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 AUTHOR
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 26
Instant RelationshipPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Well it's men and women. The internet has created this "click on a mouse" love thing.

People want it and want it now. IT takes a good year to completely know someone but many are in love after 1-2 meetings. Look in the forums and read about all the train wrecks in relationships mostly due to people having sex or living together or even getting Married after months of knowing someone. Madness.

I agree with you.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 27
Instant Relationship
Posted: 5/31/2012 12:54:29 PM
Just add hot water and stir.

Whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles optional.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 28
Instant Relationship
Posted: 5/31/2012 1:49:38 PM
There seems to be more than one conversation going on here. There is the OP's question about "instant relationships" and then there is a bunch of stuff from people who think "instant relationship" means having sex. I'm just going to address what I think the OP was asking since I have no patience for an adult who can't say the word "sex".

I have been on both ends of this scenario. I developed a crush on someone in a position of authority...well, I do that a lot actually but in this one particular case, it developed into something more. By the time we wound up in bed together, I found myself going on about love in the early morning light...I could hear myself but couldn't stop it from happening. That was the end of that and rightly so.

Other times, I'm the one being freaked out having strangers try to redecorate my home...lol I don't get this much anymore though since I make a point of presenting myself as someone who is most certainly not your Heathcliffe.

Even a hint of this kind of deluded, fantasy love is the kiss of death. It's an old story though, people have always done it. They cook up a fantasy inside their own head and then slot the first willing person into the lead supporting role. Not many people want that.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 5/31/2012 1:53:58 PM
I think it's because of the pink dog :)
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 30
Instant Relationship
Posted: 5/31/2012 2:03:37 PM
Many of the men I've interacted with on here wanted that. They want the exclusivity (well allegedly at least.....haha) someone to do everything with, a date for every event. Sex may or may not be involved, but even so, I don't think it's the most crucial.

Basically, what we're talking about here is two virtual strangers who traded emails, phone calls, met a time or two and are "coupled". You DO get to know someone better, sometimes whether you want to or not. I know, in my experience, after shotgunning a list of questions, it's been determined that I was someone they wanted to be involved with. For me that's crazy bizarre, but I do see that a lot.

Why so many of these situations crash (usually rather soon) and burn is that they DID get to know each other better, it happens! How much better to have done the getting to know BEFORE, you know, like all the other sane, logical, thinking people do? This is very common for long distance, just because of the rarity of time that can be spent together and why LDRs are almost always doomed from the start.

Instant is only works for coffee and instant coffee is awful.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 31
Instant Relationship
Posted: 5/31/2012 2:55:41 PM
"Often they are the recently single, and haven't quite found who they are outside of part of a couple."

I think your entire post is one of the best on the thread, and the part I quote DOUBLE DITTO to that!
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 32
Instant Relationship
Posted: 5/31/2012 4:20:51 PM
lol...I was just talking about this with some girlfriends recently.

In a perfect world I wouldn't need a search party to locate him 'cause he's MIA or a surgical extraction from my as$ . It's harder to find that happy medium than I thought.


LOL...so either we men are needy and if we see something in you we like we are considered creepy..

I'm sure it happens in both directions. It's not a gender thing. OP wanted to hear experiences from women AND men.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 33
Instant Relationship
Posted: 5/31/2012 4:33:26 PM
A nice guy will be patient while you date several other guys and decide he isn't what you are looking for. A nice guy will take you out on 4 dates and not try to kiss you. Sure, ok..
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 34
Instant Relationship
Posted: 5/31/2012 4:39:16 PM
"A nice guy will be patient while you date several other guys and decide he isn't what you are looking for. A nice guy will take you out on 4 dates and not try to kiss you. Sure, ok.."

That's a pretty broad generalization and not what many of the women I KNOW here would call a nice guy.
 elainek1964
Joined: 7/12/2015
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/5/2016 10:07:23 PM
I just had this experience on POF. I actually found what I thought to be a nice guy on POF. Good educational background, divorced, someone who I thought was very attractive. So we spent about three weeks talking on and off and I ended up going to NC for about two weeks after that (he lives there but I stayed with my girl friend) and met a couple of days after I arrived. My friend and I actually had a small dinner party at her house and we invited a friend of hers and my new friend. We all had a great time and my friend and I ended up kissing each other for almost an hour. Then he tells me he wants me to come over to his house the next nite (mind you he has a 17-year-old daughter living at home with him). Also tells me I can stay overnite. Understand I have been involved with a couple of wacky men and don't really know this guy that well. I am attracted to him but felt it was not the right thing to do at that point. I did not go to his house and after that he became distant. I think he wanted an instant relationship, too. What do you think?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 36
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History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/5/2016 11:40:27 PM
whatever relationship means to these guys, is probably sex. Some men typically want the sex first and then see how things go. Most women are the opposite.

It is ludicrous for any sane normal man to want to be in a "relationship" with a virtual stranger they have only just met. They must be needy, lonely or dying to just have a woman on their arm. I have had one guy say I was "the one" after a couple of meetings and I get that he felt some connection but way too soon to be making those declarations. It sounds flippant and not genuine.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 37
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History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/5/2016 11:46:11 PM
elainek

What he wanted was a one night stand, not an instant relationship, and as you live at a distance, he figured it was not worth pursuing anyway. Move on.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 38
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/6/2016 6:23:34 AM

It is ludicrous for any sane normal man to want to be in a "relationship" with a virtual stranger they have only just met. They must be needy, lonely or dying to just have a woman on their arm.


That's not much different than women's profiles I've seen that state their intent as "Looking for someone to marry", who are looking for a guy who is of the same mind set. They are out strictly husband shopping, and don't want to mess around with a lot of dating that might not lead to their ultimate goal of wedding bells in the very near future.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 39
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/6/2016 6:29:14 AM
A "man" that disregards the safety and well-being of his daughter to invite a complete stranger to their house just to **** is a POS and should be avoided.

You acted responsibly, here.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/6/2016 3:06:15 PM
maleman,

you are right, it is putting the cart before the horse. The healthy thing to do is to meet someone and then maybe think of marrying them rather than the other way around. You can imagine, she would turn up with a checklist and be viewing all men as potential partners for marriage from the getgo. Men can smell this and most would run a mile especially if she has children she wants help in raising.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 41
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/6/2016 4:55:39 PM
Choosing “looking for someone to marry” on the POF dropdown menu sounds like someone inexperienced in OLD. Of course you think it means she doesn’t want to bother with a lot of dating that doesn’t result in wedding bells and a Happily Ever After with Prince Charming and a Disney wedding, because godforbid a woman hope to have a happy relationship with a man. :/

If these women looking for someone to marry are “looking for a guy who is of the same mind set” what’s your problem with them?? Obviously you are not of that mindset so probably you could click away from the offending profiles, and look for someone looking for a grouchy curmudgeon without any sense of romance. :/
 atlast250
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 42
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/6/2016 5:29:19 PM
What is your problem sunshinegirl? What's up with all the caustic comments towards males in these threads?


Your only two choices of reaction are to be butt hurt or assume you had a close call with a drama queen?? Gee I wonder which one you chose.



looking for a grouchy curmudgeon without any sense of romance. :/


Your agitating just never stops. Get a grip. Get drunk, get laid whatever but jezzus give it a break. You're giving the female gender a piss poor poster child.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/6/2016 7:04:27 PM
happy in pink,

are you the cute blonde gal with adorable dogs who visit the hospitals? If so, welcome back!!!. I can imagine men wanting to snare you as soon as but as you say if they are needy, delusional, unhealthy and abusive then it is on them, not you.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/6/2016 8:36:51 PM
Counselor, please approach the bench ...

Yes, Happy in Pink was indeed the cute blond gal with adorable dogs. However, the Court will caution counsel to refrain from further questioning of a witness who hasn't been in the courtroom for at least several years.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 45
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2016 1:10:29 AM
"I just had this experience on POF. I actually found what I thought to be a nice guy on POF. Good educational background, divorced, someone who I thought was very attractive."

(Yeah, its confusing when " decent" men want a one night stand.)Apparently, all kinds of men want casual sex, consequences be damned.

"So we spent about three weeks talking on and off and I ended up going to NC for about two weeks after that (he lives there but I stayed with my girl friend) and met a couple of days after I arrived. "

The 3 weeks talking, gives a false sense of intimacy.

"My friend and I actually had a small dinner party at her house and we invited a friend of hers and my new friend. We all had a great time and my friend and I ended up kissing each other for almost an hour. "

So, you accelerate on the first meet, based on a false sense of intimacy.

"Then he tells me he wants me to come over to his house the next nite (mind you he has a 17-year-old daughter living at home with him). Also tells me I can stay overnite."

One has to wonder if women flying to provide casual sex isn't a thing he does without impunity, no skin off his nose.

"Understand I have been involved with a couple of wacky men and don't really know this guy that well.
I am attracted to him but felt it was not the right thing to do at that point. "

Yeah.

"I did not go to his house and after that he became distant. I think he wanted an instant relationship, too. What do you think?"

He wanted something right then, instantly and it was not a "relationship".
A guy interested in that, continues to attempt to develope a ltr.

A guy just wanting attention for that minute, a reward, is no longer interested, and you live far away.
Who contacted whom? Bad set up for a relationship.

I think, don't fly anywhere, let him meet you halfway, be cautious with strangers, as you have been, and don't second guess yourself
because "he did not seem like that type of guy". He was.

People like that will pretend it's your fault for "not trusting him"/ maybe after you try out the springs on his mattress you might grow on him" but really they just wanted the fleeting experience, and likely didn't value you except as a one time thing, or they would be in touch.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 46
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2016 8:25:01 AM
if others found him "Very attractive", then perhaps he's used to people overlooking his potential red flags and flying in to put out. There could be more to this story, but the point for the poster of it is, she made the right choice. and the right choice for each individual is, do only what you're comfortable with.

I once met an online date who planned our wedding on our first meet. As soon as her lease ended, she was going to leave her city of few rentals to live with me and then we'd be married. How nice of her to plan it for me. BUT, it did give me a lot of view of how she was and how she approached life. I couldn't complain about that type of "heads up"
 CallaLily004
Joined: 6/27/2015
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2016 9:43:15 AM

So we spent about three weeks talking on and off and I ended up going to NC for about two weeks after that (he lives there but I stayed with my girl friend)


Being that your profile states that you live in Greensboro, NC... just wondering how long of a flight it was to get to NC??? ;-)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2016 10:37:44 AM

swan_spirit
^^^when I sent that message about relocating and becoming Mrs GTO, too soon?
What I meant was lets just marvin gaye....





Let's get it on, let's get it on
You know what I'm talkin' 'bout
Come on baby, let your love come out
If you believe in love
Let's get it on, let's get it on baby
This minute, oh yeah let's get it on
Please, let's get it on
I know you know what I been dreamin' of, don't you baby?
My whole body makes that feelin' of love, I'm happy
I ain't gonna worry, no I ain't gonna push
I won't push you baby, woo
Come on, come on, come on, come on darling
Stop beatin' round the bush, hey
Oh, gonna get it on, threatin' you, baby
I wanna get it on
You don't have to worry that it's wrong
If the spirit moves you
Let me groove you good
Let your come down
Oh, get it on, come on baby
Do you know the meaning?
I've been sanctified, hey hey
Girl, you give me good feeling
So good somethin' like sanctified
Oh dear I, baby
Nothing wrong with love
If you want to love me just let your self go
Oh baby, let's get it on

Damn, Gto, you’re gonna get lucky!!! Color me green with envy!

CallaLily004
Being that your profile states that you live in Greensboro, NC... just wondering how long of a flight it was to get to NC??? ;-)


If there’s anything worse than a blonde, it’s a wisea__ blonde. But then you are cute, so we’ll cut you some slack. But only this once!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 49
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2016 4:18:59 PM
i'm sorry, I must have passed out in disbelief...what just happened again?

thank you, swan. you just made me smile. and the room got a few degrees warmer :)

as my English Prof taught me, better to be a wise ass, than to be a dumb ass....

 CallaLily004
Joined: 6/27/2015
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Instant Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2016 4:32:35 PM

If there’s anything worse than a blonde, it’s a wisea__ blonde. But then you are cute, so we’ll cut you some slack. But only this once!


Oh My, Ohenryx…. Then I better hide as I believe my wisea__ - e – ness just appeared again in the “Dating & Love Advice” category. :P :P :P
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