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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?      Home login  
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 y0uandi
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 78
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

There's a good reason for calling it childhood "innocence", and for having some sort of (format). Because as adults, we've learned and understand that people have intentions that might not be desirable and we need to find that out. Because as adults, we've learned and understand that there are important things to consider about people before just doing whatever whenever.


Yeah well, you can go play mr.serious adult. I'll stick to living a fun life. :D
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 79
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/15/2013 12:12:59 PM
I agree with drinkthesunwithmyface explanations.
not kissing does not mean not attracted.
It doesnt mean No chemistry either.

these seem like "rules"
doesnt kiss on first date= no second date

other rule
does kiss on first date= no second date.

If a man leans in to kiss me on a first date I probably would not kiss him
knowing myself,....I most likely would have told him somewhere in an email,
or phone convo. before we met,... or during the first date that I dont like to kiss on a first date.
Therefore, men dont usually lean in to do so.
If we are both feeling the chemistry I would think that we would both want a second date whether we kissed or not.
If a man does not want to see me for a second date ...because.... I didnt want to kiss him on a first....
thats fine with me. his choice.
I would probably not be compatible with someone who makes a possible life changing decision based upon a kiss.

In my experience...I dont think I have met many men who make a decision based on a first date kiss..
because usually if you both feel the good chemistry....you would both want a second date.

I still do not understand why a person would make the choice of no second date based only upon a kiss.
To me,.a kiss is not a peck on the cheek. It is intimate.

as for the forums I express my own thoughts and opinions and I am not judging or "trying to change anyone"...why would you say that?
I have been accused of being "miss moral" (religious or whatever people may think when they dont even know me)....because my opinions for my own life have been falsely taken as slamming those who dont think as I do. which is unfair treatment and bashing to those on forums.
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/15/2013 12:17:40 PM
3ffervescent:

LOL! This is fun! Thanks for playing.


(if I didn't kiss) chances are we are not compatible...
...I would naturally assume that you didn't feel the same way...

And that's the point. You're right, chances are that we aren't compatible. But not because I didn't cooperate very much with a first-date kissing, but because you decided that we weren't because of it. My actions didn't mean what you decided they meant, but what it means that you decided they did is important. That's what I want to find out.


you know that most (more than half) of us women folk know within first minute or so of meeting you if we would potentially like to sleep with you-- on date number ONE.

I could go and post a topic on the forums:
"We spent 6hrs building a pirate-space-ship-fort, and he wouldn't kiss me... Does he like me?"
The resounding responses would be that "He is just not that into you" and "stab him with a red flag".

And again, that's the point. That's what I want to find out. And this includes you including deciding if you want to sleep with me with whether we kiss on the first date. You don't get points or validation for your view just because many other women would do this. Especially getting certain kinds of predictable feedback from people on POF.


Why do I feel like we just broke up?

Yea, that sucks. It was so fun. That was such a sweet date, with the right intimacy and opportunity for us to really get to know each other, and that leaning in to kiss me was exhilarating. Can we start over? I'm so sorry. I was a big dummy head. I'm gonna pull the stick out of my arse and loosen up. Hehehe!

Wait, we can't do that. Because you self-defeatingly decided you didn't want a second date. Doh!
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 81
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/15/2013 1:03:16 PM

My actions didn't mean what you decided they meant, but what it means that you decided they did is important.


^^^^^^^^^^^^
this.

and because you decide to think you know what someone's action means...
that leaves no room for seeing things from a different perspective
and no one can mind read.
why not ask instead of assuming?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 82
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/17/2013 8:25:27 AM

If you were talking about the fact that most (more than half) women know shortly after meeting if you are indeed kissable --
sorry, but most of us do.
Not just because other women do, we really just know, well -- the intuitive ones...


As you said, the intuitive ones. They know within the first 5 minutes of the conversation.

And a woman that was not intuitive, trusted her instinct to know. I would not want to date.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 83
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/17/2013 8:43:53 AM
drinkthesunwithmyface,

we're talking about the first date here. Date number one. Numero Uno.

Very true. And all we're talking about is a simple kiss, too. A simple, basic expression of interest.

For example, if having the kind of date that you're describing, and knowing that everything is clicking pretty well as we've discussed, you're telling me that if I didn't let you kiss me on that first date, you'd think that I have intimacy issues, am too reserved, or are an introvert - that's one of the many things I want to know about a woman as quickly as I can find them out...if she thinks this way.

Assuming it's in an appropriate place -- I would say, yeah, the woman is rightfully in position to assume lack of interest on your part, or possibly way too reserved IF you had interest... unless you preemptively stated before the date that you don't kiss on a first date. Intimacy issues, or anything deeper? That would be jumping the gun possibly if she had any concrete assumption on that, for sure. But the gal isn't going to go off and do a psychoanalysis to you right there when you deny her. She's just rightfully going to think one thing -- he lacks interest (if it was at a reasonable place & time).

Also, you don't want to play games like "I wonder how'd she feel if I denied her leaning in for a kiss at the end of the night? If she's turned off, she's not right for me because she was turned off and is making assumptions about me."

I CAN see though, if she leaned in for one in what most people would consider at least a questionable place & time.... or if she was turned off it was a little lunch date at noon and you didn't go for one, or even an evening date and there was no timing/situation for you to even try. But in the former, you could easily say "I'd like to kiss you but this really isn't the time or place right here..."

See, DrinksTheSun, I like a demonstrative man - If you are pulling back when I am leaning in for a kiss, we aren't compatible.

And on a first date, that pretty much sums it up for most women and rightfully so, assuming it's not an inappropriate time & place when doing so. As a guy, I'm fine if the woman definitely expresses interest in many other ways throughout the date, and her body language at the end of the night leans away from a kiss and toward a hug. It'd put a "Hmmmm" in my mind, as chances would be higher she lacked interest, but not enough to make a determination about Her (since there was other indicators of interest during the night).

Years ago I had a date 60 miles away just outside a college campus at Starbucks, mid-afternoon. She was an older woman who instructed at that college. There was that chemistry upon first meeting. The place was packed full of what seemed like students studying and drinking coffee. About 20 minutes into the date, chit-chatting and eye-gazing, she leaned over the table and said "Kiss me. I want you to kiss me. I dare you." I was apprehensive, but I did and it was a really great but odd semi-makeout session. NOW, if I declined that -- sure, that could be a compatibility test for HER... but she couldn't have rightfully blamed me for not kissing her there at 2:30PM, as if I was someone who doesn't kiss on a first date or was too reserved, blah blah. I wouldn't blame a guy's "game" for declining for a better time & place.

So the timing & place should factor in. But refusing to kiss on a first date should send question marks, at least, of interest, if the timing & place is just fine. If a woman is turned off because you shy away from a simple kiss she leans toward at the end of a first date, she should be turned off -- it's a simple kiss. Shying away from a gal leaning in to kiss you at the right time should be taken the same way as always shying away from a gal doing "kino" like touching your shoulder, forearm or hand.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 84
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/18/2013 12:50:54 PM
If shes a hoe, bad.
If shes a girl with useless integrity, good
.
 staffmom
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 85
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/18/2013 6:51:43 PM
I agree with Outmind. I generally know within the first 5-10 minutes of meeting a guy if I want to kiss him or not.
However, just because we kiss on the first date doesn't mean we're going to bed on that date.

Could any of you guys explain the: "I really had a good time, look forward to seeing you again, kissy-kissy.... and then disappear? Are those guys really so gutless that they can't 'man-up' with some honesty?
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 86
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/25/2013 10:35:00 PM
I wont kiss someone until I feel that spark and I can at least see a possibility of this being something long term. This world has become too rushed and sexual. I like to just let things unfold calmly and slowly.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 87
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/25/2013 11:21:37 PM
this discussion may cause too many to over analyze a first date kiss.
Just please remember that if someone shows interest on the first date but she / he doesnt kiss you..
does NOT mean they are not attracted to you.
And if they do kiss you...it doesnt mean they "like" you or even want to see you again.

and think about what I, and also a poster above said about the herpes virus.
you cant tell if someone has it coming on by seeing their lips.
I also dont want to kiss anyone unless we both have the goals of meeting each other for a ltr.
How do you know that on a first date?
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 88
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/26/2013 8:57:40 AM
3ff - ^^^ perfect and oh so right!
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/26/2013 11:27:15 AM
3ffervescent:

I got tired of our conversation so I left it, but there's at least one final comment I should've made but didn't.

(Insert laughing initials or symbols here. I always thought it scary to imagine people laughing "out loud" at their keyboards at every little thing. When I type 'hehe' and 'ha' I think that's a bit wacky. I used to always type a simple L or LLL!, etc, for a realistic litttle laugh, or a really big laugh, respectively. But people would exchange several messages with me then one day ask "what the hell are those capitals L's in your messages?" so I stopped. Got tired of explaining it all the time. Anyway, from now on I'm using my L's again. If anybody is confused, I'll just have to deal with it, or hope it speads.)

L!

I think you cheated...

My only point that I was debating was whether or not a woman wants a second date if I didn't do a kiss during the first one. And I was assuming a general idea of a generic typical first date, because as I've said these things aren't rules with me but just theory, or mindsets, which might express differently in real practice.

When you introduced a first date which lasted for 6 hours, during which we built a cardboard, crayoned, pirate space ship fort...you were cheating. That kind of hypothetical throws in a whole different set of dynamics concerning how the dating is going and how the two involved are coming along together. It implies a level of intimacy achieved, and implies a certain extent to which we each feel confident with who we think the other is, and implies a certain comfort level existent between us, etc. I think this is cheating. L! Because I don't think that's always the typical thing we think of, or are talking about, when talking about first-dates. Your example was assuming that we were already past certain getting-to-know hurdles. Your example was to assume a progress that is more equivalent to a second or third date sometimes, not a first one, or is assuming that we've already gotten to know each other and gotten comfortable with each other through other means before the first-date...like introducing a scenario in which we already know each other in order to debate practices in scenarios in which we don't know each other yet. In your example, it's possible that we'd already kissed 3 hours ago, so it doesn't apply to use it to debate kissing at the end of said alledged first-date, and whether or not you want a second date afterwards because of it.

I kind of explained this earlier on, but not as explicitly, and when at that point you unleashed your phrase about you "liking a demonstrative man" I didn't feel like jibber jabbering on it anymore.

Some people might claim that I was incorrect in making the assumptions of a typical generic first-date, or that their first-dates are sometimes as you described, but I don't think I'm incorrect. I think it should be understood, and understood that first dates which go as you described are assuming a wholy different picture, concerning to what extent the two people are strangers or have become close, than the general idea or theory I pointed out, and not talking about the same thing.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 90
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/26/2013 8:41:16 PM
cute video 3ffervescent

I think Cher meant after the 5th date. L

its the passionate kiss that counts..not the peck on the cheek or lip kiss.
and yes....a long 6 hr date like the one you wrote of is different from the "generic" first date we talk about on POF.
its great to have a long good date like that.
its the long boring ones that I cant wait to get away from that ....well...
nevermind...
maybe I should just make out with my date first to see if I want to continue the date.
a relationship built on great kisses is the best. never mind the compatibility issues. jk
or L
to me....they are both important to have....the kisses and the fun and the compatibility. ..all of it.

heres to hoping we all find great kisses after which ever number of dates we need...
and not to turn away what could be good just cuz of a lack of a kiss on a first "generic" date.
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 91
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/26/2013 11:31:03 PM
You should be able to tell by how the date went. But more importantly her body language should tell you if she's going to want a kiss, or not. But if you're not sure, then don't try. Just be respectful regardless of the outcome.
 CaptainTeebs
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 92
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/27/2013 12:30:27 AM
No problem. Don't kiss, but make sure they notice the raging boner that you "try to hide".
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/27/2013 9:57:17 AM

I have no idea why you are still single.

I get that a lot.

But, I do know why I'm still single. And unfortunately it's a dumb/bad reason, and something that I wish women understood. Then I wouldn't be single anymore.



No, I wasn't [cheating] -- that is how I date...

No...I was talking about cheating in our "argument". Did you really not get that's what I meant? You cheated in the sense that you made a point in a way that had nothing to do with what we / I was talking about. You changed the conditions, and side-stepped it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 94
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/27/2013 11:01:29 AM
Bicylcebuilt41,

Some of the things I'm reading from the guys are insane to me. I'm a woman who likes to take things easy. I've never kissed on a first date and if a guy tried to go for one I don't think I'd be too happy.

Although it's too strong a word, I think it's "insane" to have your position on a first-date kiss. Having a mere kiss IS taking things easy in the minds of most people, if they both had a great date and felt/saw an obvious mutual attraction. You have to realize you're psychologically/mentally out in left field on the concept, for better or worse. Given that, you can't be pissed at others because of it. It'd be like a hardcore vegan being Ticked At someone who eats chicken salad, as if they were going on other people's lawns kicking dogs. Said person would have to understand that most people are not vegetarians, let alone vegans, and it's not The Way by any stretch, it's a very exclusive & unusual way, for better or worse. Be more comfortable with fellow hardcore vegans, great -- but one doesn't logically have the right to be upset At those who aren't the same way or close to the same way.

That's even if I really liked him. It would cause me to think "Does he go around kissing EVERY girl, all the time? Where has his mouth been recently?"

Well, that's paranoia. I mean, if you guys only exchanged a couple messages and quickly met at high noon on a Sunday and as soon as you walked up to him to say hello he wanted to deeply kiss you, sure. But to chit-chat for a few days, meet up for an evening DATE that lasted a few hours and there was obvious chemistry, and at the end of the night he walks you to your car -- stop for a second: You're not any/every girl. Setting everything up in this context is not something an average person could do on the fly, at any time, etc.

Why aren't you asking yourself "Does he do this with EVERY girl he talks to or has talked to? This whole evening date set up, being so nice and blah blah blah? Was there a girl yesterday and the day before, and another one tomorrow? OMG, this date is MEANINGLESS!" :)

You're not a girl he started conversation with at a bar and is wanting a kiss after exchanging #s. In this example, it's an evening date in which there was time & effort already put in. Okay, so he goes in for a kiss -- so? You've talked before, set up an evening date for it, bonded for quite a while during the date, and it's a kiss. Whoop-dee-do. It's natural. It's what normal 7th graders do.

Maybe it's because I'm in the medical field, but all it takes is one photo of herpes-encrusted lips to make me squeamish at the thought of a random stranger's lips touching mine within hours of first meeting each other.

That IS why, I'm sure. You're treating a kiss like it's oral sex with homeless people for crying out loud. :) A good first date, at the ending of it, is not a random. You can look at anything and make it sound/feel wacked out and scare yourself.

If we are compatible their will be other ways to tell and we'll have plenty of time to kiss later.

But it's not about being compatible on-paper alone. In fact, sometimes you may not be quite as compatible on-paper vs another guy, but flourish much better with him. Kissing, touching, eye-contact, flirting, etc -- to one degree or another -- is part of the process of bonding and expressing & allowing interest to grow. Holding back from those things can easily kill it with most sane, clean, thoughtful, rational people who are otherwise compatible -- the types that would be in a Relationship with a gal-pal with you wondering "Wow, I'd love to have a guy like that."

You're so wrapped up in whether you should kiss her or not that your probably missing the more obvious signs. A kiss is NOT the one and only way to tell if she likes you.

You're right, a kiss is not the one & only way. However, sometimes it can come down to that to guage. So if you're not one to kiss on the first date, make that apparent in your profile and/or first conversation when setting up a date. Realize that for better or worse, you're in left field on the subject to have at least some mild disgust toward it on a 1st date -- hence you should make that known to avoid missing out on a great catch. AND when you are interested in a guy, and he seems interested in you, make sure you show interest -- not in "your own way" -- but through means that other common people can read.

Many times a guy will think "the date was OK... can't read her interest... seemed to have some, but she could have just been having a good time out, I dunno.... At the end of the night I could tell she didn't even want a kiss, so chances are, she's not interested." And guess what? If he bet in Vegas each of those times, he'd win most of the time. He'd have an advantage so big that the house rarely has, if ever, over its visitors.

What I find most funny is that this is the GUYS telling other GUYS that this makes you less manly.

Notably on an evening date, walking her to her car, if she positions herself for a kiss and the guy shys away -- yes. If they go out on multiple dates and the girl is at least in neutral position on at least some of them, and he never went in for one -- yeah, he's being chicken (less 'manly'). If she positions herself away at the point where a guy may kiss, no, he's not being chicken by acknowledging that and not forcing an issue.

I totally agree if you're a man/ woman attracted to risk-takers and this is how you weed out incompatibles than heck yeah go for the kiss :)

I would say the risk-takers would be the ones who put themselves in at least neutral position when a guy may kiss them, and weed them out if said date went in for a kiss when never alarmed that they're against kissing on the first couple dates. You'd be weeding out a lot of potentially good catches. Of course, alarming them of that would ALSO weed out some too. So pick your poison!
 CaptainTeebs
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 95
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 5/27/2013 3:48:09 PM
^^^^great post!
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 96
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History
So I did not kiss her on the the first date. Good or bad sign?
Posted: 6/6/2013 1:34:52 AM
"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it.
If you don't ask, the answer is always no.
If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place."

You will seldom regret anything that you've done. It's what you have NOT done that will torment you.
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