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 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 51
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Love at first sightPage 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

^^ You can dissect the rose, extract and study the components that cause the lovely scent.. I'll simply enjoy the aroma in its presence :)


Good to see we agree. I have no problem with grasping the moment, and enjoy what ya got,when ya get it. I just don't like trying to define or label something that it isn't. Just because I enjoy a person's presence instantly, there is no way I'm gonna define it as "love". Strong feelings???? Yep. Strong feelings that could potentially lead to love. Double yep.
I don't always understand why we "have" to try and define or label our intially feelings for each other,instead of like you say, enjoy those feelings. Again,something I get into trouble with the odd person that I'm trying to get to know is when they start trying to define what we are going thru a little too early in the "process". Who cares what we call it if we are having a good time enjoying each other's company and not hurting anybody?????
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 52
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:51:00 AM

Thanks for all the replies! At the beginning, there was a tone of alienation, that I was alone. But reading on, finding that other's have experienced it... is awesome!

Perhaps I'm too much of a romantic idealist, for I do belive in instantainious love, or attraction, and the fairy tale "true love." Yet, understanding what it really is can be perplexing.

Sure, with time we can learn and reconize the things in others that we "love", but is this really love, or just an understanding of how well two individuals get along? And if this criteria is used to define love, then, can one love someone who possess no common traits at all?


I've found that there are different levels and stages of love.

Stage.1.
I love thunderstorms, camping, hunan dumplings, puddle hopping, Mario Brothers on Super Nintedo, the smell of a campfire, the smell and feel of rain, moss covered trees, the way my canoe paddle breaks into the glass surface of a lake first thing in the morning and of course...my coffee in the morning.

Stage.2.
I love my family, close friends, the sound of childrens laughter and the sound of the forest.

Stage.3.
I love my Son.

Stage.3.5
I love my Man

I think the way I differentiate stage 2 love and stage 3 love is how I communicate and want to communicate with them. When our date is over, do I miss him the moment he gets in the car and drives away? When I think of him do I smile and blush like a schoolgirl? Do I hang on every word he says? Do I stare at his lips a little longer than I should when he cracks a sexy smile? When he looks at me does my heart do a double thump? Or am I content to speak with him the next day or the day after? Do I hit a stage in our time together when I start planning what to buy at the grocery store during those awkward silences?

I met my fiance Sept.2011. My feelings for him are as intense now as they were then. What started out as very strong feelings at first sight quickly formed into Stage 3 love. But, I felt those feelings right from day 1 so maybe it was love all along. Who knows, but I can say that I personally am attracted to the way someone carries themselves in life and not just on physical attributes so lust did not come into play until I got to know him better.
 organicquestionmark
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 53
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Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:15:37 AM
^^^^^^Good grief, CarKam!!! In your list of Stage 1, I did a double take when I thought you'd listed "human dumplings"!!

(Slithers away..........looking for love.........and hoping no one ever eats human dumplings............)
 Gertrude13
Joined: 5/14/2012
Msg: 54
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:30:56 AM
^^^lol! I thought that, too!
Damn cannibals are everywhere....

As for "love at first sight," it really does come down to how you're wired and how you define love. For me, there had to be a powerful connection (or at least, I had to THINK so.) to begin. Looks are only a tiny part of that - it's almost all between the ears for me, and it's damn rare. It's some heady stuff! But for me, "love" was what happened when I let go, pushed ego aside, and let him in completely. THAT was a conscious decision, and that's when I considered it love. Maybe other people aren't as guarded as I am, and once that connection sizzles, their heart pops right open. Maybe those people have experienced love at first sight, even as I define it.

People often can't answer "what do you love about the person.". It's actually reasonable. That connection isn't a conscious thing, really. Maybe your subconscious takes note of the way he carries himself, the words he uses, whatever, but it's tough to break it down. That being said, the wise person WOULD do well to make that list before giving his or her heart. Trust me on that one;)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 55
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:54:08 AM
LOL!!! No worries, I haven't been eating Bath Salts or anything and I'm not from Florida!!

Disclaimer: I am in no way shape or form insinuating that all people from Florida are on drugs or come from a family line of flesh eating zombies. If you don't understand my humor, please excuse me...I'm Canadian.
 Gertrude13
Joined: 5/14/2012
Msg: 56
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:00:23 AM
^^^canadian humor rocks! And don't worry, you were perfectly clear. Obviously, I just need to get readers. Sux getting old...
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 57
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:14:44 AM
Love at first sight, in my life, has been:

when I first saw a certain puppy I was given

when I first saw each newborn child of mine

when I first saw 3 of my foster children

ATTRACTION at first sight (and no, not necessarily physical) has happened with some men.
 canna1231
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 58
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:21:07 AM
I agree with Igor, just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 59
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Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:10:07 AM
Walts:. I don't think we can call this "attraction" love.


I have to agree. Think about it this way....what if the person you thought you were "in love at first sight with" God forbid, suddenly died that night on the way home? Would you react the same way you would if that were a family member you loved? Would it have a dramatic effect on the rest of your life?? If it were true "love"....I would think it would....other wise...probably not so much.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 60
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:46:16 AM
Of course, there's an initial "connection". That's how all relationships start, but to call it "love" cheapens the very word, in my opinion. I don't know about you, but "love" is a big f*cking deal in my world, and I would die for those I loved. To say I would do this for someone I know nothing about would be simply asinine.

How many of you believers in this "love at first sight" notion have ever approached a stranger to let them know of your sudden "love" for them? I'd venture to say not very many, considering they would probably run or pepper spray your ass.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 61
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:54:34 AM
Maybe cause when I watched the movie Serendipity (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0240890/ ) I understood that whole you are in my head for a reason.

Again I think some people never experience love--passionate love --they are closely guarded and become friends and then they mistake missing someone with loving someone--others want that passion that 10 years later is still burning inside for the other person.
 Gertrude13
Joined: 5/14/2012
Msg: 62
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:57:15 AM

Of course, there's an initial "connection". That's how all relationships start, but to call it "love" cheapens the very word, in my opinion. I don't know about you, but "love" is a big f*cking deal in my world, and I would die for those I loved. To say I would do this for someone I know nothing about would be simply asinine.


Of course the "initial connection" isn't the whole story. For me, love is a decision, a commitment that may follow once that connection is made. Other than high-school puppy love, I've only taken that leap once in over four decades. When my kids were born, it was instantaneous and overwhelming. I would have killed or died for them, and still would. No question about it. Yeah, there's that whole evolutionary advantage of maternal hormones, but maybe these people who believe in love at first sight have a similar experience. Or Maybe they've confused damp or tented panties with love. I have no way of knowing or judging, but for me, it's not love with a man until I've made a conscious decision - a commitment.
 GoddessOfTheUniverse
Joined: 5/22/2012
Msg: 63
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 12:30:34 PM
Westcoast-Reble: Please do not ever stop "dreaming your dreams" and filling your days and your nights with the fantasies and romantic ideology that brings joy into your world.

Do not let negative replies from people who cannot open up their hearts and their minds to allowing love to circulate into their lives.

When two people meet we experience either a NEGATIVE, NEUTRAL or POSITIVE "feeling" for someone. It's natural. We can't "help" ourselves...the feelings are their good, bad or no feelings at all.

It's rare, very rare but every now and then I meet someone (or see a photo) and I melt like jello on a hot day all excited and thrilled just looking at them.

How many of you people reading this message have fallen "crazy in love" (IF ONLY FOR A FEW MOMENTS IN TIME) with a favorite celebrity or entertainer? I'm betting MOST of you have, at one time or another, had a "secret crush" on SOMEONE at some time in your life. I REST MY CASE!!!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 64
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Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:43:05 PM

How many of you people reading this message have fallen "crazy in love" (IF ONLY FOR A FEW MOMENTS IN TIME) with a favorite celebrity or entertainer? I'm betting MOST of you have, at one time or another, had a "secret crush" on SOMEONE at some time in your life. I REST MY CASE!!!


What case???? You just explained a "crush" which PEOPLE (you) define as "love". In fact, what you just did was tell us you have no idea what "love" is. Honestly. You just did. A crush is a crush. Attraction is attraction. LOVE IS LOVE and really, I don't believe many ever truely experince it. As in other thread I stated, I would kill or die for someone I love. Would you????
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 65
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:18:09 PM
Do not let negative replies from people who cannot open up their hearts and their minds to allowing love to circulate into their lives.


What kind of nutty shit is this? I don't believe anyone here has expressed an objection to "love" in and of itself, just the wild notion that it can form in an instant for a complete stranger you've never even spoken with.


How many of you people reading this message have fallen "crazy in love" (IF ONLY FOR A FEW MOMENTS IN TIME) with a favorite celebrity or entertainer?


Admired greatly? Sure. Found highly desirable?? Certainly. Fantasized about banging? Oh, hell yes.

But LOVE?? No. Some of us live in what is known as reality.
 GoddessOfTheUniverse
Joined: 5/22/2012
Msg: 66
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:16:27 PM
Instantainious love.....once you've experienced it then anyone who is doubtful it exists will be converted!

As for those hideous "laundry lists" some people feel compelled to adjust their lives around....forget them and just 'live life'.

I've never had a "list of qualities" I expect someone to fulfill and I never will....I just live and enjoy life until I die!

I have never "believed" in the confining, "jail-type" lifestyle of marriage and never will. I have turned down many opportunities for marriage (and having kids...ugh) because I do not follow the sheep heading to the slaughter house of boredom, doom and gloom. Let' start enjoying the journey instead of worrying about the destination.

Enjoy life moment-to-moment and life will become more enjoyable for you as the days come and go.

Let's stop the "own and control", take over someone's life with the "gotta get married" attitude.

I recently met someone I was "wild and crazy" about. Unfortunately he just HAD to get married or else he felt "jipped". Huh? Ridiculous. I wanted to enjoy life...he wanted to "trap and cage" me. Why? Why, oh, why does society put such a premium on marriage when more then 60% of them fail. I don't "get" it.

Divorce causes bitterness, hate, resentment, financial trauma, misery and heartbreak. Who needs that!!!! I avoided that horrendous situation and I've always lived life "my way".

What is so great about marriage? Fighting, cheating, sneaking-around, ........
 westcoast-reble
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 67
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Love at first sight
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:38:46 AM
It's great to read all the various perspectives! It appears that most tend to feel that when one is willing to risk their life to save a "loved one", the relationship is consider to be "loving". However, there are those who have risked thier lives to save a complete stranger! Yet, if the rescuer was asked if they "loved" the person they saved, what do you think the response would be?

And for those who have mentioned about loving a new born at first site, the only difference I can see, is that a new born is part of you and your family, where as, seeing someone that you find alluring, is not.

I used the term alluring, because our eyes may first see the physical shell of an individual, but the connection that I am addressing is much more than a physical attraction. It's like a magnetic draw compelling your attention. And the more you "study" the individual, the more alluring they become. When your eyes meet and lock within a gaze, the connection is recipocated. Where it goes from there, to me anyway, is entirely based upon the preceptions each individual holds.

If one of the two individuals feels threatened or uncomfortable, then, any possible relationship will die. Yet, the attraction can still linger on. Where as, if both individuals feel positive about it, and become daring enough to make contact, then, the "life" of the relationship will depend on what "new perspectives" either individual has regarding the situation.

So... just because one has not expreienced "love at first sight" does not mean it doesn't exist. The experience may have been knocking at your door, but no one responded.
 Gertrude13
Joined: 5/14/2012
Msg: 68
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/7/2012 2:59:10 AM
^^^ You make some compelling points. There really is a difference between the explosion felt when you see your newborn for the first time and the connection with another adult. For one, there's no sexual component with the newborn. They are generally hideous-looking creatures, although the parent often can't see that, lol. More importantly, the baby will not love you back - not in the same way. It doesn't have the same fierce protective instinct that can take the parent's breath away. The parent knows its really a one-way street, and is ok with that.

I think some posters are impatient with the idea of "love at first sight" in adults because they have seen too many people who consider love to be something you feel, not something you do. Too many people who experience Eros without agape and call that "true love."
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 69
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/7/2012 3:07:30 AM

We've all heard the cliche, but do you believe? .....Let me know your thoughts.
Love at first sight does not exist. Anyone who believes in love at first sight has no idea what love actually is. Lust or infatuation at first sight, yes. Love, no. Love takes time to grow and is based on the depth and complexity of knowledge, understanding, respect and compatibility between two people. It is based on going through experiences together. What people are doing with love at first sight is projecting onto someone else what they want to see, not what truly is.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 70
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:40:21 AM
From the responses, it seems like women can experience love at first sight more easily than guys, while the guys take a more logical approach to instant love to a total stranger and question it more. Since most people here have experienced failed relationships, at what point did the love at first sight turn into hate at second and third sight and wanting a divorce? I think another problem with love at first sight or whatever hormonal chemical reaction is going on in the brain, is people lose common sense and will overlook all red flags and could end up with another Ted Bundy or some axe murderer and not realize it or keep denying it until it's too late.
 joe_226
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 71
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Love at first sight
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:37:27 AM
westcoast-reble,
I, personally, do not believe the cliche of "love at 1st site". I believe that cliche is used when something about a person "sparks" in the other...and that "spark" turns into a "raging flame" of human emotions for that person...but 1 of those emotions is NOT "love".
 bhawk01
Joined: 12/24/2011
Msg: 72
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:55:19 AM

From the responses, it seems like women can experience love at first sight more easily than guys, while the guys take a more logical approach to instant love to a total stranger and question it more. Since most people here have experienced failed relationships, at what point did the love at first sight turn into hate at second and third sight and wanting a divorce? I think another problem with love at first sight or whatever hormonal chemical reaction is going on in the brain, is people lose common sense and will overlook all red flags and could end up with another Ted Bundy or some axe murderer and not realize it or keep denying it until it's too late.


I have never "hated" anyone i loved. In fact, i still love everyone i have ever loved, although the feelings changed somewhat i still love them and we are all good friends now.
Even during the break-ups, i have felt disappointed in either them or myself but never felt hate of any sort
 justmein2012
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 73
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:04:21 AM
I think a spark or connection but love is something that builds on a spark and it is something about that individual that builds an attraction and love from there
 SamuraiGOD
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 74
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Love at first sight
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:48:03 AM
That spark is something that can be present in your mind in a primal sense, since intuition can be a useful thing, we are animals after all (whether more evolved than other animals is up for debate considering all the scheizze we do to mother nature but I digress) but Love can only derive from commonalities and shared belief-systems and values. which is why it is so hard for me to get to a level beyond attraction with people I have dated here in POF. Personal philosophy is rarely a thing discussed in people's profiles (and I have yet to find a way to illustrate my ideas in writing and only brokenly in person) so after the 3rd date or so when it is finally socially acceptable to talk about it things crumble because in my opinion society has become too "loose" on morality, I might be wrong in being someone that believes in Universal Morality but some people I have met are way too much of a Relativist for me to get attached to them in a romantic sense.

whew, that turned into a discourse I must say!

so... attraction is what we can experience at first sight and not love which happens over time, yeah that sounds like a summary of what I said, lol.
 justmein2012
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 75
Love at first sight
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:50:26 AM
well said and although very deep. makes perfect sense
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