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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 51
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
quodlog & n0_1_bby~

"I cheated on one partner. I was young, stupid, and unfulfilled in my relationship. That was almost 25 yrs ago and I've never cheated on anyone since, so you're perpetuating the "once a cheater always a cheater" is crap, imo."

i have to agree with you on this. i think there is a big difference between a well-worn pattern of behavior and a one time mistake. i too cheated once when i was young and not so bright, and i never ever did it again, nor would i ever, ever, ever. that was a long, long time ago. if you are a social personality and you do something like this, you can't stand the hurt and pain that you have caused. i would never want to hurt someone like that again, and i learned that i do not want to hurt another person like that again. it is the worst thing you can do, and if a relationship is over, there are better ways of ending it without sticking the knife in someone's back and then pouring salt in their wounds. so yeah, i don't think things are quite so black and white, and if someone cheated once years ago doesn't mean they will ever do it again. on the other hand, someone who has cheated repeatedly, is an obvious player, and doesn't exercise impulse control in other ares of their life is someone that has the potential to cheat again.
 wa_le_lu
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 52
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/6/2012 5:17:19 PM
TRY to use your gut instinct...everyone has it but sometimes your emotions will get in the way. I know this is easier said than done but I have found looking back on my past...I always had that gut feeling if anything went wrong but I didn't listen. I am learning more to pay attention now lol!!! Oops.... I'm hearing voices, maybe the twilight zone!!!!
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 53
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/6/2012 5:29:36 PM
When the hunter becomes the hunted. Then they will know what they do is not good and will complain. You don't have to partake though, if it is not in your nature. Just appear so. What is good for the goose.........you know what I mean. Gifts are appropriate.
 Jennie272
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 54
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/6/2012 5:30:54 PM
Cheating is not something that will be written on a person's face. I also have a zero tolerance policy but I prefer to call it a "one strike you're out" thing lol .. I don't think it would chase anyone away if you wrote it on your profile but like I said, it won't stop you from meeting one. Try not to think so hard into dating. Take it one day at a time, you can pick up on red flags very easily. Good luck!
 AllAboutSports
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 55
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/6/2012 5:31:57 PM
There is one FULL PROOF way to know...deny sex for awhile...if they dont complain or initite sex they are cheating.
 angihcim
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 56
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:28:39 PM
Yes there is an effective way to weed them out. DON'T DATE THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE!
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 57
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:15:08 AM
Find someone with a low sex drive or whose asexual. Shrug.
 joe_226
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 58
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Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:02:08 AM
OP,
I agree with those that say: Just because you "lay it out" on these dating sites DOES NOT mean you're gonna "weed out" every cheater. You may weed out a few, but not all. I'm 100 % with ya' on the lack of tolerance for "cheating", but unfortunately in my opinion, there is no way to weed out cheaters unless you just don't have a relationship at all with anybody (stay "single"). Those you don't weed out with your profile, or even meeting away from these sites, that are cheaters are VERY good as "masking" their inner demons. But, their cheating ways eventually reveal themselves...just a matter of time.
Life is about taking "risks" in our unending search for happiness with someone...and unfortunately...until we find that, we're gonna run into alot of "potholes" along the way. But, if we choose not to take life's "risks", then we're potentially depriving ourselves of the opportunity to find that happiness.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 59
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:04:47 AM
Only full proof way I know of, would be bodily dismemberment. Or jumping off a real REAL tall building.

Which leads us to another problem; the existence of life after death, or lack thereof. Am I gonna wake up looking at St Peter? Or am I going to wake up looking at a big red dude with flames coming out of his nose saying "Hi little piggy, come down for the ROAST???"

Slowly but surely, is how you weed out cheaters. Mixture of trust and watchfullness.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 60
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:25:51 AM
Is there any point in putting "cheaters, just move on and don't bother" in your profile?


Only if you want to attract even MORE cheaters.

Most cheaters do it because they get off on deception/forbidden fruit because they're fucked up.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 61
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 12:12:09 PM
Truth serum, you can probably get an over-the-counter generic brand cheaper. Cut to the chase and make it a first meet requirement.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 62
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 12:16:01 PM

Truth serum, you can probably get an over-the-counter generic brand cheaper. Cut to the chase and make it a first meet requirement.


Hell no; I propose Law 79

You grab all 'em cheaters, put masks on them, give them red squares to pin on their shirts, and let the cops do the rest
 Quadlog
Joined: 5/26/2012
Msg: 63
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:13:08 PM
Good points there SamuraiGod. Actually a lot of solid advice in this thread.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 64
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Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:22:24 PM
Op ... the method most effective in weeding cheaters out is ...

become a monk , and join a monastery in tibet ..!

Other than that , the odds of finding a woman who does't cheat, are only slightly better than holding a solo winning ticket to mega -millions powerball....... good luck
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 65
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:05:57 PM
There is no reasonable way.
Only way that comes to mind is asking their previous partners. But then you end up being paranoid. And we don't want that.
So, you gotta go with the basics -

Do they tell the truth in other areas of their life? From explanations, for instance. of why a bill is late or do they tell the truth about being late for work? They ok with not telling the truth? Do they have a sense of entitlement about them, as if they naturally deserve stuff? Or arrogance, as if nothing they do could possibly be wrong? It's always justified in some fashion?

Do they need to constantly be the center of attention - a me me, I I?
Are they loyal with close friends and family?
Last but not least, are they addicted to something?

Cheaters have huge self esteem problems masked as arrogance, entitlement and/or "the poor me" attitude. None of them are ever satisfied in life with what they have. They think they deserve more.
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 66
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:19:31 PM
I actually did an informal study on here a while back. I posed as a woman who was willing to date married men for sex. What I found was a common pattern. 1) the men all blamed their partner for their cheating. Some claimed to love her. Others claimed there was "no love" in the relationship. Still others claimed they were not getting enough sex or their wife would not let them ram a large peni up her arse. Or they had "tried everything."OR their wife "refused counseling." The list went on and on and one with one lame answer after another. Then there were the hardcore Narcissistic Sociopaths that said things like "it's none of your business why I do it, will you meet me for sex or not... er.. "ehw, not." Then there were the ones who claimed they "still loved" their wife but just "needed some adventure." Like F*ing a ho who could potentially give their wife HIV is like rock climbing or something.

Most of them were serial cheaters. One even admitted to his wife having herpes and also admitted NOT having bothered to tell a single of "his affairs" that he had unprotected sex with that this was the case.

The ones that really got me (a majority of them) were the ones who tried to make me feel sorry for them. They would whine about this or that being "unfair." They sounded like little boys not men. They were repulsive just writing to them. And they all sounded the same after a while. Some became VERY angry when I would not meet them immediately, like psycho angry. They wanted THEIR piece of arse and they wanted it now. Can you say "nutter" boys nad girls? yes, I thought you could.

All in all what I found was an EXTREMELY low level of emotional IQ (EQ). All these men had a extremely immature sense of what a marriage or even a relationship is. None were able to express their needs adequately to their spouse/girlfriends. They seemed to think the woman should read their minds. Most acted pathetic, needy and self absorbed. They claimed their needs were not being met, their wants were blah blah blah, they all, without a doubt did not seem to care at all about the person they were with or with leading the relationship and seeing their wife with the same love they had when they married her. It was all about entitlement and instant gratification. So many tried to make me feel sorry for them I had to finally stop the experiment. It was clear these were not men at all, but whiny little boys who spent so much time on porn rather than living in a real relationship with their wife that they could no longer emotionally connect with a woman. All in all they were 100% unappealing to me. What many were looking for was a clean f*ckhole to use so that their wife would not catch them. They admitted "knowing it was wrong" but got some sort of thrill out of the idea of adultery, sneaking, lying and generally endangering their relationship. NONE cared if they endangered the life of the women they swore to love. NONE cared about diverting family assets toward pampering a ho rather than caring for their children or their wife. It was all about them.

I am thinking that when you start screening women, look for a high emotional IQ. Look for a woman who is not into drama or bipolar or blaming everything on everyone else in her life. And if she says "all men" or "you men always..." at any point, run away. Cheating has to do with an immature ability to confront others in a healthy way. Also look for someone who is capable of clear communication, who expresses herself in terms of what she wants and needs and who responds to your wants and needs. Good luck!
 Oh_WOW_What_A_Great_Guy
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 67
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:41:34 PM
I think if we had laws where the punishment is so severe as to allow legal mutilation such as in Saudi Arabia, that there would be A LOT LESS cheating going on. After all who would be so insane as to chance getting their pecker chopped off or their clitoris removed.

On the other hand, those who choose not to cheat simply because they are moral and upstanding unto to them selves, demonstrate a higher quality personality.

But liars tell somebody's truth.. How can you tell? Watch the signs, try to be careful your not misjudging and acting out of fear or mistrust as you may act against an innocent human. Possibly the man or woman that dreams are made of (for you).. From the very beautiful to the lazy and unattractive, anybody can cheat.

Maybe its just their way of enacting their abuse....
Cheating isn't just sexual.. You could call it betrayal even if somebody cuts you down all the time, so look for signs in the way they treat you.
 nightowl2004
Joined: 1/18/2011
Msg: 68
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/8/2012 1:17:01 AM
NO. SORRY. Cheaters are also LIARS. No way to tell. Put whatever you want, it's your profile. Cheaters may move on, but liars won't. It's all a gamble.
 Nerfmagnet1
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 69
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/8/2012 1:33:54 AM

Other than hooking them up for a polygraph........no.


And even then that won't always be 100% effective... there are those that can lie and it not be detected even with a polygraph. Highly functioning sociopaths I think is the term they use for that.
 TheManOfTheHouse
Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 70
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/8/2012 9:48:53 AM
The polygraph thing will not help. While it may shed some light on past behavior it cannot predict future behavior.

The question you need to ask is why does it matter. Don't underestimate the importance of that question. The reality is most younger women are going to cheat, f-around of whatever you want to call it. Google "Women Infidelity" there is a book on the subject that will do much good at explaining all the fine details.

The key is to be in a position where it does not matter, when you are in that position you will find far less cheating going on. You need to look at how people actually behave and not the PC fantasies you are bombarded with.

Posting truthful answers is not tolerated. I apologize for the inability to simply lay out the facts.
 Oh_WOW_What_A_Great_Guy
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 71
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/10/2012 8:35:44 AM

So my advice is not to settle for anyone who says they are not looking for a long term steady relationship, or imply that they cannot remain monogamous.


Well it really shouldn't matter what type of relationship people are looking for, cheating is a dirty, degrading, festering wound in the world today.
Having multiple non-committed partners is gross! It is a sign of those lacking in intelligence, moral fiber and disgustingly low quality of human.

Cheating is beyond dishonest, it is a sickness and form of abuse and major assault that could cause bodily harm and even death! Regardless of the type of relationship....
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 72
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Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:41:47 AM
Well, nature provides a healthy supply. That's what the from one to ten rating is for. Choose from the one to three range and you should be fairly secure.....unless of course she is a braille instructor. LOL
 Angelisa121
Joined: 5/17/2012
Msg: 73
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Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/10/2012 12:37:14 PM
Personally .... I wouldn't post "no cheaters" as this could attract those who are of a devious nature. Unfortunately, the risk in having any relationship leaves you wide open to hurt. However, know in your heart that the cheater will never experience anything real or true as their ego is too great for anybody else. Thus, they never experience a relationship and pity their loss and rejoice in your strength.

Lisa
 LifeStartsat40
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 74
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/11/2012 3:52:24 AM
I would say ask alot of questions and be persistent. It is often what people don't say and they will attempt to avoid answering your questions. They live by the motto of: well they didn't really ask so i didn't really tell. Cheaters are all about low self esteem and they need to take advantage of sincere people to boost their pathetic ego. My rule of thumb is trusting my gut and if someone is not being straightforward in providing information, seems sketchy or shady I say let them drift to the other end of the pond. Its about your integrity really isn't it so raise your bar don't ever lower it....and make them rise to meet your bar.
 first_togirl
Joined: 1/3/2011
Msg: 75
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Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:10:28 AM
Signs you may be dating a cheater:

Endless txt messages they wont let you see.
Password protected phone.
Alcoholic. Addict or OCD or some other syndromes.
Lies, doesn't keep his word. Avoids answering questions.
Doesn't want to know anything about you. Never asks questions. As little personnel information
they have the less likely they will trip up. It is always about them.
You get few calls or messages. They don't always pick up when you call. And don't return calls. And they carry their phone everywhere.
They want you to spend your money.
They want you to do all the driving.
They never pay you back.
They always have excesses last minute why they can't see you.
Secretive.
Talk about past relationships all the time.
They don't take down, change profile status or hide it once you are dating. And they visit the site often. Even when confronted. They like the chat feature, they have friends....
Their profile is full of blatant errors like do you smoke, do you do drugs, do you drink all answered 'no' when they are 'Yes'.
They don't invite you onto their Facebook page.
They don't introduce you to many if any friends or family.
They need you to confirm when you are going to show up.
No surprise visits allowed.
They are deadbeat dads.
They have a twisted moral code and do not treat their own kids with respect and love.
Feel justified to have a good life despite bad personal choices in life. They deserve...
Moody and will not tell why.
Sociopath behavior.

Best way to weed them out have a zero tolerance for lies. Talk long long periods and question anything fishy. You said this and now you are saying that????
If they say one thing on their profile and tell you another. Drop them like a stone. Lie about age, height, drinking habits, etc. and they will lie about other things with no hesitation and will probably cheat too.
We know in our gut when we are smelling a rat, and giving people the benefit of the doubt can be our undoing.
Stay positive and true to yourself until you find a like minded person and then make it work because there are more bad ones then good ones out there.
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