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 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 23
Getting dissed while messagingPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

His response commented on my looks and he gave me his number. Luckily, I have poor cell service where I live, so I texted him.


He makes two comments and gives you his number... And you consider yourself ‘lucky’ that you have poor cell service…why, so you didn’t have to talk to him? That’s odd. Why would you bother texting him if you didn’t even want to talk to him?

I don’t call or text guys just because they give me their number. That was too quick to me, and you didn’t seem all that interested in him, anyway.

Probably his ‘music video production company’ is the video feature on his cell phone.
 GoldinSFla
Joined: 10/21/2011
Msg: 24
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Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/22/2012 7:44:01 PM
I dont know if he was lying or not. "Video production company" tends to sound like something a guy might make up if he's trying to impress young naive women into thinking he's a wealthy mogul or that he is someone that can hook them up with a job in show business . But on the other hand someone has got to produce those videos, so why not him?

Maybe his company is the type that people bring their old super 8 home movies to in order to transfer them to DVD. That would make it some kind of video production company. So he might have been lying, telling the truth or exaggerating a bit...who knows?

But regardless of the veracity of his claim, dont you think it might have been just a little bit forward of you to ask the name of his company after only a few texts? I know Id be a little bit put out if someone asked the name of where I worked after just a few texts. Its not just women who have to be careful nowadays. Maybe his last date turned out to be a stalker psycho from hell and he's just gun shy.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 25
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/22/2012 7:53:47 PM
You already knew the answer prior to your forum post. Unsure the need to let the world know what we've already know for some time now. Move on & keep moving on when encountering game players.
 Dork_Vader27
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 26
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/22/2012 8:07:00 PM
I'm self employed and fairly secretive with what I do for a living.. I'll tell them I make enough money to support my self and pay my bills. That's all they need to know for now..

Basically I don't like talking about it because I've had cause nothing but problems.. Not so much what I do for a living it's an honest respectable business. But because I've had issues with the woman I date asking for favors or free things.

Umm this is how I make my living I give immediate family a discount that is it. I will occasionally do things for a long term girl friend but if I'm dating someone and they ask for a favor it strikes a nerve with me. I also do not want them dating me because of that. A relationship is supposed to be about other things.

When I used to tell people what it was and what I owned.. They would ask for free things then get annoyed when I would tell them no. The relationship would end then 6 months after not hearing from them they call me asking for a discount. Stuff a long those lines..

Like I said I've been used numerous times. It's a horrible feeling. So now I simply hide it. I borrow a friends car and tell them that I'm leasing a room from my friend. What's funny is when they decide they want to date my friend and find out the truth.. So so sad.
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 27
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/22/2012 9:31:31 PM
But personally I would never give out the name of the company I worked for to a stranger.


Yeah. That is a little too pushy in an intial convo. I can see why he cut you off. Scary!
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 28
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/22/2012 9:50:24 PM
You dodged a bullet, you correctly identified a dozen red flags, you saved the day and you are now a PoF Avenger.

Now are you more concerned about protecting yourself in your perfect world or taking some risks - which can be mitigated - and maybe meeting someone with whom you might have had something in common?
 cashleys
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 29
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:34:44 PM
It is very complicated to know a person nor ever met them and ask these things. We all have become cautious about online. We tend to think everyone has the same honesty we have but they do not. I would say that discussing too much about a person's business or job without meeting them would cause most people to be leary. Most people online have tried in the beginning to approach with an honest desire to meet people, but when you have had bad experiences from it you learn to be much more careful about giving too much of your life information to a stranger.

I do think leading with you are hot or beautiful is kind of shallow. If you write a good profile and he actually reads it, he could lead with a much better opening.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 30
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Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 4:15:14 AM
Its not intrusive when he brought up exactly what he did ala "bragging" He wanted to appear to have swagger.
It's cool in some circles to have this so called SWAGGER

If a man says I am a DOCTOR you naturally ask "Oh really what do you specialize in or where when you know a lot of people in the field or were in it) Even a car salesman..What dealership..hell I know hundreds in the business..Its a topic of discussion.
Men love to talk about their work unless they are lying.


Third-He took your question to be like a gold digger and it made him skittish. (silly really, like a free dating site is sooo laden with rich single lonely men, they should all be scared of gold diggers...hee hee hee)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I know woman ,I laugh my azz off at the people who work in a plant and "gots benefits" or make 50k and think they are goldigger material.
Wrong site.


as others have noted, that's a question that's intrusive for a lot of people. when i was dating, i never gave out info that could trace back to my workplace

^^^^^^^^^^^
I thought it was HIS company oh turbaned one . OMG thats a hilarious pic COC, made my day!!
Is there a skirt to match?

I can see not wanting to be googled if you have something to hide .
If its a legit self employed business..I dont get his paranoia..

Move on

One of the first thing a man does is tell me WHERE he is employed. I dont need to ask.
I do ask if they enjoy the work and somethings about it because they brought it up for a reason.
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 31
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 5:24:45 AM
This is a first. I messaged a guy who happened to be online and responded quickly. I got the usual,
"You are gorgeous," as his reply... His response commented on my looks ... I should mention that his profile is a bit thin and only has 2 pictures in the same suit... The "you're hot" thing is great when it is mentioned and not the topic of conversation.


You seem very invested in your looks. You state in your profile that you look European, have short hair and are "stacked." It appears you would be disappointed and/or disoriented if people did NOT comment on your looks. I read your profile and each one of your pictures has your own editorial comments about what you look like or resemble.

Appearance seems very critical to you, so I don't see why you can fault someone for focusing on the attribute which you expend so much energy cultivating and bringing attention to in your profile.

You do realize that people can draw their own conclusions about what you look like based on their observations of your photos without being told what they should see in your pictures, right?

Anyway, I still think he was setting boundaries, not hiding. He may have felt you did not respect his limitations and were too intrusive while "interviewing" him.

Maybe he felt that good looks did not adequately compensate for nosiness. He wants a woman who doesn't rely on one attribute and has character traits he finds appealing.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 32
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Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 7:27:08 AM
I think you asked too many questions that were far too personal for an opening text. I would not want a stranger knowing where I worked. Save the serious questions for actual dates.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 33
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Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 7:33:17 AM
So, you went with looks and not substance, and got a dud.
Ya think your picker is broke or needs some adjustment?

Why not just chalk it up and move on?
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 34
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 7:33:59 AM

Maybe he felt that good looks did not adequately compensate for nosiness. He wants a woman who doesn't rely on one attribute and has character traits he finds appealing.


Good point Kayla, I am like all guys taken by a woman's looks at first but there has to be a lot more than that if I want to get serious.

Not talking about the OP but in general, looks do mean a lot to my inner animal but when a woman is so smitten with her looks as some are (yes guys are too) I loose interest real quickly.

I'll take a plain Jane with a humble attitude over someone that want to be praised for her looks any-day.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 35
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 7:43:12 AM
Too much too soon. Ya know there are women that are stalkers too.
 zookie57
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 36
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 8:04:41 AM

You dodged a bullet, you correctly identified a dozen red flags, you saved the day and you are now a PoF Avenger.

Now are you more concerned about protecting yourself in your perfect world or taking some risks - which can be mitigated - and maybe meeting someone with whom you might have had something in common?


imo, this is why most meeting here fail before they even start. Or, it could be they are not emotionally ready to date honestly or have a sub conscious vendetta in why he or she wont cut the grade & get prematurely shot down before the games begin.


Anyway, I still think he was setting boundaries, not hiding. He may have felt you did not respect his limitations and were too intrusive while "interviewing" him.

He wants a woman who doesn't rely on one attribute and has character traits he finds appealing.


And I have to chuckle at some of the fora folks who said he's lying, yet themselves here,would never give out their personal info. double standard,ya think or really not ready for freddie......lol
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 37
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 9:00:43 AM

I'm guessing he quickly lost interest in the way you talked to him, no harm, he just wanted interested in your way of communicating.


+ 1

Of course you want to get to know someone, but there's a relaxed, playful way and then there's the interrogative , shine the light in their eyes way.

Just sayin.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 9:04:38 AM
Yes, yes. Yes to you interviewing him. Yes to him making some big story.
 mrjon32
Joined: 3/26/2011
Msg: 39
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Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 5/23/2012 10:22:20 AM
You scared him, but that is good for you because he was probably making it all up. I'm a Recording Engineer >.<
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 40
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 6/4/2012 3:50:53 PM
I just asked the name of his company. That's it.

That would have been off putting for me if you had kept asking. I didn't give out any personal information prior to meeting someone in person. That means, my first name and a phone number for a disposable phone. You can ask all sorts of questions that don't require a person to give out personal information.



Not a problem if the man doesn't want to share his info. He could tell her that. Maybe even tell her that after they meet and he feels comfortable around her, he can disclose more about his personal life but for now, since they are strangers, he prefers to keep private.

He didn't, he blocked her. He could be a schmuck or paranoid because he has been stalked before.

P.S. Why do you hate your mother? It may sound like a personal question but I need to know before we continue our forum relationship.
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 41
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Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 6/4/2012 4:15:09 PM
I'd just chalk it up for an odd one, and move on. World's full of them.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 42
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Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 6/4/2012 6:50:32 PM
Gonna go with "my gut" on this one....I think the fact he gave you compliment sooooo quickly and used the word gorgeous means he wasn't in the mood to focus on a discussion about business and would like for you to play along and be miss "fun thing".....he wasn't "in the mood" to discuss business...Besides gorgeous is a strong compliment versus "you are an attractive woman"...As to whether he was a fake or not will remain a mystery...but I'd kinda lean towards possible fake....it's really just a guessing game with too little information
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 43
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 6/4/2012 7:12:47 PM
Awesome. All the POF super sleuths come out of the woodwork to inform everyone of what this guy's "true intentions" were with next to nothing to go on.

It sounds like he was nicer than I would have been. I would have asked her invasive questions in return.
 nightowl2004
Joined: 1/18/2011
Msg: 44
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:52:38 PM
HE WAS FISHING FOR A HOOKUP. WOW! You are naive. Sorry........you were naive. You learned a lesson now.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 45
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 6/11/2012 10:18:28 AM

Asking about his job when he provides his occupation esp if you or your family are or have been in the same business is just showing interest IMO.

He is a liar.


Maybe.

The guy could have very well been looking for a hook-up, but there are other things to consider. I teach, but I don't tell a man where I teach unless I meet him and sometimes, not even then if I don't plan to meet him again. However, I let the name of my school AND my last name slip out in several phone conversations with a man who lived about an hour away. He tried looking me up on the school site and couldn't find me because he didn't have my legal first name. He was quite accusatory and confrontational when he told me that, apparently, I did not teach for the school.

I explained about the first name, but that was a kiss-off for him. I am 100% more vigilant in not letting any personal information slip out again. I had an online teaching friend who offended someone and she called the school trying to get him fired. If I owned a business, I wouldn't tell someone the name--there are too many crazies who would call the establishment. A personal phone number is different.

Also, some of us HATE to text. If someone sends me a lot of texts, I just won't answer--of course, I tell him that I don't text.
 solofish07
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 46
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 6/11/2012 2:16:25 PM
First mistake was texting him. Why people do that, we are not teenagers. I know you was not being a gold digger but thats the way you came off and alot of guys will get defensive when somebody keep drilling a specific question.This is why I dont text message because its easy to misunderstand something like someone has previously said. you should of ask more about him.
 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 47
Getting dissed while messaging
Posted: 6/11/2012 2:29:13 PM
Msg 25

What do you think he was hiding?

Himself.

From you


too funny. lol.
A lighthearted attitude is best approach. lol
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