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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Too emotionally damaged to trust men?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 91
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Firstly I must say that I am truly sorry that what happened to you, happened.. You didn't cause that and you did not deserve to be treated in any other way but respect from the people who have previously hurt you.
secondly .. some of the posts here absolutely astound me.
I suggest that you begin therapy or join a support group with other women so you can begin to unravel and heal.
Tell your new potential partner only what you feel you can and continue seeing him as good ones are not easy to find.. his actions dictate he is into you and has integrity.
When you begin to advocate for your emotional health you are also creating a more advantageous atmosphere for the relationship you are in.. you are a very objective woman.. you owe yourself the ability to be healed for you, your children and the man you love.
If he remains steadfast in his desire to be in your life than you have found a keeper..

good luck and begin to take care of you .. k. I have a feeling this route will take you both to a place of wonderfull, fulfilled happiness. :)
 glk2310
Joined: 12/22/2012
Msg: 92
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 12/27/2012 7:52:20 PM
Please get some help to deal with your past.I fell for a woman who refused to trust me and let go of hers and needless to say we are not together.The constant specter of the guys who hurt her were always in the backround.It got to the point were she took out on me all the emotional abuse that had been put on her and no matter how hard I tried she would not let the past stay where it belonged.Dont ruin what might be the best thing you found in a long time by hanging on to past hurt.I realize it is easier said than done.
 tidecats
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 93
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 12/28/2012 10:23:11 AM
OMG, I have the same situation. She has been terribly abused.

She told me about a week about after 9 months. That she is so afraid that she is going to wake up in the morning and it not be real. I think the quote was. When is the monster going to come out of the closet.

Last night. She tells me she cant give me what I need. After a lot of future planning. I said the exact same words above

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies....

She totally did it. It went from OMG this is wonderful.. Her mother called me to the side and said. Ive never saw her so happy. She is so comfortable with you. Thank you for being so good to hear, she been thru so much... and then BOOM!!!!!

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies....
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 94
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 12/28/2012 10:44:46 AM
You're sabotaging the relationship because you don't understand why you think you don't deserve or know how to be in a healthy relationship.

Get into counseling asap with a good counselor who will shoot straight and get down to brass tacks on this issue. If they suggest having the bf come at some point you might do so to enable him to know what you have learned and how you will be applying it to be on the same page together.

What I can offer for today is , for no other reason, stop the negative behavior and see how it goes. And find a good counselor.

I would also sit down with your bf and share with him that you may have counseling and give him a BRIEF background on what you shared about your past relationships and that you now ( hopefully) have an awareness that you want to learn how to have a healthy relationship.

When someone uses the terms "Damaged" and "Scarred", they are allowing themselves to be the victim IMO and do not have any openness toward a positive outlook on these types of issues. Change the way you view the past. You had negative experiences that you have learned from and now have the opportunity to make it ultra positive from hear on out. Best wishes.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 95
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History
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 12/29/2012 1:21:04 AM
I'm sure Cici would appreciate everyone's concern if she were still here. This thread is six months old and Cici hasn't made a post in five months.
 butterfly122275
Joined: 12/20/2012
Msg: 96
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/4/2013 8:55:46 AM
rough the same things as you and I feel the same bout ppl/men as you do...I always tell myself no matter how much I worrry its not going to stop him from doing what hes gonna do. If he goes to a s club that doesnt give him a greater chance of cheating if hes gonna do it hes gonna o it. Just enjoy what you have and good for you for not letting him see how you feel about that I have problems with impulse and I screw up everytime acting on my neg thoughts and feelings. Sounds like hes a go g sit back and relax
 butterfly122275
Joined: 12/20/2012
Msg: 97
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/4/2013 9:02:03 AM
See cici all these nice ppl and a jerk like madeulooknow has to chime in.Its gonna happen jerks are everywhere but NOT ALL are bad.
 Tommyknockergirl
Joined: 9/13/2012
Msg: 98
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/4/2013 9:08:45 AM
I just had a guy tell me he was dying to get sex. I thought it was kind hot actually.I told him en less he had proof he wasn't going to get laid.Does that mean I'm emotionally damaged?
 butterfly122275
Joined: 12/20/2012
Msg: 99
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/4/2013 9:13:25 AM
I tend to sabatoge all my relationships subconciously of cours so dont do that dont loook for things to be wrong deff. gt some counseling.
Im sorry but seriously your45? You honestly dont look a day over 19 whats your secret? Good luck to yoou
 brokenbeuty
Joined: 12/8/2012
Msg: 100
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/4/2013 9:19:39 AM
I agree 100%. Communication is key here and to all well functioning relationships. I have been through the same thing and I am learning to trust again. If you do not take a chance then you may never find your "Happily Ever After". Not all men are cheater and liars. Open your heart and let him inside.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 101
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/4/2013 2:11:07 PM
this thread started by the OP is exactly what many of us were talking about in "bad boy vs nice guy" threads. what would otherwise be a perfectly good woman becomes undateable because of her history of dating scumbags. ive dated someone like the OP before in the past. always being accused of things because some dirtball she used to date treated her like crap. its VERY tiring.

OP: stop living in the past and stop blaming this new guy for things your exes did to you. give him a chance. not all men are douchebags i assure you.

on a positive note, like many others have pointed out, you look great! its obvious you take very good care of yourself and it shows. you look better than 90% of the single women ive met around here that are half your age. keep up the good work!
 mariasweilo
Joined: 12/25/2012
Msg: 102
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/5/2013 2:27:51 AM
I have been where you are heck I am where you are right now this is what Ive learned fear is like the opposite of faith if you fear something long enough it will happen try some positive reinforcement when ever those bad thoughts begin to enter to your mind remind your self of how he is different from the bad men in your life think of the things he does to make you happy force yourself to see the good in him if y ou believe in God thank him for bringing this good person into your life and constantly see yourself receiving good from him and thank God for it then seek God to be delivered from the pains of your past it can only hinder you as it is doing right now hang around people who are in good relationships put away the negative turn off the latest episode of basket ball wives and cheaters put positive things before your eyes but most important put God first and everything will fall into place
 nirvanawithu
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 103
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/5/2013 8:45:53 AM
Hate to say it, but this will wind up in the Broken Hearts section. I doubt she will tell the guy about all of her mistrust and unless he knows, it's going to end in disaster.

It's one thing to have an understanding about someone's past issues so you can be sensitive to them, but he's going to find himself being treated as guitly, or potentialy guilty of doing things he hasn't and that gets old fast.

I can see it now. She'll be secretly going through his phone, emails, checking the miles on his vehicle and any other thing she can think of to validate her mistrust. Doesn't matter how great it is that she finally found a decent guy, she won't be able to control herself.

Train Wreck...
 ixtlan09
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 104
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/5/2013 9:13:19 AM
Does the guy dating you know about all this? Kiddo, you aren't ready.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 105
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/7/2013 8:57:05 AM
Lol you shouldnt trust men. You find trust in a man.
I hope that makes sense, dont make hus life a living hell with your insecurities or youll find the things your saying become a self fulfilling prophecy
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 106
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/7/2013 9:07:29 AM
I have no trust in emotionally damaged women. They can be scary creatures.
 Cici7777
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 107
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/7/2013 6:22:20 PM
Hello everyone! I wanted to give an update...

First of all, my profile is 100% hidden, and not active in any way. I never go on ths site anymore & if I do, it's to check the forums, so please do not accuse me of using this site to find dates; I don't do that.

I am happy to report that I am still with the same man....we are doing great, in fact we are planning to get married! We went engagement ring shopping two days ago! I have never been happier, he has been my angel & stuck by me thru all my fears & trust issues. He is the right man for me; I have finally found him! I decided to give him my heart and I was rewarded handsomely. This is the real thing, so all you naysayers can bite it!

It's amazing to me how many negative responses I received, but I want to thank those of you who took the time to speak from your hearts & really share your thoughts & experiences with me.

I am living proof that you can find your life partner on this site! Daters: there is hope! I am so grateful for my relationship I can't even put it into words! I love this man with all my heart!

Good luck all!
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 108
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/7/2013 6:46:55 PM
cici7777: i wish you and your husband to be all the success in the world. good luck to you both!
 Keeper_of_Secrets
Joined: 5/16/2012
Msg: 109
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/7/2013 6:53:31 PM

Hello everyone! I wanted to give an update...

First of all, my profile is 100% hidden, and not active in any way. I never go on ths site anymore & if I do, it's to check the forums, so please do not accuse me of using this site to find dates; I don't do that.

I am happy to report that I am still with the same man....we are doing great, in fact we are planning to get married! We went engagement ring shopping two days ago! I have never been happier, he has been my angel & stuck by me thru all my fears & trust issues. He is the right man for me; I have finally found him! I decided to give him my heart and I was rewarded handsomely. This is the real thing, so all you naysayers can bite it!

It's amazing to me how many negative responses I received, but I want to thank those of you who took the time to speak from your hearts & really share your thoughts & experiences with me.

I am living proof that you can find your life partner on this site! Daters: there is hope! I am so grateful for my relationship I can't even put it into words! I love this man with all my heart!

Good luck all!

Fantastic!!!
Glad to hear you found someone, who saw in you the radiant butterfly, that was hidden in the caterpillar . :-)
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 110
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/7/2013 7:14:12 PM
Please see a counselor to help you grow and heal from past abuse. You may need to try several counselors before find a counselor with whom you feel comfortable and safe. Perhaps a female counselor.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 111
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/7/2013 9:24:58 PM
Glad to hear that things worked out for you!
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 112
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/7/2013 11:05:23 PM
Wow congratulations on the engagement that's great to hear!

 solax
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 113
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History
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/8/2013 1:25:50 AM
ok heres the nitty gritty from my point of veiw. people can and will say do and act any thay wish to get what thay want. this isnt to say that people are not trustwothy however. i dont know the situatioin or the circumstances about youre past and so i cant judge you or the way you react to guys in general. at the end of the day i highly suggest to sit youre self down and ask why you feal you cant trust this guy. this isnt as easy as it may seem because you cant judge people based on the way you have been treated in the past. second you have to let go of youre baggage at the door not because of him because of you evean if this guy turns out to be the one for you youre baggage, drama or whatever will eventualay destroy every relationship you have. thirdly youre derserveing of love and should feal it for others. not just guys byt everyone that deserves it. i hope that this helps
 JayneDoe40
Joined: 8/23/2012
Msg: 114
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/8/2013 2:35:00 AM
i can tell you how badly it hurts to be the person DATING the "emotionally unavailable" person. it doesn't matter that i am 100% in love with the guy... he doubts me. when i tell him i'm crazy about him he asks me "why?" i always feel like he's picking me apart. he says i'm "to good to be true" (and a lot of other things similar) but he says these things in a skeptical way. he's been REALLY GOOD with me for nearly 7 months... but the last month has been HELL with him. he, like you, admits he is guarding his heart and he told me the other day that he does not trust women or their motives (really? he's telling me this out of the blue after being with me 8 months). he did make it clear that i've never given him reason to not trust me... BUT, what am i suppose to do? he's been pushing me away, ignoring me, making me feel like an inconvience to his life but when i ask if we should see other people, or if i'm holding him back from meeting someone more local to him he says he does NOT want anyone else (funny because he isn't making me feel very wanted).

he has never told me what HIS past demons are that effect his trust levels... but i do feel like he's afraid we're at a point in our relationship where he now expects me to hurt him. the thing is, he might PUSH ME until his worst fears are played out. he proposed to me a bit more than a month ago and after that is when he started with his weird behavior.

my point is, if you don't let go of your fears you'll push him away. there is nothing i wouldn't do for this man but it's killing me to see him struggling internally. i can honestly say that i love him more than i've ever loved before but he's really making me question if i can handle this... or if HE can handle this. i don't want to give up on him but i don't know if his behavior will force me at some point. i am having a hard time dealing with the emotional abandonment he's dishing out at the moment.

do you see how your own past can TORTURE a new partner? sometimes i don't function well in my life because i am so worried about him. i'm a very patient person but i don't know what to do anymore...or how to think or feel... it's HORRIBLE to be involved with a person with so much emotional damage.
 IPromise2Please
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 115
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History
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 1/10/2013 10:13:07 AM
You shouldnt be dating anyone. Its not fair to him that you put him in a losing situation because you have these issues. The fact that you have these doubts and fears have already ruined the relationship and its just a matter of time before it ends just because you have your issues. To him, he will always wonder what he did wrong and it wasnt even his fault.
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