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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > would you marry a widow or widower if....      Home login  
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 rapid99
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 26
would you marry a widow or widower if....Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
(j/ sorta kidding) but at least you know with a piece of mind that they would n/t go back to the ex.....at least not physically speaking any way...haha....reading a lot about that on here lately..
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 27
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:36:13 AM
It is my belief that after a certain age one should not combine assets, so I wouldn't have a problem dating a widower who wanted to do that. I wouldn't be marrying him, so I could care less.
 hitittome
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 28
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:00:57 PM
Yes, widows are the only way to go. Most widow's go through the self help classes and are ready to move on if they date. The divorcees are another breed. They want to test the market and usually just wanna date many at a time and have no intention of being faithful. Most divorced cause they couldn't keep there clothes on and will cheat till they die of desease.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 29
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:07:05 PM

Yes, widows are the only way to go. Most widow's go through the self help classes and are ready to move on if they date. The divorcees are another breed. They want to test the market and usually just wanna date many at a time and have no intention of being faithful. Most divorced cause they couldn't keep there clothes on and will cheat till they die of desease.


Wow...seriously?

I hope you have an entire pond of widows to pick from.
I'm guessing even nice divorced women will not want anything
to do with you.

Yuk.
 ladync47
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 30
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:59:20 PM
Best answer yet
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 31
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:25:43 PM

Probably not. Their desire to be buried with their late spouse means that they haven't moved on from that relationship or that they are worried about how their children "feel" about their current relationship. Both aren't signs that the current relationship is going to be healthy and they would end in my simply looking elsewhere.


So a person who has already got the double headstone paid for,and a FREE burial plot-should ditch all that to "prove" that he or she has "moved on"? Or to "prove" that his or her children(if any) have no influence over them?
As I recall it, my parents having separate headstones cost more than the double headstone I bought when my husband passed.

Trust me, the already-paid-for-headstone, the burial plot( there are communities, faith-based organizations, townships,etc that may provide free burial plot to persons who have been members or residents for a long time) are not all that uncommon, and to suggest that a persons' pre-arrangements for burial are an" infallible" indication that they "haven't moved on" is short-sighted.
But everyone is of course free to create and hold their own parameters. But burial arrangements can have financial and logistical underpinnings that do NOT mean that "they haven't moved on" if a person has already made the arrangement to be buried with a pre-deceased spouse. It may well be a matter of saving a fair amount of money.
Cindy O
 onehappyfellow
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 32
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/8/2012 2:37:17 PM
Marry? No! Simply because I have an excellent medical plan, good any where in the world as a spousal benefit from my late wife's employer.

But do seek a long term committed relationships widow or whomever. Just so long as she is not young enough to be my daughter or in some cases granddaughter. 70+plus for me
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 33
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/10/2012 2:46:31 AM
Poster _boy.....I married a widower. First time in my life I ever wanted to marry anyone. I had my one and only child at age 30 and did not marry her father. My husband had four children and seven grandchildren. Ours was definately a blended family. When my best friend, lover, confidant and husband died I buried him beside his first wife. During our marriage we talked about things and decided that we needed to do something about my plot since it was located on the other side of town in another cemetery managed by the same company. We mad an appt. and went into the office to meet with the owners. Sure enough there was a space available right above him. That is where I will be buried. I relocated . It was simple. I paid a transfer fee, signed the papers and voila it was all taken care of. I have a prepaid funeral with specific instructions.

When I used to go to the cemetery regularly I went and thought nothing of it. He wasn't there anyway. It was simply the place we put his earthly remains. Of course I've always set out the flowers on special occasions. Now I have the cemetery do it for me for each season and on three special occasions, his birthday,our anniversary, and the day he died. I will never forget him, he will always be near and dear to my heart but on his deathbed he made me promise that I would move on. I have. I've been on my own for almost five years now and I have no desire to marry but I would like to find someone to share my life with. Quite frankly I stopped looking. I'm too busy enjoying my life. Next weekend I'll be at the Reno Rodeo. I'll stop off in Kaycee, Wyo and return home. Back out to Reno for the finals and then back to work. Work for about a month and then I'm off to the Calgary Stampede. Home again and work and then its Cheyenne FrontierDays.

I am a happy, healthy 57 year old woman who knows what she wants from life. I don't have time for FWB's, FB's , designated hitters etc. Infact, I'm really not looking anymore. I just like hanging out in the forums. Dating a "W" isn't like dating a D unless theirs was a postive and healthy relationship. Those of us widows and widowers that have moved on know the meaning of US vs. I. Being buried next to my husband doesn't have anything to do with whatever my current relationship status is upon my demise. Guarenteed if there ever is another man in my life he will never have to compete with my DH. What we share will be just that. What we share.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 34
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/10/2012 4:09:10 PM

binkie45
def not:
went with a guy who wife has passed away
if i heard her name one more time, i swear i would scream!
even now the mention of that name makes me cringe ..... so sorry.


One person and you've sworn off all of them. Before I met my late wife I was dating a divorcee with 2 kids. Went to her place for dinner and all the kids could talk about is their dad did this or that, all evening long. So should I give up on all divorcees with kids?
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 35
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/10/2012 4:58:46 PM
I guess we all have assumptions and make judgment calls based on one bad experience. If I did that I'd still think all blondes are stupid, never go out with guys named "Michael", short guys are losers, fat chicks are easy, bald guys are all good lovers and never date a repubican or conservative. Oops, some of those still apply...

I don't know how many folks have a burial plot all picked out and paid for or whether it's a double plot or not. I know I don't and I haven't talked to or dated anyone that has. It's not something that has come up in conversation between the salad course and the entree. No one has asked my where my husband is buried or any other question remotely like that. Maybe I just dated adults. I don't even know what I'd say if I was asked - probably the old stand by when asked a question that is no one's business, "why would you ask such a personal question that is none of your business?". But that's just me.
 Poster_boy
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 36
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/11/2012 8:53:25 AM
Yeah, but that's my point. Dating a widow or widower is all the same. Dating is dating is dating - no difference. But if that dating turns more serious and one falls in love and you, as a widow, is seeing a man that is not a widower. He loves you and marriage (and many other things) are discussed. How do you tell your intended that if something happens to you to bury you with your deceased husband? I don't know - I am just asking. Is it an age thing? Would a younger widow or widower feel different?

Would most (not all) widowed persons feel more comfortable MARRYING another widowed person - both would know how the other is feeling and understand that their deceased spouse was their one and only true love?

I think a lot (not all) of non-widow persons would have trouble giving their all in a MARRIAGE to a widow/er knowing that they will never be #1 in the widow/er eyes. Because, in reality, if the spouse never died there would never be another relationship and the non-widowed would never have met the widow/er.

Again, we are talking MARRIAGE.....not just dating. Dating the widowed is absolutely no different than dating the divorced, single or never married.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 37
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/11/2012 10:50:07 AM
To answer a couple of Posterboy questions:

I don't feel any more at ease with a widower than I do with a divorced person. They are men, I take them at face value. Neither is better or worse - they are men. And I think the majority of widowed feel the same way I do, they don't care much on the marital status. BUT, we still have those that won't date a widow/widower or a seperated person or a multiple divorce person - personal preference and assumptions but we all have them.

As for that stupid #1 or #2 thing, I'm only saying "stupid" because I've heard it so many times before and it makes me crazy. The next man in my life will get 100% of me, I wouldn't be with him if I couldn't give that and more. My husband is dead, not coming back, not now - not ever. Done/gone/over/the end. The next man I fall in love with will be #1 in my heart, mind, and body.

I would think the issue of marriage is not different than marrying a divorced person. Love is love.

And the only reason I can see for someone wanting to be buried next to their deceased spouse is that they've paid for the plot. I have no plot, when I'm dead I don't really care what my son does with my ashes - he can scatter them in the ocean, put them in my family's plot, toss me among the fir trees...wtf cares, I don't - I'll be dead.

Please don't over think all of this, I'm sure it's not something that comes up on a regular basis. I've not come across it at all.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 38
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 9:12:03 AM
When i buried my former husband, i used a very lg piece of rugged rock 3'x6', as a headstone that was in the shape of a grizzly bear, he had that rock at the corner of our property and loved it, since i had to puchase 2 plots in order to do this, i have a puchased plot next to him.
I want to be donated to science if they can still use me but it is there if i need it.
When you buy a plot they will try to get you to purchase another one so your loved ones are not by strangers, it is a shrewd business that can manipulate a person when they
At their most vulnerable, so ask ?s before passing judgement.
 Portlanderr
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 39
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 1:06:32 PM
Igor - I wanted to reach through my laptop and kiss you for your post, thank you.

And Welch - you put into words what I wanted to say, but said it so much better than I.

I hate the social stigma of being a widow, like I have a disease, or should be treated differently, or people don't know what to say to you, or they whisper, or some even watch you closely to see how you "act" in social situations. I'm simply single again, no matter how I got that way, and I'm ready to move on with my life and find love again.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 40
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 1:33:18 PM
Nope I won't even date a widower unless he attracted me and didn't talk about his wife that was. Hasn't happened yet, most start yapping away about the wife within the first 5 minutes. Met a gorgeous man recently at a party, he was showing interest with some small talk then bam! My late wife this and that and this and that, would you like to go out to dinner, my late wife this and that.

Hopefully they aren't all socially retarded.
 MusicianInCanton
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 41
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 2:49:30 PM
I make it a point to NOT talk about my late wife unless the woman I'm talking to (on the phone or on a date) asks, and most eventually ask. Even then I don't let it drag it on and on. I don't want to seem insensitive, but I also don't want to sound like I haven't moved on.
 natgoat227
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 42
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would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 3:04:56 PM
Her burial wishes are her business. I might be ~hurt~, but it wouldn't prevent me from getting married to her.
What matters is the time WE spent together!!
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 43
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 3:44:52 PM
LOL...of all the thread topics...who gets buried where??? I guess I haven't seen it all...
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 44
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 6:36:37 PM
For me, a woman is a woman, no matter the status.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 45
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 6:48:26 PM
""Nope I won't even date a widower unless he attracted me and didn't talk about his wife that was. Hasn't happened yet, most start yapping away about the wife within the first 5 minutes. Met a gorgeous man recently at a party, he was showing interest with some small talk then bam! My late wife this and that and this and that, would you like to go out to dinner, my late wife this and that.

Hopefully they aren't all socially retarded.""

Seems most of the widowed on this thread are smart enough to at least respond to the original topic. "Socially retarded" - geez. Comprehension skills needed...
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 46
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:04:20 PM

Hopefully they aren't all socially retarded.


Probably, the same percentage of W's are socially retarded as D's and S's...most try not to show their ineptitude on the boards though.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 47
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/13/2012 11:32:31 PM

I make it a point to NOT talk about my late wife unless the woman I'm talking to (on the phone or on a date) asks, and most eventually ask. Even then I don't let it drag it on and on. I don't want to seem insensitive, but I also don't want to sound like I haven't moved on.


Nice to read your words ItGr82Bfree, there's hope for the widowed men of the world. I've run into so many that immortalized their late wives. Our society for whatever reason seems to encourage that poor behavior.

Cheers!
 natgoat227
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 48
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History
Would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/14/2012 3:15:16 AM
I merey made a Promise to her...when she told me...:
"I want you to find someone to love...as Much...and as Well ...as you have loved Me!!"
The specifics weren't an issue...just ~someone~...
I'm just making the Last-Ditch-Effort....before age actually Does catch up to me..!!!
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 49
Would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/14/2012 12:30:38 PM

I merey made a Promise to her...when she told me...:
"I want you to find someone to love...as Much...and as Well ...as you have loved Me!!"
The specifics weren't an issue...just ~someone~...
I'm just making the Last-Ditch-Effort....before age actually Does catch up to me..!!!


Keep that promise to yourself if you hope to find someone new to love. Maybe even think about being in a relationship because you want to and it's a normal progression and has nothing to do with your late wife. If a guy told me he was dating me to keep a promise with an another woman, dead or alive, I would walk away right then.

This is why I don't date widowers.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 50
Would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/14/2012 2:25:13 PM
lotustemple I do not think that Natgoat is wanting to remarry or love someone new because he made a promise.

I think that his deceased wife saying that to him was just her way of telling him that he is free to love again.
and that she wants him to be happy in his life.

I would date and marry a widow if he were the one who loved me and I loved him. a widow or widower is a normal person, regular person (lol if there is such a being).

Also I have no trouble listening to someone talk about the spouse who died. Most widows and widowers do not consistently speak of their loss. But I would want the man I love to share his feelings with me. It is a part of his life.
Kind of unfair to cross a person off because their spouse died.
what I am more concerned with is How did they treat their lost spouse? same concern I would have with a divorced person.
so remember...just because someone lost a spouse does not automatically make them a good person or a bad person.
Find out who that person is....just as you would any other person.
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