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 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 155
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
OMG, no way I can respond to all the theories here, but a few things:

1. HE was the one who asked me to be exclusive after three dates (one in January, two in April, and one after he asked me to be exclusive). I was happy, of course, because most guys I've met are wishy washy about that, leave their profile active and are "online now" after supposedly dating me. It was a nice change of things.

2. He doesn' t have Facebook - and no, I didn't change my relationship status on there either.

3. All of us have some kind of "trauma" - mine is that in the past I've settled for guys that were not for me. I couldn't get myself to break it off because I hate confrontation/didn't want to hurt them/ignored warning signs, etc. One of the things that I've sworn to myself is that I will not do that again. Life is too short. If it is a small thing, and I'm really sure that the guy is a "good one", of course I'm trying to work it out. But this is a big deal for me. And yes, I did some extensive google searches about this topic, but I wanted to hear from others about their first hand experiences as well. If someone is all up in arms about me being "graphic" or whatever, then maybe they should stick to the more PG 13 forums, not the SEX and dating ones.

Whiskey River, I'm relieved to hear that you've had a similar experience and had to "friendzone" the guy. I've had a few days to ponder it, and I think that's what's happening right now. I'm absolutely not interested in having sex with him again. It would be one thing if we had already been in a relationship and then this issue had arisen (pun), but it's just so bad that it starts at the very beginning. Just kills the budding attraction big time.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 156
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 12:21:17 AM
The irony is that only men with no heart issues or other health conditions, can take such things as Viagra.

Karma,
in your case it has only been a short time since you really got together, right? Asking for exclusivity so soon would raise a red flag with me. It is only a form of control and possessiveness. As he is not performing to your satisfaction you are hardly going to agree to that. If he is not having ED problems with other women then it may be a temporary thing but you cant always relay on men telling the truth about these matters.
I get that you are losing interest and I understand that. On some level you would feel rejected and not so desirable.
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 157
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 5:46:55 AM

Who does the announce it to the world after 2 dates, who posts about "in a relationship" on their profiles page, she probably updated Facebook to say "In a Relationship" and all of this after one or two dates, a bunch of phone calls, a few texts and a failure to launch. It all seemed very juvenile to me, but what do I know, I'm relatively private. And I certainly don't proclaim to the world that he couldn't get it up but at least he went down on me...wtf.


You totally missed the message behind the point of these comments. And I don't have an issue with sex chatter, I have an issue with women in their 40s or 50s that act like dumb little teenagers...you're a grown woman dating a grown man. Adults.

Go read LiliMarleen's post again too, she nailed it.

You have issues (trust issues and probably a few more) and you will keep having issues and blaming men for something or anything until you deal with your issue. it seems that you can't pick a man, maybe you don't know what to look for or are overlooking other things .

You dated a couple of times.....you didn't have any sort of relationship.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 158
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 6:37:29 AM


You have issues (trust issues and probably a few more) and you will keep having issues and blaming men for something or anything until you deal with your issue. it seems that you can't pick a man, maybe you don't know what to look for or are overlooking other things

Oh for Petes sake...thank you Dr. Ruth....!! We all have issues...don't we...

Her issues are called dating and being hopeful. A few like to rag on some that are living life...same as in LH because they share too much on here.
Meanwhile when it has happened with others, like Clooney or Henry...everyone is happy and then cajoling when it doesn't work out...you know it's true. I don't see any imposed analysis done on them to the "why" it didn't work out.
Trust me, I could have thought of a few, with what they reveal on here.

@Karma
You're welcome...Of course, I can have empathy....and I do not take any blame for his issues or my trying...in my circumstance either!
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 159
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 7:20:20 AM
I had a long post written, but basically it all winds up to this:
He's not impotent, as demonstrated by his first episode when he ejaculated too quickly. So, then, with performance anxiety now a problem, you're putting more pressure on him to perform.

That's not likely to work, and I would have thought that a nurse would understand that. And if you think that's going to be the answer every time it happens, you probably shouldn't be in a long term relationship. Just date, and move on when either you or the guy gets tired of the other....or if some guy has trouble getting it up, just let him know you tend to be very needy sex wise, and if he can't put up with that type of woman, you should part and go your separate ways. Honesty is the best policy, as always. You're physically attractive, and will do just fine on the one night stand circuit. Most men will be just fine with that if you are up front about it.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 160
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 8:11:49 AM

Her issues are called dating and being hopeful. A few like to rag on some that are living life...same as in LH because they share too much on here.
Meanwhile when it has happened with others, like Clooney or Henry...everyone is happy and then cajoling when it doesn't work out...you know it's true. I don't see any imposed analysis done on them to the "why" it didn't work out.
Trust me, I could have thought of a few, with what they reveal on here.


IMO Clooney has several problems with women which are obvious, while Henry just seems to want to date and not really get tied down. However, they never ask for advice or get into a lot of details.

A couple of big differences and the reason I think this happened with karma, lh and hawkings.

LH always went into a lot of detail about the people she dated, her high expectations and the man's failings. As does karma. Hawkings goes into a lot of detail about his dating difficulties, he gets analyzed near to death.

Even more important, Karma asked for ADVICE about ED.

I will guarantee you, if you ask for advice, some posters will ALWAYS analyze your part in the situation. I don' t think it ever fails to be true.
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 161
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 8:32:05 AM

Oh for Petes sake...thank you Dr. Ruth....!! We all have issues...don't we...


Oh FFS, lighten up. This is what I'm responding to.


3. All of us have some kind of "trauma" - mine is that in the past I've settled for guys that were not for me. I couldn't get myself to break it off because I hate confrontation/didn't want to hurt them/ignored warning signs, etc. One of the things that I've sworn to myself is that I will not do that again. Life is too short. If it is a small thing, and I'm really sure that the guy is a "good one", of course I'm trying to work it out. But this is a big deal for me. And yes, I did some extensive google searches about this topic, but I wanted to hear from others about their first hand experiences as well


And really, if someone wants to come on here and yammer about their dates, ALL their dates, the 28 year old who done her wrong and is a narcissist, the handsome wealthy guy who hasn't made a move (maybe he has ED too) this new guy one and multiple posts about how perfect he is, blah, blah, blah and then come and post all about him not getting it up and how she doesn't like him much now....and on and on - she's open to comment. If you don't like my opinion, don't my read my stuff. Easy peasy.

And really - Clooney and Henry or Crook, or any of the men for that matter,don't come on here and yap like some do, Karma and LH for example. I have yet to hear Clooney say anything disparaging about his ex's or have I heard Henry do that either. But I've sure heard a lot about guys that want sex on the first date, that smell, that can't get it up, that won't pay, who need dental work, who don't work out, who are too old, who are narcissists and the list goes on. Who is selecting these "losers", Karma and LH are selecting them. So fix how you select guys or work on yourself a little bit because you have "issues" that will continue and your dating will stay the same until you get some help or rethink what you're doing.

This guy now has performance anxiety and I think no matter what he does the next time...the result will be the same. Karma has lost respect for this guy and just wants to hang on to him because he "looks good on paper".

Dr. Ruth signing off. And Whiskey - you're no different than me when it comes to comments, its just at times we're on different sides...like this one.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 162
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 8:37:08 AM
And that, Dragonbytes, is because the OP's (whichever OP that may be) part of the situation is the only part that the OP has any control over.

Looking at your part in the situation or at the very least your reaction to what the other person is doing is basically what happens in any therapy or 12 Step situation, and changing your own behavior or at least your own response to the other person's behavior is the only way to change your experience in life.

This is why people who actually want a better experience don't object to having their own part in the issue pointed out. In fact, they are usually grateful because it's very difficult to see one's own part.

The people who don't want to hear about that are the ones who really don't want advice, in spite of ostensibly asking for it, what they want instead is engage in a game called: Isn't It Terrible?, in which one person complains about his/her terrible experience, and the audience confirms his/her assessment of the situation that it is indeed terrible and that the complainer is a victim of circumstances.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 163
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 9:07:51 AM

And that, Dragonbytes, is because the OP's (whichever OP that may be) part of the situation is the only part that the OP has any control over.


True, and the OP is the only person we are able to question, and the only person we have any knowledge of. The other side in these situations are always presented from the OP's POV, hardly unbiased.

Why is it I have NEVER seen both the OP and the person they are involved with both represented on the forum? Sometime the "other side" is a POF member also. Now that would make for an interesting thread.

I asked for advice one time, I got analyzed extensively. It was interesting and thought provoking, some of the comments were unexpected. Criticism is always useful, if only in that it makes me think about how to respond when I don't agree.

Really too bad a MOD shut down the thread and deleted 30% of the posts, the thread is still there but it only lasted ~48 hours. I didn't get a chance to respond very much.

Disagreement with my wife

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16077570.aspx
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 164
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 12:12:24 PM

And Whiskey - you're no different than me when it comes to comments, its just at times we're on different sides...like this one.
I disagree! Big difference...

If you don't like my opinion, don't my read my stuff. Easy peasy.

Goes both ways...
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 165
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/28/2016 1:17:50 PM
Well, I guess we won't be seeing that picture of the two of you together that you were planning to post in your profile. Especially now that you've outed him for not being able to get it up. After all, that would be pretty embarrassing for the poor guy.

You might as well stick a fork in it. This relationship is done.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 166
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/29/2016 11:44:48 AM
I rarely visit this forum but got bored.

Regarding ED, anytime I've experienced it, it was performance anxiety the first time.

All of the women were patient and I got a 2nd chance.

That being said, if it happened more then once, then she should politely tell him to get some help (i.e. meds or therapy)

In the big scheme of things, with all the bad luck she's been having with men, I would hope she gives this 'great guy' a chance and talks it over with him.



I don't consider a few dates or even a month of dating as "the real thing." It is just dating---too early to tell if it is a relationship.


I do hope you meant dating exclusively, after a month?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 167
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/29/2016 2:10:40 PM

You might as well stick a fork in it. This relationship is done.

It's more like he tried sticking a fork in it, but failed. It's done. Don't bring a plastic fork to a steakhouse! ;)

Especially now that you've outed him for not being able to get it up.

I think the main concern though is whether she can actually be Outing him on it -- as in coming out and saying why, but instead, like on their last date shying away from him, and hoping to tip-toe away. It's a reflection of the very poor way of handling a touchy situation like ED itself. Don't act like things are cool, when they're not. It's awkward as heck bringing it up when you haven't dealt with it (and ymmv based on the person you're with), but it's a Heck of a lot more comfortable and relieving in the end, than dragging out a don't-ask-don't-tell pretend game.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 168
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 4/29/2016 2:58:09 PM
Ya know.....if your getting nekkid with someone.....I don't see why you can't talk about it??

Especially.....with Ms. Karma being a nurse...you would think it would be easy.

Heck....just by getting to middle age.....it seems I have lost the ability to be embarrassed by much these days. :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 169
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 5/2/2016 1:03:27 PM
Wait a minute, wait a minute – I’ve never posted in this thread (before now), how did I wind up a part of the discussion? Ah, I see it now. Whisky_River brought in my name, that woman really does dislike me. Not sure why, but it’s becoming very obvious.

Now what exactly did she say about me?


Meanwhile when it has happened with others, like Clooney or Henry...everyone is happy and then cajoling when it doesn't work out...you know it's true. I don't see any imposed analysis done on them to the "why" it didn't work out.
Trust me, I could have thought of a few, with what they reveal on here.

So… the problem here is that no one has analyzed my failures? Maybe because I’m not on here complaining about failures? Over the last 6 years, I have gone out on quite a few dates, with a number of different women. And most of these dates have been successful. “Success” being defined as having a good time, a pleasant evening, enjoying time spent with an attractive member of the opposite sex.

I do believe that most of the women whom I have dated would say they enjoyed our dates. Some were obviously hoping that more might develop, but it didn’t. And with some of those women, I was the one hoping for more, but it didn’t happen.

And on a few occasions, we have both been very happy with the outcome, even though it didn’t stand the test of time. After all, a “happy ending” is a happy ending.


halcyon_skies
Well, I guess we won't be seeing that picture of the two of you together that you were planning to post in your profile. Especially now that you've outed him for not being able to get it up. After all, that would be pretty embarrassing for the poor guy.

You might as well stick a fork in it. This relationship is done.

Truer words were never spoken. If I were dating a woman, and she posted this sort of embarrassing information in a public forum, I would drop her faster and more permanently than … I can’t even come up with a good metaphor. To me, this whole thing is beyond the pale. Something that you should not do. Period.


ClooneysTutor
Regarding ED, anytime I've experienced it, it was performance anxiety the first time.

All of the women were patient and I got a 2nd chance.

Yes, but if you found out that she had been discussing your problem on a public forum, would you then give HER a second chance?
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 170
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 5/2/2016 1:53:36 PM
Absolutely not.

Especially knowing that she expects men to cheat.

Maybe that's a good thing?

Meeting her expectations I mean?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 171
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 5/2/2016 2:05:12 PM

Ya know.....if your getting nekkid with someone.....I don't see why you can't talk about it??

Especially.....with Ms. Karma being a nurse...you would think it would be easy.

I totally agree. I mean, I can see it being awkward right then and there, but at least on the date afterward to sort it out. If you're not willing to, the worst thing you can do is go out on that date when Not wanting to talk about it, as that just drags things out for the worse. And I agree, you're getting nekkid and nasty with someone, it shouldn't be so difficult to talk about some misfirings -- otherwise it just perpetuates further misfirings by adding nervousness/uncomfortability to it like a Mexican stand-off on the subject. Either of them should have come forth about it.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 172
How prevalent is it? well, it has its up and downs
Posted: 5/2/2016 5:52:01 PM
well, according to gender stereotypes, women share/overshare b/c they feel it bonds them closer. maybe that's why we hear more of their failures, then the failures of poor guys drawn into this thread. or maybe in fact some people are just forkin' around more than others.

"but if you found out your partner was discussing your problem on a public forum, would you give them a second chance?"

>>>we just had someone delete a post and self delete b/c they did something similar, and apparently they still have their partner. but, point taken. some will stay, some will go. it frankly depends upon what you offer. I just bumped into an old coworker a few hours ago at the store. she's a hot mess 15 ways from sunday, but she can still get people to take a chance on her.

but, that assuming airing dirty laundry doesn't result in actually getting a solution. if I had a gf post something about me and someone came up with the right information and solved my problem...should I be upset?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 173
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 5/2/2016 6:22:25 PM

Ya know.....if your getting nekkid with someone.....I don't see why you can't talk about it??


If that theory held water, then married couples wouldn't have any trouble talking to each other.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 174
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 5/3/2016 1:39:08 AM
"When I was a much younger woman I dated a guy who would be hard as a steel rod yet he couldn't cut lose if you know what I mean..."

I have found that position matters a lot. Missionary is not for everyone.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 175
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Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 5/3/2016 1:48:15 AM

But the second time, we spent HOURS in the bedroom, and I tried everything (cuddling, hand, oral, you name it) and NOTHING.


If it's not happening taking HOURS and trying EVERYTHING is counter-productive. The guy is dying inside with all the pressure. Back off, cuddling, light kissing, maybe a nap.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 176
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 5/3/2016 6:49:26 AM

Ah, I see it now. Whisky_River brought in my name, that woman really does dislike me. Not sure why, but it’s becoming very obvious

You're very intuitive..I would tell you but....it only matters to me.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 177
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 5/3/2016 8:37:45 AM
Welcome to old age. Anybody can buy the little blue pill online, no excuses. They call it the miracle pill for a reason - it works.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 178
Erectile Dysfunction ... is it on the rise?
Posted: 5/3/2016 9:41:18 AM
Missionary position? isn't that when you're on your knees praying for it? its too bad that something we make a big deal about, can be like everything else in life...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Even when we're young and rarin' to go, something can get in the way of final satisfaction--like, she has a headache. or Aunt Flo is visiting. no matter what the reason is, judging by some of the posts here of love undiscovered, we seem to be lucky if we actually do get laid regularly.
 chinook1111
Joined: 4/1/2016
Msg: 179
Erectile Dysfunction ... how prevalent is it?
Posted: 5/4/2016 10:13:27 PM
Looks really buff but can't get it up?Possibly he is messing with deca durabolin Karma?infamous for "deca****.The 15 second thing sounds serious....I say give up.


gto that is funny about the missionary position
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