Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 24
No sex from get go so no goPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

He made me feel very bad about it saying I make him feel unactactive n ugly n if he finds perfect girl he will make her feel like a queen n he has other option bc he is going to Vegas soon.

Hopefully you've given the guy the boot. Whaaaaaaa...you made him feel unattractive and ugly because you couldn't wait to rip his pants off - the poor baby. What a ploy. He wanted to make you feel bad for him and it apparently worked. Then to tell you he's going to Vegas to get some because he has options? You're apparently just one of his options and if you won't give it to him within his time frame, eh, no biggy, he'll get it elsewhere. Ya know what? Sight unseen, the guy IS unattractive and ugly. That fact you are only dating and he is under no obligation to not have sex elsewhere at this point isn't the issue - the issue is that you can see right from the get go that he's a manipulator, which is a tactic he would use on you whether it had to do with sex or anything else that didn't go his way.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 31
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 11:28:34 AM
I was just thinking about this. It reminds me of different people's shopping styles. For instance, I know what I want and what appeals to me before I even go out looking. I make big purchases like houses and vehicles the same way. Line a bunch up, take a look at them all in one day and then buy within no more than a day - two tops. Other people think it to death and take months of looking and wind up dissatisfied in the end anyway. It's more of a personality type than being afraid of or not afraid of sex. People can be more uncertain of themselves rather than that which they are going after.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 32
view profile
History
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 11:44:57 AM
^^^^ yeah, you just may be spot on with that analogy. I have never had to wait more than 2, 3 at the most dates if a woman was into me and I , her. If the woman was not that into me, or I wasn't into her, I'd know it certainly by three dates... asking for sex???? What???
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 33
view profile
History
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 11:51:03 AM

Actually, that makes a big difference for a woman. If a man doesn’t like her enough to stick around then it’s much easier on her when he leaves without having sex before. Otherwise, it’s a big blow to a her ego.

You are probably right, but I seem to have missed that whole "if he leaves me after having sex, it means I'm no good" thought process. Personally, I think women should focus less on "sex = relationship" in preference to "relationship=relationship, and sex=sex", but probably difficult to do when her brain gets flooded with oxytocin as part of the sexual experience.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 35
view profile
History
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 12:28:41 PM
hahah some male bashing here, like the woman who said eeeewww, 50 year old bengay guy, well he may be using preparation h and other creams, I could say stuff about her age group but would definitely be cruxified for that.
Do not trash people, some guys are 50 or more around here, if it were a free for all, that woman would lose.
Do not offend.

It is bad when women bash guys and no one cares but when guys do that to women it is a horrible thing.

Anyhow my opinion on sex is all depends on the couple, it is one of the partners right to hold off on that, no one should strees out the other on sex, it is a sign of respect to the other's feelings and wants. A relationship is about respect and caring not abusing.

I have always hold off and let the woman actually ask. Well they way I do it I have ways that they get so heated up and I tell them no until they really want it haha it is a game but i make sure it was them that wanted it, I always want it anyhow, I let them know without telling but back off. Some will not respect that and insult me calling me gay or even slap me, It is amusing to me.

Sex and respect goes both ways , alot of women here act and feel and stat that all men victimize and pressure women for sex, some men like me do not and the women do .

it goes both ways.

To the OP , if he does not respect you move on , it does not matter if he says you make him feel ugly, it is a mind game to say that. If he wants replace sex with a massage and tell him how handsome and manly he is even if he is not, then if if he actually felt ugly he will no longer do so, works with me hahahaha.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 36
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 12:31:08 PM
No, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her. She's just slow to make decisions - like not deciding to give this guy the boot because of his pressuring and manipulating. She ruminates about when may be the best time to have sex (for her) the same way. As I said, it's a personality type - we can't all be quick decision makers and/or live with those decisions without guilting ourselves to death once those decisions are made.
 YayForBeer
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 37
view profile
History
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 12:59:54 PM

Uh oh, someone doesn't have an open mind. ;)

I had a very happy anniversary, thank you! Just because my marriage doesn't fit into societies definition doesn't make it any less.

Good luck to you finding what you're looking for!


I understand this doesn't pertain to the original topic, but I find this kind of amusing.. I mean certainly everybody is free to have a relationship however they see fit.. I even have a friend who has been with his girlfriend for over 15 years, but they have an open relationship. It's all good.

But is it still a marriage if you're getting it on with people other than the spouse? :) Marriage is defined as a monogamous domestic partnership.

Again, I'm not disagreeing maliciously, I just enjoy a good debate now and then.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 49
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 5:28:45 PM
Don't want sex, don't have sex. But really, I would think ya should know by the age that you are at that if someone is "asking" for it, that' s what they WANT and will not stop at no for an answer. And also to let ya know, like at least one poster mentioned, some of these guys WILL play the waiting game until ya spread the legs and they get what they WANT, and then vanish in thin air. "Waiting" does NOT always get what YOU WANT. Just sayin.

And like other posters have stated, I can honestly say I never "asked" for sex in my life. It happens because it's always been a mutal understanding and agreement with nary a word spoken about the subject of the act.(we both wanted and got)
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 53
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 5:47:02 PM
jsphn11
Actually, that makes a big difference for a woman. If a man doesn’t like her enough to stick around then it’s much easier on her when he leaves without having sex before. Otherwise, it’s a big blow to a her ego.


If a women doesn't like me enough to stick after having sex it would be a big blow to my ego as well. I think I would take it personally.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 56
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:09:33 PM

women aren't playing some game by not having sex with you right away


Actually because you are a women and probably don't date women, don't tell us what "women" will and will not do. Some DO actually use sex as a tool. Not saying this is the case here, but it does happen. And by more than one. As most people are saying here, it's an individual choice, one we learn from and will adapt and change accordingly.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 57
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 7:20:22 PM
Walts
Actually because you are a women and probably don't date women, don't tell us what "women" will and will not do. Some DO actually use sex as a tool. Not saying this is the case here, but it does happen. And by more than one. As most people are saying here, it's an individual choice, one we learn from and will adapt and change accordingly.


I agree with you, many women will try and use sex to reward, punish or control men.

IM somewhat limited experiece in dating, if sex doesn't happen quickly, it's likely to be a poor relationship, there come a time when it is natural for it to happen. If it doesn't, then those times I continued to date it turned out the sex wasn't worth waiting for.

But if sex does happen quickly, it doesn't really mean it's a great relationship.

Net net, men and women need to make their own decisions, I would never try and guilt a women into having sex, that seems weak to me.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 60
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 9:22:24 PM
Where to begin with this one...


Anyhow, if the girl does have have sex with him on the first date usally the man gets his rockers off and then he leaves you and thinks of it as another notch on his belt.

Maybe some do, but plenty don't and there is no reason a great relationship can't begin with sex on the first date, it has for me several times, I did not go out seeking it, but when it happened I was certainly not going to 'cut and run' with these ladies because the chemistry which lead to things becoming intimate told me there was more to them than just physical attraction.


These men are the ones who create women to become "BAD" then what gets me when she does turn bad the man blames women. LOL

Oh puleese! What 'bad' are these women turning into? Are they becoming vampires or something? Are you blaming men for making women 'loose'?


Men are the onese who push women into doing things that can be hurtful.

You're not giving your own gender enough credit for being adults and being responsible for their own actions.


Plenty of women are looking for something more then just a sausage.

It might surprise you to learn there are plenty of men who are interested in something more than getting their rocks off, and there are plenty of women and men who consider sex a natural part of the dating process.


Their is sausages for free eveywhere. Don't get me wrong you have those women who do anything, but then you hear guys always complaining that those are the ones they don't want to settle with.

Maybe you are hanging around the wrong sort of blokes? Try seeking out the ones who don't hold to this double standard.


Men are always pushing women into doing things they don't want. Its up to the woman to say no, but some are weak and those men take advantage of it. sick!

Gross generalization. Any sex I have had in my life has come about by mutual agreement and often initiated by the female party in the scheme of things. Again, what blokes are you hanging around with?


I wonder if they would like it if a man would take advantage of their mom, or their daughter if she was weak and can't say no.

I suspect most mums, sisters and daughters, if they were adults, could look after themselves and decide whether they would sleep with someone or not.


It is all about their sausage thats what evolution tells them.Its not about respect.

So you're saying only men want sex and it is something women 'give them' and not a mutual exchange of pleasure? Are you saying women only want sex as an expression of intimacy in a relationship and none of them ever want it purely for pleasure's sake?

And I wonder whereabouts in this post:



Anyhow, if the girl does have have sex with him on the first date usally the man gets his rockers off and then he leaves you and thinks of it as another notch on his belt.


45 years old huh? That's OK, many women never get this. But I'll tell you our secret. It doesn't matter if it the first date, third date, 50 first dates, or 100th date, we always leave happy and "notch" every time. Yet still have feelings for you.


You thought this poster was talking about a 50-year-old man?


50 ugh! I would not touch a 50 year old perv. If I had to fool around with a man it sure would be younger! I would want to have fun. I don't want a man at that age who still gives out free sausage and probably smells like ben gay...whats the point?
Fifty year old still giving out free sausage is amazingly scary.

You do realise you're 45 years old, right? A mere 5 years younger than this 50-year-old who supposedly disgusts you?

So, princess, I'm wondering how old these blokes are you've been dating who are asking you for sex on the first date if you have such disgust for men who are closer to your own age?


I am so convienced that younger men have more respect then older men. My friend who is 36 is dating a younger man and he treats her like a queen and she dated an older man all he wanted was his three peice equipment cleaned.

So all of these young blokes your friend is dating just want to treat her like a queen and none of them want to get into her pants? Must be very boring for them.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 63
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/6/2012 11:14:21 PM

^just so ya know OP: here on these forums, when women post about feeling pressured for sex or preyed upon, disrespected by a date, plenty of worthless fluff like the above is the response to make you feel bad gets posted.

Worthless eh? My posting wasn't an attempt to make the OP feel bad, it wasn't even a comment on the Op's situation, it was a comment on another poster who made sweeping and insulting statements about men in general.


All the women on here know exactly what you're talking about-in a word, 'entitlement'-they want it when they want it and you're the hole-crass, but after 11 days, that's not enough time to know you so well that a guy actually loves you.

Relationships between the sexes take varied forms and attitudes of 'entitlement' are not gender-specific.

I've known some great women in my time because I've always sought the company of ladies who make up their own minds about who and under what circumstances they sleep with. They certainly didn't view men as 'the enemy' as some of the posters here seem to be doing.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 66
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/7/2012 4:14:47 AM

I just don't think I suppose to sleep with everyone I decided to actually meet in person. I'm sorry but unless I know that the guy is with me for a wright reason not just free ride it is going to be no go on my part then. N if I need 11 weeks thats fine too.

And fair enough too.


If guy likes me n wants to be with me it will happened byitself naturally.

Of course. The time-frame varies with other people, from sex in the first date to much longer.


N to all those dudes oh there is that what u would say u ur daugher sister or cousin I hardly doubd it.

I would say it was up to them if and when they decide to sleep with a man they dated. If they decided to do it on the first date I would still love them the same as I did the day before.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 69
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:37:45 AM
Players check list for getting some.

1) Smooth talking
2) Romantic dates ending on his couch
3) Pouting how your not putting out makes him feel unattractive & ugly
4) More attention & smooth talking to gain trust
5) Getting some
6) Then gone

That about sums it up.

Any questions? Call the player hot line for more info at one-eight hundred-get-some
 joe_226
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 73
view profile
History
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:52:58 AM
KatarzynaS,
"Men", in general, are looking for sex AS SOON AS they can get it...it's just a fact of life; And alot of "Women" are the same way. But there are a few of us that share your point of view on waiting for sex until you get to know each other.
Only other thing I can say on this subject is...if they do not respect you, as a person, to wait until you're ready, then they need to go elsewhere.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 75
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:44:24 AM

if I've learned anything from these 12 years, honesty is key and being open to change as well


I guess that having NSA "a little fun on the side" is the key to being honest and making a 12 year marriage work.
 CDigital78
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 76
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:00:33 PM
A guy knows within 2 seconds of meeting you if he wants to have sex with you or not. So technically he is already waiting, so the question actually is why aren't guys willing to wait longer. And the answer is why would we want to wait? If a girl doesn't want to have sex i simply assume she must not like me and move on. Frankly if you haven't decided in two-three dates if you like someone enough to sleep with them at that point you are not trying to decide if you like them or not but you are actually wanting them to prove something to you by waiting. Which is a silly and downright antiquated notion. You most certainly should not have sex with anyone you don't want too, but stop pretending you need months to decide if you like someone enough for sex.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 81
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:28:48 PM

I guess that having NSA "a little fun on the side" is the key to being honest and making a 12 year marriage work.

Relationships take many forms apart from the exclusively monogamous kind.

The poster in question has an open marriage and that's way more honest than sneaking around and carrying on an affair behind the other's back.

So yes, her 12 year marriage works because they are honest with each other.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 87
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/8/2012 9:24:44 AM
I think women know within the first 2 seconds whether the guy's physical attributes appeal to them as well - guys don't hold some miraculous ability there, some just think they do. The difference is, I suppose, that most people would like to know if there's anything past the physical appeal, rather than "just" the physical appeal. Some take longer to determine whether or not the other person is one who they'd sooner tell to get lost after the sexual encounter and would like to judge that prior to the sexual encounter - it just kinda makes sense and it's just crappy that not everyone's timing is the same that way. For the guys that figure they can tell that within 2 seconds everything there is to like or dislike about a woman, they wouldn't be humping and dumping with regularity because they'd have, with that miraculous ability they seem to think they have, stayed with the person because they knew more about them than "I'd like to get me some of that". It's like some people who guzzle booze to get drunk, without even caring much one way or the other for the taste of what it is they're drinking...some people like to have sex with someone (anyone), without knowing the person AT ALL.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 93
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:33:02 PM

Undertheradar is boasting about a 12 yr marriage while looking for someone on the side and posting on forums. Not my idea of a great union. I'm just sayin'.....

Bit of a cheap shot... just sayin'

I and several others happen to think the poster you are slagging-off at has a pretty honest and strong union. She was hardly boasting about her lifestyle and was merely pointing out what works in her relationship.

Pretty much summed up by this poster:

A gazzillion men and women out there, married or not, cheating on each other, sneaking around, and lying, and we have to pick on the one person who DOESN'T lie when having relations with someone other than their spouse?


Arg. Just wonderful.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 94
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:41:04 PM
The only way I could see the guy not wanting JUST sex, would be if in all the time you guys spend together & communicate, you come off as if you're not that into him... and he'd be immature to go that route to try and have sex to solidify things with you. Just like some women have sex "too early" to validate or hook in a guy's interest, a guy can do the same thing with someone he's ga-ga about but feels she isn't that interested in him. I'm not defending that angle for either gender to play! Just pointing out a possibility...

... but if you have shown/expressed true solid interest that doesn't require reading between the lines AT ALL, but flowing pretty solidly, then yeah, he's just horny and impatient... and there's a good chance his main focal point is just on sex.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 95
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/10/2012 11:57:40 PM
I had sex with my first husband on the second date--now I knew him for months from work before the date and the first night I met my second husband face to face (we met online in 97 and talked for 6 weeks before we met).

Yall are making sex sound like a bad thing, and while there is more to life than sex I simply cant think of a better thing to do with a man that I care about and want to build a relationship with--

If you are not physically wanting this man to be with you then cut him loose and let him find someone that does find him attractive and DESIRES him--why is it wrong for a man to want a woman to desire him? Not saying you have to act on it but you should at least want him!
 clairedlawyer
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 99
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/11/2012 5:50:56 AM
It happened the me the first date.He said that majority of men at the site dates and spends money for women on the site for free sex and they thought this is the site for free sex. Men looked down at women on the site coz they believe we are selling our selves in public. They said they talk to each other and find it interesting that with just a simple dinner or coffee they can have a freebie.Thats the reason why men cant find good women. They complain about good women getting scarce but the thing is when they get into the dating site, they have a different agenda, And guess what , if you give in maybe after awhile he will dump you and find another one.....Not all women needs to feed its biological needs. I can not even kiss a guy if I dont love him......men should understand that...

Just get him out of your list...he does not deserve good woman like you....
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 102
No sex from get go so no go
Posted: 6/11/2012 11:54:40 AM

clairedlawyer
And guess what , if you give in maybe after awhile he will dump you and find another one.....Not all women needs to feed its biological needs. I can not even kiss a guy if I dont love him......men should understand that...


Guess what people get dumped after a short time or long time. Better stop dating and go be a hermit or a cat lady, because someone might dump you sometime in the future.

Then we move on to, 'you can't kiss a man unless you love him'. Don't you see how 'nutters' that sounds? Your post makes you sound like you have more issues than Time magazine.

Now moving on to this............

KatarzynaS

He is off my list and I said he tried to communicate via text with me I didn't say that I texed him back just making that clear.


So you haven't told him it's over, you're just going to run and hide from him. Pull up your big girl panties and tell him it's over. Other wise karma can come back and treat you the way you treat others.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >