Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 NotyouraverageD
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 49
rejections after 1st datePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ah yes the 'friendzone.' It happened to me recently.
I met a woman, found her attractive, but what she said, talked about and was interested in, made me really want to get to know her better. And so I introduced myself and we seemed to fold together when we were near each other. I felt the attraction was strong and I believed it was mutual - but we lived about 98 miles apart.
On that first day (we met at an event) we agreed to keep in touch with a vague notion to see each other sometime.
Two days later, she invited me out the following weekend. I could scarcely believe my luck. I made the drive to her happily and we had a terrific first date. We are both interested in unusual things - finding someone who shared these interests seemed like a million to one odds - but here we were.
As we were reluctantly parting ways, she said she would call me 'tomorrow' and I thought that would be the greatest thing in the world.
I drove home thinking 'this is how it happens' you meet someone you really want to be with, who really wants to be with you. And just so you know I'm not unrealistic... while this woman is the most beautiful thing in the world to me, I would never try to tell anyone she was a '10' or even a classic beauty - just beautiful to me. I truthfully can't really explain it.
I'm sure you can all guess where this is going - she never called the next day - instead she sent me a message saying she would be too busy all day and would call me 'soon.'
I think 'no worries' nothing's changed, right? But sadly, from this point on, everything between us had changed. When I asked her about it, she said the deadly:
"I'm not interested in a relationship right now, I just want to be friends."
This was beyond unacceptable to me but I didn't know what to do. One thing I did do was make my feelings quite clear, which I'm happy I did - I thought surely it would lead to no future misunderstandings - again, I was wrong.
The following week, she asked me out again, and so again I made the two hour drive and had a great time with her, but at the end of the night she was very standoffish, if you get my drift.
This hurt, a lot. I also thought it defied reason - I mean what platonic friend would drive two hours each way for dinner and a movie? Did it even make sense to think anyone would do that?
I still think of her a lot and this is a fresh and stings badly still.
So, here I am on POF trying to make sense of things.
But my advice is this:
If someone you 'like' wants to put you into the friendzone - say 'no.' If someone values you enough to want your companionship, company and everything else you have to offer - a relationship is not too much to ask in return. In fact, it's a very reasonable thing to ask in return...
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 50
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/28/2012 7:51:59 AM
What a crock. It is absolutely all about looks, at least in the beginning. If a guy is not at least a "7" he won't even get a response to emails on here, much less even a first date.


That's not always the case for me. I gave some examples in a previous post. Also when women have contacted me first, sometimes I rejected them because of things mentioned in their profile that was a dealbreaker to me.
 KatarzynaS
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 51
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/29/2012 9:57:58 AM
I guess they say that so they don't have to tell u tht straigh it easier on the text they text that n done it was done to me a few times already I know it hurts a lil Especialy if u end up liking a guy but I think that's reason why
 Maidenfan608
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 52
view profile
History
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/29/2012 2:00:38 PM
I have had plenty of those types of rejections and all I can say is this. I find it very disappointing and I feel deceived.But most of all I find it very frustrating.As far as friendship goes after that yeah I tried it once and it's just a big waste of time. Yes you want a friendship with your potential mate but if that's all it would be it is just best to move on. Because it just makes it more difficult to find what you are looking for.
 TheDarkKnightReturns
Joined: 10/26/2010
Msg: 54
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/29/2012 4:06:21 PM
Here's The way I think it should be handled...confrontations are awkward...as much as we think we know what someone feels we can't be sure....It's my opinion if you like someone and want to see them again tell them...and give them a quick kiss on the lips...if you don't wish to see them, be cordial, thank them for a good time and don't mention getting together again...Regardless of how you feel however, I feel it good manners that if the gentleman treats you to dinner or drinks a "Thank You" E-Mail shows class, good breeding and is appropriate, it is in that E-Mail that you can diplomatically state how you feel...if you want to see the person again, let them know...if you felt nothing, diplomatically thank them for a good time, and simply state that it was pleasant but you were not attracted to the person in that way....AND IN RESPONSE, PLEASE , BE ADULT!!! Don't start cursing or insulting the other person, I happen to consider myself a rather good looking man, but half the people I've dated are attracted to me and half aren't ( I just tell myself, not everyone is into the greek god type! LOL! JUST KIDDING!!!) Be adult and move on amicably...that's the dating game....and NO PROPOSALS OR GOING STEADY AFTER THE FIRST DATE! Be secure in yourself...this is a dating site! When you are with me, no one else should enter the picture...what you do when you are not with me is none of my business, and until we sit down and have a conversation on having an exclusive relationship, it should be understood that it takes time to get to know someone and make that kind of commitment. To make the long story short however, if you CAN'T TAKE REJECTION...DON'T DO THIS!!!! Dating is not for the faint hearted or the insecure. Not everyone wants to date someone who fights crime and patrols the rooftops of Gotham, other people embrace my whimsical nature and appreciate my brand of humor...take it From The Dark Knight...Not Everyone Wants a six Foot Bat in Their Belfry! LOL!
 TheDarkKnightReturns
Joined: 10/26/2010
Msg: 55
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/29/2012 4:14:30 PM
PS:....If someone wants a friend, let them get a pet...this is a dating site, unless otherwise specified and agreed upon...Few Platonic relationships work here.
 tlc261633
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 56
view profile
History
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/29/2012 8:57:19 PM
I have the same issue. But I have been out of the dating game for so long I don't know what the rules are or if they are any. I really thought I clicked with someone, and well after no replies I am begining to think other wise. I don't know what to tell you, and I know how you feel. Wish I knew the answer to this as well.
 dashenka4
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 57
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:14:43 PM
OP, there is nothing wrong with you. Have you ever met a guy that is nice, good looking, has a good job, and all the attributes that make a great match in your book, but you don't feel any attraction towards him? I am pretty sure you have...Same story.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 58
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:36:20 PM
Grove 22

As far as choosing someone from a pic to meet, from here, then yes, it is very important. I dont imagine you are emailing 4 women for example, either. Women have the choice on dating sites and can be picky. So you are in a big sea with a lot competition. Nothing new about that.

What we are talking about is chemistry and attraction on a date. One can feel it and the other does not even when that person is good looking, intelligent etc, just doesnt fit the template in the brain for the ideal partner. This is sub conscious largely.
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 59
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:59:12 PM
It could mean that he is married and he likes you but he has to keep you at an emotional arms length so he can still enjoy your time together (possibly even have sex) but not be committed....he said it up front so you would know and not throw it back in his face!
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 60
view profile
History
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/30/2012 12:11:10 AM
Unfortunately initial attraction doesn't mean there is going to be a lasting relationship, it's just a first step, then you have to find out if you are compatible and yes chemistry has to be present, that feeling you get when you are with the right person. At least the guy was nice and a gentleman about the situation and didn't misrepresent his intentions to just get laid, you simply were not compatible, nothing wrong with that or you or him, it just happens when you date. I've met some great men from POF and thou there was an initial attraction it simply didn't work, no ones fault you can't force it to happen, rejection is part of the process to finding that special someone.
 trh1268
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 61
view profile
History
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/30/2012 3:45:17 PM
My first dates have been either she has no eye contact on me or she has Iphone on her lap and is texing. ''Lets just be friends'' means she does not want to be friends, instead she is not interested in me.
 draconis80
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 62
view profile
History
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:48:51 PM
When a woman is insecure it is a huge turn off!

I dated this woman on another site. She started texting me morning, noon, 4pm and after 8pm every single day! In her mind a relationship was either completely on or off. She wanted to come over my house in the worst way. It was annoying. So I ignored her and it only took less then 24 hours of ignoring her for her to break up with me. This is the most unattractive feature in a woman.

Woman also need to know that this can possibly lead to an abusive relationship. My friend is married to a woman that is so insecure she feels threatened by him just being friends with woman on Facebook and being on Facebook. She is paranoid that he is having an affair at work all the time. When she feels bad about herself she transfers the anxiety to him. Example--- He graduated from college. She didn't go to his graduation. Told him he was worthless. She doesn't think she has any problems. When in fact both of them have problems and both should seek consoling. (He currently is) What then happens is after a while of her transferring those feeling to him. He blows up and has a flight or fight response. Which is most of the time a fight response. The correct response should be him asking her what's wrong. This can happen with the roles reversed. But it also makes it look like he is the sole bad guy.

Please don't let this happen to you or your loved ones! Tell them to seek consoling.
 italianman20
Joined: 5/16/2012
Msg: 63
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:40:38 PM
hell yea same here lol
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 64
rejections after 1st date
Posted: 6/2/2012 9:45:40 PM
I was the said 'evil' rejecter..but, felt like I owed him the truth, as thats' my policy, so truth he got. He actually appreciated me not playing games with his heart. Now, we're friends and talk openly, even at times about dating :)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >