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 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 45
single mothers, an easy target???Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I'm not a mother and not qualified to answer so take what I say with a grain of salt. Regardless it is an interesting question. I believe many men perceive you as being easier, at least at first. Other men that would be interested in a long term relationship with you if you had one or no children would feel they have nothing to lose by trying and therefore would give the impression they think you are easy.


I, just like any other woman, want companionship and happiness with someone and i do not think been a mother of so many should be my downfall.


The world is not how you think it should be, but how it really is. Certainly, your choices are less than that of anther women with your looks, intelligence, and class that has one or no children. However, perhaps not by a lot since many men are attracted to women with your looks and attractiveness and very well may choose you over someone with less children but not as attractive.
 bad_boy_1985
Joined: 2/26/2016
Msg: 46
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/18/2016 9:39:09 PM
Hey beautiful r u single
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 47
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/18/2016 10:17:13 PM
Marie4kids- People with personality disorders seem to have an excellent radar for people with boundary issues.
This fact has little to do with how many children either party has, or even that they are a parent.
There are certain types (male and female) that go around with nothing in mind but what the world owes them and what other people can do for them.
These types can sniff out people who have trouble standing up for themselves a mile away.
I should know, at one point in my life, for a long time, I did not stand up for myself and insist on healthy boundaries and that caused me a LOT of pain.
Since divorcing, I have been on a journey of self discovery and learning that there is nothing wrong with standing up and saying no if someone TRIES to take advantage of you.
Not being an easy target is about learning to love yourself, knowing who you are, what you believe in, what you will and will not tolerate and not being afraid to end things if you see signs that you are being run over.
That is NO way to live life and now that I DO love myself and understand that I am a human being worthy of compassion, love and respect, I will NEVER go back to the way I used to be.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 48
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single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/20/2016 1:18:32 PM

I don't think that because i have 6 children, it should make me a "bit of fun".

If a guy doesn't have kids or his kids are all grown up, unless you're way out of his league, whether he realizes it or not -- he's not going to want to be in a relationship with you. And many guys with kids aren't going to want to take on a gal with 6 kids unless there's something else really drawing him in that's rare to find. It doesn't mean a guy's only going to want a roll-in-the-hay and write you off -- no. But they won't want anything serious, is the point.

So going back to your concern about your emails -- you're going to get stuff like that whether you have no kids, 1 kid or 16 kids. :) You'll probably get a bit more of those "mine as well" emails guys will send, saying they're just looking for fun -- because why not? They're not saying anything in public. You don't know anyone they know. It's a lot better than a guy seeming like he's open to a relationship with you when he's not.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 49
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/23/2016 11:54:59 PM
Easier target? No. Problem is that even when they have no hope of hitting the target, a lot of guys will take the shot anyway.


I, just like any other woman, want companionship and happiness with someone

Of course you do and I'll bet that you are willing to offer the same in return but can you actually do it? You probably put your children first. Nothing wrong with that... the way it should be. Still, the best a man can hope for, in your case, is to be The Seven instead of The One. If you are a good mother there is no getting around it. The men who want a solid bond, rightly or wrongly, will look elsewhere.

There is good news for single mothers too though. Things are changing. Example:


All women should be treated with great care. Single mothers are holy.


In 1960, nobody, nobody would have said that, especially not a man. He isn't alone either. There are mobs of men who worship single mothers and the numbers are growing. When most men are like this guy, you might be too old to benefit from the change but your children might. Society just isn't ready for you yet but give it a little more time.
 kidreason29
Joined: 9/25/2015
Msg: 50
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/25/2016 5:45:55 AM
my belief is that you are more likely to get with a single father, maybe i could find a article
 HereComesYourSun
Joined: 9/7/2015
Msg: 51
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/25/2016 9:52:52 PM
Well, I hate to say it but all the women on here, well most anyway, have gotten propositioned for hook-ups.
And I'll bet all the money in my savings they don't know how many kids you have nor do they care if you have 6 or zero.

Believe me when I say - It's not you, it's not because you have kids, it's because you have some T & A.
And after they send you a message, they click a couple more times and send another just like it. The next lady just happens to be unemployed with no kids and 3 dogs. She's thinking it's because she's unemployed that makes her an easy target.....

What makes it all possible is the anonymity of the internet.

Women with kids are not an easy target. Don't ever say that again.
 Ailand
Joined: 3/5/2016
Msg: 53
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 4/6/2016 8:38:43 PM
I would say go with your gut. Not all men think that single mom's are easy/ desperate. I get the same feeling often enough. Don't give up, there are single father's out there that are looking for a friend too. I've joked about having 11 kids to scare them off. Or talked about getting married just so that I wouldn't have to deal with guys looking for "low self esteem mom". For some reason they always think that we were jilted. They never give us credit for raising our kids alone. It would take at least half a brain and Moral. and if we had low self esteem, we'd of been married a few dozen times by now.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 56
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single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 12/31/2016 7:10:36 AM

some seriously hot good looking guys which I thought he deserves more and told him you wouldn't be interested in me I'm a mum to 4


Your self-esteem is the problem. Why does having four children devalue you?
 ultracreamysoda
Joined: 1/2/2017
Msg: 57
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 1/9/2017 10:57:07 PM
No it doesn't make you an easy target. It just makes you less desirable by many guys. People will deny it all they want. It is reality.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 60
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 5/19/2017 3:33:02 PM

No it doesn't make you an easy target. It just makes you less desirable by many guys. People will deny it all they want. It is reality.


I agree. In particular for a woman that has 6 children. A man that usually prefers women with no children might date a woman with 1 or 2 children if that was the only thing about her that wasn't appealing to him. Probably won't date a woman with 6 children though.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 61
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 2/20/2018 2:25:44 PM
I get messages all the time and truthfully, I consider it sometimes. Right now I'm mulling over the offer of a guy 8 years younger than me wanting a roll in the hay, says single mothers in their 30s are tigers in bed. I'm pretty tied down with my kids but after 9 years, a bit of sleeping around sounds kind of enticing. Its true what they say about women in their 30s...

On the other hand, my damn morals and ethics get in the way. Do I go for fun or try for companionship? Difficult choice. I want to be a good mom and dedicate my life to my kids but the idea of being alone for the next 10 years saddens me. My parents split when I was young and I dealt with all their dating drama and I know I learned from it so I think I could do much better at it.

Should single moms even date? I ask myself that question a lot.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 63
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/21/2018 8:30:08 AM
This topic is a thread hypothesizing that single women are easy targets. On that same token, I think some men are easy targets for single mothers. I just talked with a guy that said he has been in 3 relationships with single mothers and all 3 of them he let the mother and her kids move in. He said he goes for single mothers because he was raised by a single mom. I actually felt bad for the guy. He said all 3 women pretty much used him.

I know there are many single mothers who are so desperate to have someone provide for them that they try to get knocked up by any guy with a decent job to trap him. So many women I've met who have multiple kids with multiple dads.

Then there's situations where a single mother gets with a guy way below her league because he is dependable and has a stable job. the woman is like a 9 or 10 in looks and the guy is maybe a 5 or 6. Not that both people don't get something out of the relationship. I am guessing some of those guys are really happy getting to finally have a family and getting to have regular sex with a woman way out of their league.

I've met a few guys on here who I believe purposely pursue single mothers for both RELATIONSHIPS and SEX because they do think they are easier targets. When it comes to dating calibre, single moms start off with half a minus point for every kid they have. For instance, if a woman is a 9 in looks and has 4 kids, that puts her down to a 7. And guys who are having trouble getting a woman realize they can get a good-looking woman if they go for a single mom because she will have less offers. I have had some guys who have showed genuine interest in me and I tried so hard to like them but I just couldn't when I met them in person but if I was someone willing to settle I think for sure some of these guys would marry me in 6 months if they could. They are so eager for a family and relationship with a real women that they don't care if there's kids or not.

One other thing that plays into the dating calibre of single mothers for relationship purposes. I said you can minus half a point for each kid but if you are a single mother who can no longer have kids or no longer wants them, if you are in your 20s or 30s, that is often 2 more minus points. A lot of men who haven't had kids, are willing to settle down with a single mother but only if that woman is able or willing to give them more kids. The ability or desire to reproduce is a huge thing for men wanting to settle down, more important than anything else. The only exception to this is a guy who already has the kids he wants which is why a a single dad is most likely to be a good match for a woman who has kids but does not want more. Men who do not want kids are not a good match because they likely don't want stepchildren either. Oh, and there are also single dads who do not get to see their kids much who want more kids with someone so they can raise a kid of their own on a full time basis. I've conversed with a few pof single dads who asked me if I was willing to have more kids if a relationship progressed because they felt they missed out on getting to raise their kids because they only got them every other weekend.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 64
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single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/21/2018 12:47:17 PM

On the other hand, my damn morals and ethics get in the way.

It's not unethical 1 bit to have sexual relations with someone who's willing outside a relationship and with no intentions of being in one. That can be against one's own upbringing 'morals' -- but it's not unethical... like eating meat on Fridays or no sex outside marriage.

Do I go for fun or try for companionship? Difficult choice.

It doesn't have to be an either-or thing. If you're tied down as you say, and there's a guy who's cool who you hook up with once in a while when both are single & there's mutual free-time -- why not? IF you have a real Dating Prospect lined up, you just put them over that, is all. And if that dating prospect turns into a good 1st date, you put that other guy on-hold.

I want to be a good mom and dedicate my life to my kids

You're actually taking Less time away from your kids having someone on a convenient/casual 'schedule' than juggling true Dates, not wanting to ruin potential when you really like him, etc. A lot more emotional & time-oriented investment. Which is why some women who are tied down with work and/or kids Do like the idea of a guy-on-the-side. The REAL reason it's "not good" isn't all that, but because it's a social "no no" by upbringing. But then again, you're supposed to be with a Husband if you're juggling kids. So the playing field is entirely different than what grandma laid out. :)

My parents split when I was young and I dealt with all their dating drama and I know I learned from it so I think I could do much better at it.

And when there's a big age difference, making it more emotionally acceptable for upfront just being-for-fun, there tends to be less drama when both parties can be OK with that (no crushes or desire to be an 'item').

In the end, single moms should date. But they first need to come down to earth if they haven't in forever. They need to understand that going out with another guy isn't cheating on a husband or boyfriend -- it's your kids. It's OK. :) Realizing this is the first step. Putting your "gut" aside, your emotions aside, and looking at what Actually Is neglecting one's kids VS not, is the most important thing.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 65
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/21/2018 10:15:10 PM
The trouble is what I really want is intimacy that involves more than sex. I don't want sex only. I want the cuddling and hugging too. Straight sex seems cold to me and I don't want that. And while I really don't want a serious relationship I want something halfway between that and casual. A regular partner but someone who doesn't expect serious but who I can also hang out with occasionally and text/talk but not too much. But all I've found are guys wanting quick hookups or guys looking to find someone asap to settle down with. And guys who claim to be inbetweeners but aren't. This is why I'm taking a break from dating until the summer. I'm confused on what I want. And I'm still really missing the ex I hooked up with after my longtime ex. I tried dating some guys to get him out of my system but it didn't work. And I doubt time will do any good because 10 years apart did nothing for me when it came to him the last time. I really hope I can figure things out in my head soon.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 66
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/24/2018 5:40:45 AM

(julystorm7) The trouble is what I really want is intimacy that involves more than sex. I don't want sex only. I want the cuddling and hugging too.


I understand what you're saying -- but, "straight sex" isn't necessarily mechanical and emotionless. Not desiring a relationship is *NOT* synonymous with absolute apathy for the other person.


(julystorm7) And while I really don't want a serious relationship I want something halfway between that and casual. A regular partner but someone who doesn't expect serious but who I can also hang out with occasionally and text/talk but not too much.


You're thinking that a casual relationship can't include friendliness and genuine affection.


(julystorm7) But all I've found are guys wanting quick hookups or guys looking to find someone asap to settle down with. And guys who claim to be inbetweeners but aren't.


People lie and misrepresent themselves all the time. Single mothers aren't the only ones who face this.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 67
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single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/26/2018 11:27:55 AM

Not desiring a relationship is *NOT* synonymous with absolute apathy for the other person.

Very true. July, for example, an actual Friends with Benefits (FWB) is very different than a Booty Call. Sex outside a relationship does not = Booty Call.

And while I really don't want a serious relationship I want something halfway between that and casual.

You mean... something casual. :)

A regular partner but someone who doesn't expect serious but who I can also hang out with occasionally and text/talk but not too much.

Which is casual. Or "Just Dating". Which is a common form of FWB (1-on-1 friends; not merely social-group friends).

But all I've found are guys wanting quick hookups or guys looking to find someone asap to settle down with. And guys who claim to be inbetweeners but aren't.

True. That's dating for everyone. Not everyone is Relationship-or-Bust. Which means, many people are willing to just-date some folks, but with someone else -- Really like them, and want more than that. That's what dating's all about. You have to learn to take that in stride. And what YOU'LL find is that you'll want more than Just-Dating with a particular guy (sh!t!), where with most others you won't.

One way to prevent it from going-too-far with someone is not to douse it with Romanticism too much. It doesn't mean there's not romantic feelings or cuddling up watching a movie after dinner & sex. It's just that you bear in mind not to "feed that beast", because they (or you) can end up wanting more too quickly.

Point is -- it's not just "them". Many times, it's nobody's fault, but we like to blame others. It's just how things roll. People will be on different wavelengths. You'll meet a guy who is all romantic and sweet, but after a little while, you Will want more than just Just-Dating -- but he won't... and you'll want to say "WTF?! I hate these games! I hate these men!" No, you wouldn't feel that way with that other guy... why didn't you think that other guy was doing the same? Oh yeah, you weren't That That into him so much, and you liked the in-the-moment romantic sweetness, but going back to your busy separate lives until the next time. :)
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 68
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:32:16 PM
This gives me something to think about. I'm not all that experienced at dating and relationships, especially in the current climate. Being with one person so long, I never had reason to think about all this stuff before. And dating at 34 is a whole different ball game than dating at 24. And I like getting guy perspectives at this forum which I never get from anywhere else. I think that when I start dating again, I'll feel more prepared than I was back in December. Back then I was completely clueless.
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