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 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 22
Real World Dating after Internet DatingPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
TempusFujis


<div class="quote">I bet I can pick out at least a half a dozen things you do wrong when it comes to meeting men off the sites

If she is meeting men who are lying , conniving , cheating etc then she is doing something wrong to attract these types of men the common denominator is ?

but that isn't the issue here , if one continually meets losers after losers after Losers logic would dictate her picker is off, or she is doing something that is attracting these types of men, its kind of simple.

You assumed, out of a desire to showcase a belief (in 3 different posts), that I am doing something wrong. I never said that I was meeting IRL loser after loser and this post is about meeting men IRL. That is something you inserted and is nowhere written. I only indicated that I understood IRL people lie as well.

You went in a direction that wasn’t even on the map. What you are talking about is a non- issue. You may as well have told a hunter who was asking how to string his bow, that his fault was how he buttoned his britches.

So for your clarity Tempus, my post is about going from those deceivers “who contacted me” during my long term spent Internet dating, to re-entering IRL dating, and asking how to keep the two experiences separate and not confusing the two worlds.



Dmaj7…very well written. You and Landra have the same ideas and I believe they are very good suggestions.

Tempus....you are referring to what I wrote about my experiences on the INTERNET meets only and making an assumption based on one part of what I wrote. My post question is about meeting men IN REAL LIFE which I am about to start doing.
 TempusFujis
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 23
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 5/20/2012 12:41:49 PM

After a few years, I quit trying to date off the net

1: after scores of meets from men whose pictures were hardly enough to indentify them when we met in person.

2: Speaking to men for more than a week and excuses to NOT meet were more that the desire to meet yet they wanted to keep talking.

3: Messaging back and forth with “profiles” who eventually disclose they are not even the person in the pictures but rather old men, foreign men or once even a woman.

4: finding out after the meet they were married or had a serious relationship but were unhappy and anything said after that was “blah blah blah" to me so it didn’t matter. So.............
I am asking my fellow forum posters for a bit of guidance, thoughts and suggestions, on how I can let go of my experiences in this elusive world of internet dating and be open to real world dating again without so much fear that I am being decieved in every word spoken
That was you right? Im just responding to your original post you're the one saying you keep meeting these guys , I dont assume anything, I just go by facts.

All I said was you perhaps need to learn the skills to weed out these guys , everyone has been deceived when they first try online dating, some folks learns the skills to weed out these losers and that was my point.

That is why Ive said you need to learn the skills, it wasn't meant to be mean it just a suggestion.
 catfa51
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 24
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 5/20/2012 12:50:16 PM
"Do you remember the days when dating was a slow, organic process? " We need more of this! I've met several women online and off and each one wants to move so fast your head spins! Truly getting to know someone is not an option because you may find that deal breaker before than can spring it on you!
 TempusFujis
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 25
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:49:16 PM

Tempus....you are referring to what I wrote about my experiences on the INTERNET meets only and making an assumption based on one part of what I wrote. My post question is about meeting men IN REAL LIFE which I am about to start doing.
excellent to hear , I dont blame you they say ( I wish I could find the link) that approximately 90% of people who uses online dating sites are flakes, weirdos, married, attached, whack jobs etc.

And in real life its always good to use discernment when meeting people too.
 Michey63
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 26
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 5/20/2012 10:32:00 PM
I can totally relate to what you are saying onewayoranuther. I am totally jaded from this whole internet dating thing as well and have been wondering the exact same things as you. I wonder how I can trust anyone again and how to let go of the internet dating experiences and not let them affect future dating experiences in the real world. Thanks for writing your email and questions. I am going to read all the answers and hopefully there are some good insights into these dilemmas that will help. All the best.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 27
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 5/21/2012 5:55:48 AM
What happened with me was I got soooo sick & tired of the whole process, I said I was gonna stop internet stuff & got into my own interests...I felt relaxed & happy, cuz I was doing what I liked...I started meeting new people everywhere, including men. People were attracted to my happiness, including men...they started asking me out in real life...I was relaxed & approachable...My last internet date was 2007...

What do YOU like to do? Please don't do stuff cuz "a man might be there"...also look for new interests, but stay away from "singles groups"...if u do meetup, do specific interests like dog walking groups, jazz music etc. Even things that are all women, like red hat or a ladies church group...do them cuz u like them, but...these ladies have sons, brothers, cousins, neighbors & if they like you & know u r single, they introduce you...

join a gym, walk thru your development, go out for coffee - by yourself, go to listen to a local blues band YOU LIKE w/o a C*CKblocking female, talk to neighbors, take public transportation every now & then, talk to people in general. I used to talk to a girl who worked in a dept store who was young enuf to be my daughter. We clicked. Her mom died a few years back- her dad was looking...she set us up- I did not like him, but I would have loved her as a stepdaughter...men r everywhere, single, divorced, widowed men who r looking. Some don't like the internet, some r too nervous even tho they sign up...

I used to be heavier- when I lost some weight...bam...I used to have glasses (nearsighted) but did wear contacts to go out-bam- then I got lasik-more bam- joined a gym- bam again...left the competative C*CKblocker friends @ home, bam again...don't be on the lookout for men, but open to it & be selective...u will have better dates and from real life...leave friends out of it who may sabotauge u whether consciously or not...u need to ramp up ur bam factor while doing everyday things...
 Michey63
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 28
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 5/21/2012 8:21:57 AM
If you re-read her post, it is all in the past tense for her internet dating points. She doesn't say that she is still "meeting" these guys.

She is looking for suggestions on how to transition from internet dating to real world dating and abandon all that has been let into her subconcious from internet dating. Issues may arise because of the experiences she has had with internet dating. To me, it is like I have forgotten how to date or meet a date, as I can't really remember how it was or happened years ago, it just happened and I didn't seem to have as hard a time then as I do now. I think people use the internet so much that alot of people are forgetting how to communicate in person.

That is how I see her post and question.
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 29
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:19:25 PM
Blonde angel ….BAM! I love it. You are a hoot.

Michey63…right on point…thanks for the back up :)
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 30
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:28:43 PM
Here is a thought you might find somewhat "comforting"..

Dating sites and, POF in particular due to its free nature, will have a tendency to attract the players, liars, etc, because these people who are not being genuine find it easier to hide their lies behind the veil of the internet.

What it means is that, a lot of those undesirables you don't want to date are busy _here_, therefore there are less of them out there IRL. I think POF has done a service to the world by cleaning up the IRL dating scene. :-)

Go out there and date confident that most of those you don't want are in POF playing their games. Does that help allay your fears ? :-)
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 31
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:26:46 AM
OP, I am currently seeing someone whom I met in real life and I have had dates with other men whom I did not meet online.

The main difference between them and the onliners is that I got to see them in person immediately. The other types of problems will not go away--married men will approach you and men will lie about other issues, as well.

Be wary, take everything with a grain of salt, but go out and do it.

I hate cliches, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 32
Real World Dating after Internet Dating
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:28:30 AM
We live in a sick world. There are a lot of bad people out there. I say that because I grew up in South America, where along with incredible wealth, you also see levels of poverty, crime, debauchery that are beyond comprehension.

Now, why do I mention that? Because I believe that intrinsically people try to do good. But what they consider good, may not be the same to you.

So like someone said here, you can become cynical and give up, or you can just treat it as a process of discovery. To do that, the first thing you do is create a profile that filters. No, that does not mean, putting the stupid lines, "cheaters, liars, players may not apply." For that only attracts them. But to put conversation trigger points on your profile so the type of guy (or girl) that you are interested on, will have something to have a conversation exchange with you that feels truthful and genuine. Then you start filtering by asking questions. Some rather casual, some rather direct. So by the time that you meet in person, you know that they are divorced or single.

Now on that first date. Again, if your expectations are to find "The ONE" you are going to be disappointed. If your expectations are to have a good time and along see if this person qualifies, then if at the end of the evening you discover some disturbing things about the other person, you do not have to feel disappointed, because you had the chance do discover how twisted, or strange someone is, and it gives you material to laugh, write a novel, or to keep in consideration next time someone uses that person's approach as well.

So be positive. When you're positive, positive things begin to happen. When you are negative and cynical, all those things will keep following you and that is the people you will keep meeting.
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