often view you as the trouble maker. I think we all have the right to insist on having a healthy work environment.
 KittenCatt
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 38
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:08:42 PM
unfortunately, HR people and bosses often don't take this stuff seriously, and when you report such behavior to them, they often view you as the trouble maker. I think we all have the right to insist on having a healthy work environment.


You are right, no, they DON'T take it seriously. I mean, crazy stuff that you couldn't have dreamed up on some acid trip a woman supervisor pulls on you, no they won't even take seriously...and trying to comprehend that makes ya feel crazy as you go back to your desk and try to keep working, knowing that any minute you're completely prey for some crazy, jealous, insecure, bitter, most-likely-bipolar woman who despises your happiness and kindness and really would like to stamp it out; knowing that she has full support and denial of the wonderful HR department.

I am quite sure that the next time I am faced with this challenge, I will be fully utilizing my phone in recording any and all of the crazy antics, yelling, fits, tantrums that the wonderful HR people think are no biggie.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 39
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/20/2012 10:53:36 PM
Larissan, I just wanted to thank you for posting this thread. My experience with the relational aggression hasn't just been limited to work, where it so happens I work with a lot of 'Diva' personalities anyways. I have had to deal with it my whole life, and reading everyone else's stories here has been quite validating.

I realize it's not just all women vs me, it's that some women's jealousy is pathologically destructive towards ALL those they designate to be 'competition'. I have had women really try to undermine me and do me under because of their jealousy. I've never been a jealous type, and always a true and loyal friend to my friends- but like one of the posters above shared, I too am at the point of no longer feeling free to discuss goals, jobs, dates, good times or gifts given me towards other women in even but the vaguest of terms, unless I am sure they have healthy self-esteem .

Some men have posted threads complaining why single women haver male friends-this really is a key reason I value my guy friends for me. Sometimes that has its own complications for the few who can't accept me for a platonic friend and they want more. We do the best we can to respect and be sincere to all .For our kindness we are hated and more envied, while seen as weak or somehow naive, bc we're not ruthless.

We are all human beings. No matter how much hurt an attractive woman suffers, she gets the least sympathy-as in, you're so beautiful, whats your problem, you've got it made!

Truly, noone knows what it's like to be any other until they walk in her shoes!
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 40
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/21/2012 8:04:20 AM

I am a very independent person, even at work. In my personal life, I choose my friends carefully. If I don't like someone, I don't bother with them, and if I think they are toxic, I stay away from them


Ditto to that post. I'm thankful that I have not had to deal with this kind of stupid sh1t at work. It would definately make me angry.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 41
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Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/21/2012 11:35:16 AM
The ones who do this are angry at themselves. They been taught to conform and never rock the boat. When they see a woman who doesn't fall for the b.s. do well for herself, they question themselves and their lack of courage and they don't like what they see because they finally see that conforming to the "role" actually is and was, a waste of time. It did not get them what they thought...happiness.
Too bad that instead of owning their wimpy behavior and changing it, they slam those of us who don't behave that way. It's almost like they are asking, "where you get off being so brave as to act like an individual?"

Some women get it and are incredibly great and supportive.

BTW, Wimpy men do it as well.
 eeeeeezy
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 42
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/21/2012 12:00:19 PM
"A misogynist is a man who hates women as much as women hate each other."

- H.L. Mencken
 VF102
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 43
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History
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:19:01 PM
In my union most employee complaints are female vs female.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 44
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/22/2012 10:58:43 AM
Is seems as though in competition, men tend to try to do better than the other guy, while women try to sabatoge the other woman. Not all of course, insecure men will sabatoge and cheat, and confident women will try to better themselves. There must be a lot more insecure women, I've sure come across alot of them in work situations.
 fillyphilly
Joined: 5/12/2012
Msg: 45
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:55:49 AM
I've been treated far worse by men than women. I've had men say really ugly, nasty hurtful things about my appearance all my life and not once by any woman. The one horrible experience I had at work being targeted by mean girls was by two men. I believe in reading this that other women have had different experiences but all the meanness I've had directed at me was by men. I still read sh*t on here where men call women, sluts, skanks, whores, swamp donkeys, fat, old, stupid etc.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 46
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Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/22/2012 12:01:05 PM
Interesting bwena. Sadly, too true.
I'd like to add, insecure men run other men down too, just not to their face.
Curious...Are women thinking that because it's not "ladylike" to "punch out" another woman for being mean, that they feel they can get away with being mean, where as with a man, the chance of getting punched is quite possible so they don't do this as much? Hmmm.
 KittenCatt
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 47
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/22/2012 10:58:39 PM
It sometimes amazes me and leaves me breathless, how many times I've witnessed times when I or someone else has been very vulnerable and in pain, and some woman - faced with an opportunity to at the very least just offer quiet support - will nevertheless step up and laugh at, jeer at, judge, be mean, and figuratively kick someone when they're down. I don't get it.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 48
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Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:27:30 PM
Answer: #BLD...Bit*hes Love Drama! Trending worldwide...

I would say that reality TV has desensitized this type of behavior.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 49
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:53:06 PM
~Of course, by all means, if it's a personified trait of a woman on reality tv, well than it MUST be Normal and ok--Riggght--??..........because, EVERYthing on reality tv is just like Candid camera, right? And there are no storyboards or even show ideas, right....................?? And 'bad is the new 'Good'.... right?? Mmm hmmn................................ ~whoops, you can cut the mike now....lol
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 50
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/23/2012 8:26:08 AM
I'm really lucky. When I was younger, I used to have to deal with jealous beyotches but as I've gotten older, I have established a strong network of female (and guy) friends. We all give each other encouragement and listen to each others' insights and help each other. It is a great thing as I'm really surrounded by good people. I have great friends, but need to recalibrate my picker for dating.

However, I do encounter crazy once in awhile and have had to let some people go whose alleged "friendship" was hazardous to my health.
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