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 dandan7979
Joined: 9/29/2012
Msg: 51
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I think it is important to avoid universal rules such as "if there is no kiss at the end of a first date, there won't be a second date." Everyone is different, and has there own time frame. From a guys standpoint, I feel it is my responsibility to respect a girl's boundaries and make sure she feels comfortable.

My gilfriend, I didn't kiss her (other then a peck on the cheek) for a month. That's right, a full month, during which time, we went on probably 12 dates. Now, part of that is probably cultural. She is Asian, and, as anyone who has ever dated an Asian knows, they tend to take things very slowly. It was by far the longes I had ever waited to kiss someone.

I could have had some silly rule, like after so many dates if there was no kissing or more, then I was out. I sure am glad I didn't do that, cause I would have missed out on a great relationship.

After we became a couple, she told me that one of the reasons she really liked me and chose me instead of the (many) other guys that were courting her (she is literally a model; does shoots part time for various night clubs and pool clubs here in Vegas, mostly for fun; actually has one this weekend) was that I DIDN'T pressure her to get physical before she was ready, as EVERY other guy did.

I always laugh when I read about the "3 date" rule. Really? There are guys who would give up on a potentially wonderful relationship simply because sex doesn't occur after 3 dates? (slightly off topic, I know, but it all goes back to figure out her comfort zone and respect it).
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 52
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/17/2013 1:27:00 AM
good reply dandan...
and puglover too,

I never get the ..if no kiss on first date there wont be a second.
how silly.
I dont kiss on first dates.

my best relationships happened over dating for quite a while...weeks before we kissed..a real kiss.
Build up is exciting.
its nicer when you really want a man to kiss you.

only one time it happened that this man did not even try to kiss me for a long time. I began to wonder if he was gay...this was months. so I actually had to ask him if he was.
he said he wasnt..
we didnt date for a while..
but once we kissed and it was the most awful kiss...I would never kiss him again. yuck. it felt like a lizard in my mouth.no wonder he never kissed me. after bragging that he was the best kisser. why do men brag about those things.?how do they know who else the woman kissed to say they are the best kisser? lol

anyway....I think this thread is a bit old but relevant. you have to feel the person out. dont pressure a kiss...and dont assume a man doesnt like you if he doesnt kiss you on a first or second date. he may be very gentlemanly. and men...dont assume she doesnt like you if she doesnt kiss you right away.

funny whoever said the shaking hand thing (cowboy I think) Maybe that is a weird way to end a date. but I would like to do that again because I was engaged about 10 yrs ago...we shook hands after our first date.so that worked for us. It was a first date and we really liked each other. It just was not so important to kiss....because we both knew inside that we were definately going to meet again.

I think most men would feel weird these day with a hand shake. so I think a hug will do...unless I totally cant stand him and he smelled bad or something or was rude...then no hug..I say a nice goodbye and get into my car and still do thank him for meeting me.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 53
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/17/2013 11:26:36 AM

We get to the end of the date and we are standing outside of the place saying our good nights. We went in for the goodbye hug but i did not kiss her. I wanted to but was having trouble reading her vibes. Is this a good or bad thing?

Basically, all in all, we weren't there. Even you may have to review the "game tape" to get the best assessment if it all happened so fast and/or you were nervous, etc.

If you're not walking her to her car, you're in a bit more of a less viable situation to give a gal a kiss on a 1st date, especially if it's a decent/so-so 1st date. When you are walking her to her car, read her body language... see where her face is angled... when leaning into each other, if her lips are square towards your face, go for the kiss. If it's aimed toward over your shoulder, roll with the hug. Sounds more complex than it is -- but it's pretty natural to roll in either direction based on her body motions. Sometimes it can be gray -- but usually not.

If you have trouble reading her vibes leading up to it, and during it, don't sweat it. If it was outside the place and not at her car, especially. It doesn't mean "oh, she digs you" -- she may not be that interested. But either way, you don't want to force a kiss.
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/17/2013 2:20:55 PM
Almost as a test, I won't try to kiss on a first-date...to see if she doesn't want a second date because I didn't (when everything went well otherwise).
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 55
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/18/2013 2:33:26 PM
Thank God for men who dont kiss on first dates.
who dont expect it..
who dont view it as a sign of not being interested.
what is even the point of kissing on a first date If you are looking for a long term relationship.
you always have tomorrow.

if you are looking for a fling ,...well I can see it then.
but to each their own.
just best not to judge whether or not someone is interested by a first date kiss or not kiss or hug or no hug.
as grown ups most of us should know by now that everyone is different...
and to judge by a first date kiss...well...
I guess maybe I am guilty of that because I wouldnt like it if a man tried to kiss me on a first date when he barely knows who I am.
I think that would be a big turn off to me.

 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 56
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/18/2013 2:53:49 PM
what is even the point of making eye contact on a first date If you are looking for a long term relationship.
you always have tomorrow.










Maybe not.
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/18/2013 3:11:48 PM
^ haha

...well, for me, the point isn't whether or not a first-date kiss is an option or a rule...but the whole point is if she doesn't want a second date because I didn't. If I don't try to do something like this on the first-date, it's not to observe some rule, but it's to see how she thinks about it concerning the second date.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 58
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/19/2013 12:09:11 PM
^^^^One gets the impression from your posts, that knowing you
is a series of passing tests.

Do you hand out report cards or does one assume they passed if
you continue talking to them?

I'd be skewing my test papers just to ruin your bell curve.
 varyk
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 59
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/22/2013 4:26:26 AM

Is this a good or bad thing?

Well, not necessarily a bad thing that the meet up/date ended in a hug and not a kiss, because I have been down that road myself. Think you can usually tell though if there is chemistry or not when you meet and spend time with them, especially if the conversation flows naturally and fluidly like water and signs of obvious chemistry are all there including stealing glances, and other non-verbal cues. From personal experience, it turned out that we both were way too nervous , but were still very interested in seeing each other again. Think it adds to the intrigue and give you both something to look forward to the next time you meet. So, you are not alone in this experience and I can attest that it isn't always a bad sign, but simple another opportunity for more interaction and can add to the suspense. Good Luck!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 60
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/22/2013 8:49:02 AM
Melody,

Thank God for men who dont kiss on first dates. who dont expect it..

I think daytime "dates", sure -- a guy shouldn't expect it. But if a girl & guy hit it off on an evening date and spent 3-5 hours together, he walks her to her car, etc -- it's not a big move -- it's an expression of interest. One can easily say that a girl (or guy) with a Refusal to kiss on Any 1st date has issues as much as a guy who demands a kiss on Any 1st date, even little lunch dates on a Sunday afternoon.

I guess maybe I am guilty of that [judging] because I wouldnt like it if a man tried to kiss me on a first date when he barely knows who I am.

Actually, that is important. You are judging! :) If you and he talked a decent amount, then had a lengthy 1st date, if the situation's right -- there's not only nothing wrong with a mere kiss, it's natural. As another poster said -- why have eye contact? :) They barely know you!

IMO, Relax. If you step away from the public square in the evening, and you're walking to the car after a date -- if you're interested, roll with a kiss. It's not a notch on the belt and it's in G-rated movies. :)
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 61
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/23/2013 12:52:10 AM
Confident Realist...

I Did say that I am guilty of judging.

Not judging the man..
but judging the behavior of the man who I just met who wants to kiss me after a first date.
my judgement is not of him as a person because I dont really know someone after a first date.
which is why I think why would he want to kiss a woman he just met.
It brings me to wonder how many others does he kiss on a first date...
how far will he go on a with a willing woman.
To me,...this is not making a judgement of the man but
it is a turn off for me.
it is a turn on to feel respected.

I feel that if he is truly interested in knowing more about me and wanting to date again..
that he would wait and not try or even want to kiss on a first date.
At the same time I realize that I could be wrong about that particular man,,,,because he may think that it is expected of a man to kiss a woman. There is so much confusion over dating these days. So many books written telling people what to do and not to do.
I say...toss those books to the trash.

I have experienced that most men do not try to kiss after a first date anyway.
Of course I have met some who do...
and it seems to me they would do anything they could after the date.
That is not the kind of man who would interest me for a long term relationship.
From my own life this has happened often as a young person dating...not as a mature woman with a mature man.


as for the person who mentioned eye contact.... I wouldnt compare eye contact to mouth to mouth contact.
thats just silly. In fact , eye contact is very important. I would have a problem dating a man who did not make much eye to eye contact on a date.
that would probably be almost a red flag to me....more than someone trying to kiss.

I do know that most men will think about kissing and more during the date. that is a natural way for many men to think. Actions and thoughts are different. From reading these forums I have come to understand how differently men and women are wired.

I do know what I want in my life. what kind of relationship I hope for,...
and a man who wants to kiss on a first date just would not make me desire to date him again.

and yes...it is just a kiss...so I do not condemn anyone who does that. Its just not for me. It feels to me as disrespect of boundaries. and what kind of a kiss are we speaking about here anyway? a kiss on the cheek...or closed lips, or an intimate kiss? no one really explained that and that does make a bit of difference doesnt it?

I am admittedly on the conservative and old fashioned side.
One man who asked me for a date who I know from "real life" took my hand and kissed it...
to me...he showed respect and chivalry. It was like saying....I am not going to try to jump onto you right away. I want to get to know you. I am attracted to you and will respect you. He offered me his gloves and jacket when he saw how cold I was on a cold day. I didnt want him to freeze either...but he did have a heavy sweater on. we still havent went on a date yet. maybe we never will. but he is a gentleman.
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 62
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/23/2013 7:10:56 PM
Sometimes first or even second is not right time. It all depends how quickly both of u move. I prefer no to be kissed on first one but would be concerned by end of third one
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 63
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/24/2013 1:07:38 PM

It feels to me as disrespect of boundaries.


If during that first date, when I approached and you gave me the body language that I was disrespecting your boundaries, I would simply pull back. Still have a good time. And say goodbye. But I would not call you for the second date, because to me it was an indicator of no chemistry. As much as a woman has to feel that there's attraction to the guy. Me as a guy have to feel that she is attracted to me. So it's bye bye. No second date.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 64
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 4/24/2013 11:38:56 PM
melody,

I Did say that I am guilty of judging.

Yeah, you said maybe you were and I was just confirming it, that's all. I wasn't arguing by saying it. :)

Not judging the man.. but judging the behavior of the man who I just met who wants to kiss me after a first date.

Okay, I'd have to argue with you on that, though. You are judging him. Just because you don't Hate him or anything or think it's as bad as he stuck his hands down your pants out of nowhere, doesn't mean you're not making a judgement call on him as a person by what his actions say. And it could be a tentative judgement -- but still a judgement.

To me,...this is not making a judgement of the man but
it is a turn off for me.
it is a turn on to feel respected.

Sooo, say you ran into a guy you had a 1st date that went awesome for you, but he turned you down for a 2nd date, and he said "Oh no, you didn't turn me off -- what you DID on our date turned me off and it's a turn on to feel respected."

You wouldn't feel he was judging you to any degree? If you say something someone did to you turned you off, you Are saying They turned you off.

What you said above there says that what he did was to some degree disrespectful and you were turned off. He turned you off. You are, to some degree, making a judgement call about him. It can be admittedly assumptive, but still a judgement on Them.

Of course I have met some who do...
and it seems to me they would do anything they could after the date.
That is not the kind of man who would interest me for a long term relationship.

See, you're making a judgement call on the person though. It may be an inexact probability judgement on them -- one where you admittedly Could be wrong about as a whole -- but still a judgement. And you found what They did to be lacking respect. That's how you feel.

my judgement is not of him as a person because I dont really know someone after a first date.

So you Can't judge anyone after merely a first date? So if walking you to your car he shoved his hands down your pants, you Couldn't? :) I think you don't like to use the word 'judge' because you don't want to sound judgmental or that it's written in concrete about someone when it wasn't horrible or sure-thing.

With all that said, I think it's Good that you at least keep it as a probability judgement on the person. I think it's just as old-fashioned to kiss on a good, lengthy evening 1st date in the right environmental circumstances, as it is not to. I don't think "Never kissing on 1st date" is the only application to "old fashioned". A simple kiss on good evening 1st dates didn't start as a common thing amongst decent people, in the mid-80s -- it was quite normal & cute long before that. :)
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 65
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/1/2013 9:14:04 PM
Outmind:

you could be missing the best woman for you.
many women dont kiss on a first date but that doesnt mean that she isnt attracted to you.
there are other ways to tell attraction. the look in her eyes...her smiles...and if you both feel the chemistry.
one of my bf who is a psychologist asked me in the middle point of our long date how high do I feel the chemistry from a one to ten.(with ten being the highest...he called it a chemistry meter )

it was just about a 9 for me. but we didnt kiss. (I know that most people wouldnt ask a question like that...but he was trained in human behavior and that was a way to find out )
If she tells you that she doesnt kiss on a first date,..and still will be close to you and hug you...that is a positive sign.

we didnt kiss for a while....but we stayed together for 5 years. and I wish we were still together.

If you had what felt like a great date and really liked the woman who doesnt kiss ....and if she still acts like she likes you, hugs you, ...it might be worth a second date try. If she wont even hug you that would be a sign that she isnt attracted,..or if she wont hold you hand if you go on a walk. when I dont feel it for someone I dont hold their hand and I think they can tell that I am not interested. but some cant tell because I am polite on a date. It cant hurt to ask for a second date. you can ask before the first one is over. If she says yes and looks happy about it...thats good.
 searcher3013
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 66
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/1/2013 9:35:32 PM
I like to get a kiss at the end of the first date, but definitely wouldn't hold it against a man who wanted to wait til the second date.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 67
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/2/2013 4:39:27 AM

you could be missing the best woman for you.
many women dont kiss on a first date but that doesnt mean that she isnt attracted to you.


Sounds like another case where a woman expect guys to be mind readers. Do you tell guys up front "No matter how attractive how I might find you, you will not get a kiss on a first date"? I would not date a woman who has such rigid rules. How would you feel if you were dating a guy for a while and he doesn't try to kiss you because he has a rule that he doesn't kiss women in the first six months?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 68
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/2/2013 5:12:12 AM
I really don't mind not kissing the first date. But, in saying that, if there's no kissing there better be some other form of body fluid swapping going on. And yes, I have no problem getting down on my knees.
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/2/2013 9:29:27 AM

any first date that I am on that doesn't end with a kiss, isn't going to have a second

Haha! What a sad state of affairs. It's just the second date, and she won't have it if I don't kiss her on the first? So much going on, so many elements to a relationship or those first few dates...but that first-date-kiss, it's so important, if I don't do it, then attraction & chemistry is null and it's over, no second date. I mean, I straight-up think that is weird. This is why this is almost a rule with me...I freaking insist on being able to find out if this is how a woman's mind works. It's imperative that she have an understanding and attitude about what a relationship is that's at least remotely compatible with mine.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 70
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/6/2013 9:42:50 PM
ok...
maybe I am wrong about a first date kiss. It doesnt matter to me anymore. I have not met anyone on a first meet in a long time who I could see myself wanting to kiss. So there is not usually a first date. I think it is possible for a first meet where you dont have the chemistry but get along well can turn into a good friendship...so no kiss needed in that situation.

still I think anyone who turns someone away after not kissing ( even if she does show interest and does have chemistry) could possibly be missing out.
That is just as much of a "rule" as a person who has a no kissing "rule" isnt it?

maybe I could be missing out too.
but I am pretty upfront about things on a first date and dont lead anyone on....I would rather say it.
I havent dated anyone in a long time since my breakup last year...
so I havent had any chemistry anywhere...
and ok...maybe if I ever again have super chemistry with a man I wouldnt turn him away for wanting a first date kiss...
But I wouldnt think he could not wait till another date if he was interested in me and if he knew I was interested in him. If I am interested in a man he will most likely know it with or without a kiss.
I was thinking of a first date as more of what POFers....call a first meet. Because a lot of first meets turn into dates.

So I am not saying just because a man doesnt kiss me on a first date is a reason to date him again.
I was thinking more of an intimate kiss.

....some people play other people..they can read into them somehow. They are good at what they do.
So a man who may not kiss me on a first or even second date could be because he is acting how he thinks I would want him to be. But that is acting...and isnt who he really is. He is really a man who would do everything on a first date if he knew the woman would too. That is the person who I dont want to be with. It can be amazing how long a good player can keep up their facade.

does anyone here ever think about if someone has a cold or virus or herpes....on a first date?
I dont want to kiss someone I dont know. But feeling the chemistry can happen without a kiss.

I guess as always someone is going to say something negative about my post since every post I post that happens.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 71
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/6/2013 11:52:18 PM
3ffervescent



I am not trying to get you to change the way that you date,
but, I don't think you should be trying to get others to change the way that they date...


Of course I am not trying to change the way they date or do anything else.
I dont think that is what the forums are for.
They are for stating our opinions and/or have discussions.

 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 72
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/14/2013 1:20:45 PM
I'm a woman who just doesn't feel comfortable kissing someone I hardly know, no matter how attracted to him I feel. It's a more intimate act for me than it is for other people, I guess. The guy I'm currently dating, we've known each other since last August and I guess there was always kind of something there, but we didn't start dating until January. Even though I knew I liked him a LOT, I made it clear to him that it just takes me longer to get to that comfort level with someone. He respected it, it was probably around the fifth date or so that we finally kissed, and we're still together. And fifth date for me was pretty quick, actually, which I attribute to having already known him for much longer...
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 73
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/14/2013 2:56:05 PM
How is it that you don't understand that they are not compatible in terms of affection/needs?
She may be attracted to him, but they are still not compatible.
That means, that by default she is not "the best woman for him".

You have expressed that a man who tried to kiss you on a first date, wouldn't get a second --
like Outmind, any first date that I am on that doesn't end with a kiss, isn't going to have a second.


Excellent points. To me the kiss is just the tip of the iceberg. Is the expression of some fundamental qualities that I like or dislike in women. I like a woman that is willing to take chances, that is not too reserved, that is not driven by her own social dogma or moral-religious dogma. All those show in that kiss. It also shows when women have been burned out a lot, and tell you that they are reserved because all the players they have encountered.

The thing is that attraction to me. Chemistry is shown. If it's not shown, I am not interested in reading the woman's mind. At that point it's her lost. And better that way because we are going to antagonize in styles and approaches. So really, that will not be the best woman for me, because in the end, she was not willing to take that simple chance.

The other big problem, and why this would not work is that most of the time when women are this reserved, and the guy buys it, he ends up being another girlfriend. The man has to have the balls to approach, and if it doesn't happen, create the consequences. So he does not waist his time or the woman, waiting and waiting to see when the chemistry will be there.

There are people that work slower and want a ton of other reassurances and what not. Whatever works for them. That would not work for me.


maybe I am wrong about a first date kiss. It doesnt matter to me anymore. I have not met anyone on a first meet in a long time who I could see myself wanting to kiss. So there is not usually a first date. I think it is possible for a first meet where you dont have the chemistry but get along well can turn into a good friendship...so no kiss needed in that situation.


Fair enough. So here's the challenge. Go into your next date, not with the idea that you do not kiss on first dates, nor the idea that Yes you will kiss him if he approaches, but that you are willing to kiss if you FEEL that attraction. It could be just that final peck. Or a romantic kiss after dinner. But a kiss never the less. You may go and have 5 more dates and not feel a thing, thus you should not kiss them. But there along the way, comes one that you may feel some desire, let it flow.
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/14/2013 10:29:51 PM
3ffervescent:


So, if we had just spent a 6hr first date building a cardboard box pirate-space-ship-fort, and while colouring it in together

Hey, that sounds like fun! Sounds like a sweet thing to do on a date.

...I think what you described isn't what I was thinking of for some first dates. And, you missed what I said. For some reason sometimes people think you're saying something very different than what you said -

I didn't say you can't kiss on a first date. I didn't say that if you kiss on a first date that you're a whore. I didn't say anything against the need to feel chemistry. I don't know where those things came from, and don't understand why you said them...

...what I said was about you not wanting a second date because I don't try to kiss you on the first one. That's it. Don't read anything else into it. In other words, after spending a 6hr first date building a cardboard box pirate-space-ship-fort, and colouring it in together...and you leaned in to kiss me...if I didn't welcome the kissing gesture or simply didn't return it but just took the one you gave, or I pulled away, or whatever - everythng was just fine, I wasn't weirded out at all and it's obvious that I'm still having a good time, our time together was just as sweet as how you imply with this date description and the fact that you wanted to lean in to kiss me in the first place - you wouldn't want to see me again? You wouldn't want a second date?

That's it. That's all. Nothing else. That's all I'm ever saying about first-date-kiss-versus-second-date issue.

Now, what you should do is...if after reading this you're feeling different about it, or you are having second thoughts about where I'm coming from, what you thought I meant, and what you're thinking on it is (if you're thinking that ok maybe you'll still want a second date)...you should forget that and consider why you posted that last question in the first place. Why did you read something completely different from what I said? Why did you ask me if I'd run or call you a whore just because you'd lean in to kiss me on a good first date? They are two very different things, so different it's crazy. Consider why you changed what I said into something completely different...how in the world did you hear the one instead of the other...what were you thinking? That is where we might learn something.

Why did you even say

if I leaned in to kiss you --
are you telling me that you would run away with the crayons screaming whore?

in the first place?

How is me running and screaming whore because you kissed me on a first date...at all in any way, shape, or form, even close to me not trying to first-date-kiss and wanting to know if you wouldn't want a second date because I didn't do it?
 y0uandi
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 75
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/14/2013 10:44:39 PM

Good conversation for the most part with maybe 1 or 2 occasions when neither of us said anything.
Isn't if funny when people *gasp* when you don't say anything a few times on a date. Hell, when you're in a relationship it's 60% of the time!


e get to the end of the date and we are standing outside of the place saying our good nights. We went in for the goodbye hug but i did not kiss her.


I've always found it interesting how people just assume that the kiss can only happen at the end of the night. If two people are really into each other why wait? I want to get a few good kissing sessions in before the night is through to build up to the second date with even more kissing. Whatever happened to the innocence when growing up? It's like because we're "adults" we have to follow a certain format when dating.
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