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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 chachi5000
Joined: 6/7/2012
Msg: 76
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
If they are going to cheat, they are going to cheat.
Women can help themselves by making themselves more available to their man. Assuming that you and your man live together, he needs to start dinner, clean up the house a little more and take some of the worries that the woman stresses her out daily. When the man allows the woman to be less stressed out about things, it allows more time for her to make herself availasble for love-making.
There are plenty of men who would enjoy spending time with you. Make them work for it.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 77
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:41:38 AM
Endless txt messages they wont let you see.
Password protected phone.
Alcoholic. Addict or OCD or some other syndromes.
Lies, doesn't keep his word. Avoids answering questions.
Doesn't want to know anything about you. Never asks questions. As little personnel information
they have the less likely they will trip up. It is always about them.
You get few calls or messages. They don't always pick up when you call. And don't return calls. And they carry their phone everywhere.
They want you to spend your money.
They want you to do all the driving.
They never pay you back.
They always have excesses last minute why they can't see you.
Secretive.
Talk about past relationships all the time.
They don't take down, change profile status or hide it once you are dating. And they visit the site often. Even when confronted. They like the chat feature, they have friends....
Their profile is full of blatant errors like do you smoke, do you do drugs, do you drink all answered 'no' when they are 'Yes'.
They don't invite you onto their Facebook page.
They don't introduce you to many if any friends or family.
They need you to confirm when you are going to show up.
No surprise visits allowed.
They are deadbeat dads.
They have a twisted moral code and do not treat their own kids with respect and love.
Feel justified to have a good life despite bad personal choices in life. They deserve...
Moody and will not tell why.
Sociopath behavior.



Whoa. Okay...
Well, if someone gets to that point, might I suggest not getting out of the house.
Like EVER.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 78
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/12/2012 12:24:40 PM

Whoa. Okay...
Well, if someone gets to that point, might I suggest not getting out of the house.
Like EVER.

LOL ~ right? What's really tragic? Some of this stuff is me. Last minute reasons for cancellations, don't take down my profile here, refuse to even have a Facebook page, don't introduce to family/friends, need confirmation of arrival times, never answers the door unless there is prior notice of a guest coming. Guess my being a tad reclusive and very private nature are red-flags that I may be a cheater. Shit!

Best way to weed them out have a zero tolerance for lies. Talk long long periods and question anything fishy. You said this and now you are saying that????

No offense, I can read that you're quite passionate about this topic, however? You start brow-beating and accusing?? You're going to promote someone saying anything they think you want to hear so you'll just shut up. No excuse for lying, but no one likes to be consistently hounded with things such as "But last week, you said __________." "Two months ago you told me you went to bed at 10, now it was 11? Why are you lying?" If you feel the need to interrogate, maybe the problem isn't the other person, maybe it's that you yourself have unresolved issues. (Just sayin'.)

If they say one thing on their profile and tell you another. Drop them like a stone. Lie about age, height, drinking habits, etc. and they will lie about other things with no hesitation and will probably cheat too.

Lying in an online profile is the sign of one thing: that person is a liar. Has nothing to do with cheating. Cheaters cheat, and they lie. Plenty of people lie, but don't cheat. And if you are wise at all? You'll take the stuff in an online profile with a grain of salt. Until you are offline and actually learning about someone up-close-and-personal, you really know NOTHING about that person.

We know in our gut when we are smelling a rat, and giving people the benefit of the doubt can be our undoing.
Stay positive and true to yourself until you find a like minded person and then make it work because there are more bad ones then good ones out there.

Staying positive means you don't look for a problem, you address the problem when it happens. Staying positive means you believe there are more good ones out there than bad. The "think the worst ~ hope for the best" attitude is anything but positive. JMO
 Atomic_Twat_Muffin
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 79
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/12/2012 12:29:13 PM
How about dating someone you trust? I've never been cheated on. My bulls!t detector is set to high. I also make it quite clear that if someone does cheat on me that I will get my ears pierced for the first time and use their testicles for earrings. I still have unpierced ears. ;)
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 80
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/12/2012 3:30:51 PM
at mountainbreeze

What I found was a common pattern. 1) the men all blamed their partner for their cheating.


EXCELLENT POST! you've brought up pretty much all valid points on the "reasoning" that cheaters use to cheat. the married a$$hole that my ex-GF cheated on me with, used this "method" to "woo" my girlfriend. claiming that in the all 10 years of his marriage, his wife was just "horrible" and blah blah blah., but of course, my ex shows "tendencies" that she would cheat on me anyway, so there's that....

at J_bird61

Do they tell the truth in other areas of their life? From explanations, for instance. of why a bill is late or do they tell the truth about being late for work? They ok with not telling the truth? Do they have a sense of entitlement about them, as if they naturally deserve stuff? Or arrogance, as if nothing they do could possibly be wrong? It's always justified in some fashion?


looking back, my ex DID show alot of signs regarding selfishness. we once went to a dollar theater with her kids, and there was a long line outside. so we decided to go inside and what i thought, was to go get tickets from one of those machine ticket vendors. nope. she walked right into the theater with her kids, as if she paid. and i went along with it because i didn't want to cause a scene. if that makes sense. one time, we were talking about time-travel and what we would do. she said if she went back in time, she WOULD NOT have her kids, even though she was like "don't get me wrong, i love them, but i wouldn't have them..." she had an ex-boyfriend who was still in love with her, and she still allowed him to buy her gifts and what not (he was a fool anyways). and she had ALOT of guy friends, and almost zero girlfriends. oh, and the big one: she's cheated on 2 past boyfriends, towards the end of their relationships, when things were going sour..... and all these other things i noticed were signs that she had a higher "chance" of cheating on me.... and she did.

so to answer to the OP's question: i would say there are obvious signs to weed out potential cheater. i was/am currently seeing a woman who is a FWB that has told me (through course of conversations we've had together) that she has 1) cheated on TWO past boyfriends, granted one of them was an complete abusive a$$hole, but the other was actually a nice guy, and 2) she's gotten caught shoplifting TWICE!! once from walmart, and the other from a mom & pop store. and 3) she has ALOT of GUY FRIENDS. so yeah...... i know there is NO FUTURE with this woman. just some sweet ol' poon tang pie. LMAO!!!
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 81
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/16/2012 5:38:37 PM
My least appreciable advice is keep condoms on hand or embrace celibacy.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 82
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:17:38 AM
There's no effective way, but there are things people do that MIGHT be a sign that they'd do that to you. You have to get an idea of their lifestyle, their interests... Have an idea of how they spend their free time.

Not everyone that would cheat is going to lie to you.

But people who hang out at clubs every night they're off, who are constantly on the road, who are really good at getting your interest out of their first message, can be a higher risk of being someone that would cheat. MOST people who do that stuff wouldn't cheat. It's just that it's situations and places where the opportunity and the idea will come easier.

You just have to talk to the guy, get to know him.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 83
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:00:23 AM
Not to hard really....Certain questions tend to reveal specific answers , without actually asking the questions you want the answer from...Also ask to add them to facebook helps...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 84
view profile
History
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:23:14 AM
I see a potential business opportunity, renting out a polygraph and operator. Truthfully, unless someone's willing to be hooked up to one, there is no other effective way to weed out a cheater. I'd make some awful pun about using a hoe....but that'd be lame.
 Oh_WOW_What_A_Great_Guy
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 86
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/10/2012 11:02:09 PM
Cheating is abuse!! If you watch for the warning signs of an abuser you found your cheater!



Abusive women in a relationship. The warning signs...
Here are the warning signs when a woman is abusive towards a man...

1) She constantly questions a man sexuality and manhood especially in public.

2) She threatens to mutilate the man's genitalia, if she doesn't get her way. It doesn't matter if she says she is joking.

3) She degrades the man's parents and friends even if his parents and friends are kind to her.

4) She tries to separate the man from his male friends by pitting them against each other.

5) She uses sex as a weapon in order to get what she wants out of him. It's usually financial.

6) She feels threaten when the man finally stands up to him, and she calms down for a little while. After a few days she is back to being abusive.

7) She doesn't have any regard for his health unless to her advantage.

8) She might be a bisexual stud who doesn't respect men. This sign is for the men out there who thinks being with a bisexual woman is a man's best dream. I've done it, and it is not fun. Bisexual women usually do not respect men. If a man is into getting a threesome with two bisexual women, his best bet is to either get two bisexual call girls or to go to a swingers club.

9) If the woman is a single mother with a son, she will demoralize the son in public by humiliating him. She will also dress him up to look more feminine. In other words she doesn't give crap about her son.

10) The woman will also criticize the boys of other parents when his mother, aunt, older sister or another adult woman isn't in sight.

11) She is intimidated of other women although she bashes those women behind their backs.

12) She will also use her education and career in order to degrade men. I see notice this a lot with Afro American women.

13) She will ask a man for money although she knows the man is in a financial bind. She will do this although she is working. She will also give money to her female friends. This usually happens if the woman is bisexual.

Abusive women usually cause men to end up behind bars. It's rarely the other way around, because the United States of America's justice system is more sympathetic towards women.

[+] Rate this post positively
Last edited by thetruthcomesout; 01-28-2010 at 08:27 PM.. Reason: severe typo




Ok......if you meet a woman with even ONE of these characteristics.....RUN???


YES!!!!
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 87
view profile
History
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/10/2012 11:15:10 PM
Well, there are people who habitually cheat, and there are people who end up in unsatisfying relationships and cheat because they aren't getting their needs met.

In terms of the former: I think you have to pay very good attention and get to know the person over a period of time. Do they tell the truth? Are they consistent? Are they open and honest? Don't kid yourself, don't make excuses. If they are an honorable person, they will not cheat.

The other thing besides choosing well is to cheat-proof your relationship. From the beginning, establish good communication. Talk to your partner. Even more importantly, listen to your partner. Ask them what they want, frequently. Find out what pleases them most and give it to them. Keep it alive. Keep it interesting. Keep it loving. Forever. If you do that, they aren't going to cheat.
 Oh_WOW_What_A_Great_Guy
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 88
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/10/2012 11:38:46 PM
CHEATING IS ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People who use the "unsatisfying relationship" to justify their CHEATING, are ABUSERS. No matter how you look at..
There is no EXCUSE for cheating.. Abusers Excuse themselves to Justify their ABUSE when they can not deny or blame it on their partners in one way they find another.
Abusers spend money, lie, back stab, are frequently angry at you or blaming you for something, insulting you, putting you on the defensive and EVEN BLAMING YOU FOR THEIR CHEATING!!!

They may even cheat to somehow turn it on to you years later to somehow blame it on you.

How unsatisfying your relationship is, IS NO EXCUSE!!
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 89
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/11/2012 12:11:31 AM
THere is no way to weed them out unfortunately. Most men cheat or certainly want to and some women of course.
If you are going to use cyberspace dating sites, you will certainly find your share. There is no point in putting that sort of thing in a profile as they never own up to it and it is wasting your time. You need to be realistic and realise that you are not likely to find your ideal man here. They are too busy having success in the real world.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 90
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/11/2012 12:22:10 AM
My God, these questions.

If there was an effective way of weeding out cheaters, we would never have victims of cheating, would we?

Yes, it's pointless for women to state in their profiles "cheaters and players stay away!!"

As if a cheater/player is going to read this, and say to themselves "oh, shit. I better back off."??
 TD625
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 91
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/11/2012 6:00:05 AM
No risk, no reward.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 92
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/11/2012 6:14:03 AM
“Most men cheat or certainly want to and some women of course.”

And how do you KNOW that? Is that the way it is in your country?

I doubt if MOST men cheat in the USA.

Some women cheat? I observed quite a few cheating over a lifetime. If I had to guess on which sex cheats the most, I’d guess it isn’t the males.




.
 Oh_WOW_What_A_Great_Guy
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 93
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/11/2012 7:08:29 AM

THere is no way to weed them out unfortunately. Most men cheat or certainly want to and some women of course.
If you are going to use cyberspace dating sites, you will certainly find your share. There is no point in putting that sort of thing in a profile as they never own up to it and it is wasting your time. You need to be realistic and realise that you are not likely to find your ideal man here. They are too busy having success in the real world.


Actually research shows that far more women cheat and to top it off, the ones who admit to it mostly feel justified to do so and believe that it is not even cheating.

I've been talking to another person whom is a scholar, PHD, MD, etc. and that persons observation is "women have evolved to manipulate due to their disadvantages, while men have evolved to serve women".
I am cool with serving and working my fingers to the bone for my woman and family! I also think if that is true, then women should apply their manipulative skills to support the relationship in a positive manner, not to abuse their husband or boyfriends.

To top off the cheating stats that could be obscured, women are more likely to lie than men. This means the stats could be even more off balance.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 94
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/11/2012 7:17:28 AM

Some women cheat? I observed quite a few cheating over a lifetime. If I had to guess on which sex cheats the most, I’d guess it isn’t the males.

Well then, you haven't seen the statistics.

Overwhelmingly, the verious statistics I've seen on this subject show that men cheat more. It would seem women have increased their cheating activity over the years, but still don't eclipse the men.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 95
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/11/2012 10:31:23 AM
yep, sure is:

1)what do cheaters have in common? the ability to rationalize why its OK to treat other people poorly (in other words, a way they would not want to be treated) in order to do what is fun for them. What is it they are trying to accomplish, by putting themselves first, by telling themselves they deserve to bend the rules? How do they get into the mindset that its ok, and start looking? Are they just opportunists, or do they plan from the start?

2)if they plan it from the start...how did you miss the vagueness they had, the doublespeak they used to appear to be the person you wanted, when they were really not answering your questions at all? were you so focused on finding a certain person, that you ignored the vagueness red flags in order to find that person? If so, you need to lose those blinders, and stop seeing what you want to see...but see what is really there in front of you. That's how you spot lies...by looking only for the truth.

3) back to the first point--do you think he just cheats in one field? if so, listen to what he talks about on the first date about things he likes in a relationship. But chances are, he cheats in other ways to...again, he rationalizes its OK. the problem may be...if you do the same. you won't pick up on him talking about it. It'll sound like your own feelings.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 96
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/11/2012 1:09:24 PM
So a cheater, player, whatever goes to your page and read, "Oh my gosh, I must not contact that woman/man, since I am a cheater/player/user/lier, but gooly geesh, she/he is rather attractive and wouldn't mind getting a taste of that."

So the cheater/player/user/lier moves on.

Yeah right!
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 97
Well then, you haven't seen the statistics.
Posted: 9/11/2012 2:24:47 PM
The statistics I’ve seen over the years have always been close.

I don’t know but I’m sticking with my first guess.


Infidelity Statistics
Below are compiled statistics on infidelity and marriage:
Percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 57%
Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 54%
Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74%
Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68%
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 98
view profile
History
Well then, you haven't seen the statistics.
Posted: 9/11/2012 2:47:37 PM
Motown Skygirl had this right from the 1st comment, "the important phrase "caveat lector" and taking your time in getting to know people".

Who hasn't found value in picking up cues from the people who surround them? 'Cause so many don't see this as a challenge at all. They can't help but understand what the drives, ambitions and temptations of their spouses and spices are at. Its glaring at them. It makes them angry that peeps waste time explaining what is obvious.

Others don't see at all.

Its not the babe's fault, or your guy's, if you don't see the 1000's of actinic bright signs. They're not hiding what's going on. Keep you eyes open. Don't get caught up in crazy signs. A guy who hasn't closed his POF account is not a cheater. Cruising the internet and contacting old gfs is not cheating.

Real signs:
--- over extended and inappropriate affection at odd times and unprovoked
--- exasperation and excuse construction around opportunities for sex
--- habitual rationalization for minor failures. Like forgetting to get milk
--- nervousness about phone's ringing. Email, facebook,
--- building up a set of accusations of the opposite. if your guy is accusing you about your male friends. .. ??
--- lots of privacy rationalizations. Long periods that have "a good explanation" but no real info

The only meaningful way to weed out cheaters is to develop social eyesight. It's not a hidden talent. Gerbils have it, people can 'contact their inner gerbil'.

Not everyone is made to be in a one-on-one relationship. Its not their fault. They're part of the gene pool.
 Oh_WOW_What_A_Great_Guy
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 99
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/11/2012 7:20:14 PM
I can try to give some clues of my own experience...

When I met my ex, I had a happy go lucky life. I had been a little down for awhile having broken up with another ex. First off I broke up with my other ex because I felt that would be best for her. She did something that she felt I might become mad about at a later time. I thought maybe she was right due to the nature of the crime. I did try to get her to go to anger management and or cognitive therapy and even joined in on it with her, but she couldn't get over what she had done. We had a great relationship and loved each other dearly. She had never done anything to hurt me or my feelings..

But after a period of time, I was ready to start over. A friend introduced me to a woman she met in town here.
We hit it off like crazy.. She seemed to genuinely adore me.. You could say she acted like she was madly in love.
She soon begged me to stay with her.. My place was out of town and I worked there as well so I really wanted to go home during the week at least as I did not want to waste 40 bucks a day in fuel and neglect my cat.
But she won somehow, with sympathy stories about how she been screwed by so many others in the past.. Now I know I have never seemed to be able to catch a break but her stories were more along the line that people were out to get her... This is a RED FLAG...
Over the next few months, she began to get mad about my boss not paying me enough... 40 bucks a day in fuel remember.. She also loved to spend money... TWO MORE RED FLAGS... I owned a class A motor home, top of the line, 4 season, dishwasher, full bath, queen bedroom, new deisel, 7 new tires, off grid northern traveler. Plastic shell with r12 styro insulation and r28 in the floor. I parked it in storage and quit my job out there to get a new job in town just to make her happy... IT WENT DOWN FROM THERE..... about 700 more red flags began to appear over the next 3 years and she is still at it to this day. She is even playing and manipulating the LAW and slandering me all over town.. Now anybody who knows me, knows I am one of the kindest and gentlest men going. I am not corruptible and will never change who I am. She has cost me everything I owned, and every cent I earned as much as $100000 a year income down the tubes and she is still costing me.

If you see red flags, the number one flag is instant desire to be with you! If a woman wont wait at least 6 months without sex before you engage in a relationship, if she says she is moving on cause you don't seem interested.. Bid her fair well as she will be the abusive cheater you want to stay away from!!

OH and she blamed everything she did to me, ON ME!!! And for some dumb reason I thought she was just getting sick from something making her angry and extremely VIOLENT.. And like an idiot, I never reported her and I even stuck up for her at any cost to myself, even when she attacked me so badly I was covered in my own blood from head to toe. I took about 40 punches in the left cheek at different times while I was driving. She even attacked me once while she was driving!! It wasn't till I tried to leave that she started to take legal action fueled with false allegations.. She purgered herself to use the law as a means of extending her abuse, simply cause I tried to stop it by leaving.. I wasn't even breaking up with her, I just rented my own place to give space so we could work things out.

Now this is why we all really want to weed out liars and cheaters... lol
 redhighheels2
Joined: 9/3/2012
Msg: 100
Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?
Posted: 9/12/2012 7:08:54 PM
I don't know of an easy effective way, but I do know that Chevytoo is a cheater. We should have a specific page to post all our knowledge of these cheaters. We could share our experiences so others don't have to wast time and money on the bad ones. Just my opinion...
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is there an effective way to weed out cheaters?