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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > would you marry a widow or widower if....      Home login  
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 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 51
Would you marry a widow or widower if....Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
^^^I wouldn't worry about trying to convince someone with a closed mind - all they are doing is baiting and trolling. It's actually comical to watch the process. Nasty is as nasty does.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 52
Would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:27:52 PM
Chryste, I've met more fvcked up divorced women than Carter has liver pills....they all speak of their past marriage and relationships like I really want to hear about it...whom they slept with...who took them where...who did what to whom...I've had more than an ear full....but, they're the majority of the fish in the sea...and it seems that these dysfunctional women...like to post as well.

The one widow I met was as sweet as the day was long...sigh...it was too early for both of us then...
 GingersnapWA2
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 53
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:22:51 PM
I would definitely marry a widow (as long as his house wasn't a shrine to his dearly departed.) One advantage of marrying a widower is you won't have to deal with any ex-wife drama. I wouldn't care if the man wished to be buried next to the previous wife, as I intend to donate my body for medical research...
 wackadoodledoo
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 54
view profile
History
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/15/2012 3:58:17 AM
Sounds like this thread isn't about where a person wants to be buried. Sounds like it is asking would you marry a widow. A lot of consternation on that topic.!! LOL Depends................... Being a widow would not deter me. Its all about, inner qualities and emotional and financial stability for me. Who the hell cares where someone wants to be buried.
 MusicianInCanton
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 55
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/15/2012 4:39:41 AM

...as long as his house wasn't a shrine to his dearly departed.


Shortly after my wife passed away I looked around and saw that there were so many things in the house that were a reflection of her taste/style - furniture, colors, decorations, etc. - and I suddenly realized that I had to rid the house of those things and make the house a reflection of me. It has taken a long time, and has been very costly, but I felt it was something that HAD to be done.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 56
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/15/2012 5:24:07 AM

ItsGr82Bfree
Shortly after my wife passed away I looked around and saw that there were so many things in the house that were a reflection of her taste/style - furniture, colors, decorations, etc. - and I suddenly realized that I had to rid the house of those things and make the house a reflection of me. It has taken a long time, and has been very costly, but I felt it was something that HAD to be done.


If that's what you wanted to do and you had the money to change them, then fine. But I'm not going to blow money I don't have just to change things for changes sake on things that don't matter. We fill up our landfills in this country throwing away perfectly good stuff, for what? Just to change things that are still serviceable, well what are we, or our children, going to do when the landfills are full of our throwaway crap? Then we buy ‘new’ furniture that’s half the quality of the stuff we replaced. My dining room set is solid maple, should I replace it with some presswood crap, just to say I’ve changed it.
 MusicianInCanton
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 57
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/15/2012 6:01:20 AM
^^^ Who said everything went into landfills? Everything went to other family members, Habitat Re-Store, or Goodwill. You, sir, are the one that is filled with crap!
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 58
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/15/2012 6:20:09 AM
itsgr82bfree
Who said everything went into landfills? Everything went to other family members, Habitat Re-Store, or Goodwill. You, sir, are the one that is filled with crap!

Good for you Slick, I've been working construction trucking for 25 years and before that drove a garbage truck and at different times delivered furniture and appliances. I've seen first hand how LOTS of people handle this stuff and it's not recycling their used items. To many people change things just to change them and when our children and grandchildren don't have building materials because we waste so much, it'll just their damn tough luck. I've seen 100 year old rock quarries close because they've mined all the rock and at the same time companies tear down concrete buildings and trucked it to a landfill instead of recycling the material. At least on big projects now they're waking up and recycling the old building materials into to building materials.

Just look at the news reports how we're sending our used electronic devises to 3rd world countries and the pollution caused from them. We need to rethink what we're doing to the planet and what kind of world we're leaving for our children. Some day they will wake up and wonder why we screwed things up so much.

Also your personal attack probably goes along with you being a Guitar player.
 MusicianInCanton
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 59
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/15/2012 6:35:26 AM
Trust me, I recycle everything... or, at least, as much as I possibly can. I can fuly appreciate your views on our "throw away" society, but where was this issue of recycle/re-use even mentioined in my post? You were the one attacking me for filling up landfills!

As for the value of changing things in my life, yes, it was well worth it. It was a way for me to start anew, and (as I said already) change my house to reflect who I am. Sorry, but flowered upholstering, wallpaper, and decorations are not "me". I really had to bite the bullet and make the changes.

No, my being a musician has nothing to do with getting a little irritated when someone starts bashing me for a comment that must have been taken as arrogant.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 60
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:03:03 AM
On this topic - I got rid of "his" chair and I got a new bed. That's it, the rest is just furniture any home would have. I have two pictures of him in with the dozen or so family pictures, my son should see his father among the clan as should my grandchildren. If someone thinks two pictures are a "shine", the can f off because they are not mature enough to be in my life.

I'd much rather see a picture or two of someone's deceased spouse than go through the daily drama of ex-wives, custody battles and who get invited to the weddings of relatives as well as the constant tales of woe over the ex drama. Dead is dead.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 61
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/15/2012 3:50:08 PM
I think some people are looking to get their panties in a bunch--my first husband has died and while we weren't married when he died I was who took care of everything since our children were all that he had as family--the funeral home etc and it also meant I got that blasted SAILFISH back--he told my daughter she could have it and said for her to tell her he knew how much I would appreciate having it in my home again--it was a joke cause we had many many fights over that sailfish--we got it vs me getting a diamond ring--but have you ever tried to decorate around a sailfish lol (I saw the humor in it, so did he and so did she--so I had a sailfish in my home that belonged to my ex --and yes I put it up and if a man didn't like the fact it was there--well he had good company--ME!

My point is that someone who has been in your life has left marks in your life, in your heart and mind and especially if you have children--I have pictures with both husbands (my second husband holding our baby during the 45 minutes she was alive) --cause they are people that were important to me so why would I expect someone who is a widower to not have pictures of things with his wife in them? It isn't a sign they haven't healed --it is a sign they are embracing the life they have lived.

My daughter has my ex's ashes-yes it felt strange to have them in my home but she wanted them and she didn't want an urn for them--she has them in the cardboard box they came from the funeral home--she had them in her bedroom in the bottom part of her nightstand--it brought her comfort that he was there. She said that once she is established in her life, college student now, she will find something for him to go in that is as unique as he was. When I die she wants my ashes as well--all I ask is she dont mix them or put them close together :P but even if she did I wouldn't mind cause Id never know and if it helps her deal with things--then Im perfectly fine--unless she puts us both in that blasted sailfish!

Actually I read where the ashes can be used to make jewelry and I think she is waiting to get enough money to have something made out of his ashes--she is that type of girl.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 62
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/17/2012 3:49:15 PM

with the understanding that dating a widow is different than marring one, would you marry a widow orwidower if they chose to be buried with their late spouse? what are some of the issues that would prevent you from marrying a window or widower? qa widow or widower do you find it more comfortable dating a widow or widowe? if so, why?


To answer the 1st question......how absolutely absurd and classless to marry someone but want to be buried next to another partner. Typical of someone who immortalizes their deceased spouse.
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 63
view profile
History
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/17/2012 4:37:11 PM
I might marry a widower, if I were that kind of guy....but I'm not!
I might marry a widow. She is still a woman, right? LOL
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 64
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:34:29 PM

To answer the 1st question......how absolutely absurd and classless to marry someone but want to be buried next to another partner. Typical of someone who immortalizes their deceased spouse.


Hogwash!

A person who was married to another individual for years and then that person has died--they have made prior arrangements--you are trying to make it ALL about you--you think a man/woman should just have no existence until they met you? If they have children together don't you feel it would be a benefit to their children?

Personally Im not going to be buried so it doesnt matter; but why would you expect someone who has basically just met you (in terms of how long they have been alive and lived with another person--granted if it was a short marriage and the person died then hey I can see an issue)--but if they were married over 10 years--how could you expect them to just turn their back on their prior life for someone fairly new to them?

To call it absurd and classless--seriously --it shows a bit of classless to think you should at the beginning of time with someone to be so resentful of their past. Yes some people do immortalize their deceased spouse--but not all and to think they should give up their past for you is a bit unreal.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 65
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:47:20 PM
To call it absurd and classless--seriously --it shows a bit of classless to think you should at the beginning of time with someone to be so resentful of their past. Yes some people do immortalize their deceased spouse--but not all and to think they should give up their past for you is a bit unreal.


What is unreal? A half-azz marriage that insists on being buried with another partner seems pretty bizarre to me. What does marriage mean to you Giggles? Committment in marriage is 100% or it's a joke. What you suggest is controlling and manipulating.....basically using another person, better to just live together as opposed to going thru the wedding vows. Only a swinger or a narcissist would consider this an ethical option since it is anything but ethical.

It's not that hard to sell a plot at a discount price and genuinely committ to the person you are with.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 66
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/17/2012 11:00:48 PM
No one said marriage isnt a commitment--and yes the bible says "Until death do they part," for a reason.
See the person has spent years with another person--they build a life together and now at this age when most of us wont even begin to live another 20 to 30 years you want them AT THE START of a new relationship to someone they love and are committed to--be more to that person that a person they have spent their whole life with--it is a very unrealistic expectation.

So lets say you marry guy A, and he is convinced by you to sell his plot by his deceased wife and buy one with you--so then he dies--and now you marry guy B-- what happens then? Are you going to sell your plot by guy A and buy another with guy B after insisting he sell his with his deceased wife? What happens if guy B dies then and now you are married to guy C :P

all these men are now buried alone --vs being with someone they have spent the majority of their life with--is it the end of the world--no cause they are dead and wont know but what about their families?

If you truly love someone wouldnt have a more or better appreciation for their past be a good indication of your love for them? Vs expecting them to walk away completely from their prior life.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 67
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/17/2012 11:25:58 PM
^^^You don't grasp the concept of committment.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 68
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/17/2012 11:42:51 PM
^^^^ you dont grasp the concept of real love--

real love isnt where you are buried, or by whom--it is caring enough for the other person it wont make a difference to you if they are buried by a woman/man that they spent the majority of their life with and have children with
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 69
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:04:36 AM
^^^Love and committment go hand in hand. You can't rewrite the rules as you go and stay in integrity.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 70
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:44:54 AM

lotustemple
It's not that hard to sell a plot at a discount price and genuinely committ to the person you are with.


It would be Rich if some future Husband sold the other half of a double plot after you died, but then you don't have kids, so who would be visiting your grave anyways? It would be even more fitting if it was sold to some Widower who had sold off his plot as you think is right.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 71
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/18/2012 5:06:18 AM
For the amount of time that a situation like this would actually arise, which has to be so extremely minute, to elicit such ire and comment concerning it, raises more questions about those that actually believe they might run into the situation, and shows how bizarre these people think.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 72
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:42:15 PM
I don't understand the rancor over the gravesite.

I have a double plot where my husband is buried - and guess what - a double headstone too! OMG I must be immortalizing him because I planned ahead and saved some money!

*cough*bullshyt*cough*

I'm going to be cremated and have my ashes scattered, and then my friends will put the urn next to my late husband - or not. If I have a life partner at the time that I die, he can take some of my ashes and the urn if he wishes. Won't matter if my name's already on the headstone. I certainly won't care, and those whom I've left behind can memorialize me as they wish.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 73
view profile
History
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:55:22 PM
I think it is a matter of respect to those who would mind it. Some will. Is a headstone worth losing someone in life now?
 MusicianInCanton
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 74
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:31:08 PM
My wife's grandfather was a widower that got remarried. His second wife buried him along with his deceased wife, and then joined both of them when she died. There was never a word mentioned about that arrangement being odd.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 75
would you marry a widow or widower if....
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:45:10 PM
""^^^You don't grasp the concept of committment.""

Some troll doesn't grasp the concept of anything that doesn't involve "me, me, me". I wouldn't be surprised that the next person to love you is the first person to love you. Cold, and really cold. And what happens to the "concept of committment" when you choose to divorce.

And really, we're all grownups, who cares where we are buried - we're dead. And some folks on here are just as cold and dead as our deceased partners.
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