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Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 26
To tell or not to tell...Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Why not have some fun with it. He seems to want a bit of fun at your and his wife's expense.
Don't tell her just message him on FB you can do that to anyone and thank him for a great time.
Also send a friend request, and tell him when you're in the area you will drop in on him.
If he messages you back just ignore it so he will never know if your coming by.
Let him sweat it out and no one gets hurt.
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 27
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/29/2012 8:46:43 PM
I would tell cause I would want to know --if she chooses to believe you or not that is on her. You have your friends who saw you there with him if there is any doubt.

Those saying don't tell--Im not understanding that whole mind frame, this man lied to this girl and led her on and he cheated on the woman he is marrying, if they break up it is on his actions--if they dont then the woman is accepting of his actions and its no big deal.
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 28
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/29/2012 9:01:48 PM
and what are you going to tell him if ,,,by your own words,,nothing really happened?

obviously something DID happen for you to want to warn her about,,,so,,spell it out

"listen,,the guy you are going to marry is capable of going out to a bar and picking up some random chick and then getting a hummer in the car!!! please don't marry him! how do i know this?? oh,,,well,,i,m the "blowie" "blower?"

lol...seriously,,,if nothing happened then there is nothing to tell,,,,,

Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 29
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/29/2012 9:32:20 PM

I was in out of town for the holiday weekend visiting friends, hence the random hookup in the bar.

Wow, I’ve done a lot of solo traveling, and I never felt compelled to engage in one night stands just because the situation wasn’t located in my hometown where everyone knows me and the story would make the rounds before I got my undies back on.

There’s no point in telling his fiancé anything. If he cheats on her now, he’s cheated on her before and he’ll cheat again. Their life is none of your business and you won’t be doing her the favor you think you would be doing. She’s planning their wedding and they have children together. Let them work out their own issues.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 30
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/29/2012 10:37:12 PM
aw good old hookups. they always turn out well
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 31
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:06:25 PM

speak the truth, it will set you free
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 32
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:36:44 PM
ahhh been there and done that but a bit different.

I thought he was going to be the love of my life. Months of hope, faith and desire. Luckily, there was no intimacy beyond kissing. When we planned to spend the night, something always came up with me or him. Weird how things work out. After I found out he was married with kids(still don't know who sent me the info) I had the same moral dilemma. Tell her, don't tell her. Tell him I know, don't tell him.

One day, I gathered all my armor (the pics I was sent with his wife and kids) and went to meet him. Before he could get there I had an epiphany. This was not my man. He was some other woman’s husband. I had no right to be there. I had no claims on him. I was the other woman. I didn't mean to be, but that didn't change the situation. But now I knew and I could not pretend I didn’t know.

I left before he showed up. Blocked and deleted his number. It was a year before I saw him again. That night, I did tell him I knew. He said he was now going through a divorce. That turned out to be true.

The Universe doles out Karma as it sees fit...I didn't have to do anything but get away from somewhere I didn't belong.

I suggest you do the same. Move forward with your life and keep your body at a safe distance from another man until you know him well. That is how I roll now and I am better off for it.
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 33
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:44:56 PM
tell. there is no reason not to.

tell her the whole and exact truth. don't word it offensively. tell her what exactly happened, what he said, and how you came across her profile. and say "i know i don't know you or your relationship. however discovering that he was engaged i felt i needed to share this information with you. what you decide to do with this information is your business, and please do not worry; i will not be in contact with him or get involved any further. i wish you the best".

this woman may be fully aware of whats going on and not care. but she could also be completely in the dark and about to bind herself to this man. she at least deserves to know whats going on.
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 34
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:45:55 PM
I think you should find out when the wedding is, attend it, then drop the bomb right after they are pronounced man and wife.

Total soap opera moment. Hell yeah.
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 35
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 1:49:59 AM
He deliberately plied you with alcohol and lied about his relationship status so he could get you to fool around with him. That makes him a pig and a player.

I say tag him (and her) in the photos on your FB with a cute caption like..."My vacation hook-up hottie" or "This guy bought me drinks all night and later we got busy!" and let him deal with the fallout when his fiancee sees the pics. If she contacts you, truthfully answer that you were in from out of town, had been drinking and that before you shagged her fiance, you asked if he was single and he said he was. Then apologize to her and promise it will never happen again...and mean it. You are too old to be doing the nasty with some random dude at the bar.
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 36
view profile
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 2:05:52 AM
Im not sure to be honest - my initial response was "tell her" but to be honest when you seriously consider it, it seems like itll be a big old mess with you stuck in the middle. Im not sure that i would want to get involved ... if you do then i agree with tagging the photos (or just messaging them to her) and then explaining that he told you he was single and that you fooled around. Then id block them. The last thing you want is to get further involved in this.

And ignore the people who were questioning your own character because of the fact that you met a guy in a bar PPPFFFFT - I've met some wonderful people in bars, long term boyfriends and friends alike - it's beyond bullcr*p to think that has anything to do with any of it.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 37
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 4:35:22 AM

and just what do you mean by saying "And really, at 30 you shouldn't have to be told this" told what? to live and die by your morals...really at your age you should know your morals are yours to live by... and her's are not yours so at thirty if she feels like f*cking before dinner, giving him a bj for dessert and sending him home to his girlfriend that is her morals to live by....BUT should he chose to lie and tell her he is single... and he is in a relationship.... well then my friend he does deserve the respect he has extended to her!

At 30 she shouldn't have to be told if she does something stupid(nothing to do with morals) stupid things will happen. And when a person does something stupid, well, some will conclude that this person is,well,again, stupid. Morals,my arse. This has to do with intelligence. If you place your hand on a stove, you're hand will get burnt. If you believe a guy in a bar, well, I would have to assume your were 20. At 30???? I'm assuming you just don't give a phuck. If ya don't give a phuck, then you shouldn't worry about what "others" think of your parnter in crime, including the potential LONG TERM partner in crime.

The OP is "pretending" right now with this question. On one hand she did what she did. On the other, she wants to whine like a little girl because she now looks not so bright (because of HER actions) but she wants to hide behind HER "supposed" morals so that she can "feel good" about herself again.(who likes to be lied to??????) Again, I'll ask, what does OP "think" she is gonna accomplish?????? And before she answers,she should reconsider how much she actually knows about these two people, and what they are gonna do with this "information" that OP feels needs to be exposed.

Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 38
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 4:54:09 AM
say nothing..take it to your grave..nothing good can come from it..she will find out soon enough. This is what happens when you 'fool around' with strangers.
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 39
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:03:52 AM
The best advice on this question is from the smart blonde. She should know what a skunk he is before she ties the knot.
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 40
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:10:45 AM
This sleazeball thought NOTHING of disrespecting YOU by lying to you to get into your pants. Therefore, you owe him exactly ZERO loyalty or respect.

I'd tell his fiancee in a New York minute what kind of dirt bag she's REALLY getting in this deal.
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 41
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:12:31 AM
Just tell him your pregnant and you're keeping it, and lawyers will be there soon to figure out child support.
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 42
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:48:23 AM
I really don't care how this all came about. 50% of poster's have probably met someone in a bar and played 'fuddy duddies' yet come on here and act all innocent!
IF I were the fiancee then I WOULD want to know. He did this with you and how many other's BEFORE you???
Sure there are children involved, but who want's a father who is a cheat and you cannot trust?
I was with my ex fiancee for 9 years when I discovered he cheated. I left him. After discovering this mates confessed that he had beeen deceiving me all along, but they couldn't say anything because he was their mate!!!
I now know of at least 5 women he has been with.
Do the woman a favour and don't let her live her life with false emotions from her partener.
Once you tell her then cease all contact...the ball will be in her court.
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 43
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:54:21 AM
@ Walts - Honestly, you raise a valid point. It was a stupid thing to do. I was having a good time and he was interesting and cute, so I let him give me a ride and I let him kiss me, makeout with me, whatever you all want to call it. I didn't sleep with him or "blow" him as others have implied. In my opinion, interacting in any romantic fashion with another woman is cheating. This has nothing to do with revenge. I don't like being lied to, but mostly I don't like unwittingly being "the other woman". If he had lied about anything else, I wouldn't care. Chalk it up as lesson learned and move on. The sticking point for me on this particular issue is that the information has the potential to hurt someone else and the question really becomes, does she have the right to know? And if she has the right to know, am I willing to risk the potential fallout of being the one who tells?
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 44
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 7:56:29 AM
YES YES YES, you should let her kow what he was trying to do, i hate cheater's, it as done on me

What was he trying to do, exactly? He had a make out session with some strange girl that willingly jumped into his car after he bought her a few drinks.
(Her friends were there and could have looked after her, but she was intent to spend some private time with him, obviously. It was no mistake. )

SHE figured she did due diligence by asking about his GF.
HE gave her an answer that worked for BOTH of them.
SHE took him at face value, and had a steamy make out session.

If people are truly concerned about another person's relationship status, they need to take time to get to know them, go to their house, meet family, etc.

If, however, someone is looking for an "out of town hookup," all it takes is hearing what you want to hear to assuage your own guilt.

HE never expected to see/ hear from "out of town hookup girl" again.
SHE admitted to gathering enough info to track him down on facebook.
HE is going back to life as usual.

Is he a cad, a cheat, a creep? Who knows ... Maybe it was a bachelor's party. Maybe his GF would rather he made out with a presumably un-skank than a stripper.

I guarantee that after having two kids with the guy, his fiancée is aware of his shortcomings. Blowing up facebook to let her know he had a makeout session with an indiscriminate chick who is stimulated to jump on a guy who buys her drinks simply because she is away from the home court will not serve any purpose.

If this is a pattern he has exhibited in the past ... The fiancée knows it and is silly to think he will change just because of marriage. If it is a one-time indiscretion, maybe he will learn from it and never repeat his behavior.

I think the OP feels a little bit less than "special" and I don't see why she should take it out on him.
SHE offered.
HE took her up on it.

Who cares? Leave it alone and both go back to your respective existence(s).

What happens in some cheap sleaze ball bar on an out of town trip should stay there.
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 45
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 8:11:41 AM
Honestly what does telling do? Hurt his fiancée if she even believes you it's unnecessary drama. Just leave it be and don't ruin people's lives over one incident maybe he will tell her and she will forgive him. I say stay out of it telling won't make what happened go away.
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 46
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 8:24:09 AM
Absolutely not.....period
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 47
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 8:53:00 AM
Alerting the fiancé on FB is cowardly passive aggressive nonsense. Everyone knows FB is nothing but self serving drama. OP, please consider that more people than just his fiancé would see this supposedly altruistic FB notification. How about family and friends who would then be barraging both of them with emails, texts, twitters, phone calls… ‘Omg….did he really cheat on you??? Give me all the juicy dirt…I’m bored right now. lol.’

If the motive is really to help her out and prevent her future pain, how is splashing it all over FB ( or ANYwhere) accomplishing this?

There are innocent children involved. If you are truly concerned with ‘protecting’ someone, think long and hard about the two small children who could ultimately suffer the most from disclosing this ugly mess YOU contributed to.

If it was nothing but ‘making out’ like teenagers, what’s the big deal anyway? Is that worth participating in the possible destruction of a family?

If he’s the horrible cheat you for some reason need to portray him as, it will come out eventually on its own and she can make her own decision without a bunch of unnecessary drama you created.

I’m thinking your downgrade from cheater to merely making out has more to do with how you are presenting yourself here, than with what really happened.

Kayla58, I completely agree with you.
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 48
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 9:00:02 AM
if you already put the pics up and tagged him. She's going to find out, so in a sense you already told her thru fb. If you put the pics up that is. If you didn't, learn from the experience, do not further contact him and move on.
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 49
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 9:04:28 AM
If you choose to tell her, she won't believe you. You will be the person that is the bad person because she is choosing to marry a POS who can't keep his hands to himself. She's in wedding mode and they have kids together. You were a one night stand to him (even though you said no panty dropping happened) and in the grand scheme of things, you are nothing to him.

Now with that said, since I can separate a person's behavior and actions from feelings I have for them, if I were the wife to be, I would want to know. In fact, I would thank you for telling me. I'm sure you are not the first or the last one he will do this with. Tag him in the photos and maybe she will ask who you are and he will have to explain himself. I'm pretty sure he won't come clean though.
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 50
To tell or not to tell...
Posted: 5/30/2012 9:05:25 AM
Just let it don't know the situation between the two of them. Maybe she knows that he does this or maybe she knows and has her permission to do this. There's a million things that you don't know about this situation. Don't bother saying anything to her. She knows even if she doesn't. Understand?
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