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 FitAtFittyFive
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 56
Less to choose the older we getPage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Aw, crap! You mean I could've been "coasting" all this time? Outta the loop again...

BRB - I'm off to Sam's to buy a case of Pop Tarts and a recliner. ;-)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 57
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History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:11:50 AM

Ready_Real
But when they somehow fail to recognize what most would say is a glaring disparity between their own level of physical appearance and wellness vs. that of those whom they attempt to contact, one might appreciate the potential for frustration that can ensue.


Is it so hard to ignore emails from those who don’t measure up to your standards? Do we all have to apologize for not being as beautiful as you?



They may indeed carry 50-100 pounds of what is clearly excess weight, along with an age range of 10 or 15 years higher than my own.

Exaggerate much? Do you really get that many emails from men 73 years old and 100 pounds overweight? Somehow I doubt it, I just don’t believe there are very many men of that age on this site.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 58
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:21:43 AM

But when they somehow fail to recognize what most would say is a glaring disparity between their own level of physical appearance and wellness vs. that of those whom they attempt to contact, one might appreciate the potential for frustration that can ensue.


I found putting that I do not want someone contacting me that doubles my weight stopped them from even trying.. Really I just should have said over 200 pounds, to make it more simple
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 59
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:44:18 AM
Hmm-
I'm not so sure this "men can afford to coast" idea actually holds much water.
Look at all the threads started by, and posted to, by "decent" men(they have a legally-sourced income, have never been in prison, and aren't given to abusing women)who are over 45-claiming that women are just after men with "looks and money" or that women are only attracted to/interested in "bad boys"(aka losers, abusers, no-job,etc,etc)...
Does this really sound like all men over 60 believe "they can afford to coast"?
Cindy O
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:49:52 AM
If you are looking for an "older gentleman", unfortunately, the best place to locate him is the cemetary......
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 62
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 12:34:56 PM
Gotta say, in defense of Gwen's comments that I think, really, she was replying to the fella that implied that older men get to "coast" whereas women need to work harder on attractiveness in order to even appeal to the "coasters


Maybe she was, but in so doing she insulted the guys who actually contacted her, not the guy who gave the coasting comment. Only they know who they are.


If you are looking for an "older gentleman", unfortunately, the best place to locate him is the cemetary......


What a terrible thing to say. Another woman I am not surprised is still looking.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 63
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 2:26:36 PM
Yanno--some of yall deserve your misery--seriously life is simple---you can see bad in the world or you can see good in the world and what you focus on is how you will see the world--it is really just that freaking simple.

Ever think your attitude is showing thru and that is the reason you aren't getting the type people you want to contact you?

I am 53 years old, I am fat or obese or bbw or whatever you wish to call it and yet since I broke up with my ex in February I have met some of the nicest men--hot men all my age--only one was the least big over weight--all were very professional in their life--all work out; none were stupid--(and how dare you call people stupid!) and wow on calling someone else ugly--your approach to men is pretty dang ugly! --scraggly--some people need to look at their own hair issue and bare in mind others might not find your choice looking all that great! I got old and fat covered--and then some!

Some of these men and I will probably be friends for life now, (the one i met in Dubai was 6'1" 180 with a six pack his body was better than any man I have ever seen and he was 49 years old, I seriously doubt you are half as fit as he was but I was who he liked; and what he liked was my positive attitude and sense of humor; glad he didnt have your attitude or we wouldnt have met)--they were super nice etc but not the right man for me or I wasnt the right woman for them--it is called being an adult and not blaming members of the opposite sex for where you are in life.

There are age restrictions if you want to not have men older than you emailing you--use them but if you leave it open then dont blame them--how were they to know that you think you deserve someone more special than them!

I guess maybe they feel they are special just like you feel you are special.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 64
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 2:33:04 PM
But when they somehow fail to recognize what most would say is a glaring disparity between their own level of physical appearance and wellness vs. that of those whom they attempt to contact, one might appreciate the potential for frustration that can ensue.


Is it so hard to ignore emails from those who don’t measure up to your standards? Do we all have to apologize for not being as beautiful as you?


The point has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone's "being beautiful" ---- it is about a person's physical appearance and profile statement as they reflects (acknowledging straight up that there are always exceptions!) lifestyle choice that are highly incompatible with the person to whom they have written.

To answer your question: I never "ignore e-mails" from anyone taking the time to write. IMO it only takes a few minutes to write a polite"thanks for expressing interest although ours does not appear to be a compatible match" note. And I respond to all just as I hope all would respond to me.

The second part of the point is the "coasting" part -- about which I have already posted and with the majority of female respondents soundly agree.


They may indeed carry 50-100 pounds of what is clearly excess weight, along with an age range of 10 or 15 years higher than my own.



Exaggerate much? Do you really get that many emails from men 73 years old and 100 pounds overweight? Somehow I doubt it, I just don’t believe there are very many men of that age on this site.


100 pounds is the high end. 50 pounds is generally the norm. As for the age part? Virtually anyone contacting me whose lifestyle is compatible is a minimum of 5 years older, generally closer to 9 or 10. And to get back to the coasting part, almost every man my own age with a compatible lifestyle as his profile photo and information suggest begins his e-mail with something that goes like this,

"Generally I do not contact women my own age as they are almost always older looking and acting than myself. Everyone tells me I look 10-15 younger than my age -- and I know I act and feel younger. Are your photos recent??
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 65
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 3:12:09 PM
I'm not trying to put words in anyone's mouth,simply offering my own interpretation/reaction.

I'm inclined to think that there was not an intent to insult any one person for any reason-the insult was directed to a CONCEPT that is outdated and could be interpreted as insulting to women.

I think some of we women were rather-well,STARTLED!-by someone making a statement based on a 1950s presumption that a womans' primary goal in life is to secure a male partner, even if it's one she really doesn't like.

It's not 1959 anymore, many older people of both genders who have become single due to death of their spouse or divorce, do not feel that it is incumbent upon them to find a warm body to form a couplehood with.
So nobody-of either gender- who is seriously interested in dating and relationships "can afford to coast"-yeah, even though there may be more single women than single men, the only people who are going to accept "coasters" are OTHER "coasters.

I think that it was the outdatedness of the "afford to coast" comment that provoked some of the stronger reactions, and that the intended target of the insults was this outdated concept, not individual persons-or a whole gender.
Cindy O
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 66
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:48:48 PM

I'm not trying to put words in anyone's mouth,simply offering my own interpretation/reaction.


As always, Cindy O, yours is a voice of eloquence, passion, and reason. And as always you have hit the nail squarely on the head (and heart) of this matter concerning "older" women. As well as the demeaning insinuations to older men!
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 67
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 6:07:33 PM

Many men are not appealing...that's one problem. The other is tha many woman are also not appealing

Definitely goes both ways.But I would have to agree with the ladies complaining about men that feel they can coast home.Maybe their retirement plan looks pretty good?The last five years have really taken a few rounds out of virtually all of the guys I know.Fifty pounds is accurate counting up from lean and mean.

Finding a fit attractive woman past 50?Fairly rare.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 69
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 6:53:52 PM

Gotta say, in defense of Gwen's comments that I think, really, she was replying to the fella that implied that older men get to "coast" whereas women need to work harder on attractiveness in order to even appeal to the "coasters"---something like that is always going to get folks riled. Even though the words she chose were unkind, I don't generally view those types of responses from her. Just my observation.


Thank you.


Gwendolyn, I have been approached, many times, by women whom I found unacceptable, for various reasons. I have never once found it necessary to come on a public forum and say nasty things about them. Your use of those words to describe men who have asked you for a date says more about you than it does about the men.


Many, many times? Dozens? Hundreds? In the almost seven years that I have been on this site, my “many, many times” are well into the hundreds. To answer you and the person who wrote this:


Maybe she was, but in so doing she insulted the guys who actually contacted her, not the guy who gave the coasting comment. Only they know who they are.


I will say that a large proportion of those ugly, fat, scraggly men took offense at being turned down. I have been called every name in the book and insulted to the nth degree after politely saying, "Thanks but no thanks." I have had to block men because they can't leave it alone. Nope, those men do not deserve kind words or PC terms to describe them.

I have also had second emails from men whom I politely refused who thanked me for even replying.


Is it so hard to ignore emails from those who don’t measure up to your standards? Do we all have to apologize for not being as beautiful as you?


It isn't about getting the emails: it is about the repercussions of telling the "unbeautiful" that we are not interested.


Exaggerate much? Do you really get that many emails from men 73 years old and 100 pounds overweight? Somehow I doubt it, I just don’t believe there are very many men of that age on this site.


Like Ready, I get emails from men who are 10-15 years older than I am, including a couple who were 80; most of those men are fat. Of course, some lie about their ages by as much as 15 years. I could never figure out how men who were older than I am deleted their profiles and when they made new ones, they were suddenly 3-5 years younger than I am. I also get emails from the 18 year old guys—or did when my profile was still visible.


Finding a fit attractive woman past 50?Fairly rare.


My experience is that it is rare to find a man over 45 who is fit and attractive, even less intelligent.

On Ready’s example:
Generally I do not contact women my own age as they are almost always older looking and acting than myself. Everyone tells me I look 10-15 younger than my age -- and I know I act and feel younger. Are your photos recent??


I must add that I have received these emails! Men who have lied about their ages have told me that they did it to attract younger, more attractive women—yet these guys are not attractive. They brag about how young they look, but they do not clearly see themselves.

I often received emails from men who said, “You are sexy.” Wow! What a way to impress a woman, eh? To these clueless individuals, I would reply, “But you aren’t.” IF men place such a high emphasis on the way a woman looks, they need to have some looks.

I will never forget the ancient gentleman who contacted me and said in his first email (I paraphrase), “I like that you wear dresses because I want to stick my head up your skirt.”

IF men can coast, I wouldn’t have gotten so many emails from men in the 45-70 range in the time I have been on this site, nor would so many of those men who contacted me have been so desperate. I have seen a plethora of emails where men who lack either physical or mental prowess wrote on their profiles, “I want a sexy/beautiful/gorgeous/hot woman who is sexually aggressive.”

They set themselves up for failure—perhaps because they are trying to coast but don’t see the huge obstacles in their paths.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 70
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:06:07 PM
This is twice in the first 14 posts I have read this.


Next time, try comprehending what you read instead of parsing a single sentence out of a post.


The gap is closing.


That might be true for future members of a given age bracket, but it does not change the reality of what the numbers are for people currently in that bracket.


So the idea that there are no men for women in their 50's or 60's is not true.


That isn't the idea, that is your strawman argument. Saying that there are fewer men than women in a given age bracket is not equivalent to saying that there are no men in that bracket.

Bottom line, there are fewer people to choose from the older we get. It's pretty simple mathematics. The oldest living person can attest to it.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 71
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:06:37 PM

I will say that a large proportion of those ugly, fat, scraggly men took offense at being turned down. I have been called every name in the book and insulted to the nth degree after politely saying, "Thanks but no thanks." I have had to block men because they can't leave it alone


Surely you don't take these guys seriously? These guys and the other guys you describe are simply not normal people. This sight has no way of filtering out the mentally ill from the normal guy who is simply trying to find a woman. I would hope that most guys on this sight are normal and therefore would politely accept rejection. Most guys who are here are probably used to their fair share of rejection.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 72
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History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:47:44 PM
...64....We are all precious human beings in the lives of SOMEone. :( Go easy, folks.
----------------
As if you've never made a snide, mean spirited post.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 74
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History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:43:54 PM
Well, I just hope Michelle Pfeiffer has been following this thread.....maybe she will finially get it, and leave me alone.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 75
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 6/1/2012 7:39:43 AM

Well, I just hope Michelle Pfeiffer has been following this thread.....maybe she will finially get it, and leave me alone.


Dang me hang me, SLion: why are smokin' smart AND (italics please) smokin' hot guys like you always at least three (or 13) huge states away? Thanks for the ROFL: thanks to a recent injury with an added weight gain bonus, it went wonderfully with my diet breakfast!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 76
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 6/1/2012 8:01:13 AM

Surely you don't take these guys seriously? These guys and the other guys you describe are simply not normal people. This sight has no way of filtering out the mentally ill from the normal guy who is simply trying to find a woman. I would hope that most guys on this sight are normal and therefore would politely accept rejection. Most guys who are here are probably used to their fair share of rejection.


If the guys who insulted me or kept haranguing me after I said "no" are simply not normal, then a large percentage of men on this site are simply not normal.

And then there was the guy from the forums who emailed me yesterday to insult the man whom I am now seeing. My profile is hidden, but the idiots still feel the need to insult--the only way they know I am here is through my forum postings.


I'm pretty consistent in my postings, mjinict....amazes me that since I'm so "mean, snide, hypocritical" you STILL seem to need my attention.


Spot on! Of course, negative attention is better than no attention--that's why the rejected guys keep coming back.


Well, I just hope Michelle Pfeiffer has been following this thread.....maybe she will finially get it, and leave me alone.


I hope she will leave me alone now, too.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 77
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History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 6/1/2012 8:10:01 AM

azul14
you once attacked me on a public forum for stating something that you (and another poster) didn't agree with.

I have certainly disagreed with you in the past, and I probably will again. But I don’t recall saying anything “nasty” about you? Perhaps you could do a search and find where I called you, or any other woman,
“old”
“ugly”
“fat”
“stupid”
Or any of the words that I was objecting to?

Actually, I seem to recall saying that you were in the top 10 to 20% of women on this site in your age group. I then went on to disagree with your stated position, because I think your observations are warped by your experiences, and your experiences are not what the average woman is going to encounter. If calling you beautiful was an insult, then I guess I owe you an apology.
 geocaching2005
Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 78
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 6/1/2012 9:35:14 AM
i agree with you here. lots of people on line but no one is looking for a special partner. im 61 and looking to find that special someone to share this next part of my life with, everyone says that is what they are looking for but when you meet them it is different
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 79
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 6/1/2012 10:09:09 AM
This thread has become entirely too polarized, which I don’t think anyone intended. Let’s try to be more rational, more logical about this. Let me start off with a story, a true story.

Nearly 40 years ago, when I was in my early 20’s, I was sitting at the bar in a night club. I was having a drink, trying to work up enough nerve to ask a young woman to dance with me. No, I wasn’t shy (never have been), but I was afraid of rejection. I overheard one young woman say to her friend, “Did you see that ugly retard who asked me to dance? Ewwww!” I slunk away with my tail between my legs, never even asked anyone to dance.

Fast forward nearly 40 years, here we are on an internet dating site. We have men who desperately want to meet someone, to have a date. But they are so afraid of rejection that they send very few initial messages, and they worry excessively about the lack of replies to those few messages. And they come on the forums, and they read “I have been approached by stupid, ugly, scraggly and fat old men for the last six years.” They imagine that you are talking directly to them, they think, “That is why I get no responses, the women think I am ‘stupid, ugly, scraggly and fat’ ”.

This is going to cause men to give up. And the more men who “give up on dating”, for fear of rejection or bitterness over their divorce, or for any other reason, the better my odds become. The men who do not fear rejection, who do not give up, have a far easier time due to the decrease in competition. I hesitate to use the word “coast”, as the women here seem to have a pathological reaction to that word, but I will say this. I am 61 years old, and I find it easier, far easier, to get a date now than at any other time in my life.

I really think more women need to chime in and ask some of these posters to tone down the rhetoric, because it is women being hurt by this, not men. As I said before, the more men who give up, the easier it gets for those of us who have a thick skin and never give up. And the harder it becomes for women to actually find a good man.

Let me close with this thought. A few years ago, another online dating site conducted a survey, asking what men and women were looking for in a potential date. The number two answer, for men, was “kindness”.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 80
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 6/1/2012 10:52:32 AM
Nearly 40 years ago, when I was in my early 20’s


Lets be honest, don't you mean your early to mid 30's?

Also, everybody on this topic should be over 45. Are you telling me an adult, a senior . . is going to worry about what somebody else says online? We all know who and what we are by now if we are honest with ourselves. If we are fat, we know it. If we are ugly, we know that too. Nobody here should be able to make anybody else feel any more or less than they already did about themselves. If you don't have a rock solid self perception of who you are, I truly feel sorry for you. Yes what Gwen said was not nice . . but who really cares in the end? You going to live your life based on the opinions of other anonymous posters?

And let me add to my post. Lets assume you are fat and you feel you will be rejected for it. Who is to say you need to stay fat? Since I have managed to stay slim despite a hearty appetite, I reject the fact that other guys in my age bracket cannot do the same. Nobody has to be a couch potatoe. We all know how unhealthy extra pounds are . . probably the biggest killer in the US next to smoking. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If you are happy with the way you are, than screw the women who have something bad to say about you.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 81
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 6/1/2012 12:01:44 PM
I'm sorry you got so pushed out of shape by my post;


I corrected your logic, I did not get pushed out of shape.


The statistics are based in the fact of who is dying now. CURRENTLY, not in the future: CURRENTLY the average age of death for women in the US is 81, for men, 78. ---Even less than 5 years. The gap is closing. Therefore, CURRENTLY, there are not that many fewer men as we age.


I believe you are quoting life expectancy, it is not synonymous with average age of death. Unless you know how it is calculated, I would avoid using it as the basis for assumptions.

Let's look at the 2010 census: for the 90-94 age group, the female to male ratio was 2.4; for 80-84, it was 2.3; for 70-74, it was 1.2; for 60-64, it was 1.08; and for 50-54, it was 1.04.

Unless something drastic happens to mortality rates, these trends will continue to hold true.


If they believe it, it adds to despair and hopelessness for many older women, and they are feeling that way based on a 'fact' that is no longer a fact: it is archaic thinking


I speak from a purely mathematical perspective. Whether anyone feels despair over the data is irrelevant. Denial does not change the facts. Facts are not dependent on emotional reaction.

I think there may be less men to choose from because, as one of the male posters in this thread has already said, many older men just give up. I think the flexibility of mind and emotion we had when young is gone also, which narrows the pool for individuals.


Sounds like you've been repeating this over and over to yourself. Unless you have some data to support this hypothesis...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 82
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 6/1/2012 12:13:51 PM
ohenryx
I agree with you about the polarization thing.

But there are a couple of other things that I cannot quite agree with. It is not my intention to pick on you, nor do I mean you or anyone else here an ounce of disrespect;


We have men who desperately want to meet someone, to have a date.

IMO, desperation is a very bad thing for either gender to bring to Adventures in Modern Dating. Theoretically, online dating should bring greater efficiency and a more effect use of our dating time-but it doesn't seem like it's turning out the way it was supposed to. That, IMO, is everybody's fault!


This is going to cause men to give up.


Really? Words on a dating site forum?
A few reports by women giving their OPINION about some of the men who have contacted them? This may just be my own perception, but I think that some of the negative opinion may come from the reported BEHAVIOR of some men in handling "No thank you". And I still think that a large part of this strong reaction is informed by the "coasting" comment.


because it is women being hurt by this,


Yeah? I ain't feeling any hurt.
But then, I'm capable of being quite difficult when the occasion seems to call for it.


And the harder it becomes for women to actually find a good man.


So we should all just shut our uppity pie-holes?(This is an EXAGGERATION of my personal feelings,an exercise in sarcastic humor, but I'll bet that it is exactly the thought crossing some female participants minds!)


A few years ago, another online dating site conducted a survey, asking what men and women were looking for in a potential date. The number two answer, for men, was “kindness”.


I think we need to know what the #1 answer was-perhaps that was the cause of the perceived UNkindness?
Cindy O
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 83
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 6/1/2012 12:24:37 PM

Nobody has to be a couch potatoe.

And nobody has to know how to spell it, either. But yes, there ARE people who have to be couch potatoes. Plenty of them. RA comes to mind immediately. Ten years ago, subsequent to a diagnosis of Congestive Heart Failure, I was told to exercise more. I asked: how much/how long? Until you work up a light sweat. Easy peasy, lol! It took me six seconds on a reclining bike to do that. In the event, it wasn't volume, it was *type* of food. And, yep, the Dx has been "withdrawn."

I watched my next younger brother make my life, my mother's life, and my sisters' lives absolutely miserable over the same subject for almost thirty years: it was so EASY. Just don't have that extra apple every week, and you stay slim. Then he hit his mid thirties, and the struggle, for him, began. To his credit, he apologized to us all, with a "I had NO idea!"

Lotsa stuff out there in the land of bariatrics that is just being discovered. Lepton wasn't discovered until 1994, and most docs don't have a clue yet what that means. Much less the lay public.

If you have great genes, count yourself lucky. But please let off thinking you have the answer. You don't. And self-satisfied ego stinks to high heaven. Thank you.
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