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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 67
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
The 2004 numbers showed 9% of women leaving were clicking on "intimate encounters" as their dating modality of choice, whereas in 2008 the percentage had increased to 18%.

Well, 18 % is hardly a tsunami of women seeking "intimate encounters"....
and one thing not taken into account, is that-from what I've heard, observed, experienced...MANY "i.e." seekers are married folk -of BOTH genders!-looking for a side piece, or a 3rd party for 3somes. So I'm not sure we can look at a percentage on a free dating website that does not do any screening/verifying of its' free members, and claim it as "proof" or really even "support" for a claimed "trend".

So we have a percentage from (one particular source) cited as going from 9% to 18%-could it be simply that more people are discovering the cited dating website?
Do we have any information on the percentage of people who have decided that they don't care to deal with dating and relationships AT ALL? Do we have a clear-cut definition of "casual dating"-because, I for one consider "casual dating" to be more of a social activity, rather than a venue for "no-strings sex". And there are many people, especially the mature crowd who have raised their families,etc-who want the companionship, emotional support, and sexual gratification of a committed relationship but do not wish to marry or live with their partner. I'm not sure one can categorize that as "casual dating" or "friends with benefits".


Short story in my local paper stated that the latest stats showed STD's were increasing in the over 50 crowd.Mentioned that the vaginal lining in women thinned out at 50+ and might be less protective....


 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 68
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/3/2012 10:15:56 PM
"The typical assumption about hook-up culture is that it's something men imposed on women, exploiting modern contraceptives and sexual liberty to get away with having sex with women without having to commit or do anything icky, like pretend to like them.

"On the contrary …women perpetuate the hook-up culture. Young women want romance in theory but find that in practice, relationships are more trouble than they're worth.

"In other words, young women believe maintaining a boyfriend is so much work that it's impossible to have one while simultaneously building a career and a nonromantic social life—and that the latter two are higher priorities."


http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/08/23/hook_up_culture_women_actually_want_it_and_less_needy_men_too_.html
 HaydenFan
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 69
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/4/2012 5:34:59 AM
Yes I believe they are, it's just at certain phases of their lives. I was far too busy, and selfish I admit, to give my 100% in a relationship until I grew up a bit in my late twenties. I did have a few great relationships that 'spark' but, most of the time both of us were busy with our own agendas.

In my eyes, the root of this problem with real, giving, and nurturing relationships is our obsessive selfish behaviors. Life and love have both become cheap disposable commodities in a culture literally obsessed with vainity.

These days I know what's important. Living to love again instead of just putting maximum energy into my job has changed me to the bone. I'd like to believe there are already others more wise than myself who didn't take so damn long to figure this out lol.

Sadly there are few of us out there but this culture is evolving and always selling an overwhelmed fast paced life to people who know no better than to just be a consumer. Maybe one day people will return to what's really life
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 70
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/4/2012 9:45:46 AM
wow-oddly enough, when I logged in and went to the "My Forums" page...
The top of the list was "Men don't want relationships these days?" and right below it
"Is casual Dating beating out Committed Relationships in Modern Society?"
Which was originated by a MALE complaining that "women want to pick and choose the best parts of being in a relationship and discount the bad ones"...

So, since apparently NOBODY is interested in "relationships" any more-why does dating and relationships seem to be such a cash cow in the modern marketplace-what with various dating websites, matchmaking websites, and all the books, media venues( TV,radio, internet outlets like ebooks and blogs) offering advice, services, etc?

For people who are allegedly all so DISinterested in relationships, we sure spend a lot of time and money trying to figure out how to GET them,don't we?
Cindy O
 mizeat
Joined: 7/30/2012
Msg: 71
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/4/2012 4:34:07 PM

???? Who me??? I have no idea what you mean my dear. ; )


It's shocking that your POF profile hasn't been added to the POFreaks website by now. You'd be an "all-star" in no time.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 72
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/4/2012 6:10:38 PM

In short, no casual dating is not beating out committed relationship.


Wouldn't the divorce rate sort of refute that statement?

I know what you're saying OP.

Those are the good ones; but its hard to keep em, forever, and for everyone. (see: divorce rate)
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 73
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History
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/5/2012 7:49:57 AM
Many of the people who work out are beautiful on the inside as well (since working can show a respect and appreciation for one's own body and health).
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 74
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/5/2012 8:18:39 AM

people have always done this. people say social media, facebook and dating sites hurt real relationships but I think it has been the greatest thing for people who want a committed relationship because go on someone facebook and you can tell everything about them but a lot of people cannot because they have the same agenda.


OR, you go on facebook and see a page that they don't take seriously. WTF happened to the days where people learned about each other by actually being social and talking to each other? THAT is why so many relationships fail today. Nobody knows how to talk to their partner anymore.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 75
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/5/2012 1:22:14 PM

It's shocking that your POF profile hasn't been added to the POFreaks website by now. You'd be an "all-star" in no time.


Ummm...about that....

Seriousy I thought mizeat was pulling our collective leg so I googled.
You get 3 guesses about what I found, and the first 2 don't count.

Cindy O
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 76
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/5/2012 1:47:40 PM

t's shocking that your POF profile hasn't been added to the POFreaks website by now


All I found was a list of girls that put out.

Can someone send me the real link? (or "is" that what the site is actually about?)
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 77
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/5/2012 2:36:49 PM

LOL. Serioulsy, POF freaks? Bahahahaha. Next please (rolling eyes)

Ah well-hopefully word( the link) will get around.
Beyond that I'm not going to make further mention of "billboarding" because I think there may be an element of subjectivity in how "billboarding" gets defined. And I think my understanding of that distinction may have just been increased.

For myself, speaking to the OT-I'm really not seeing that "casual dating is beating out committed relationships" but I'm sure that for those(of both genders) who haven't the patience to understand the process of finding the right partner and creating a committed relationship,or those(of both genders) who cannot look realistically at their dating goals and either adjust them or live with them,it proably is a source of comfort to say that "nobody wants a committed relationship anymore".

I absolutely do not disagree that some of the pressures and channels that used to promote committed relationships have lost some of their effectiveness.
Therefore, when a committed relationship happens these days, it IS more about hearts,minds and souls connecting, and not so much about social expectations,socioeconomic concerns and other external sources of pressure to create a committed relationship. I realize that we are in a transitory phase, but I hope that one day those who are in committed relationships, are thereONLY because of their love for one another,and that society will not adversely categorize those who choose to live as single persons, or to have some form of sociosexual interaction that isn't the 'standard' committed relationship.
Cindy O
 mark777771
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 78
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Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/11/2012 6:44:05 PM
Good people are hard to find. Good luck. You might want to bait your hook in different waters.
 Capt_Eros
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 79
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 8/21/2013 9:45:07 AM
I believe that social changes as well as technological changes in our generation and those to come has been the culprit to these major changes. As women have become as important to the working world as men, there lies a shift in time and communication. Since the days of Women's Rights, women have been changing becoming stronger and independent individuals. As time elapsed I believe that women have been recognizing that the need for a man is not a necessity anymore but a choice. So, they do not live by a guideline that tells them that they must submit to survive. But more of on a guideline, that they have the ability to choose who is best for them. Here lies the problem... Women in general act and react out of emotion. They are creatures who act out of instinct. This is the mother in each and every one of them that gives them this ability, and it is an ability that they can not deny. With this being said, women in modern day society can get a bad vibe once from a man and decide to run the other way and shut down the relationship instead of developing it because they know that they can always fall back on themselves and their individual independence. Instead of sticking around and figuring out a way to fix or build upon that relationship, which takes effort, it is easier to find some other man who will try to impress you and meet her every need. So what's the problem with that you ask??? Here's you answer, No one person can meet or live up to all of another person's want's and needs...If a women carries such high expectations in this modern day world than she will constantly keep herself in a vicious cycle serial dating.
The second issue here is that as men we have allowed ourselves to lose our strengths. We have already accepted failure and have not continuously fought for our male rights as women have. Modern men these days have decided that it was easier to just succumb to the change and just be minions to these now ever so strong women. And the truth here is, that this unbalance is cause by us men not doing anything but sitting there and letting our self worth as individuals, as well as a group, not be appreciated for what we really have to offer. We give so little priority to relationships that a women could never feel that they might be losing something by walking away. It is job to make those women feel special, it is our job to make a women feel safe and protected, it is our job to impact a woman in such a way that they do not have or want to choose to see if the grass is greener somewhere else because they know that you are the one who has dedicated the time and effort to gain her trust and respect. That is the power of wooing, and it is an art that is dying faster than I can type these words. Gents, I ask you to join together and start bringing back some class and self respect to the male species.
All in all though I believe that all this chaos was started with the birth of social media and the advances in technology. It has made it easier for men and woman to meet casually, and make quick connections. The reason why there is plenty of fish in the sea is that everyone is just throwing back there catch and dipping the pole back in for another. It is the lack of effort and the lack of desire, sprinkled with a taste of fear, to push through obstacles by both men and women. It is not the blame of just one. As to the responsibility of balance, it is controlled by both men and women "EQUALLY".

Men start to bring back passion into your relationships
Women stop trying to live by such high standards
Men allow for women to be independent and strong without losing self-esteem
Women allow for men to sweep you off your feet

I am so tired of seeing this generation fall in such a lonely way. Divorce rates are high and family values have diminished. Which are leading us down a road to selfish, self centered individuals. The future starts with the birth of something. Let's procreate a world where people actually care about people again, and love is sought out and not deflected out of fear!!!!
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 80
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 8/22/2013 6:34:27 PM
^^^^

Good post.Sooner or later people are going to start doubting what they wished for....not sure yet who will be affected the most,or if any part of society can escape the effects.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 81
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 8/23/2013 10:00:44 AM
Well for me I have found that dating is much better. I Find there is a steady amount of new fish in the pond from the high divorce rates.

Most of these ladies are looking to enjoy their new found freedom and I am happy to help. Some have wanted to move into a LTR or marriage and I just let them move on to someone that wants that.

So I find this shift in dynamics great. It allows me to meet new people and not be tied down to just one.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 82
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Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 8/24/2013 9:38:21 AM
I disagree with the poster that you have to be a 'godly' woman to want marriage and family. I have also known 'Christian' men who want nothing to do with it. The latter seems to be more hypocritical.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 83
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 8/24/2013 1:05:49 PM

It is the lack of effort and the lack of desire, sprinkled with a taste of fear, to push through obstacles by both men and women. It is not the blame of just one. As to the responsibility of balance, it is controlled by both men and women "EQUALLY

Very well said Capt_Eros and I agree....Someone with some common sense!
More people need to take the time to read your post.
Next time...paragraphs would be nice....makes for an easier read.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 84
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 8/24/2013 2:13:42 PM

My expectation is that a woman genuinely takes the time and energy and invests her self into building something with a man.. Accept his good side and his flaws and takes the time to get to know him.. I see so many women just use guys for their immediate pleasure.. If they are feeling social they will look a guy up on POF and get him to take them to dinner.. If they are feeling sexual they will call a up a guy or find a cute guy to come over and fk.. If they are feeling lonely they will find a good guy to just sit there and listen over a bottle of wine.. They have many guys for many things but not a single guy for all of them..


Wow.....just wow.....as I am sitting here just shaking my head at The Critic's comments on post 3.

While I didn't read the entire thread.....I could say the very same about the guys out here. It seems that when they call me, they are bored, lonely, or just want to get laid.

I can't tell you how many times I've gone out on a "first meet" with a guy only to be told sure it was nice chatting with you, that there won't even be a "first date", and that person walked away not even BOTHERING to truly get to know me or what I'm all about because I didn't want to hit the sheets with them right out of the gate.

It never ceases to amaze me how fast people are out the door if there is no "instant connection/chemistry/attraction" in the first five seconds of meeting someone. Developing that takes time and in this "instant gratification society", people just aren't willing to take the time to get to know someone and let it go from there.

So yes, due to that, and a few other reasons, I quit dating and am a regular denzien of the forums and talk with the friends I have made out here.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 85
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 8/24/2013 8:58:59 PM
It seems like a lot of people don't know what they want until they find it, if they find it that is. Nowadays, people marry for various reasons other than love. That trickles down to relationships versus casual dating. People are often more engaged in their careers, hobbies, education, etc. and they need something more convenient. Personally, I'd prefer to find a relationship, but I myself have my own share of time restraints, so I have to ask myself what is a realistic expectation?
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 86
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/12/2013 8:49:07 AM
Seems like all online dating did (with its grocery store mentality ) was drive the finishing nails into the coffin of relationships . Just looking at the increasing divorce rate ,relationships will become more and more rare .
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 87
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History
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/12/2013 9:23:27 AM
Yup...chasing the dream with my dog

E
N
O
U
G
H

S
A
I
D
!

Times are a changin'
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 88
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/16/2013 1:44:56 PM
IDK...I went through a phase where all I could handle was a casual date here and there. I was genuinly busy with my son, his schooling, my job, running the home, tending to the yard/garden etc....I didnt have the time it takes to dedicate to a committed relationship.

That doesnt mean I was living in any state of future regret. I was living a great life, honoring my obligations. I have zero regrets. Any man I 'turned down' for 'more', I dont sit by and wistfully 'miss'. We were not at the same place when we met. End of story. Timing is everything.

Dont think that any person that rejected your offering of 'more' is sitting around regretting it, because they likely are not. This is something people tell themselves I guess to feel better about being rejected.

I can assure you Op, that when 2 people meet, who are ready for the same things, want the same things...they work towards getting to a committed relationship 'place'. You cannot keep two people apart who are on the same page romantically.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 89
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/16/2013 2:43:06 PM

rc3k Msg 41: What is wrong with being controlling? I often hear women talk about how "controlling guys" are bad, yet I sense no reason why that should be the case.. Women are programmed not to have to make decisions in relationships, and just let the guy take lead.. Often I find things like "where would you like to go on a date? What would you like to do today? What do you want for dinner, what movie would you like to see? Have you researched a good vacation spot?" ETC ETC these types of questions are left with a "i dont know or up to you" response...

This all made me realize that women have, are and always will be looking to men for answers, and for planning purposes. Women need control and direction in their lives, because if left to a woman a relationship just simply will have no ground or support without the man's directional behavior.. I always been the type to love to plan things and take lead and control, there is plenty of women who appreciate it.. So hearing people say "no one wants a controlling guy" give me a break, no woman would survive a relationship without an element of control from a guy.



Msg 1: In the end, a lot of the women I date want to take it slow, or not at all..


Somehow ... that makes total sense to me.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 90
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/16/2013 7:42:21 PM

Is the casual dating life style just more convenient and more effective in modern society than the traditional committed relationship?

That's comparing apples & oranges. In the first 3-5 dates, you're not in a traditional, committed relationship. Whether you take those 3-5 dates traditionally, modernly, casually, fruitlessly, seriously, etc -- it's not something to compare to a committed relationship. The two aren't comparable. The first handful of dates is where casually dating takes place. An Actual traditional, committed relationship cannot exist in that initial phase.

In the end, a lot of the women I date want to take it slow, or not at all..

Your problems are about their actual Interest in you. You may be shooting for girls out of your league, if that's The norm. That's not to say girls in your league, or even a bit below your league won't have the same results -- but it will be a lower %.

Casual dating is a Good thing in that first phase. And it's traditional to take it casually, too -- before "going steady" (a traditional term). Especially when it's with someone you don't know from adam in the first place.

That's not to say there isn't any level of romanticism, affection, and interest. It just means you're not setting expectations after the first couple dates. You're taking a casual approach going into it, and depending on the dates, after 3-5 of them, then it's determined by both parties as to whether you want to be an item or not (to go steady). You go steady for a while, and then it evolves into something more serious -- a committed, established relationship.

You're just suffering from girls not being that into you. A few may lack interest because they're emotionally hurt from the past and want to take it slow with mere handshakes & lemonade, while your physical attraction is just fine or even more than just fine (but it's still lack of interest regardless).

Hopefully OP, you're not someone who wants to move things too quick, to be an "item" during or right after your 1st date. That's creepy. Learn to take that initial "pre season" of dating, the first 3-5 dates, as a read on the girl's interest and your own... while enjoying the time spent hanging out.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 91
Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?
Posted: 9/17/2013 7:05:39 PM
Casual Dating beating out Committed Relationships? You sure could've fooled me from female profiles I've seen. Almost every profile I see says: "If you're looking for a quick fling, one night stand, move along."..."I'm looking for the One. My Prince Charming, my knight in shining armor to spend the rest of my life with. If you're not looking for the same, move along. We're not a match". A lot of females on here are blunt about their mission of husband hunting. They want a very short courtship just to make it look like they went the traditional root to satisfy the nay sayers who are against instant marriages to strangers-just add water and stir. But they make it clear on a first meet, that if there's no diamond ring and wedding ceremony on the immediate horizon, the guy is history. So what I see is the opposite of the title of the post.
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