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 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 226
Love at first sightPage 10 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

At the same time, we can't disregard the number of supposed "love at first sight" marriages that actually failed.



That would be the same as the infamous "instant chemistry" that so many people feel is necessary within a fraction of a second when meeting a stranger. How many divorced people had the instant chemistry as soon as they met their ex for the first time?


You're Divorced, did You, or did You not 'Love' Your Wife at one Time? What difference does it make if it was Love @ 1st Sight or Instant Chemistry? If they Loved the Person when they Married them, are they any different than You?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 227
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/7/2015 5:46:33 PM
sigungq

Just has not happened to you, is all. A sweeping statement to make. Plenty of us have felt that instant connection or chemistry, call it what you will.

Unicorns more than likely once existed. Why not??
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 228
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/7/2015 5:59:18 PM
maleman999

Why would you think that people can fall in love at first sight with someone they consider very ugly and obese? Not likely is it? Physical attraction is what it is about initially, pheromones etc. The way they walk and talk etc. Whether it turns into an enduring love, happens sometimes, sometimes not. Can a man for instance ever fall in love with a woman they consider plain and not physically appealing?? I would like to know.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 229
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/7/2015 6:26:19 PM

Can a man for instance ever fall in love with a woman they consider plain and not physically appealing?? I would like to know.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NF5XU-k2Vk
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 230
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 6:10:05 AM
Lust or physical attraction = Yes.
Love = No.

I need to know other things about them before I might fall in love. Personality, beliefs, values, overall compatibility etc
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 231
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 6:19:59 AM

maleman999...Why would you think that people can fall in love at first sight with someone they consider very ugly and obese?


Quote exactly where that statement is made. I don't recall any statement resembling that.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 232
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 6:34:08 AM
I was going to write my usual, pragmatic thing about how there's no such thing as "love" at first sight....

Then, I remembered Leo Buscaglia....

He's written many books on love and the dynamics of love and for the most part, for years, I really didn't take anything he spoke of too seriously....
Then one day, it hit me what he was trying to say...That love originates WITHIN us and not from outside.
That means that at any given moment we can FEEL loved and/or 'in love' as it is a feeling that WE feel.....

All of that to say that falling in love has more to do with where we, ourselves are at, so to speak than who we actually meet....

One of the reasons that I always say that a good relationship is a combination of meeting the right person at the right time, in the right place.

Still...I don;t really believe in love at first sight when all is said and done....

Mostly because my own, personal definition of love is to KNOW the other person well,accept them for who they are, flaws and all, while appreciating who they are as a person, which takes time, and is not to be confused with that 'instant chemistry/infatuation' that we may feel with someone new....

There's little doubt that the changing mores of our society has made divorce more acceptable and common, which it wasn't back in the day, when many people did get married, 'until Death do us part'....

While I know that a lot of people think that 'time served' in marriage indicates some kind of 'special' knowledge and.or skills at relationships, etc. I, personally, know of quite a few marriages that are more a product of habit than love in any way shape and/or form.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 233
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 7:04:19 AM


a product of habit than love


Amen sister! This really resonates with me :)
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 234
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 7:18:49 AM
Lust at first sight....absolutely.

Love? That takes time as love isn't a noun, it's a verb.
 Eckhartwarmingtolle
Joined: 4/26/2015
Msg: 235
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 7:23:13 AM
Msg 227


Even "instant chemistry" is unicorn.


I've ridden more than one....and I've never taken hallucinogens

Just sayin
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 236
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 7:47:39 AM
Does that mean every song I hear on the radio where the lyrics are about two strangers who happen to meet and instantly fall madly in love with each other and live happily ever after, or movies with the same theme might not be totally accurate, and that there might be other ways that people fall in love? Who knew.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 237
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 7:59:50 AM

That love originates WITHIN us and not from outside.


I can agree with this. The problem is that I can have all the love inside of me and wanting to give it to another person. But unless there's reciprocation, unless there's a constant state of action, unless as you love you feel LOVED, it doesn't matter how you feel inside, it will not be real.

I've met plenty of women that felt so damaged by someone that hurt them, that they were unable to open up and love again. They had their wall so high, nobody could come in. And they spent their time in pain remembering the past.

But like you say, Dee, it's a matter of timing. You have to be willing to want to love, but also to be open to be loved. As you open up, you open up your vulnerability to getting hurt again. But until you completely do open up, love will not show up. Regardless of how infatuated you may be in the beginning.
 Siennarh
Joined: 5/1/2015
Msg: 238
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 8:02:34 AM


I can agree with this. The problem is that I can have all the love inside of me and wanting to give it to another person. But unless there's reciprocation, unless there's a constant state of action, unless as you love you feel LOVED, it doesn't matter how you feel inside, it will not be real.
Oh I can 'love' someone even if they hate my guts and don't reciprocate, but I know boundaries.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 239
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 8:09:25 AM
you might feel the chemical releases in your brain that feels like love, you might act "in love", you might carry out "love" with another person.

the eternal question is...does all love really have to last, in order for it to be love? does all loves in your life have to have the same intensity? If you love one type of car or type of roller coaster or type of food....can you not love another? can you not supersede your view of love, as you get older and change it's definition?

is changing your definition of it as you age, a bad thing?
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 240
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 8:10:36 AM

I've ridden more than one....and I've never taken hallucinogens



You've been downtown on a Friday/Saturday night haven't you? Let me guess, Club nior? Sin City? :O


I still equate the whole business of love with the flame. It's the perfect analogy for me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
 Eckhartwarmingtolle
Joined: 4/26/2015
Msg: 241
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 8:16:59 AM

You've been downtown on a Friday/Saturday night haven't you? Let me guess, Club nior? Sin City? :O


lol , not that I recall CheekyC

Instant chemistry to me is someone I feel comfortable with and who's company I enjoy from the get go
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 242
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 8:23:10 AM
Real Chemistry between 2 people - pheromones - NEVER goes away. It imprints on one's brain. One might even find the other person despicable in one way or the other after "dating" [and most likely sex] for a month or two. You merely hear their name, or see them in a store, possibly months or years later and your heart rate doubles within a couple of seconds. You are likely to get "nervous" too. It's an UN conscious reaction. Evolution at work and nothing more.

The real Q is whether it's a curse or a blessing to have actually HAD it with someone?

The trouble is...

Once we learn to walk we can never go back to crawling.

Or maybe YOU did?

The good news is that obviously most people meet and fall in Love w/o it. It's NOT a necessary component for a man and woman to fall in Love. NOT having it with another person does not make the bond or Love any weaker. It simply means any offspring between the two will be Genetically less "adaptable".

It goes w/o saying that people can fall out of Love. Happens all the time. But they can never fall out of Chemistry.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 243
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 8:35:56 AM
CheekyC?

Who the hell is that?! It sounds like a Spice girl that ran away to be a teletubbie .... (I still say they are creeepy lil fukkers)



I like instant chemistry. It's instant.. like ramen noodles. Just needs heat and voila. Instant noodle!....... heh
My problem is I am too damn nice and friendly with no fear of the public.............andddd the fact that I lip read to communicate.
I treat men and women the same but more often than not they (I say they because I've come across this issue with gay women too lol) get drawn in by my outwardly nature and the fact that I am always looking at them to lipread. When I notice they are getting "attracted" I have to shift how I interact with them ie; make sure I don't touch them, keep a distance, look away..... to ensure I don't give them the wrong impression of being attracted to them which I'm not. It's annoying because there is nothing better than meeting new people and interacting in a friendly, kind and polite way. It truly makes the days go by so well and it makes the world a more friendlier place to live, imo. So I like to keep that good feeling vibe going without any hassle. But meh, such is life. I suppose I should take it as a compliment but it makes me anti social when I'd prefer to be social.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 244
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 8:53:22 AM

You merely hear their name, or see them in a store, possibly months or years later and your heart rate doubles within a couple of seconds. You are likely to get "nervous" too.


I had that exact experience two weeks
ago!

I was walking into to the grocery store and happened to look at the other exit door and saw this woman I was involved with for five years (14 yrs. ago) walking out....my heartbeat went through the roof....started getting tense....what do I say....what do I say....I said....what in the world are you doing in this town....she looked at me....kind of stopped and said excuse me?.....I mean I fell all over again....walked over to her and said I can't believe it's really you....you look great....turned out it wasn't her....but never the less....you make a good point.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 245
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 9:25:13 AM
Loving someone who hates you, unless it's a teenage child full of angst, that's just seeking drama.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 246
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 9:32:56 AM
@ crookcatcher - baaahahahaha! Doppelganger pheromones and all!
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 247
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 11:24:14 PM
Well if I wanted to run my Life by 'chemistry', then I would be a plant....or a dog...or something.....like that....lol

Chemistry is nice, but it's NOT love, as is the case with infatuation....

Those are the things that can bind people together until love decides whether to 'show up' or not, and they don't hurt at times when you could cheerfully STRANGLE your partner....lol

But Love...well, I do remember what that felt like.....

It was when I knew that I accepted him in all of his glory and failings, and loved him in spite of those failings, and sometimes, even because of them.....!!

For me it's nice to have that chemistry in that we speak each other's language and are comfortable with each other, but I really don't expect much more than that and lust, of course, lol, until some time has passed and we have gotten to know each other better.....

I don't think that I have any 'hangover' feelings for anyone anymore, that would make me all fluttery and nervous should I run into them....
Mostly, if there had been good chemistry and they still look good, I just get a flash of lust...followed by a reminder of all of the reasons that it didn't work out, and that, is the end, of THAT.....
The entire process takes about 30 seconds altogether and then it's like it never happened....
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 248
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/9/2015 12:47:38 AM
What does Love even mean? I know what it means to me, what i associate it with and what i am thinking or feeling when i say it, but who knows what the other person is actually hearing? There have been times when i've been chatting that i just stop and think "We're using the same words but we're speaking different languages."

I think too much. :)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 249
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/9/2015 6:05:32 AM

I would ask my mum how you know when youve met the right person and she would say. You just know. I think you do, I just knew. Simple as that.


The same logic can apply to knowing you met the wrong person right away, if they're unattractive or acting weird or say weird things. I wonder how many divorced people thought they met the right person and just knew, only to have Mr./Miss Right become Mr./Miss Wrong.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 250
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/9/2015 6:57:18 AM

What does Love even mean? I know what it means to me, what i associate it with and what i am thinking or feeling when i say it, but who knows what the other person is actually hearing? There have been times when i've been chatting that i just stop and think "We're using the same words but we're speaking different languages."


Exactly!!!

That's what I meant with being able to 'speak the same language'.....It's a sense of ease and comfort that comes unexpectedly when you meet someone who is a kindred spirit....



I think too much. :)


I've been guilty of the same...I always try and remember that where all think alike, nobody thinks too much....because most folks don't think too much these days....imo



Im going to say yes. The best relationships Ive been in Ive known as soon as I saw them. Ever hear of first impressions? When you go for a job ect. Well there is a lot in that. You might not be aware of it but you can tell a lot about someone just by how they look, how they move, what they wear ect.


But first impressions are often misleading ones.....ime. Also, a lot of that 'information' is really just superficial....



would ask my mum how you know when youve met the right person and she would say. You just know. I think you do, I just knew. Simple as that.


See I have a difficult time with this.....

The reason being that you know NOTHING real about the person at that stage, so, if asked, what would you say that you "fell in love WITH", in that case....?
What traits about the person do you feel are worthy of noting and 'loving' in a total stranger?

For me that speaks more to your own, personal emotional state rather than anything to do with the other person in actuality....
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