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 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 29
Less to choose the older we getPage 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

The downside of women living longer than men is the ratio of women to men gets higher and higher. Also guys tend to lose interest so fewer register at online dating sites. It's a good reason for women to work harder at maintaining an active mind and attractive figure as you age. Guys can coast.


Excuse me? Are you presuming to speak for guys nearing 60 who embrace lifestyles of mental and physical wellness? As in the only sort of guys desired by women nearing 60 who embrace lifestyles of mental and physical wellness?
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 30
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 1:17:17 AM
There are so many clubs for the older age group and a man who can dance and socialise is always in demand as so many women outlive their husbands. Travel groups for instance and common interest groups are another avenue.
There is no age limit to finding a partner and I think we are more realistic as we get older. Companionship is more important and sex is not such a big deal anymore.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 31
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 5:41:30 AM

Companionship is more important and sex is not such a big deal anymore.


Companionship has always been --- and always will be ---- first and foremost in any relationship I've ever had or ever hope to have! Including romance---- when sex has always been and always will be a very big deal!
 Luv_Lyfe
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 32
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 6:32:25 AM
At 70 I still find a plethora of women to date ranging from their mid forties to at most their early fifties. Two still good looking women in their early sixties I know well have younger men, some even in their forties, but mostly in their fifties hitting on them. It depends on the demographic. Would residing in an active adult 55 and over community where one's options are limited to those in one's own age range help older women land men near their own age to date?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 33
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History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 8:24:26 AM

Gwendolyn2010
I now realize why so many scraggly, ugly, stupid, and obese men have contacted me: they think that I am desperate and they, being in the minority, can "coast."

“Scraggly, ugly, stupid” are very harsh words.

Gwendolyn2010
Ugly is ugly, dumb is dumb, and fat is fat

Once again, very harsh words.

You might want to consider lightening up a bit.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 34
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 8:46:32 AM

The downside of women living longer than men is the ratio of women to men gets higher and higher. Also guys tend to lose interest so fewer register at online dating sites. It's a good reason for women to work harder at maintaining an active mind and attractive figure as you age. Guys can coast.


Talk about harsh.

Women have to work harder at maintaining an active mind an attractive figure as we
age so we can attract men who think they can just "coast"? Maybe that's why there are
so many single older people. The guys are "coasting" and the women aren't yet ready
to settle for second best.

 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 35
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 9:09:47 AM
Browneyes? Could not have said it better myself! So far, I have not run into much of the "coasting" attitude but should I ever? Pppffttt would rather stay single tyvm!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 36
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 10:18:39 AM
Well, it may be technically true that there are fewer and fewer men to choose from because we all just drop dead, but I think that its something that affects the 75+ crowd much more than the 45-60 crowd, the latter being what I observe to be the bulk of the population on the dating sites.

One of the realities of life is that you meet only a minuscule number of people from the cast of potential soul mates, and if you see them as all unacceptable, you will never be in a couple again. What I see is that past experiences, good and bad, cause older people to be more and more picky, and the longer they stay single, the more they realize that life in the single lane is downright pleasant in many ways. Its a self-amplifying pattern.

I have said many times that relationships are creative activities, and an evaluative approach is never a creative one. There has never been an art critic that produced a major work of art with lasting appreciation.

Be open, be optimistic, be creative. There are loads and loads of people out there that want to live happily ever after, even in the old folks homes....
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 37
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 10:36:11 AM
@maisie18--you can set your age requirements to eliminate those kids from bothering you--I just tell them I know their mom or that my kids recognize them to mess with them a bit :P

I think the men who coasted in high school, college, etc are the ones who coast now--just like there are women who have coasted --to some looks are secondary and maybe since so many coasters are still going strong--maybe it is vanity that kills!

I think it is hard to keep up with everything --whitening teeth, shaving, hairstyling etc--but I do that for me so I like who I see when I look in the mirror. If someone never liked what they saw then it makes sense these people aren't going to spend more time now--might even say they have evolved in a different way--doesnt mean Im going to date them but maybe a kinder way to look at things.
 ronosaurus
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 38
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:17:22 AM
@Rearguard*2, Msg: 39
I agree with your statement below;

life in the single lane is downright pleasant in many ways. It's a self-amplifying pattern.
However, the challenge is to adopt and maintain a lifestyle that maximizes one's disability-free years for them to be "downright pleasant", if fate allows you that option. See the web site below from Statistics Canada showing a simplified view of the consequences of a physically inactive lifestyle.

http://www.statcan.gc.ca/kits-trousses/issues-enjeux/c-g/edu01c_0005a-eng.htm
My immediate ("miniscule”) circle of friends includes primarily those who are physically active , and also those affected by physical disabilities who still remain socially and intellectually active. My larger circle of acquaintances numbers in the hundreds. And I'm in your no-man's land between 45-60 and 75+.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 39
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:24:55 AM

--to some looks are secondary and maybe since so many coasters are still going strong--maybe it is vanity that kills!


May good things continue to happen for someone whose heart is benevolent enough to interpret the original reference to coasting men as an attribute that bespeaks of character depth which relegates a clearly superficial thing as "looks" to a "secondary" priority!

Unfortunately for me, my interpretation of msg. #28 is that it illustrates a flagrant example of sexism: i.e. "Based upon sheer numbers not in their favor, older women will engage in a romantic relationship with a man who coasts while older men existing in lower numbers will routinely demand/expect more from and bring less to a relationship. It is also highly insulting to older men in that older men -- according to the messenger -- would be comfortable with perpetrating a double standard of health when it comes to their own vs. that of any given women in a bountiful market where the supply far exceeds the demand!

"Coast" was originally used both in the physical and mental capacity. Physically could mean "living healthfully" -- what the Hades was meant regarding older women's needing to forgo coasting mentally is beyond my capacity to interpret!

Overall, with regard to older men and women ,this message is based upon the assumption of a double standard for overall mental and physical wellness . Which to my way of looking at it represents a gross, unfounded, and highly condescending PREsumption ---- that the sheer numbers of older women relative to older men makes it necessary for us to take overall better care of ourselves AND routinely engage in relationships with men who take overall lesser care of themselves (coasting!).

To the above, this Ma'am says, "No thank you, Sir!"
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 40
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:45:28 AM
I agree with Paderic and I don't think I could say it any better than he did.
Cindy O
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 41
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:49:01 AM
I think the discussion is mis-directed to some degree. I try to take care of myself because of 2 main reasons, the first being that I like to be able to get out of bed in the morning and do whatever strikes my fancy without having to face physical limitations. The second reason is I like to feel that I offer my bed partner the experience of someone who is at least as pleasing as she it to me. If I want to attract a woman that makes me happy with my relationship, I have to offer up someone who makes her happy as well.

I really don't see the idea of coasting because of a statistical disparity between the sexes. There are just too many people in the world for the choice based on numbers to be much of an influence. To me, people who just coast lack self respect, and respect for their mates, so can't really have any marketability outside of extreme situations, like being the only man within a 100 miles, or something.
 windowgarden
Joined: 3/28/2012
Msg: 42
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 12:23:54 PM
I had been on POF to meet a special someone...In my area the men on this site who contacted me thought that they could get an easy piece of azzz...Thank the Lord up above friends introduced me to a very wonderful man...Now i am just here to read the forums.....THANK YOU FRIENDS!!!! Saves a lot of wear and tear!!!!! Good luck to you all!!!! BTW, I will be 56 and he is 62
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 43
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 5:12:01 PM
Well there are less singles over age 45
than at 25.
And normal mortality adds to the attrition rate.

However....If you take care of your health.
can look good at your age....
then you will get alot of attention online.

If you don't.
You won't.

Just how it is.
Sorry.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 44
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:52:16 PM

LathaMath: It's a good reason for women to work harder at maintaining an active mind and attractive figure as you age. Guys can coast.


Umm...no, guys, you really can't. Women are a lot more fiancially independent than they were even a decade ago, have more options for dating younger men and are more able to be choosy, including choosing to be single. We want men to have attractive figures and active minds too, and we no longer have to settle to be secure. I see lots of guys on POF complaining in their profile that they have no luck meeting women. These same guys look like Santa or have forgotten what a razor and comb are for or have not read/done anything of interest since high school or college...that isn't coasting, that's just being lazy. That sort of "letting it slide" thinking is partially why the dating pool seems so shallow at our end of the age spectrum.
 VoxClamantis
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 47
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/30/2012 6:17:39 AM
You only need one... or two... or three.

On tight rotation, as long as you keep them in the dark about each other.

There's plenty of love out there.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 48
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/30/2012 11:30:18 AM
Hadn't noticed, lol! I am now, and have *always* been a niche soul. I appeal to hardly anyone. But Wowsers, the ones I DO appeal to have been stellar! They've ranged from dyslectic sixth grade drop outs to Ph.D.s. From pug ugly to devastatingly good looking. One thing they all have in common is that they're damned bright (right up to breathtakingly brilliant), have grounded souls, and are pretty good lovers. Yep, here, as elsewhere a few duds. But damned few, and damned far between. And almost all are optimists.

Stay open, stay interesting, and take care of your health.

Carry on, kiddles. The best is yet to be. Promise.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 49
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/30/2012 7:21:44 PM
@wooby--you are wonderful --and you are exactly right--I know Im not everyone's cup of tea but for those who like who I am Im a hot cup of tea!

Doesnt matter how many are out there--only need one--and someone else reject might be my Prince Charming!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 50
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/30/2012 8:45:22 PM

Companionship is more important and sex is not such a big deal anymore.


Sex is a big deal to this 59 year old. I would not enter into a relationship with a man who thought sex wasn't a "big deal" anymore.


“Scraggly, ugly, stupid” are very harsh words. [. . .] Once again, very harsh words.

You might want to consider lightening up a bit.


When a man says men in general can "coast" based on the fact of their manhood, it demeans women of the same age. Old men do not have carte blanche with ANY old woman, or women of any age--because a man makes it to 65, 70, or older and there are more women than men does not mean every man can let himself go and find a mate. Whom he will find are desperate women.

Lighten up? I have been approached by stupid, ugly, scraggly and fat old men for the last six years. Many of them seemed to think that they could "coast" into my life and bed. A few of them told me that I am not getting any younger and if I kept rejecting them, I would wind up alone. Some have only one of these attributes; some men have all four "qualities." Would you prefer that I say "mentally challenged," "lacking in looks," "unkempt," and "overweight"?

I can call a dung beetle a scarab, but it will still lay its eggs in manure.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 51
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/30/2012 8:58:35 PM

Stay open, stay interesting, and take care of your health.

Carry on, kiddles. The best is yet to be. Promise.


Promise? Ok then.

Oh wooby....I am such a fan of yours. You are like a breathe of fresh air.


...mae
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 52
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History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:03:24 AM

Gwendolyn2010
Lighten up? I have been approached by stupid, ugly, scraggly and fat old men for the last six years. Many of them seemed to think that they could "coast" into my life and bed. A few of them told me that I am not getting any younger and if I kept rejecting them, I would wind up alone. Some have only one of these attributes; some men have all four "qualities." Would you prefer that I say "mentally challenged," "lacking in looks," "unkempt," and "overweight"?


Gwendolyn, I have been approached, many times, by women whom I found unacceptable, for various reasons. I have never once found it necessary to come on a public forum and say nasty things about them. Your use of those words to describe men who have asked you for a date says more about you than it does about the men.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 53
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:19:16 AM

Lighten up? I have been approached by stupid, ugly, scraggly and fat old men for the last six years. Many of them seemed to think that they could "coast" into my life and bed.


90% of the men who have expressed interest in me over the past 6 years (including the ones from this dating site) continue to seem to think that they are utterly appealing exactly as their photos represent them to be and yes: they presume that they can "coast" into my life etc.

Are they "stupid"? Given the sheer masses of flesh encapsulating virtually every region of their bodies --- and what I consider to be their astonishing presumption that I'm old and desperate (and apparently starved for male attention if the dominant attitudes expressed about widows in another 45+ thread are to be accepted as practical reality) , I've had zero inclination to find out.

But you know what? The more I continue to hear from these gentlemen, the more I am inclined to bellieve that they honestly believe they are physically compatible with me. They may indeed carry 50-100 pounds of what is clearly excess weight, along with an age range of 10 or 15 years higher than my own. But I'm truly coming to the conclusion that few people even consider themselves to be "average" in physical girth these days. So that when they look in their mirrors, they genuinely see someone whom they believe looks 10 or 15 years younger than everyone else their age. And they genuinely believe that they are carrying 50 extra pounds of muscle on their big boned frames. So maybe it's not presumption after all so much as their inability to take a good hard real look at themselves.

There is also a disconnect between what people (and certainly women as well as men given some of the photos on this site posted by ladies which provide a variety of up close and personal views of breasts the size of medium cantaloupes resting upon midriffs that appear to be providing these mammary glands with ample "padding")
regard as "striving to maintain a healthy lifestyle." Perhaps this is where the frustration kicks in. For 99% of us 45+ individuals, maintaining such a lifestyle requires self-discipline, personal determination, perseverence, and at times self-denial. But those who do not regularly strive to remain fit, bring with them an attitude of "Take me as I am, or you are shallow. I enjoy life to its fullest by eating whatever I please. I hate working out so why should I push myself when I'd rather sit on my couch and watch tv? Life is short, and I'm entitled to live mine as I see fit." So yes: these individuals are absolutely free to embrace whatever lifestyle they please. But when they somehow fail to recognize what most would say is a glaring disparity between their own level of physical appearance and wellness vs. that of those whom they attempt to contact, one might appreciate the potential for frustration that can ensue.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 54
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:48:36 AM

Given the sheer masses of flesh encapsulating virtually every region of their bodies


LOL: You have a way with words Ready. I think maybe this is slightly exagerated.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 55
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:54:41 AM

I have never once found it necessary to come on a public forum and say nasty things about them. Your use of those words to describe men who have asked you for a date says more about you than it does about the men.


No not a nice thing to say, especially about guys who went out of their way to meet up with her, and clearly this evidences some sort of bitterness and condescension towards men. . . which again is what I see a lot of on these boards. Lots of women here do not like men, and vice-versa of course. Seems to me that if you are middle aged and single or divorced or widowed, that maybe the easiest thing to do, if you have such a bad attitude towards the opposite sex, is simply resign yourself to living alone. Lots of people live alone. If they hate the opposite sex, why are they even trying to date? Nobody will ever be good enough for these people. They will always find something they can complain about. What does a fifty-nine year old women expect to meet in the available dating pool these days?
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