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 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 76
Date sites and self esteem Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I have sent out messages that have garnered no response, I just assume that they aren't interested


I usually assume they have mental illness or a husband.

*shrugs*
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 77
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:49:36 PM
Pig,

Exactly. I live by the motto "image is everything". Because it is. The most subtle things in life can dramatically change how you're perceived. The way you speak, the way you walk, your body language, demeanor, the topics you discuss, etc.

You have the same control to a lesser degree on how you're perceived online. I've looked at profiles from guys who have expressed their frustrations here in the past, and I noticed something many of them do that I know is surely the kiss of death. They brag about their qualities and claim they are what separates them from "the other guys/jerks".

Not only will this leave the average woman saying to herself "yeah, right" as she rolls her eyes, it immediately makes the guy look like a bitter fool who may have lost a woman or two to a "jerk"/"bad boy"/"player".

Bottom line - women are looking for men, not crybabies who use their profiles as their personal venting space.


I have to agree and when I have looked at some men's profiles, I wondered if they were actually trying to prevent women from contacting them. I see pics with dirty clothes laying around in the background, taking a pic against a cheap looking apartment builidng, their dogs and dead fish, etc. And the words are like you say, even worse.

When I had a dating profile up, I would get nearly 95% responses from MSG. Not all dates, but one did say she wanted to date a taller man, but they seemed nice enough and I thought likely I could convert them over to the small side if I really tried. She was likely too young anyway, she was 28. But everyone was pleasant, sometimes with very young women we flirted for a while, just chatting, I wasn't taking it very serious.

And from my own age group I got 4-5 MSGs in a few weeks from women without contacting them, so I hid my profile as I really wasn't wanting to date and didn't want to keep sending polite emails out.

On balance, it seemed more women had decent profiles than men.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 78
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/6/2012 7:08:34 PM
Dmaj7
Isay it and live it frequently. I can assure you I am not delusional. On the contrary I don't understand how people can let the opinions of strangers affect their self-esteem and confidence. I see no rational reason whatsoever. Why should I be effected by the rejection of total strangers. I'ts just not normal. I send out 10 emails(not at a time) and get two responses I concentrate on the two responses. The other eight never existed. I simply don't care. Why, oh why do people care so much?? Let it go.


Personally, I think the truth is somewhere in-between letting opinions of strangers afffect you and being swayed by the opinion of a few bullies or mean spirited people.

By that I mean, if I get zero responses from sending 10 emails, I will change my profile, or my email style or the dating site or all of the above. If 90% of strangers disapprove of something I said, I will take it seriously, since that high a disapproval means something to me. I will change my methods if they prove to be ineffective. I can always improve, and we get feedback from others, so I don't totally dismiss the opinion of others.

But I have been on the net a long time, it's always been full of nut cases that want to jerk others around for amusement, I find it all interesting, and unlike IRL, I can turn off my computer and go for a beer, like magic, poof, they vanish. I used to get a kick 10 years ago how some posters identified with their alias so much they seemed to imbue them with life.

Until we meet IRL, it's all just bits in the ether.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 79
view profile
History
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/6/2012 7:53:05 PM
"On the contrary I don't understand how people can let the opinions of strangers affect their self-esteem and confidence."

Quite frankly, I very rarely get a real "opinion" about me from strangers. Actually, I'm always quite surprised when I read from other guys on here (including in this thread) that women are sending them written rejections at all, much less detailing why. As I've already said, I've sent out THOUSANDS of first contact emails over 5 years here, and I can only recall 3 times ever that a woman responded with a rejection, two of which were just a generic "I don't think we'd be a good match" sort of thing, although one of those two did say she thought we had a lot in common and could be friends (which meant she rejected me for some attraction reason; I did not respond to her because I had enough female friends causing drama in my life). The most recent one from a few months ago actually outright said she couldn't date any guy shorter than her (note that I mentioned NOTHING about my height in my first contact email to her, nor is anything said about it in my profile beyond the mandatory listing of my height) -- but then said she'd be happy to be friends with me and go to the upcoming Radiohead concert with me (wrote her back in the affirmative since I did have no one to go with, never heard from her again, went to Radiohead alone).

So all the other thousands were either no response or disinterested response, neither one of which has any real effect on me whatsoever -- nothing like the effect of being told WHY I'm undateable, which is what's constantly happened in real life (it is interesting that people have always been meaner to me in person than they are online, which apparently is the opposite of most people's experiences, but then again I am a non-white person who grew up in the rural South...). So that's not where the pecking away at self-esteem problem comes from.

Rather, it's the sheer volume of failure. I repeat, THOUSANDS. THOUSANDS of emails, 5 years, nearly universal disinterest in me. I know I'm in the bottom 1% of men, but POF makes me feel like I'm in the bottom 0.001%... because that actually is fairly close to my real success rate here. Which is why I said to the OP, you gotta get WAAAAY beyond 15 before you can justify a dent in your self-esteem.

And I have to say the extremely low number of views and first contact emails and meet me's I get in comparison to other guys in similar-sized markets make me feel even worse than the lack of response from my emails, because at least with my first contact emails it's just a shot in the dark anyway. But the fact that almost no women are even looking at my profile much less emailing me means that almost none of them are even considering someone with my characteristics, that I actually don't even reach the minimum threshhold of manhood. Which sounds a little hyperbolic, but seriously, I get 1/10th of the views of the average male in a large market on this site. And since the number of views you get aren't based on your profile, then there's nothing I can do to improve my situation. I just feel so helpless, like I have no control whatsoever of my circumstances and everything I've ever done to make myself a more suitable date has been rendered pointless.

And this is how a website of complete strangers damages your self-esteem.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 80
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/6/2012 8:40:16 PM
HawkingJr
Rather, it's the sheer volume of failure. I repeat, THOUSANDS. THOUSANDS of emails, 5 years, nearly universal disinterest in me.

And I have to say the extremely low number of views and first contact emails and meet me's I get in comparison to other guys in similar-sized markets make me feel even worse than the lack of response from my emails, because at least with my first contact emails it's just a shot in the dark anyway. And since the number of views you get aren't based on your profile, then there's nothing I can do to improve my situation. I just feel so helpless, like I have no control whatsoever of my circumstances and everything I've ever done to make myself a more suitable date has been rendered pointless.

And this is how a website of complete strangers damages your self-esteem.


I would have left the website after the first 30 emails failed to get a response. All those emails have to have taken a lot of time. Why didn't you leave PoF? It seems for you it's not only a waste of time, it hurts your feelings.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 81
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/6/2012 10:30:09 PM

I see pics with dirty clothes laying around in the background, taking a pic against a cheap looking apartment builidng, their dogs and dead fish, etc. And the words are like you say, even worse.


Yeah, I just don't get that. I don't think they realize that some of the smallest details can send out the biggest of messages. You simply need to put your best foot forward in all regards.

As for contacting women, I can't for the life of me imagine sending out hundreds or even thousands of messages. That's a lot of work. This shouldn't be drudgery.

Not to mention, I think any guy who's simply looking to get women to reply to his messages needs to reach even higher. You need to be thinking of how to get them to come to you. I get on average 5-7 messages a day. On a really good day, anywhere between 15-20.

Another thing I've noticed is how many profiles are so damn SERIOUS. Humor can go a long, long way. Think about it, what woman has ever complained about a man being TOO funny?
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 82
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/6/2012 11:02:17 PM

The majority of women do not write men on dating sites, they don't have to. They will wait for men to write them. It would be a level playing field if the majority of women took the initiative, but it's not happening. Women rarely do the approaching


Uh..yea we do…and we get thrown back into the pond just like the rest of the ones who were not the right fit.

When I was on here for dating I was not afraid to put myself out there. Rejection…meh…just part of life.My biggest problem is going from this craziness to real world dating. Course I have put it all on hold for now but if I come on here for dating again….I will contact men. Have no problem with that.


Self esteem and confidence are funny beasts. Confidence builds confidence and self esteem builds self esteem. Often you just need to get started. When you start to have some success you will gain momentum. When you are having a string of strike outs it's easy to get dismayed. Try to stay positive. Probably the number one think you can do to turn things around. Actions follow thoughts. And if your thoughts are negative then you will just stay defeated.


I have a new writing on my mental wall…thank you:)




The fact that you classify women simply by a body size is a very strong indicator of why you are not having success!


Yurp



Needless to say, the ones who like long haired musicians are the ones I get messages from.


Apparently that is not completely true,,,I have been blowing up your trough and prefer men in suits with short, curly dark hair. Truth is…it’s the man himself, his attitude, not completely what he does or what he looks like.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 83
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/6/2012 11:15:49 PM

OP: Look maybe I am to thin skinned for these dating sites ? But am finding as a man these sites are not helping my self esteem one bit!

You’ve been here a few weeks, OP. Give it a few years. Your self-esteem may toughen up a little. Got a main pic that doesn’t look like a police-lineup?
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 84
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 12:43:14 AM

Apparently that is not completely true,,,I have been blowing up your trough and prefer men in suits with short, curly dark hair. Truth is…it’s the man himself, his attitude, not completely what he does or what he looks like.


Blowing up my trough....haha. Hey now, I do have some bad ass suits, too. It's too bad our damn weather only allows me to wear them maybe 2-3 months out of the whole year.
 kingslayer64
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 85
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:01:24 AM
Heres the thing . Many say dont let this bother you these women dont know you so if they dont want to talk to you or date its no big deal ? Well the fact they dont want to date or get to know me is the deal ! And all this nit picky crap about details details ? Look I could go research dating site success . Write a smashing profile essay send out chain e-mail messages that look great and then what ? What happens if no success then ? Its like women look for any reason not to date you .Hes to short, job not good enough, spelling grammar what else ? I have dated over weight women with no jobs . If I want to find my soul mate I would try atleast to date !

Why are women here at all I wonder ? Seems for many its just to reinforce their self esteem or hottnes factor . But do date a nice guy ?

No !

And love when the attractive ones complain no success or jerks ? YOU pick the guys you date not the other way around .YOU want Mr successful well off great looking tall etc ?

Dont you think those guys can get dates ? Dont you think they have dates and woman to do what ever with ? If it looks to good to be true guess what ? It is !
 kingslayer64
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 86
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:10:33 AM
Oneway :

"Uh..yea we do…and we get thrown back into the pond just like the rest of the ones who were not the right fit. "

Oh really ? Who are you messaging Donald Trump Prince Charles ? Have viewed your profile and pics your way out of my league . You have high maintenance written all over you .Maybe some of the men you are messaging think the same ?.I dont think I could afford to keep you in make up LOL..Sorry thats my opinion I really don't know .And doubt you would date bellow your tax bracket .

"When I was on here for dating I was not afraid to put myself out there. Rejection…meh…just part of life.My biggest problem is going from this craziness to real world dating. Course I have put it all on hold for now but if I come on here for dating again….I will contact men. Have no problem with that."

If you dont get ten messages a day I will eat my own sh*t ! And again many men view gorgeous women as high maintenance and hard to please .

Now how wrong are they to do so ?

"Truth is…it’s the man himself, his attitude, not completely what he does or what he looks like."

Ones attitude gest destroyed on these sites eventually . So yeah it does matter what the guy looks like ! If hes good looking and having success what is is attitude going to be like ? And not completely what he does or looks like? ROTFL !

Jesus Christ couldnt get a date on POF want to know why ? LOL
 kingslayer64
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 87
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:15:49 AM
pigofyourdreams:

"Yeah, I just don't get that. I don't think they realize that some of the smallest details can send out the biggest of messages. You simply need to put your best foot forward in all regards. "

Oh we do ! We fully understand how nit picky you women are trust me .LOL
 kingslayer64
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 88
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:24:16 AM
muted :

"You’ve been here a few weeks, OP. Give it a few years. Your self-esteem may toughen up a little. Got a main pic that doesn’t look like a police-lineup?"

I have been on several sites for over six years brother .

Ah here we go again a another photo critic ? EVERY photo I have used on every dating site gets criticized by someone .Maybe none would be better ? Its either you look this way or you look that ? Your pic looks pretty awe full to there buddy ! I look much better in person anyways have gotten told that allot . And every pic I like ,like my shirtless ones get bashed on .

Really let me put my police line up ones up LOL
 turnitupman
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 89
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:26:41 AM
Kingslayer, you're taking this WAY too seriously. I don't get a lot of messages either, and I have it on good authority I'm not hideous to look at or anything. Heck, I don't even get a lot of views, but I'm happier than you are with it because I don't expect any kind of result coming here. Would it be nice if people showed interest? Absolutely. But don't let someone (ANYONE!) else determine how important you are, or you'll be miserable no matter what. Get yourself happy, and other people can pick up on that, don't, and they'll see that too. Come at it from the point of view that anything you get from this site is just a lucky coincidence, like finding a twenty in the street, and live your life the way you want to.

POF and other, similar sites are just a way to cast a wider net, but everything is relative and there are no guarantees about anything in the world. The point is, don't let random people you may or may not ever see ruin your self image. What you should do ultimately comes down to what makes YOU happy, not the cute blonde on the left or the sexy brunette on the right. Not even the doofus talking to you right now. Just you. Get YOURSELF to a better place, then worry about everyone else, but not enough to kill your buzz :) Hope you get some better luck bud.

*Edit - A good way of looking at it is from a buddhist (Philosophically, not necessarily religiously) perspective. One of the main tenets of that worldview is that your happiness is dependant on how much you want compared to what you get, and there are two ways to change that ratio - change how much you get, or change how much you want. That second one is important, and although it goes against the western worldview, it's actually pretty useful in not getting miserable over the trivial. If you can seperate INTEREST from WANT as a concept, you'll do just fine that way :) *
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 90
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:30:04 AM


Oh really ? Who are you messaging Donald Trump Prince Charles ? Have viewed your profile and pics your way out of my league . You have high maintenance written all over you .Maybe some of the men you are messaging think the same ?.I dont think I could afford to keep you in make up LOL..Sorry thats my opinion I really don't know .And doubt you would date bellow your tax bracket .


Ok, your problem is becoming more clear with each of your posts. You have made enormous negative assumptions based simply on her pictures. You are shooting yourself in the foot, man. How do you NOT see it?

Wouldn't you be quick to call foul on a woman coming to wild conclusions based solely on your pictures??
 MementoMori32
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 91
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:31:01 AM
Kingslayer: I think it might be time for you to take a break from online dating lol. I feel for you man, I do.

A woman I know, she's probably about a 5 on a 1-10 scale. When her and I were both on POF comparing results, she was getting about 6 messages a day from different guys. She said when she first signed up it was a lot more than 6, but we weren't comparing back then. By comparison, I was getting around 1 message a week, and that message was almost always from an extremely undesirable woman. That's not just me being picky either, that's me being kind.

Women can talk a lot of smack on these forums about how they get rejected too, but I don't think most of them have a clue what it's like for most men. I do pretty well dating in the real world, I was just using POF to help meet someone with similar interests, something I've not been able to find outside. This site had me wondering what the crap was wrong with me for a while there lol. And I'm a pretty confident guy normally.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 92
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 2:24:33 AM
I recommend you read "Man's Search for Meaning."

In it, the author (Viktor Frankl) talked about surviving in a concentration camp.
He observed how important attitude was for survival, noting that those who refused to allow their spirit to be crushed by the overwhelming bleakness of their future outlived those who succumbed to it.

You would have died in a concentration camp by now.
All I read from your posts is seething bitterness.
You blame others for your failure and your low self esteem.

Your only hope for success here or anywhere is to take responsibility in what ever ways that may apply.

E.g., not everyone comes across well in print.
You said yourself that others say you look better in person.
So stop trying to meet women online--do speed dating or table for six.
Go on a singles cruise. Join a meet-up group for singles.

Or maybe you're a horrible conversationalist--I have no idea whether you are.
If so, then join Toastmasters. Take a public speaking class at a community college.

Or maybe you truly have a fragile self esteem and need to work on yourself.
Go talk to a counselor and get some help then.

For nearly every dilemma you assert, there is a solution that is within your control.
You are so busy blaming and damning women for the rejection you suffer that you've not stopped to consider that it's in your power to change it.
Stop playing the victim.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 93
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 4:46:31 AM

By comparison, I was getting around 1 message a week, and that message was almost always from an extremely undesirable woman.
Did you see the content of the messages your friend received and the type of guy they were from??.. Maybe to her they were also "extremely undesireable" or very obviously looking for a one nighter...
Tough for women how?
Tough because even "if" a woman gets 10 messages a day there is an almost certain guarantee that 9 of those are guys 'pretending' to be looking for a LTR but who are really wanting to bonk and bolt.... Or... mass emails because the guy is willing to take ANY woman and has no real interest in her at all but as long as she has a vagina and can lay on her back she will do... So while women usually get more messages the quality of the messages are pretty bad...
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 94
view profile
History
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:01:38 AM
"I would have left the website after the first 30 emails failed to get a response. All those emails have to have taken a lot of time. Why didn't you leave PoF? It seems for you it's not only a waste of time, it hurts your feelings."

I would say I'm a glutton for punishment, but more than anything else: POF is free, so the only cost is my time... and my sanity. Which has never been all that stable anyway, so really, what would I be losing? As far as time is concerned, yes, I have in fact on some days spent several hours composing first contact emails, but I have also taken huge breaks from POF, but not because I was frustrated with it but rather because I was too busy to deal with it (besides working 2 or 3 jobs, I've produced 3 films during the time that I've been on POF).

Nothing else has worked over the past 5 years either, but there's a cost to almost everything else that would get me dates -- I can't continuously be shelling out money to pay sites, even though they worked much better for me in the past (and they're not really working now either, although my response rate is much higher on them because women actually list their preferences on them and I don't attempt to contact those that have indicated they would have no interest in me, which is not possible on POF). I actually get rejected from speed dating and professional dating services because of my height (women aren't going to pay to meet short men in that fashion). In my long history of clubs and bars, I can count on my fingers how many numbers I've gotten, most of which didn't answer or return my calls or whatever, and going to such places by yourself is never good and now most of my friends have matured to the point that they don't go out much (my best friend just blinked at me like I was crazy yesterday when I asked her if she was going to have a big party for her upcoming birthday like she did all the time years ago). As it turns out, filmmaking events are terrible places to meet women, because most filmmakers are male, and the actresses who attend them... well, they are actresses, and can do a lot better than me.

So there's no point in taking down my profile from POF, because there's no effort or cost in leaving it up and some miracle might happen with it -- all I need to do is log in every day to make sure it remains near the top of searches. But since I rarely get unsolicited views, I'm not really making any use of the site unless I send first contact emails, so it becomes a question of, do I feel up to adding on to my mountain of failure on this site today for that one in apparently million chance someone is going to write back with genuine interest? Sometimes, I debate what the point in that is, because if women aren't even searching for someone like me, then me actively seeking out them isn't going to make it any more likely they're going to be interested. In theory. Obviously in non-POF scenarios, I have managed to convince some women I'm worth dating that weren't searching for someone like me, but POF does not provide an avenue for that to work.

Ultimately, I'm not sure how much of a waste of time I consider it to be. What would I have been doing otherwise? Writing. Watching TV or a movie. Doing actual work.

To be fair, as a person who grew up in the shadows of cross-burnings and lynching threats and who was beaten and belittled almost every day throughout school, the rejection on POF should be nothing. But there's a couple of problems with that: those experiences likely toughened me up too much, to the point that I figured I could handle hundreds of rejections and almost no positive reinforcement over the course of years -- well, the thing is, you should really know when to quit something when it's apparent that it's not working, but I've supposedly been through much worse, so surely I can keep fighting my way through this crap, since it's apparently worked for the majority of people on this site. And the other problem is, much as with the victims of the Holocaust, I knew I was on the side of "right" when I was going through what I was going through in Alabama, that the majority then and especially now viewed what happened as wrong -- with POF (and maybe dating in general), either *I* am in the wrong, or there is no "wrong" -- there is no real consensus whatsoever about what's happening to me here, there is only statistical data that suggests that I am vastly inferior to other men in the eyes of women. True, others have lived through worse, and I myself have experienced much worse, but no reasonable human being does not agree that those things were bad, so that's vindication.

There will be no vindication on POF.
 Dmaj7
Joined: 5/13/2012
Msg: 95
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:33:10 AM

I can always improve, and we get feedback from others, so I don't totally dismiss the opinion of others.


I agree dragonbits. The opinions of others can help us learn about ourselves. It is important for continual learning and maturing. I don't advocate outright dismissing the opinions of others who are in my life. I will, and have made improvements and changed direction based on the feedback of others. This doesn't affect my self-esteem however. And yes if we are not having successes we need to examine it and actively seek feedback. And I agree changing and improving the profile helps. But at the end of the day if strangers don't right back I can't take it personal, and it does not affect my self-esteem.

What I'm attempting to suggest is we can't be too emotional when we are rejected by complete strangers. Attaching too much significance to the rejection of ourselves by strangers is unhealthy. And sometimes it goes beyond strangers. If someone dumps you there is usually the immediate affect of reduced self-esteem. It is part of the break up process. But at the end of the day we pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, collect ourselves and get over the rejection. It is never personal. It's their view of you formed by their observations and perceptions.

So I guess to conclude letting the opinions of others affect you should be entirely up to the person receiving the opinion not the person giving the opinion. And admitting weakness and making efforts to improve shouldn't damage your self-esteem. On the contrary it should improve it. Someone who has the confidence to realize their weaknesses and improve them is far ahead of the people that go through life without being able to look inward for solutions instead of blaming those around them.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 96
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:40:39 AM
I repeat, THOUSANDS. THOUSANDS of emails, 5 years,

Frankly I don't even know how you could find 1,500 women to write to in the space of 5 years without just taking a shotgun blast approach at anything that moves. Are you sending form letters? I've been here for several years and I can't even find 100 people I'd want to talk to much less go on a date with (forums excepted, of course!! Yes, I want to date ALL of you, especially my semi-regular stalkers.)


I just feel so helpless, like I have no control whatsoever of my circumstances

Learned helplessness. That's not the same as actual helplessness.


and everything I've ever done to make myself a more suitable date has been rendered pointless. And this is how a website of complete strangers damages your self-esteem.

If your self-esteem becomes damaged based on the actions of complete strangers, then you couldn't have had much in the way of self-esteem in the first place. If your source of "self-esteem" is whatever somebody else was able to provide based on your getting whatever you wanted from them, then they can also take it away simply by ignoring you. Therefore the "self esteem" couldn't have been yours to begin with; it was just an illusion based on an idealized fantasy that never came true, and all because somebody didn't come over there and give you whatever you wanted. In other words, you set yourself up to lose.

Real self-esteem comes from "self" and it isn't dependent on the approval of strangers. Start setting yourself up to win by getting some real self-esteem, then the non-actions of complete strangers won't matter.
 KillmeNowPlease
Joined: 5/25/2012
Msg: 97
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:49:22 AM
^^^^


Frankly I don't even know how you could find 1,500 women to write to in the space of 5 years without just taking a shotgun blast approach at anything that moves.


Suffering Succotash!...missed again :laugh:

OT-the OP, seems to still hold the argument that women are this and women are that, and oh poor me! Listen up-rejection is part of life. Attitude; not aptitude, will determine Altitude in life. If you seriously think you are the only person in life to be "rejected because of whatever"- you are not!

I'll quote this one more time for you: "NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT."!~Eleanor Roosevelt
Suggest you paste this on your mirror and repeat it ten times a day! Hope this helps you to see that the whoa is me pity party you seem to be living isn't going to move you forward in your quest to find a woman!

Memonto wrote:


she was getting about 6 messages a day from different guys. She said when she first signed up it was a lot more than 6, but we weren't comparing back then.


Well if she was getting messages like the one's I get-see sample
"MM tasty breasts hun...passionate?" I don't count that as message worth reading and into the trash can it goes!

Point being for many women the amount of messages worth responding to is more like 1-2 a week if you're lucky...
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 98
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Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:16:42 AM
HawkingJr, I checked out your profile, it's not very personal, I liked the part of what you do for a living I bet you have some interesting stories to tell, you did some humour always a plus for me, but there isn't alot about who you are as a person or what you are looking for in a woman to date, it's very generic for a writer. I'm not trying to slam you or anything but I had expected more from your profile due to your posts on the forums. The reality is that online dating can be very tough, and yes getting rejected sucks, unfortunately being shorter does put you at a disadvantage with some women but not all, but there are things you can do to improve your chances, my advice is a profile review and be more open about who you are as a person not what you do as a profession, in the end it's just a tool to broaden your availablity to more potential mates, but if it isn't working then try something else and use the site as a backup plan, it's what I do. Have you tried taking classes for fun or volunteering, don't laugh I met some good people that way.

Well Op with every post you make, it becomes obvious why you can't get a date, change your behaviour and take responsibility for your actions or continue to fail, it's really that simple.

Yes women probably get more messages then men, but most are from men who are looking for a booty call, are not what I'm looking for or attracted too or are too faraway to be a viable option, so in the end, zero dates is still zero dates no matter if you get more messages or not.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 99
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:21:49 AM
To get back to the orginal question about self esteem and dating sites, it has done wonders for increasing my self esteem.

Some women I have chatted with have gone on 100-400 meet and greets before finding someone, and males send out 1000s of msgs.

There are so many miserable people trying to date that even in my worst days I did better than that and felt better than many people here. Now I really appreciate how well I have done.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 100
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:42:09 AM

To get back to the orginal question about self esteem and dating sites, it has done wonders for increasing my self esteem.

Some women I have chatted with have gone on 100-400 meet and greets before finding someone, and males send out 1000s of msgs.

There are so many miserable people trying to date that even in my worst days I did better than that and felt better than many people here. Now I really appreciate how well I have done.


now see? Here is a glass half full kinda guy. :)

kudos to you! :)
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