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 d2327h
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 43
what does exclusive mean?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
To answer your question to the one I asked, what's the point of being exclusive if you are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend?

How can someone ask you to not see or date anyone else without some type of committment to the relationship? Why would you not go out on dates with other people if you were not in a relationship?

Is exclusive just a "holding card" for a relationship or committment later on? No thank you. Lets just take it one day and date at a time and until we reach that point where we want to call it a relationship, then we can be exclusive.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 44
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 5/28/2012 12:55:05 PM
God the subjects here....
Being exclusive means that if your focking person A, you will NOT do Persons B to 00HAA32-D.
Anything else is just self justification.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 45
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 5/28/2012 1:36:29 PM
To answer your question to the one I asked, what's the point of being exclusive if you are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend?

I didn't want to date women who were sleeping with other guys while I was dating them.

How can someone ask you to not see or date anyone else without some type of committment to the relationship?

It's easy. I just told women that if they wanted the possibility of relationship at some point, then dating had to be exclusive. If they didn't want to date me exclusively, then they were welcome to date me for casual sex until I met someone (e;se) who wanted to date me exclusively. I found no shortage of women who were happy to date me exclusively.

Why would you not go out on dates with other people if you were not in a relationship?

I just assumed those women wouldn't want me to date anyone else if they couldn't date others. I suppose if they had told me that they were ok with a one-sided dating arrangement, I might have dated others even though they would only be dating me, but I really didn't think it was fair to ask that of someone.

Is exclusive just a "holding card" for a relationship or committment later on?

No, exclusivity is just an agreement to date each other only for however long it takes to figure out if a monogamous relationship is going to come from it.

No thank you. Lets just take it one day and date at a time and until we reach that point where we want to call it a relationship, then we can be exclusive.

If that works for you and you can date the type of guys you want to date by doing that, then do it. I'd rule you out as anything but a casual sex partner for that reason, but that's me.
 tuxqueot
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 46
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:02:51 PM
What kills me about these forums is how people get their panties all in a bunch over the topics.

Whether or not you decide to date, go out with, have coffee with, have sex with or go bungee jumping with multiple people of the opposite sex (or same sex if you go that way) is entirely up to you and the person/people you are seeing.

I am not saying in any way that anyone should consider dating exclusively after the first meet. I just know how I am. And apparently the women I have dated have also felt the same way. If we found enough initial attraction to continue to see each other, both my last girlfriend and my current one agreed we would be exclusive. And by that, we meant not continuing to look for someone else to date. Take our profiles offline, off searches or even delete it altogether.

Are we wrong? I don't think it's the prerogative of anyone else to judge that. My previous girlfriend lasted almost 3 months. That's not a long time, but in the end, it wasn't that we were not compatible, she simply has too much going on in her life with her parents, her children and her own disability that there isn't much room left for a full time romantic relationship. And since that is exactly what I came here to PoF looking for, it just didn't work out. I sincerely hope that in a few months (or longer depending how things work out for her) when she is ready she can find a man who will be as good to her as I was.

My current lady has only been a week. But the initial attraction is there. Mental, emotional and physical. We're not even close to being sexual so it isn't like that, simply comfortable in each others presence to enjoy spending hours just being together, we don't have to "do" anything. Talking, hugging and kissing is enough for us both with out needing an external activity to keep us occupied.

Some people are comfortable seeing more than one person at a time until a certain level is reached, then going exclusive with that person and telling the rest "hey, it's been fun, but you just weren't good enough for me." I know I couldn't do that to someone. If you can, so be it. And if you think we're wrong by agreeing to not see anyone else at such an early stage, you are welcome to think so. But just as I am not here to convince you my way is the right way, it's not up to you to tell me how wrong you think I am if you don't agree.
 taters51
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 47
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:33:53 PM
I don't fault anyone for living their life the way they see fit either. I am just trying to understand both sides of the argument and the word exclusive is used as a term from both sides to support their position. Maybe I was overthinking it but I do believe I have a better understanding of both sides. The word means whatever the he!! the person using it wants it to mean. They just use the adjective without the noun it should support and expect me to read their freaking mind as to what it is supposed to mean.
Oh yea mind reading! I guess that is part of another thread. LOL

I am still on the date one at a time side because that is what my gut tells me to do. I think I will continue to trust it.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 48
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:41:52 PM
The word means whatever the he!! the person using it wants it to mean.

Not unless you have a lot of difficulty communicating. You're the first person I know of who has posted a question about the meaning of exclusivity and I certainly never had any difficulty with anyone understanding what it meant.
 taters51
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 49
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:52:04 PM
I was really trying to understand when a multidater would say "until we become exclusive" do they mean exclusively dating or exclusive relationship or what in the he!! do they mean. It sure wasn't clear to me. It was pointed out earlier that the adjective has little meaning without its noun and becomes very unclear as to what it is supposed to mean.
I am still learning and I admit I have a long way to go.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 50
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 5/28/2012 7:18:27 PM
Maybe I can help you with this transition thing...

I used to date casually, strictly casual only. I was rather against the idea of getting bogged down in an actual relationship when I met the woman who would later become my wife. She was uncomfortable with the casual dating thing, which I only learned after we started dating. I gave her the take it or leave it line and she decided to go along with it for a while.

It only took a few more dates before the shoe was on the other foot and I was jumping to her tune. Rather than have her walk out on me, I chose to give it a real, grown up shot. It seemed like a good idea at the time. We had the exclusivity talk, started dating like a real couple, then moved in together, etc.

It's only confusing or difficult to grasp when you have your head filled up with silly notions of who you think people are based upon how they choose to date. Some folks seem convinced that a casual dater is some sort of diseased, criminal, sex addict who isn't capable of a mature and healthy relationship while any person who puts Longterm on their profile is clearly a superior human being in every respect. Once you accept that this sort of thinking is going to lead you astray more often than not, you will see that how we date does not correlate to how we love. Dating is just a means of finding that special someone you want to share your life with. Some folks aren't interested in "playing house" but are more than ready to take on the real thing. By the same token, there are many others who love to "play house" who aren't ready for adult relationships in the least.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 51
view profile
History
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 5/28/2012 7:43:42 PM
When I say I'm exclusive with someone, it means I am not dating, kissing, or having sex with anyone else. There is certain behavior I reserve for my lover and no one else.

However, best to get clear with someone about the details. I'm a social dancer and some couples are not comfortable with that kind of physical interaction with others. This gives rise to some tension when dancers date non-dancers.

I have male friends with whom I've had friendships for years. We'll occasionally go to dinner. It is not a date. I know that, they know that. Some guys would not understand that.

These are things you want to get clear from in front so you don't end up with misunderstanding and confusion.
 TinaMontoya
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 52
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:22:32 PM
What defines a "multidater"? Just because I find someone interesting on a first meet, I should exclude all other potential dates or can I wait to decide that after maybe 3 or 4 dates?
 Stargazerr
Joined: 10/14/2011
Msg: 53
view profile
History
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 6/2/2012 6:40:30 PM
To me, the term "exclusive" is a lot more definitive than the nebulous term "relationship"

Generally, within the context of a romantic relationship, "exclusive" means that you are only intimate with that one person, be it physically and/or emotionally. This is usually discussed by those participating in that relationship in terms of the what is allowed by the respective partners. Typically, for me, there is the obvious (expected?) sexual component in addition to the other aspects such as spending holidays, ultimately meeting each other's family and friends, etc.

There are many other types of relationships such as marriage, dating, FWB, friendships, co-workers, ex-wife, professional (doctors, dentists, etc), on down to the current sabre-toothed housecat.
 someoneyouusedtoknow
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 54
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 6/2/2012 8:28:23 PM

What defines a "multidater"? Just because I find someone interesting on a first meet, I should exclude all other potential dates or can I wait to decide that after maybe 3 or 4 dates?


Well, this thread seems to have drawn out the wide variety of views on certain terms. Are you a multidater? Does it matter? Seems to me the only people it should matter to would be you and the people you are seeing. Deciding after 3 or 4 dates seems like a reasonable compromise between those who choose to "go exclusive" after one date and those who choose to make that decision after weeks/months of a weeding out process.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 55
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:14:39 AM
A term used decades ago that really makes more sense in terms of definition is the word 'Steady'.
From the MacMillian dictionary, it means...
1) held firmly
2) gradually developing
3) not changing
4) reliable/sensible
5) lasting a long time

All of which are noble goals for a relationship. What 'Exclusive' does is pushes it beyond that point, establishing that you are excluding or not admitting ANYthing - you have restricted yourself to ONE. I think the reason for slapping on the 'Exclusive' label is a sign of the times - mostly regarding the paranoia of the AIDS crisis and other sexually transmitted diseases. Our globalization of communication means people are far more aware of all kinds of dangers out there, whether realistic or not. People are afraid -- and want to be safe in ALL aspects of their lives, and the 'Exclusive' label is just another 'band-aid' people feel will make the 'hurt' go away by locking out those insecurities.

I say it's just a band-aid because all it is -- is a label. Labels mean nothing - it's the behavior that matters. Some people regard being 'exclusive' with all the imagined power of being engaged to be married, while others just use it as a means to a goal. The dating world would be a lot more in-tune if people strived to be 'steady' first before demanding an exclusive label. Exclusivity is something you earn, like trust - over time - not something you are eligible for just by dating someone.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 56
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 8/21/2014 7:12:32 PM
I kinda thought it was interesting that the OP (who is no longer here) said (2nd post):


Well with all the delete votes this is getting I am beginning to wonder if this might be redundant and yes I did do a search but didn't get the answer I was looking for or if some may think it will take the wind out of their sails if exclusive actually gets defined.


... I dunno, but if I was looking for a specific answer, then I'd have to say that answer is how *I* define "exclusive" - and really what matters is what my date/SO thinks it means, and whether it means the same thing to both of us (we agree). What the rest of the world thinks it means really doesn't matter, does it?
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 57
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 8/21/2014 9:54:37 PM
"Exclusive" is another one of those words and phrases we like to misuse (see "Alpha male"). Basically, it means that things are left out.

There's no rule that an "exclusive relationship" has to be just two people. Dating you can also exclusively be limited to guys over 6'0. In some countries, a man having sex is exclusive to his 6 wives.

You can date only one person, making you, yourself, exclusive. Or you can date more than one person, but you don't share with each other, making your relationship exclusive. You can limit it to marriage, but still be free to date outside, just not marry a 2nd person.

In summary, unless you're going to date every single person who wants to date you, there's always "exclusive" in your dating life.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 58
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 8/22/2014 10:14:30 AM

There's no rule that an "exclusive relationship" has to be just two people. Dating you can also exclusively be limited to guys over 6'0. In some countries, a man having sex is exclusive to his 6 wives.


This does not make any sense.

In the end it's whatever definition YOU and that Other person agree that exclusive is. Any time you start splitting hairs like this, it comes across as deceptive and manipulative.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 59
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 8/22/2014 7:39:41 PM

Exclusive" is another one of those words and phrases we like to misuse (see "Alpha male"). Basically, it means that things are left out.

There's no rule that an "exclusive relationship" has to be just two people. Dating you can also exclusively be limited to guys over 6'0. In some countries, a man having sex is exclusive to his 6 wives.

You can date only one person, making you, yourself, exclusive. Or you can date more than one person, but you don't share with each other, making your relationship exclusive. You can limit it to marriage, but still be free to date outside, just not marry a 2nd person.

In summary, unless you're going to date every single person who wants to date you, there's always "exclusive" in your dating life.


That was like watching a movie while high. You understand each word but nothing makes sense.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 60
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 8/23/2014 6:12:04 PM
Basically, I was saying that "exclusive" doesn't mean just me and the girl I'm dating. Exclusive means anyone who fits xxxxxxx criteria. It can be limited to one person, or can be limited to many people. By it's definition, there's nothing about "exclusive" that means that it's always talking about just dating one person. I exclusively date women. So if I'm dating 2 women, isn't both relationships technically exclusive, since, you know, guys can't have one of those with me?

I think the word you're looking for is "monagamous".
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 61
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 8/23/2014 6:34:41 PM

Basically, I was saying that "exclusive" doesn't mean just me and the girl I'm dating. Exclusive means anyone who fits xxxxxxx criteria. It can be limited to one person, or can be limited to many people. By it's definition, there's nothing about "exclusive" that means that it's always talking about just dating one person. I exclusively date women. So if I'm dating 2 women, isn't both relationships technically exclusive, since, you know, guys can't have one of those with me?

I think the word you're looking for is "monagamous".


Monogamy means one partner during their lifetime or at any one time, state of having only one mate at any one time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy

On Friday, I was exclusivily monagamous with Jane, on Saturday I was exclusivily monagamous with Betty and on Sunday I was exclusivily monagamous with Mary.

I think the word you are looking for is “Clinton”.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 62
view profile
History
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 8/24/2014 10:36:16 AM
A term used decades ago that really makes more sense in terms of definition is the word 'Steady'. From the MacMillian dictionary, it means...
1) held firmly
2) gradually developing
3) not changing
4) reliable/sensible
5) lasting a long time

All of which are noble goals for a relationship. What 'Exclusive' does is pushes it beyond that point, establishing that you are excluding or not admitting ANYthing - you have restricted yourself to ONE. ... I say it's just a band-aid because all it is -- is a label. Labels mean nothing - it's the behavior that matters. … The dating world would be a lot more in-tune if people strived to be 'steady' first before demanding an exclusive label. Exclusivity is something you earn, like trust - over time - not something you are eligible for just by dating someone.

Although I agree with your main points, labels reflect expectations and impact behavior. There have been many studies demonstrating that people live up to (or down to) the expectations/labels given them by others. Expectations have been shown to influence not only the labeled person’s behavior, but also the behavior of the one with the expectation.

In this case, the OP is asking about labeling relationships, rather than labeling people, but the outcome is the same. For example, A says to B, “You’re not X (exclusive or a multi-dater, like me); therefore you are a player or needy or cheating or desperate.” Or A says to B, "You are X, like me; therefore you are not a player or needy or cheating or desperate." The mere act of thinking this way, prior to knowing the other person, taints the relationship potential, one way or the other.

In order for relationships to work, couples need to be on the same page with respect to exclusivity and dating. We know this to be true, even though most of us have seen and/or experienced switching from one type of dating to another. Forcing the issue or having expectations too soon after meeting (whether toward multi-dating or exclusivity) is almost always counterproductive.

In dating, over a reasonable period of time, couples get to know whether they are compatible across a range of interests and core values, and then they can make an informed decision about their future together. Before that, pushing another person to fit into a specific role is a lot like trying to control the uncontrollable. It just causes pain.
what does exclusive mean?
Posted: 9/3/2014 1:55:51 PM
(op)

Multi dating is (according to some) just going out, as friends, with no expectations or promises, with more than one person. In other words...socializing. Getting to know people.

Being exclusive applies to when you're officially in a "relationship" with someone...exclusively, and no longer dating others.

Der.
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