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 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 25
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I mean you should love the outdoors, family/friends, pets, have passions/hobbies that you love, actually FEEL the life you're living. One of the things that goes along with that? Falling in love with someone that loves you back. Even if it's only for a while.


The problem isn't loving often or as much as ya can,,,,it's the expectations that it's gonna be a "life" long love. Sure love, but do not believe it's like the fairy tales and last forever. And do know, that with love lost, will come pain. Pain creates bitterness when "understanding" is not possible(maturity). At our ages greeneyes, it's easy to say, but with the young ones, they still believe that lifelong partners are pickable,doable very early in their lives. I still say horse ca ca.

Too much is expected and required of an individual as they grow and live in our North American society to gain the skills required to be a PRODUCTIVE member of this society, while STILL trying to maintain a young budding potentially "long term" relationship.(they take WORK, proven by many,more and more everyday) Sure, have "fun", "love", but when doing so, understand that more than likely, it ain't gonna be there in the "end".
 Dili_gent
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 28
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/12/2012 6:08:28 PM

You're young, you have time


Isn't this phrase precluded by an extended period of whining about how nobody loves me, I'm a loser, there is no hope for me?

The person who makes the statement is tired of listening to your drivel and wants to extricate themself from further torture.

P.S. If a person "settles" for multiple FWB situations they are hiding from the possiblity of finding a fulfilling relationship. Duh
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 29
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/12/2012 6:22:51 PM

The problem isn't loving often or as much as ya can,,,,it's the expectations that it's gonna be a "life" long love. Sure love, but do not believe it's like the fairy tales and last forever. And do know, that with love lost, will come pain. Pain creates bitterness when "understanding" is not possible(maturity). At our ages greeneyes, it's easy to say, but with the young ones, they still believe that lifelong partners are pickable,doable very early in their lives. I still say horse ca ca.

Maybe so. Maybe some of us are just "made" to think differently because no one needed to tell me a broken heart was going to hurt. Nor did anyone need to tell me it would heal. All I know for a fact in this regard is that I did my fair share of preaching my attitude to my son and he lived large, loved deeply and often. When he died, it solidified to me, that nothing is forever. But we can make enough memories to last forever, even in a reasonably short period of time, if we choose to do so.

Too much is expected and required of an individual as they grow and live in our North American society to gain the skills required to be a PRODUCTIVE member of this society, while STILL trying to maintain a young budding potentially "long term" relationship.(they take WORK, proven by many,more and more everyday) Sure, have "fun", "love", but when doing so, understand that more than likely, it ain't gonna be there in the "end".

I'm sorry ~ I just don't get the "think the worst ~ hope for the best" stuff. There's nothing wrong with someone believing in fairy tales, happy endings, eternity with some perceived "soul mate" or whatever one wishes to hope for. I see no reason to spew about the heartaches that life hands us. And I have the utmost faith that the youth of today is just as capable of handling maturing as I was, or as my Mother was, or as my Granny was. Times have changed, but turning into and adult is still just an evolutionary fact. The youngsters of today will be just fine, whether disillusioned by thoughts of every lasting love or not. JMO
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 30
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/12/2012 6:46:52 PM

It's not even about time. It's about opportunity.

How many people on these forums complain about how hard it is to find the right "one?" Most of them. So, why, if you've found a valid candidate, would anybody choose to wait longer, thinking, Oh, I have time?"


How many of us found the "right one" and decided not to wait longer and then found out he/she wasn't the right one after all?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 31
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/12/2012 7:25:17 PM
No one said to live your life in a way that makes you undatable, but trying to be serious before you are mature enough, will only leave you with a trail of regret and kids and ending up undatable. Be serious, if you made yourself into something no one wants, that's on you, not on people telling you the truth...that most young people aren't ready to be in serious relationships.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 34
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/12/2012 9:14:12 PM
^Yeah, and now (at least according to POF) you're over 30, never married, and no kids... so there "must be something wrong with you".
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 37
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/13/2012 4:38:03 AM
You are 29, I had my first kid when I was 27, I have 3, in what way have you missed the boat particularly given that most men wind up married to women who are the same age or slightly younger.

It sounds to me like you are waiting for the perfect woman rather than someone who is suited to you, that compliment each other, and can be happy.

If you really want the picket fence and kiddies, quit banging your FWB and really start looking and you might want to reconsider your undatable list because it sounds like it's stupid.

Why is your FWB not datable? If her ex-husbands are nuts or the kids are going all hog wild, that would make her undatable, not that she had the ex's and the kids, there are plenty of women with 2 ex's and three kids that would be a wonderful addition to anyone's life.

Women are marrying later, particularly educated women consequently how then do you have zero dating pool? Pfft

Maybe you can't find a quality person because the quality people don't want to be around some azzhat that considers children baggage.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 38
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/13/2012 4:49:37 AM
There's nothing wrong with someone believing in fairy tales, happy endings, eternity with some perceived "soul mate" or whatever one wishes to hope for. I see no reason to spew about the heartaches that life hands us.


Ahhhhh, fairy tales are just that. There is a difference between telling someone to believe, to follow your dreams, to sieze the moment, than it is to believe some storybook tale and "happily ever afters". And there is also a difference between "spewing" about the heartaches of life, and explaining the "reality" of it all.(pssssssssst,,,,marriage ISN'T always forever or really a TRUE commitment!!! tis true)

My biggest beef about the young ones "searching" for their one, is their "reasoning" behind it when you ask them what they are thinking. It comes out that they are "lonely"(Probably FOREVER!!!!!!?????) ,NEED a man/woman, WANT to get married(again ask them why!!!!!), think they will be "completed" by another,etc, all the while before they hit the age of 30. If the 40 is the new 30, why wouldn't we be thinking that 20 is the new 10, or that 30 is the new 20?????? Cause, in the reality of it all, it basically is. Our young ones are required to hang around our homes a little longer than we use to, just so they can get on their feet and they can face the world. Again, if we are shoving back timelines in every other area of our young ones lives, why wouldn't it be true for their romantic/love lives??????
I have always been of the thinking that when we enter a "partnership" of any sort with a person, I should be bringing something to the table. I should be "adding" something, not just "expecting" or "requiring" something from this partnership. I do NOT think for one minute that some of these young ones are yet ABLE to add just yet, when they have yet to find the person that they are(or could be).
If ya want examples, our forums here give us many. Check out "broken hearts" and the posts started by the young ones. Confused and lost,not only in the romantic arena, but in their very own souls. Alllllllll before the ripe old age of the 30!!!!!

Edit


Uh. No? Kinda wanted an actual g/f at 25, pretty much NEED one at 30, while I still look good enough, they still look enough, and I still have hair.


And here we have an example of someone at the age of 30 who STILL DOESN'T "get it". And lo and behold, it's the OP!!!!!!! With his words I think we can all assume he wasn't following ANY advice at all the last 30 years, he's just got what he was giving(or not). Reread OP the part that I said you must bring something to the table in a relationship. Having "hair" ain't gonna cut it. Sorry.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 39
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:51:45 AM
"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." ~ George Bernard Shaw

I don't have much of a problem with your observations: there is a sizable (astonishing?) group of twenty-somethings who have kids and exes that now make them (according to your construct) "undateable". You are faced with the male biological clock ticking (it's nonsense that only women have this) and are concerned about how do I know we genuinely are 'it' for each other vs they are a 'good enough' vehicle to getting me the marriage/family I want .

Where I have a problem is having made these observations, you are stuck on wanting the world to line up how you want it to, rather than adjusting your goals/constructs to meet the reality you live in. (and oddly enough, that's the same complaint you have about the "lot's of time" advice).

You have to decide which is more important to you... finding your life partner may involve changing the rules you have manufactured.

And BTW, if you are fully occupied with meaningless sex you aren't available for something different. Do you have the time to squander on stuff that isn't in alignment for where you want your life to go?

edit to add: The OP's quest to find someone who hasn't been "marred" in life reminds me of the quest years ago where some men demanded a virgin ~ just an observation.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 40
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:57:53 AM
The original posters profile states he wants to "hang out". It is clear you are not a hurry if you just want to hang out.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 43
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/13/2012 3:44:46 PM

Its more an issue of, the longer it takes, the less available women there are.


Starting to see the "issue" with every word ya type actually. WHAT have you done in the last 10 years that has made YOURself worthy of what you are looking for or seem to require????? Other than phucking a bunch of women that you really don't want a longterm relationship with that is.

THAT is the issue. Nuttin else.
 Womac911
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 45
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/13/2012 11:14:10 PM
At 40, I'm no longer young, and quickly running out of time. I want a family.
When I got married in 2003, my wife was 9 years younger than I. What I got was the "I'm young, we still have time" -- from my wife. After she went off her birth control, we discovered she wasn't able to have children.
We divorced in 2009. Not because of the inability.

So now, at 40, I'm finding it difficult to find a woman who: A) is young enough to have and wants children. B) Does not already have children (which isn't a prerequisite). C) CAN have children .. D) Isn't crazy, jaded, bitter, or selfish,

I'm no longer young.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 47
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/14/2012 4:18:50 AM
I have to admit, I'm confused by the OP's comment too. Which one is the good example, the mother of three who has been married twice before or the never married, no kids, FWB who speaks about his lover with total disrespect?

I'll give my daughter this same advice if she wants to get married right out of high school. Like in all things, gathering the intelligence, getting to know the lay of the land, having your ducks all in a row, taking the time to give careful consideration before choosing, are all very wise words that older folks can offer young ones. There is a lot of examples where I wish I had taken that advice.

All in all, life is short and too much waiting and indecision will ultimately hurt you in the long run so there is a balance. I would like it very much if my daughter was smart enough to give herself options. So many people do things without thinking them through and then wind up having regrets. We live in a short term thinking only society where people demand instant gratification or they move on. A little planning can go a long way.

Now if you had told us that your FWB wished she had listened to this advice rather getting married and moving into a trailer with ex number one, your comments might make more sense to me. Another piece of advice I'll give to my daughter is NEVER let some dirtbag into your bed who doesn't respect you. Being alone can be a very powerful and enriching journey. Don't fear it out of pathetic desperation, embrace it and use that time to focus upon yourself and your dreams.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 49
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/14/2012 10:15:17 AM

A ticking biological clock - isn't the reason to rush into a relationship.


Exactly! I have friends that have gotten married and have had kids just because they are "running out of time". One of them just HAD to have a baby before 30, even though her marriage and finances were extremely rocky at the time. Suffice to say, the husband is now becoming an ex and for a long time didn't have a pot to p*ss in and her and the baby had to live off the charity of others.

The saying "you're young, you have time" I feel is just asking people to really think about the person that they are agreeing to be with and/or having children with. Most people, unfortunately, just look at the person and think "he/she is a nice person", instead of asking "is he/she a good match for me?", "would this person make a good husband and/or father (wife and/or mother)"? Instead everyone is so worried about "losing time" that they end up with the wrong person and become the "undateable" people that the OP is not interested in.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 51
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:28:31 AM
You don't always get what you want in life, it's really that simple, take responsibility for your choices and make the best of it or change your behaviour and realize that you might just have to compromise abit. Ever restriction you place on a potential mate decreases the number available to chose from, you have several OP that will definitely effect your number of choices, so there is a real possiblity you will not find what you want.
Any advice is just that advice you have choice to take it or not, to me it means do the things you want to do before adult responsibilities make it harder, such as travel or education, it does seem easier to find people when you are younger thou, sometimes it's just a matter of luck when you find the right one.
OP you waste far too much time on FWB and not on relationships, you even waste this site by not utilizing it for relationships just hookups, do you really believe a good woman is going to see you as husband and father material perhaps you need to take a good honest look at yourself and how you project yourself to others, "bad boys" are not relationship worthy, there just FB. Your choices in life have brought you to this point, your laundry list of what this fantasy mate has to be is simply unrealistic in todays society and since you don't seem to want to compromise or change don't be surprized when you are 40 or 50 and still having the same problem.
You haven't had an positive results with how you are currently trying to find a suitable mate, then perhaps you should try a different approach and see what happens, just some advice.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 54
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:46:52 PM

I also don't think every woman with a kids is loser trash. Infact, around here (this county) it seems like having kids motivate some of these women to do things they hadn't been doing, such as getting in a class, getting a job, and car


Ya know why they have the kids and what goes with em at such a young age?????? They thought their "time" was running out so they didn't listen,very well.

Ya still can't see the irony can ya?????
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 56
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 6/16/2012 5:36:11 PM
I think using people, particularly simgle mothers, formsex, and then labeling them as ineligible to date is cruel and thoughtless.

You seem to have a lot of maturing to do before you continue to have contact with women.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 60
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 9/29/2012 4:22:27 PM
People tell me that. I'm 33, that's not that young. There are women 3 years older than me with grandchildren. I personally don't have any kids, but perhaps I should give up on wanting kids because most women in my age group already have them and claim that they are finished. I don't attract the type of women that I am attracted to. Whatever is wrong with me is either irreversible or will take forever to change, even though I do work at it. I just need to accept the possibility that despite how hard I work at it, i may still never attract the kind of women I am attracted to. When my options are either to lower my standards or stay alone, I think staying alone is a better choice. I'd never want a woman to think that I settled for her.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 61
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 1/15/2013 10:31:32 AM

(VTECturbo) Should I create a FB and do this?


Yes.

On your death-bed, you regret the things you DIDN'T do, not the things you DID do.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 62
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 1/15/2013 10:38:21 AM
Dominic. A negative attitude breeds negativity. I am short and my face is average at best and i attracted some beautiful women. Your personality counts for alot. You also can do little things to improve the odds. I know i am short and it puts me at a huge disadvantage, but i can go the gym and get a hot body and even those odds. I'm attracted to curvy women with big tits and butts. I don't go for the women who are super skinny with those features because i know i most likely won't suceed. I go for the women with those features who are short and have a little bit of a tummy ( i am not using it as code for fat). Ideally i want someone with no tummy, but i get to know the women with the tummy and i fall in love who they are as a person and it doesn't matter anymore. When i fall for them i am so sexually attracted to them that i can't get them off my mind. You need to improve yourself a little in certain areas and you need to lower your standards a little bit. Your not going to get a beauty queen. Most average joes won't.


WHEN YOUR SO HUNG UP ON FINDING SOMEONE AND YOU PUT THIS MUCH PRESSURE ON YOURSELF YOU WILL FAIL. You need to live your life and one day you will meet someone amazing. If you don't then oh well that is g ds path for you. Live your life and love it. Count you blessings. You have 20 more years to find a mate. Don't sweat it. Go out and do things your passionate about.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 63
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 1/15/2013 11:27:35 AM
I found two women in two years of i had that spark with. I felt that way too. I refuse to lower my standards and force something with someone i didn't feel the spark with. You have to believe that you will find true love someday.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 66
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 2/8/2013 8:06:54 AM

You have all the time in the world" or any similar saying is NOT good advice

BY FAR.. the best time of my life was my roaring early twenties.... two roommates ... cheap apt... goodwill furniture.. lots of friends... free of the responsibilities of owning a home and raising a family ... hanging out, picking up girls, and weekends that were a blur of .... closing down bars, sleeping on the beach, road trips to nowhere, and looking forward to doing it again.

Oh yeah.. it's bad advice....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 69
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 2/17/2013 11:52:57 AM
This thread reminds me of a reality TV show I saw recently as I was flipping through the channels: It's called Teenage Weddings (or something like that). It showed couples who were planning their wedding. The problem is these couples are teenagers. Family and friends were constantly telling them "You're young-too young to get married. You have time. What's the rush?" The response by the teens was: "I found the the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with-my true love in life and the one I was meant to be with forever. I can't image not living with him/her. Why wait when I know I found the perfect one?" My first thought when seeing the show was: I wonder how long it will take them to get on POF complaining about what a loser a-hole they ended up marrying and divorcing and how many kids will they have in the mean time?

Come to think of it, back in my high school days, many-if not most-of the teen school girls thought exactly the same way when they had their first high school crush. They all thought their boyfriends were sent from the heavens to be with them forever and live happily ever after. Then at some point, the unknown happened-reality and adulthood.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 70
You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 2/17/2013 12:06:46 PM
Sweetie, YOU are the one determining who is undateable and what are "deal-breakers." Because YOU chose not to have kids at a young age and did not make certain mistakes, you are now judging everyone who did as "undateable?" What on earth is preventing you from having the time of your life with someone who has been married and/or has kids? Oh, that's right, YOU are.

Your entire reasoning makes little sense. Some people heeded the advice, and have taken their time. Others have not. Now, according to you, you have "missed out" and others are "undateable." That's the world you have constructed.

Here's an entirely different scenario: people who made different choices in their 20s meet in their 30s. Both learned things in their own ways. They come together and make a great couple.

People who married young, had kids, and got divorced may make perfectly suitable partners now. It's not what they did then or whether they have kids now--the question is, have they learned? Have they grown up?

You are not entitled to an unspoiled partner who made the same choices you did. Your anger about this is irrational and might just lead a mature person to conclude that you are just really immature with an overblown sense of entitlement. Maybe that--not other people's choices--is the real problem you face.
 Mn84evR
Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 72
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You're young, you have time. Not good advice anymore.
Posted: 2/18/2013 9:17:28 PM
LOL ... I'm young, and I have time. However, 'Time' isn't waiting around for me. Now 35 and have worked so hard at what I wanted, that the social scene is uncharted territory, and I think that everyone just wants to be my friend :)
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