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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 286
Love at first sightPage 13 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
"Physical attraction isn't a mere linear scale of 1-10, although a general raw attraction is set there "

>>>perhaps when we are young and don't know a lot about sex, we focus on a general appearance template--what's the bust to waist ratio, does she have big eyes, etc. But as we get older, the "connoissers" amongst us might realize that "What she has" can be eclipsed by "What can she do with it". We may see, for example, a man or a woman move their hips well on the dance floor, and make assumptions about how they dance horizontally. Or recognize someone may be an energetic lover, or a sensual one, or a creative one, or a spontaneous one, or can make US feel desired, and worry less about how they're going to look naked and laying statically in bed.

a 2 dimension centerfold of a naked woman might not do as much for us, but if she has a certain smile on her face or is posed in a position with certain backgrounds, we might take all that and think up a fantasy that really turns us on. We might be able to imagine her being very spontaneous. Or willing to seduce us rather than us work hard to seduce her. sometimes it may not be, "Wow, she's a 1o and she wants me?", it may be "wow, this bartender meets so many guys in a week she can choose from...and she wants me?"

sometimes we may not love or lust after the person, but the scenario.
 ishiri
Joined: 4/21/2017
Msg: 287
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/19/2017 3:15:12 PM
sticky toffee pudding with salted caramel ice cream = love at first sight. I've felt a sizzle with certain men that I've met in the past but I wouldn't call it love. There was one though. It felt like I'd met my twin flame but there were no sparks. We're still friends though. Strangely enough, he went on to meet someone who resembled me and who he swears he met in a previous life.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 288
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/19/2017 8:25:23 PM
How do blind people find love, since love at first sight can be a little difficult?
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 289
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/20/2017 5:24:15 AM

How do blind people find love, since love at first sight can be a little difficult?


I see what you did there.

Just the other day there was a very popular thread on reddit asking how blind gay people knew they were gay. Some of the responses were fascinating.

I believe in lust at first sight.
 beercookies
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 290
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/20/2017 10:49:32 AM
It is not "lust" at first sight bc there is a corny soulmate element, that they represent a prototype fantasy of your ideal leading man or woman you held subconsciously in some abstract way, that you ascribe with all the qualities of a perfect, unconditional love.

So, yeah, they have to be usually good looking. Or, maybe resemble somebody familiar that you associate with security and love. Maybe they look like your parent, but younger of course.

Lust at first sight looks a bit different imo. That's about weird momentary curiosity, could be different and varied types, even not physical ideals, just the energy of a person, a momentary intrigue.

Some people seem like an old friend at first meet and others you never quite mesh with, after years. Some call it past lives. It's an intriguing thought. It seems almost comforting.

However, LAFS is usually a way people mythologize their affairs, until there is a rupture. Then, it's.."he was not a soulmate", but a mere earthling.

When younger, the soulmate/LAFS phenom is more buy intoable. People are physically at their most ideal, hopes are freshest.

After 40 the jadedness, the tarnish on the patina, makes it harder to buy into cloying concepts like LAFS, esp when all the evidence is in by then that was mere foolishness.
Many pursue that drug LAFS with younger people.

Or, if one led a a sheltered life and had few experiences, they chase that grail, if only in their head.. A real ltr that's good involves working at it and goes through many iterations, but a key idea is one of selflessness.

The way LAFS is set up seems about dopamine reward centers lighting up, and it seems people continue chasing these highs which are beautifully pictorial in nature, but after you have the good looking arm accessory, you have to do something with it.

Most people don't expect to get it or seem content with possession, but a ltr dies without selflessness. This aspect does not seem lauded, but a sign you are a patsy or unfortunate one.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 291
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/20/2017 11:25:09 AM

Just the other day there was a very popular thread on reddit asking how blind gay people knew they were gay.

I guess the same way we can with our eyes close. If you hear a "OHhhh, Hellllllloooooooooo!" ;)

It is not "lust" at first sight bc there is a corny soulmate element, that they represent a prototype fantasy of your ideal leading man or woman you held subconsciously in some abstract way, that you ascribe with all the qualities of a perfect, unconditional love.

Good way to put how one feels to fit the mold of "love at first sight" -- but I will say just because there is that feeling of core want-to-settle-down element to it, doesn't mean it's void of "lust" that's a driving force. I guess it brings the notion of "what is lust?" Lust isn't pure raw sex and only pure raw sex -- or the pure intentions of a porn plot with the same plotline too.

As wikipedia starts out with, referencing a paper about our emotions: "Lust is a strong emotion or feeling. The lust can take any form such as the lust for sex, lust for expensive objects (extravagance) or the lust for power. It can take such mundane forms as the lust for food as distinct from the need for food. Lust is a psychological force producing intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion."

So when I say "love at first sight" is lust at first sight -- I'm not saying it's lust-for-sex... even though that concept is most certainly there, even if it's not the focal point nor The thing that's wanted. You're lusting after Them. Love is deeper than seeing that person and, as you point out, subconsciously connecting the dots of the qualities that resonate with what is (the feeling of) a perfect person in your emotional eye. It's deeper than just "he/she is pretty attractive" -- as it has also has hooks into the greater picture... merely by observing them like a robot scan. :) It is animalistic, shoot-from-the-hip emotion -- not running deep... but people don't want it downplayed because it's not common when we do feel it, but at the same time, no, it's certainly not love... it's lusting after that Person.

We may see, for example, a man or a woman move their hips well on the dance floor, and make assumptions about how they dance horizontally. Or recognize someone may be an energetic lover, or a sensual one, or a creative one, or a spontaneous one, or can make US feel desired, and worry less about how they're going to look naked and laying statically in bed.

I that is pretty much subconscious connecting the dots (first thoughts had: "I can't explain it man, she just... gets me"), and I dunno -- at a younger age that was there when observing girls. I think I was more open & less picky in what'd draw me, but much of that was due to me not having experience with girls. So I was actually less picky on looks, but certain qualities observed on an Average Jane drew me in more than today.

I think what you may be getting at though too is that because of experiences with many of the opp sex over time -- we associate certain qualities with certain positives that we didn't before when we were young, which will be noticed and matter more. Much of that can be boiled down to what is actually just stereotyping (coorelation doesn't = causation), in the way we're built, hence our tastes evolving.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 292
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/20/2017 11:49:56 AM

We may see, for example, a man or a woman move their hips well on the dance floor,


"My hips don't lie"

-Shakira
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 293
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Love at first sight
Posted: 5/20/2017 2:55:20 PM
"Shakira" knows exactly what she is talking about.

She feeds multiple villages with her hips. (Google it!)
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 294
Love at first sight
Posted: 7/4/2017 7:12:48 AM
I hear oxytocin withdrawal is a b!tch.

I'm considering starting a clinic to help women cope with it.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 295
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Lust at first sight
Posted: 7/4/2017 2:11:06 PM
I call it, "My DNA wants Your DNA."
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 296
Love at first sight
Posted: 7/5/2017 4:22:13 AM
Is there such a thing as love at first sight? - Kinda.

When you meet someone and are attracted to them, the level of attraction can vary....... sometimes it can be a little, moderate, or a high level of attraction. If it's a high level of attraction, it can feel like love at first sight.

Either way, if attraction is a little or a lot at first, if dating goes just right, the love can grow. So I don't think you need to hold out for love at first sight.

That said, the higher your partner's attraction from the start, the better your chances. That's the horse you want to put your money on.
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