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 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 17
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When do finances signal a red flag?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
It should became a red flag anything it's going to effect you and/or your finances. And it doesn't matter if it doesn't bother some others, it matters if it bothers you.
 blissness108
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 18
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When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 4:54:03 PM
For goodness sake, if a person is so concerned about protecting his/her finances, get a pre-nup. There is no financial obligation to a person you are dating or in a relationship with or even living with unless you are legally married. It's really very simple to seek legal advice to protect your assets, esp. anything involving your children. My soon-ex is declaring bankruptcy and this will effect me for a very long time. Reading some of these judgemental comments, totally blows my mind. I am not defined by my financial standing or by my soon-ex's actions. It does not make me a lesser person with a character defect. As I have said before, I will still pay my own way on dates. My one date I went on I tried to pay for my own glass of wine....he made at least three times my annual salary and whipped out a company credit card to pay for our two glasses of wine and two diet cokes. Yes, there are people out there who will use you on any level they can, but please do not assume because someone is poor they are not date worthy or good marriage material or compassionate caring, moral people.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 19
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:00:41 PM
"Mainly my question is regarding if a person, either male or female, should be concerned if finances are a persistent issue. Because as we know it can bring about stress. An example is owing money. $2500.00, towards a financial issue that arose but it came about in a manner that wasn't completely fair."

Define "persistent issue" - I mean heck, I could get in a car accident tomorrow and it could cost me $2500, and if I didn't have the money it'd go on the credit card (as a matter of fact, 8yrs ago I did just that, a 180-degree on black ice, hit a tree (thankfully not another car/person) going backwards - new tailgate, bumper, painting the tailgate shell, and labor came to about $2400 total). I can't say it came about in an "unfair" manner, but it sure wasn't expected.

Nope, unless its a *huge* amount of debt (like 5+ figures), which might bring some doubts depending on what its for, I think their *reliability* in paying it back is what's important. What is the debt for? I mean, seriously, when I bought my house I had a mortgage for $100K+, I paid the mortgage (and extra almost every month), would having $100K in debt make it an "issue to be concerned about"? Sure, if I had lost my job and was $100K in mortgage debt, um, yeah, it'd cause "stress"... but that is a 'what if', not current reality.

So advice would be, what is the debt for/about, and are they trying to pay it off (and being responsible not running up more for 'fluff' things)? Someone in debt for $2500 for gambling who still gambles and isn't really paying it off, not responsible. Someone who's barely scraping by, is juggling bills continually, but manages to 'find money' to go spend on toys and stuff... definitely questionable. Its not the amount of debt per-se, its what they're doing about it.

edit: "We've moved 3 times the last time he pulled the rug out from under me, and now we owe 2500 in back rent." -- um, yeah, that sounds like an irresponsible red flag.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 20
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:15:07 PM
I am not getting why you are on here.

You are married.

As for marrying a man who cannot control his money, and this has been a pattern for you
then YOU have some issues that you need to address.

No?
 NJ_Phil
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 21
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:17:34 PM

When should a woman start to be concerned when it comes to a mans finances? And if she is with him in a relationship, when do finance problems raise a red flag?


Let me fix this up for you properly my dear:
When should a MAN start to be concerned when it comes to a WOMAN'S finances? And if HE is with HER in a relationship, when do finance problems raise a red flag?

There..much better

I've only been around the block once, but so far my opinion is that most women are simply out of control with money issues.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 22
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:20:53 PM

I've only been around the block once, but so far my opinion is that most women are simply out of control with money issues.


Then you made a bad choice.

I chose wrong twice.

Both men had no concept of money.
And I paid the price for it.
NEVER again!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 23
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:21:57 PM
Nuttin but trouble. Actually one trouble to the next. A continuous story, which will go round and round and round and round till someone crashes.Before the next marriage, I would slow it down a bit. Ya know, "get to actually know" the person you are suppose to spend the rest of your life with.

That's all I got on this train crash.

That, another "reason" to add to my book.(I'm never gonna be able to finish it!!!!)
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 24
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:33:16 PM
I've only been around the block once, but so far my opinion is that most women are simply out of control with money issues.


In my experience, neither gender has a monopoly on financial train wrecks. I would hazard a guess that most PEOPLE are out of control with money. My question for the original poster is, how much does she contribute to the relationship? I'm guessing, but my hunch is that they are primarily living on the guy's income.

Financial issues should always cause one to take pause. Unless you're so wealthy that you can afford to support the other person in a manner which they'd like to become accustomed...
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 26
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When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:02:41 PM

I think it's prudent to find out if you're on the same page financially asap. You can bring up the topic without getting really personal - general attitudes towards money are usually more useful to know than specific numbers anyways.

My financial red flags, in no particular order:
-credit card debt or personal debt(loans from relatives, etc)
-student loan debt for something other than med school(or something else lucrative enough to make taking out loans a logical choice)
-living beyond his means/constantly broke
-not saving for the future


Credit card debt is a red flag? $50,000 in CC debt, sure. $5000 CC debt, not so much.
I agree with student loans for a degree which isn't real useful.
I also agree one should live within their means.
Saving for the future can be challenging.

I agree both people should be on the same page. Both should bring similar assets to the table, with maybe a total value. One person may have a house, another may have investments etc. It would also be nice to be in the same income bracket. Etc. Similar ideas when it comes to spending and saving helps as well, along with the same general ideas of retirement etc etc.

If one person needs a new vehicle every 3 years, while another likes yearly trips, they might be able to work around the different ideas, maybe not.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 28
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When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:14:56 PM
For me, it really is more about how the person controls his finances. I'm a big saver and live pretty frugally so I couldn't picture having a long term serious relationship or marriage with someone that needed to spend every penny he earned as well as spending it on stupid stuff. A person's viewpoint on finances are usually clear within the first 3 months or less of dating. If they are not compatible with yours, then I would say the relationship probably won't work out in the long run.

Edit: To the above poster that mentioned red flags being ignored early on in the relationship--That is so true, and it seems to be especially true for women. I've seen a lot of my female friends ignore these red flags, thinking that they can fix them later on. In the end, the relationship goes up in flames because no one can change anyone.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:19:21 PM

We married in February on the 29th.


You've moved *3 times* in 3 months? How long did you know this guy before marrying him?
 ncipienssuper
Joined: 6/3/2012
Msg: 32
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 5:27:24 AM
When do finances signal a red flag? simple when you start becoming the solution to their problem!
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 34
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When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:34:19 AM
Financial problems are the number one reason couples breakup, I've experienced what happens when someone isn't honest or good with their money and drag you down with them, it can take years to fix the problem. This economy has brought to light how bad people are with their money and the amount of personal debt we hold is incresing all the time. If I'm dating someone it doesn't bother me how they spend their money but if we are getting serious then I would want to take a realistic evaluation of their spending/debt habits. Student loans and good debt are one thing, but if someone isn't paying their bills and lives well beyond their means it's a receipe for disaster. Op you should have had this conversation before you got married and tied yourself financially to this person, especially with children involved, owing back rent and moving to avoid the problem should be huge red flags and you need to do something about it now. Get some financial advice from your bank, it's free but you need to be honest, there are agencies that can help you but only if you are willing to take control of your life and your finances, you have made some bad choices now it's time to take responsibilty for those choices and make positive changes for you and your children.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 36
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:36:40 AM
I care little while dating, if dating exclusively or in a relationship, about someone's finances.

Some would consider me a catch since I'm living the American dream, with a home, car & a few luxuries. The flip side is being in hock up to my butt with a mortgage, paying for constant home repairs, a car, car insurance (very high in NJ), college tuition & basic living expenses that keep climbing. $2500 is a third of what I owe on my new boiler to Sears. Occasionally I get collection letters from payments I disagree with too. One was for lab testing where if uninsured I'd pay $50 but since I'm insured it's $250 because that's my annual insurance deductible.

I wouldn't be with someone who considered my financial issues a red flag or who stressed over such money issues that most have to one degree or another.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 37
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:48:34 AM

He is ruining us and I don't know what to do. I have considered divorce. But I feel awful it's going to be a painful choice. He's very aloof with things. You know I'm sorry but this ruined my other relationships as well.


Sounds to me like you are playing the Victim. Don't you work? Don't you have a place to live that YOU control? Can you kick him out of your apartment?

So, yes, you should divorce, because it's not going to get any better and he is going to continue to use you. But the main problem, is that YOU allow it. Otherwise you kick him out, and then even get a no contest divorce (depending on your State of course). And be done with it.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 38
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 7:22:02 AM

No. I'm worried because I married the man. And I am very stressed because I have come to the conclusion that he does not care if the bills get paid. period. Now what to do? I mean for me it's been extremely difficult. I don't understand his rationality on things. We've moved 3 times the last time he pulled the rug out from under me, and now we owe 2500 in back rent. Ouch! Why his he doing this to us?

He is ruining us and I don't know what to do. I have considered divorce. But I feel awful it's going to be a painful choice. He's very aloof with things. You know I'm sorry but this ruined my other relationships as well.

Oh dear god! No wonder women are independent today!


So the post isn't really about money it's about irresponsibility where your lives are concerned.

Unsure how you missed such a thing prior to marrying him but it's on you to change it. Sounds as if this issue is one of many too.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 44
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 1:58:17 PM
My biggest red flag was when an IRS agent comes knocking at the door.

I knew once one acquaintance that hid under a table pretenting they weren't home.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 45
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When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 2:04:57 PM
Run.

Far away... Very quickly...

Run, do not walk, to the exit. Get a GREAT attorney and get the HELL out now...

That's my advice.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 46
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 2:23:55 PM

I had a situation with a guy I dated for almost a year. He lived at home with mommy and daddy rent free and mooched off of them. He borrowed money for his car and schooling from them. He borrowed money from me as well and has yet to pay me back. In my eyes a man of almost 37 should be more responsible


Given the description above; buddy should be looooooaded, not just responsible.

Sheeesh

I'm jealous!
 NYCmasterplumber
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 47
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 2:41:01 PM
One of my accounts is a doctor and this cheap low life son of a **** asked me to snake out his wife's shower

I removed pieces of wire and and part of an old snake. I explained the drain pipe had to be replaced (this was over 3 years ago!!!) He said forget about it as he and the kids take baths. The Dr said "Oh I thought I could clear it myself"

I said lets make deal I wont do medical stuff of then GYN and you don't do any plumbing other then urology

Two weeks ago I was do an alteration installing new bathrooms in a home a few doors down from the doctors house.

The doctors wife was walking her dog and started a conversation and I asked her who ended up doing the shower repairs?

She said no one he told her that is she doesn't like taking baths she should shower at the YMCA about a half mile away

Then she said she goes there TWICE A DAY morning and evening to shower even in the dead of winter.

I do not know who is more of a nut case herv taking this kind of abuse or him being so inconsiderate .

I told her "he will have to get it fixed if he ever expects to sell the house for top dollar

He paid 2.7 million for this home

Now that "spread the wealth" has taken full effect many of my accounts are losing their homes (foreclosure) and the marriages are on the rocks .

whether your rich or poor it is nice to have money and very few relationships can survive during a depression
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 49
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When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 3:26:57 PM

My gold-digger ticker is going off in 5...4...3...2...1...

Thats your tin-digger ticker @ 2500.00 rush
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 52
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When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/6/2012 10:43:41 PM
When your SO cannot go to a movie, dinner and owes a lot of money to creditors and when you are living paycheck to paycheck.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 64
When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:19:42 AM
Owing $2,500? That's FAR from being any kind of red flag, unless the debt is from something really irresponsible and will be an ongoing problem.

Try going to college. The average college graduate in their early 20s is over $100k in debt.

Don't worry about how much the debt is, that's honestly none of your business. Worry about WHY the debt exists.

If someone went to college or job training, they're going to have a debt, but that's different from being in debt because you lost a lot of money betting on the dog fights that you go to every week...
 joe_226
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 66
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When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:47:06 AM
SweetCyn2011,
If someone has to hold a certain "financial status" in order to be considered an acceptable mate, I'm not gonna say anything further...except...that's down-right SORRY !!!
However, if someone's "financial status" is due to their own inabilities (not holding down a job, frivilous spending,etc.), that's a TOTAL different story and, in my opinion, SHOULD be a "red flag".
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 68
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When do finances signal a red flag?
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:55:45 AM
Choose someone in a similar income bracket. Everyone wants to marry-up, I would prefer to be with someone in a similar situation. I wouldn't have much in common with a millionaire, so someone in a similar situation to mine would be perfect.
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