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 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 166
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Less to choose the older we getPage 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
It's true....and the sad reality is that many of us will end our lives not being in a relationship. So the best thing we can do is be "whole persons" ourselves. And life and enjoy life as though one had a partner. That makes a person attractive to another, in my opinion.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 167
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/22/2016 9:50:34 PM
Boy, tough crowd.

The only reason I can see why there may be less to choose from the older we get, is because more of us are dead.

If anybody cares to proffer a different reason, I'll respectfully disagree.
 crook_catcher
Joined: 1/27/2016
Msg: 168
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/22/2016 10:45:16 PM

is because more of us are dead.


You've got that right. Two more I used to work with passed last week, both younger than I 54-59. Brings the total up to 11 in the last 9-10 months. One thing to see obits, quite another "awareness" factor when you've worked with and associated with them. Gives pause for thought...realization of your own mortality. I call it the Green Mile effect...and then there was one.



Boy, tough crowd


Think it's tough up here? I believe that regular crew in off topic would eat their young. Some angry people on the loose down there. ;)
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 169
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/23/2016 4:53:02 AM

If anybody cares to proffer a different reason, I'll respectfully disagree.


I never thought of you as being so closed minded to new information.

Gresham's law, Thiers' Law both apply.

Though online dating could be more accurately described by the "The Market for Lemons". This is a 1970 paper by the economist George Akerlof describing a market in the presence of information asymmetry.

I think it's beyond question OLD is rampant with information asymmetry.
 showboatsupreme
Joined: 1/25/2016
Msg: 170
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/23/2016 6:22:34 PM
Yep.

Somebody always has more/inside information then someone else...
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 171
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/23/2016 6:43:40 PM
That "old man smell" stands in our way!
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 172
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 9:43:34 AM

I never thought of you as being so closed minded to new information.


I'm not. Just on this issue.


I believe that regular crew in off topic would eat their young. Some angry people on the loose down there. ;)


Which is why I don't go swimming there.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 173
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 11:24:11 AM
Interesting article, I had not read this before.


Wikipedia

Akerlof's paper uses the market for used cars as an example of the problem of quality uncertainty. A used car is one in which ownership is transferred from one person to another, after a period of use by its first owner and its inevitable wear and tear. There are good used cars ("cherries") and defective used cars ("lemons"), normally as a consequence of several not-always-traceable variables, such as the owner's driving style, quality and frequency of maintenance, and accident history. Because many important mechanical parts and other elements are hidden from view and not easily accessible for inspection, the buyer of a car does not know beforehand whether it is a cherry or a lemon. So the buyer's best guess for a given car is that the car is of average quality; accordingly, he/she will be willing to pay for it only the price of a car of known average quality. This means that the owner of a carefully maintained, never-abused, good used car will be unable to get a high enough price to make selling that car worthwhile.

Therefore, owners of good cars will not place their cars on the used car market. The withdrawal of good cars reduces the average quality of cars on the market, causing buyers to revise downward their expectations for any given car. This, in turn, motivates the owners of moderately good cars not to sell, and so on. The result is that a market in which there is asymmetric information with respect to quality shows characteristics similar to those described by Gresham's Law: the bad drives out the good. (Although Gresham's principle applies more specifically to exchange rates, modified analogies can be drawn.)


Applying this theory to the dating pool is a very interesting exercise, isn’t it?

However, going back to the original topic: “Less to choose the older we get” – I find that I have many choices, no complaints from me.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 174
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 11:28:53 AM
Msg 182: "A lot of people in their 40s and 50s let themselves go (men and women)."

Where are all of the women who say: "When I'm out with my daughter, nobody can tell if I'm the mother or daughter"?
I wonder why I never hear men say: "When I'm out with my son, nobody can tell if I'm the father or the son."
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 175
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 11:46:35 AM

Applying this theory to the dating pool is a very interesting exercise, isn’t it?

I can see where the analogy is attempting to be made, however, it doesn't take into consideration that all kinds of cherry, above average cars, are actually on the market because the driver has either died or has become an incapable driver by a certain age. This can lead to an assumption there is nothing much of quality out there to choose from and the only choice is to search for newer, less tried and true versions that lack dependability.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 176
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 11:59:48 AM

chameleonf
I can see where the analogy is attempting to be made, however, it doesn't take into consideration that all kinds of cherry, above average cars, are actually on the market because the driver has either died or has become an incapable driver by a certain age. This can lead to an assumption there is nothing much of quality out there to choose from and the only choice is to search for newer, less tried and true versions that lack dependability.

Several points here:
1) I think you meant to say “it’s tempting to make the analogy”

2) I think a better way of saying this, keeping with the used car market, is that the “overall used car market” comprised of Craigslist and shady smaller dealers has rather poor quality, for the most part. If you’re looking for really nice, clean used cars, you have to go where they charge more, CarMax and the bigger, more reputable new car dealerships. One of the reasons CarMax can get away with charging premium prices is that you find NO lemons on their lot.

3) You seem to be trying to make a sales pitch for older people being more dependable, but I do believe you’re stretching quite a bit in the attempt. (smile) Being an older person myself, I wish this were true, but I just haven’t found that to be the case. Older is neither more nor less “dependable”, in my experience.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 177
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 12:02:04 PM

Therefore, owners of good cars will not place their cars on the used car market.



This, in turn, motivates the owners of moderately good cars not to sell,


So what DO they do with their "good cars" when they want to get a new one?
Just let them sit there and depreciate further?

Applying this to the dating pool, is that why people stay in unhappy relationships, because they figure they won't find anyone else "good" anyway?


However, going back to the original topic: “Less to choose the older we get” – I find that I have many choices


I SEE lots of choices, but since the actual choosing must be reciprocal for things to go anywhere, well, there is the obstacle.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 178
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 12:16:01 PM

So what DO they do with their "good cars" when they want to get a new one?
Just let them sit there and depreciate further?

Applying this to the dating pool, is that why people stay in unhappy relationships, because they figure they won't find anyone else "good" anyway?


The people I know in this situation either get top dollar from the dealer for their trade in, or sell the car to car max, or sell it to a relative/close friend.

Yes, some people do stay in unsatisfactory relationships because they fear being single and alone.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 179
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 12:21:30 PM

Several points here:
1) I think you meant to say “it’s tempting to make the analogy”

No, you think wrong. I typed it the way I intended it. You weren't tempted to make the analogy - you did attempt to make the analogy but didn't quite fully get there.

Re your #2 - you're allowing yourself to fall into the trap of believing that better quality means having to pay more based on someone else's definition of quality. I can get a superb vehicle by doing my own homework at very little expense to me, if any.

Re your #3 - It was your own "attempted" analogy that was stating that the older, better cars weren't on the market because they were being possessed by the owner because of their good quality - does not good quality infer they are dependable and is why they were perceived to not be on the market??


I SEE lots of choices, but since the actual choosing must be reciprocal for things to go anywhere, well, there is the obstacle.


Exactly - and since cars don't chose their owners the "attempted" analogy falls even shorter.

vvvvv With you, I can totally see that happening!!! lol
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 180
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 12:33:00 PM

Exactly - and since cars don't chose their owners the "attempted" analogy falls even shorter.


My boobug definitely chose me.
And when I saw it, I just started screaming "take my money!"
True story.
:o)
 scm600
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 181
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 3:31:48 PM
It does get harder as we get older. Our list of 'must haves' hasn't changed much. But our list of 'won't put up with' got a lot longer because of our experiences. The life of the party that we found attractive when we were younger we now view as an irresponsible drunk. That attractively exotic person is now viewed as high maintenance. There's a whole lot of 'been there, done that' going on.

A problem I have is physical fitness. I'm still pretty active and really try to stay in shape. My regular diet has shifted from pizza and lasagna to salads and fruits. A good many people don't age well. A lot of the women I meet are at least 20+ lbs overweight. And, before you attack, I'll certainly agree that a lot of the men don't look any better. But someone who outweighs me by 20 to 50% just doesn't do it for me. And no, it's not a conscious choice. I've tried and it seems to be hard wired into me.

And I think a lot of good partners who had successful marriages don't even hit the public market after their spouse dies or is divorced. A lot seem to hook up with people in their own social group who also were widowed or divorced. My dad and stepmother were a good example. He used to tell me to look for widows. I asked him what I was supposed to do, hang out around funeral homes?? LOL
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 182
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/24/2016 4:49:46 PM

If you're an attractive, in shape man or woman you'll be fine. My mom has a couple single lady friends in their 50's that look much better than 50-something men so they date men in their 40's. So expanding your dating pool gives more options.


At my age it continues to surprise me how many pretty young things still flirt with me. The under 30 new receptionist at my accountant's office today flirted with me outrageously. She made it very clear she was interested - twice. I'll think about it but don't like to to sh*t where I eat so to speak.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 183
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/25/2016 7:06:46 PM

If you're an attractive, in shape man or woman you'll be fine.


And everyone else is up a creek without a paddle?
 MyFeetHurt
Joined: 2/22/2016
Msg: 184
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/26/2016 5:35:52 AM

If you're an attractive, in shape man or woman you'll be fine.


And everyone else is up a creek without a paddle?

If someone really wants a good relationship, it will happen. But they may have to actually make some effort. Look to yourself, instead of blaming everyone else!
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 185
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/26/2016 7:03:22 AM
If you are in shape and attractive at any age you will have more dating options. Applies to people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. Just they way it is. I doubt many would pick a younger version that is overweight and homely looking over an older version who is attractive and in shape. Therefore, I don't buy into that "less to choose the older we get". Unless you insist on only dating in your own age range or older.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 186
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/26/2016 7:24:00 AM

I feel that there's less choice for me but simply because my criteria are more difficult to fulfill. A lot of people in their 40s and 50s let themselves go (men and women).


I have noticed an alarming rate at which people in our middle-age age bracket are contracting (and spreading) sexually contracted illnesses based on ignorance, "IDGAF," and denial (three attitudes that signify, at least to me, lack of sense of well being).

Another is the inflexibility of people our age and the lack of interest in learning anything new or meeting people who live outside of our expectations of perfection.

And what about those eating disorders laypeople are internet diagnosing, suggesting people should trade one presumed problem in for another?



I'm in the minority so therefore finding a woman with a similar lifestyle is clearly harder.


No -- you're like most people who (narrowly) hang to the idea of health and well-being (which is really very unhealthy). If what you're suggesting is that you prefer loneliness over companionship, then you have what you want, already.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 187
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/26/2016 3:53:28 PM
Perhaps the health problems lead to the weight gain....
 seafoodandeatit
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 188
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Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/26/2016 4:06:20 PM
"We are not as active" Really! I think our age group is great!!
I know more about what I like and don't like. I am still as active,
and mentally and physically I have know what woman like......
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 189
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/26/2016 7:54:50 PM

I doubt many would pick a younger version that is overweight and homely looking over an older version who is attractive and in shape.


Are those the only 2 choices in life?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 190
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 2/27/2016 5:25:56 AM
I have this great post in my head but hard to verbalize. I know sometimes a man will message me and I will go " gee he looks old" but then I walk by a mirror and go wth " I'm old" So maybe we cling to some concepts that no longer fit.
Then it seems like the pool is sparse when in fact it is just our selective views
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