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 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 60
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I'm miserablePage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Christy, you've gotten great advice, but there's one thing I think has not been mentioned.

The man has a frontal lobe TBI. Whatever issues he may otherwise have had, we don't know. But his behavior now is not going to change. So, please don't waste your time thinking about what a good guy he may be underneath. You have to deal with reality.

Please, please get some therapy or get yourself into ALANON or CODA.

You're very smart and insightful when advising other people, but if you want to get better, YOU have to do the work.

Otherwise, the next guy is going to be just like this one, and the one after him, too.
 PsychologyChick
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 61
I'm miserable
Posted: 5/22/2012 4:33:25 PM
Sorry, I don't coddle foolishness...**shrug**. You have basically stated that your life is in jeopardy and you are miserable. WTH is there to ponder? You have no ties to this dude (children, mortgage, etc.). Seems like the "drama" is enjoyed because it serves a purpose for you (someone needing you).
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 62
I'm miserable
Posted: 5/22/2012 6:14:17 PM
Stop your crying...!!!This is not a pitty place for you...
You KNEW this was a FWB to start, love -hate relationship! We love each other but he makes me miserable....He was in a car wreck (before we meet) that causes brain trauma, he can be Bi-polar...do i need to go on!?!?!?!

Look , if you knew all this before going into the relationship what did u expect??? Stop your crying and move on!
this is not a place to vent, but to ask question and get advice.....
 brezyybaby3
Joined: 5/3/2012
Msg: 63
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I'm miserable
Posted: 5/22/2012 7:14:08 PM
Christy,
Those of us with broken man pickers tend to stay in bad relationships longer than we should. I stayed because I felt I didn't deserve anything better. My self esteem was so low by the time the one abusive relationship was over I went right into another one. I tell the girls I work with to GET OUT of any relationship that threatens their physical or mental health. And then not to get into another relationship until they have worked on fixing their man picker.
This is a very unhealthy relationship and this guy is not going to change. It will only get worse.Go get a restraining order and call the police if he contacts you after that. And if he calls you and leaves a message don't listen to them.
Saying a prayer for you.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 64
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/6/2012 5:31:24 PM
OP

You are right. It isn't that easy. You love someone, see the good in them, and perhaps there are even unique qualities that match up with you so perfectly...but...He's a complete and utter liability to you in every conceivable way: emotionally, financially, and physically (because being under constant emotional stress can eventually have a negative impact on one's health). He takes everything and gives you nothing in return. To make matters worse, he has even threatened to take the life of another person, you included, but of course he was just talking "crap."

Well, I've said this a million times, but here goes again...Women do stupid things/compromise themselves for love, and men do stupid things/compromise themselves for sex. Keeping this guy around is a very stupid thing that could very well "compromise" your life.

My advice? R U N A W A Y ! ! ! ! !
 angihcim
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 65
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:36:02 PM
must be miserable alright as you're on pof why do we think otherwise?
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 66
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/6/2012 8:35:25 PM
You sure that you want an update because I don't want to sound too whiney (as someone from the forums mentioned earlier). ;)


Ok...the "relationship" we had has dwindled. I have told him that I was done, and we have gotten into many heated discussions over the past few weeks. I've been busy moving, working, and getting ready for school so I have been trying to avoid him. We are both back on POF looking for more than we are getting (i'm looking for love and friendship, he's looking for "homegirls" and his next FWB victim). I'm getting better, and I am getting focused on moving on. Not in a hurry when it comes to dating.

So..in other words...It's all good!
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 67
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/6/2012 9:22:54 PM
When crazy wants you in its life and it won't leave you alone. Especially when you fear for your own life.... You only have one alternative.

You have to make crazy not want you.

I don't care what you come up with...everything you know he doesn't like...do it. Be messy, complain all the time but never about him...about life, its too hot, you hate your job, its too cold, your big toe hurts, you hate your hair, you hate your hips, you hate your car, your apartment/house, you name it complain about it. Wear unflattering clothes around him. No makeup. Don't do your hair. Cry a a lot. Text him all the time. As how he is doing. Ask him if he cares about you. How much he cares. Text him about stupid crap. Ask him why he isn't calling you back, Why he isn't texting you back soon enough. Tell him you are going off your meds because you don't think you are crazy but your doctor said you were. Talk about your mother...all the time. Show up at his house unannounced...on and on and on...start out slow first then heave it on......make him want YOU OUT OF HIS LIFE! Whatever works. When you think he has had enough…give him a little bit more…just for shyts and giggles.

If you will trust me... from one woman to another. Been there and done that:)......IT WORKS!

edit:
Ok I see you have taken care of it.....good job...but just in case it starts back...you have another remedy:)
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 68
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/6/2012 9:45:45 PM
Hello, Miss Christy! :) I'm glad to hear you've taken positive steps towards your own life! I have good news and also 'other' news:
here we go:

GOOD NEWS:When one person heals themself and becomes whole, it ripples out to many others-ie, when a woman heals, it causes men interested in her to rise to become better men, and she can give solid helpful advice and support out to other women. In addition she frees up her own cheerleading squad w/ positive news instead of drama...(saving them time)Other good news: when you've had your heart broken, and you take time to heal from the relationship gone wrong, sometimes you also heal your childhood 'stuff' that was causing the low self-esteem, blind spots which led to the unhealthy romantic relationship. Exciting, right?!

OTHER NEWS: aboveforementioned healing requires true alone time and soul searching sojourn, sometimes more than just a year of being single, while once cultivates a relationship with themself.

Based on other Christy posts, you're making progress at a good clip. Keep working towards wholeChristy -we like that :)
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 69
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I'm miserable
Posted: 6/6/2012 9:52:17 PM
There is no problem of getting rid of a man that a little limberger cheese spread on the coochie won't cure.
 MnGir30
Joined: 6/29/2010
Msg: 70
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:40:42 AM
I have been in your shoes. I would say if you are feeling that way then YOU HAVE TO DUMP HIM and quit procrastinating about whether you should or shouldn't dump him, the longer you let it drag the harder YOU will continue to feel sorry for him, TRUST ME I have been in that same situation. He went crazy psycho & tried to end his life by overdosing and stabbing his arms after I left, but I knew it was better to have done it now then later. GL & hopefully by now you left him since this post.
 foxboroughhottubs
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 71
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I'm miserable
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:47:23 AM

There is no problem of getting rid of a man that a little limberger cheese spread on the coochie won't cure.


I think this says more about the women you date LOL
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 72
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:48:03 AM

I've been busy moving, working, and getting ready for school so I have been trying to avoid him. We are both back on POF looking for more than we are getting…

So..in other words...It's all good!

Good for you! And thanks for the update, Christy. That all sounds really positive! Best to you in this new chapter of your life.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 73
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:01:48 AM
Well Christy, what can I offer you...
If you pay my plane ticket, I can get rid of him for you. Well, maybe not completely, but he wont be able to run after you with broken legs...
Just flush him kid. It's not like your ugly, andit's not like your stupid either. Even through depression, you can still act. So take twice your daily dose and unload, you'll feel a LOT better LOL
 joe_226
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 74
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I'm miserable
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:02:41 AM
MagicalMary
Wow Christy---

I'd suggest cutting ties with this man so you can focus on getting healthy. It's not so much about his instability but the fact that by staying with him you're enabling him to continue his manic behavior. I'd also seek some advice in how to handle his rants. While, I'd hope he was only talking crap---if his behavior is as unstable as you report I'd be a bit worried that if he goes off he would take you with him.

Venting helps---but being proactive in your well being and safety trumps this tumultuous relationship.

---

Couldn't agree with this more hun !!!
 nightowl2004
Joined: 1/18/2011
Msg: 75
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/8/2012 5:16:17 PM
OMG. you will be dead if you dont do SOMETHING. talk about co-dependent relationship. get police involved. think about relocating, too.
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 76
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I'm miserable
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:47:49 AM
You need to find some place to get away for a while, let him self destruct.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 77
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/9/2012 10:55:57 AM
another FWB turned bad. it never works. sex isn't a toy you play with. It means something even if it's used irresponsibly.

You need to make better choices.
 NVMinerMan
Joined: 6/2/2012
Msg: 78
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/9/2012 6:59:44 PM


I don't care what you come up with...everything you know he doesn't like...do it. Be messy, complain all the time but never about him...about life, its too hot, you hate your job, its too cold, your big toe hurts, you hate your hair, you hate your hips, you hate your car, your apartment/house, you name it complain about it. ... etc etc...


thats the way. dont forget to call him to borrow money from him everyday. borrow. borrow. borrow. hell dump u faster than you can spend ten bucks at tiffanys.
 cjc1997
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 79
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:03:15 PM
Life sucks. Get a helmet. Or just kill yourself. Considering how miserable my life has been for the past seven months it just might be the best option.
 40Liley
Joined: 5/22/2012
Msg: 80
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/10/2012 12:04:10 PM
I agree. Put as much distance as you can between him and yourself. Geographically, physically, emotionally, mentally.
Then go and focus on loving yourself.
 Angelisa121
Joined: 5/17/2012
Msg: 81
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I'm miserable
Posted: 6/10/2012 12:27:03 PM
I agree with previous post.

You have to love yourself to be open to love. The simple 4 letter word is abused and over used. Get out of the self destructive cycle. Women with children manage to escape violent relationships, go for it and run. Set your status as friendship only if you can't leave the site at the moment.
Everyone needs some time out to think about their own needs and who they are on their own. A time to evolve !!!
I hope this was helpful

Lisa
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 82
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/10/2012 3:59:52 PM

Life sucks. Get a helmet. Or just kill yourself. Considering how miserable my life has been for the past seven months it just might be the best option.


My love life is the only thing that sucks. Looks like you need to seek help for your oulook in life. ;)
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 83
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I'm miserable
Posted: 6/10/2012 4:43:23 PM
Hi Christy,

Thanks for the follow up post, I've been thinking about you. Phew. I'm sure it's been tough, but I'm pleased to hear you've taken the turn you needed. Congrats on your moving forward professionally - all the best with your studies.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 84
I'm miserable
Posted: 6/10/2012 6:05:02 PM
FBI tipline will not get you anywhere without a name of the dude in question. Oh, and this thread is very serious....or was anyways mr. poopydonkey


Thank you Flaneur. (hugs) I am very excited about starting school!
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