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 LGG62
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 126
Online dating working for you?Page 6 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Unrealistic expectations seem to be common with online dating, but I don't see any evidence to support an argument that they are more prevalent in one gender over the other.

True, but men seem to be more vocal about it in the forums.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 127
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/26/2012 1:12:57 PM
Making physical connections is easy but permanent is tough.
 BigBro62
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 128
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/26/2012 6:29:59 PM
Hasn't worked for me yet. Seems like everyone is looking for their golden god/goddess as the only thing that will satisfy them. Admittedly, I'm not the best looking guy out there, and it seems pics on all of these dating sites is the only thing anyone wants to judge a person by.
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 129
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:21:30 PM
I've met a few guys on match.com in person......they look like thier pics but demeanors are impossible to see in still photos, so I haven't met anyone except one guy with any positive chemistry; but that guy turned out to be strange.... He had a specific lists of what he wanted in a women and tests that he put you through to pass!
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 130
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:34:49 PM

Here is why it does not really work for me.
I am not in favor of casual sex from a purely spiritual perspective. By engaging in it with someone I do not love I am taking in some of his energy, which will in fact impact my experience. So for my own energetic welfare I just do not participate in it.


I don't see why that is incompatible with online dating. Even though many just was some sort of NSA sex (whatever they call it, it means avoiding any inconvenient commitments) , there are those who aren't that way.

Another problem with casual sex is often one person in the relationship is hoping for a lot more, and eventually leaving that person is a kind of karmic weight on ones soul, otherwise known as feeling quilty.
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 131
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:57:19 PM
If I were to choose NSA it certainly wouldn't be with some of those offering, in fact 'he' would be of my choosing. I'm not disqualifying online dating as a means for that, it's just not what my preference is.
 boutnow
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 132
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/27/2012 7:12:54 AM
If you have no expectations, you dont get disappointed. Expecting someone to be like their profile is a recipe for disappointment, how can anyone match up to something they wrote half tanked at 2 am??????

....... Treat it all as an adventure, live in the moment, breath the air and expect them to be human, thats about all you can expect and it is a wonderful thing to meet another human.
 bekind212
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 133
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/29/2012 6:40:26 PM
You can either be cynical and expect that everyone is lying, or you can understand that this site is like all other dating sites: there is a mix of truth and lies and "stretched truth." I have had profiles on here, on and off, for four years. Before that I met a man (on here) who I was in a relationship with for 2 years. Even he had 10 year-old photos!

Because I believe that at least SOME of the profiles are honest representations of the person writing them, I still have hope that that needle in the haystack will be found or will find me. I have found that being honest but not overwhelmingly giving too much information on my profile is the way I want to go. I don't get much traffic at all. But that's okay, because I'm not going to be interested in every man who may look at my photo (and ignore what I've written).

I think it is more interesting to read the forums and find intelligent, thoughtful men here. We may be way too far away from each other, but at least it gives me hope that those men are out there somewhere.

And when you think about the fact that at 45 and above, most of us have our own homes, are established in our jobs or communities, and don't want to relocate, you realize that limits the pool of possibilities considerably, where younger people may have more inclination to move somewhere else.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 134
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/29/2012 11:22:40 PM
From what I hear it is worse with the increased membership there are more losers and cruisers online.
What you experienced is normal and only webcamming and talking on the phone may lessen the chances of liars turning up but no guarantee. I dont bother now after meeting a few liars and losers and just prefer the forums. Once in a while you may meet a decent guy but then they dont have to use dating sites, do they? Kind of stands to reason. Men can meet women anywhere if they have it all going on for them.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 135
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/29/2012 11:25:39 PM
sandy 911

You are being too politically correct. Of course a handicap matters. He may have been in a wheelchair or whatever and a woman has the right to expect that a man tells the truth about his physical state and he omitted to say he was handicapped. He put her in a position to have to reject him and caused embarrassment. He was also foolish to lay himself open to that.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 136
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 4:22:15 AM
Online dating and POF have worked quite well for me.
Was in a relationship for a couple of years that did not work out but was very good while it lasted. Am on here for the forums now and in a relationship with a great lady.
I put up what I think is an honest profile and have not given any of the ladies i have met any surprises.
While recently unemployed I was in the manufacturing business and rarely had opportunities to meet people for dating. Plus not being the type to be able to walk up to a lady and strike up a conversation. LOL
Found a few emails gave me the time to think get to know someone enough that we could carry on a conversation either on the phone or in person. Have met enough different ladies from here and it has given me the confidence that I would do much better in a real life situation if that ever becomes a necessity again.
Sure there have been some bad points, stood up, some rejection but that is life in any form and not that hard to deal with.
 betteroffsingle
Joined: 7/24/2012
Msg: 137
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 5:20:32 AM
It worked briefly for me earlier this year. Met two nice ladies and dated each of them (separately, not simultaneously).

Since then though it has been no good. I decided to just give it a rest. Maybe try again in 2-3 years, but by then I'm likely not to care.

I'm still blown away by the stories of folks showing up for initial meet/greet and not even looking remotely like their profile pics. All of mine are current and I would expect the same. Then you've got the stories of folks never showing up for the first meet. I just don't get it. Plenty of Flakes might be a better name.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 138
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 6:47:24 AM

I don't see why that is incompatible with online dating. Even though many just was some sort of NSA sex (whatever they call it, it means avoiding any inconvenient commitments) , there are those who aren't that way.


Really where are they? The ones I meet tell me they see their perfect relationship as you live in your place and I in mine and we get together from time to time.


Another problem with casual sex is often one person in the relationship is hoping for a lot more, and eventually leaving that person is a kind of karmic weight on ones soul, otherwise known as feeling quilty.


I think this would be something you discussed before becoming intimate with that person.. It is foolish to think that one party that wanted casual sex would all of the sudden change their mind.. I know it can and does happen but I for one would not hang on my hat on that.. I would be looking for someone that wanted the same kind of relationship I do.. That is to eventually share life together. If they do not know if that is what they want, you might be opening yourself for some major hurt.

nativerock
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 139
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 6:51:35 AM

The upside is, you get a larger dating pool. The downside is that you get a larger dating pool.


This is a great statement.

Be also aware that you are going to have to knock on more tires. That means you will have a lot of first dates that will never evolve to second dates.

My advice to make it work is simple:

1. Meet quickly. Don't spend a month emailing. Exchange about 4 to 5 emails, get a feeling of confidence and security from the guy. Trust your gut.

2. If the photos are fishy, more than likely they are. I tend to shy away from people that hide behind dogs, children, out of focus photos, photos in large groups where you can barely see who the person is.

3. Meet in a public place. And a first date is really not a date as it would be in real life because until you get a feeling about the chemistry, nothing they said on line matters.

4. Trust your gut.
 YAMACANMECRAZY
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 140
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:53:03 AM
After way too many years of doing the online dating thing I would have to say it didn't work for me. But that is not the same as saying that online dating doesn't work. I believe it can work ...... I also believe that I can win the Lottery LOL! But seriously, I do have the same odds of winning the lottery as everyone else so why not buy a ticket? The only sure way to not win is to not play.
 Ivy8
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 141
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:42:43 AM
" Really where are they? The ones I meet tell me they see their perfect relationship as you live in your place and I in mine and we get together from time to time. "

That actually would be a perfect relationship for me as well. Not entirely sure how to classify it with regards to 'Looking for a Relationship' as most interpret that as eventual marriage or co-habitation, something i'm not interested in.
Having said that, meeting any man who's intent is more than just FWB or casual is a challenge.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 142
view profile
History
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:54:44 AM
Challenges exist for all of us and wanting our needs to be met, whatever they may be.

As we mature, the need for marriage, or cohabitation seems to decline because we are already established, financially secure for many of us, children not an issue, and saving money by living together, does not outweigh all those potential problems that will happen when two decide to be one in the same house. I am fine with having someone with me, just do not believe that I should need to have them with me all the time, every day, in every way, and to take care of them and their needs.

Life is tough for those of us aging, wanting companionship, but not another spouse or live in, or needing to combine households, finances, and all those other things that can complicate a great relationship. Finding someone financially secure, educated, good looking, and independent is a tough chore, and most want more, or need more, or insist on more, and thus the world goes round and round.

cd
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 143
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:16:50 AM

meeting any man who's intent is more than just FWB or casual is a challenge.


Very true since today no one seems to really want to share their life with another..If I wanted that kind of relationship I do not need look any further than the condo building I live in.. There are a whole lot of men right here where I live that would just love this.. Besides only one floor up and one floor down.. lol
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 144
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:26:01 AM

I am fine with having someone with me, just do not believe that I should need to have them with me all the time, every day, in every way, and to take care of them and their needs.


I love to nurture it is part of my nature..I miss taking care of my children who have flown the nest, and my mother who has passed on now..When you love someone you really love the daily doings of taking care of them.. at least I did and still do..


Life is tough for those of us aging, wanting companionship, but not another spouse or live in, or needing to combine households, finances, and all those other things that can complicate a great relationship.


I would not have thought it would be tough because most people want what you do? Or is it mainly men that want this kind of situation and not women.. I have heard plenty of women on the boards saying they also do not want to share space with another.. As for finances I must admit when I was married we each had our own account and one joint account.. Each week we would put a portion of our earnings into that joint account to pay for household expenses the childrens clothes etc.. the rest was our own to keep and do what we wanted with.. It worked very well for us..
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 145
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:36:12 AM
By the way both of us were financially stable on our own.. After my husband passed he had left a life insurance policy in the name of our two children and myself.. Since I had no need of it, it all went to our children..
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 146
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:37:49 AM
What Messenger #2 has posted.
 slipintoglide
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 147
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:44:23 AM
my observation so far is, most women on here are married, or in a relationship, it doesn't take too much to figure it out. Also, I have found women my age, tend to not be all that serious about finding a companion, of what it is they want. I am comfortable with someone around my age, up or down, doesn't matter, I see it as being able to relate to each other.
I look just like my photo,

this is what makes me click past their profile.

all holiday photos
kids come first (i can explain this, yet it takes a bit of time)
only looking for a friend( join team sports)
must be a god(its what they are looking for)
unattainable expectations of another( I can't find my super hero cape today, sorry)
unfocused photos with giant sunglasses
which person are you in the photo?

my observation to date is, there is a very high expectation of not being what they had in all their past relationships, which of course isn't realistic.

What they are missing out about me and didn't take the time to observe is my abilities to be kind, open, sense of humour,honest, a guy who is happy, and content with the material things he has. I share, and have a great deal of respect for others, yet, since I am not superman, batman, or some other perfection of manhood, I am passed by.

there is this sense that one meeting reveals all, that if there is no initial spark, oh well, next please, the difficulty with this approach is, you will always be left wanting, because that perfection will always evade you. relationships start with friendships, friend ships that have a beginning of understanding. over time feelings, emotions can develop and grow into something more close, and a more intense relationship develops. The foundation is always the most important part of any relationship that develops.

I would say out of the 6 women I have met,(chatted with many others) I could have developed a friendship and more than likely a relationship with any of one of them. call it, having an open heart, which I have, Yet, as they all tend to believe, the initial spark wasn't there.... to be honest, initial sparks are a falsehood based on fairy tales, The knight in shining armour, doesn't exist, he never has, thats hollywood...

most women profiles refer to, 'initial spark"

this is just my thoughts and observations from what I have experienced here.
 catalina_view
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 148
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:48:19 AM
I've found the men in my area to be shallow, superficial, one dimensional and boring. They want to have "fun" not looking for anything serious. They seem so similar I can't even tell one from the other. I like the forums though so I hang out here once in a while.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 149
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:36:42 AM

most women profiles refer to, 'initial spark"


the one made me laugh.. I remember seeing my husband for the first time and thinking to myself pity the woman that marries him and their children have his nose.. Little did I know it would be me..I began to love that very nose and besides he always saluted me as I passed.. lol
 ejpbjje
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 150
view profile
History
Online dating working for you?
Posted: 8/30/2012 12:50:40 PM
I tend to find that the women are all looking for Brad Pitt types and want the "man of their dreams" or the "fairytale" whatever that is. Most women won't even respond and I tend to see the same women on-line day after day.
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Online dating working for you?