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 AUTHOR
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 19
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Put some pictures up, you've
lived in the real world so far!
You can't hide if you want to
progress in life as you say !
You are already lucky they
didn't dump your thread,
maybe you are on a lucky roll,
take advantage of a good situation !
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 20
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History
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/18/2012 1:42:49 AM
Talk to women; read about women; read what people have written about women. Lean about their life choices, their issues and their frustrations.

I never had any sisters, so it was work to really get to know women. Don't treat every woman you meet as a romantic target - talk to people about anything that interests you both, and some of them will be women. (And watch out for the few who will not be able to talk to you without considering you a target even if they are a rediculously bad match for you!) You'll have to learn to becomfortable and communicative before you even think of women as potential mates or other relationships.

Hmm... is LADY CHATTERLY'S LOVER too old to be a good source of insight today? Ladies and gents, why don't we try to point this fishie to some places to learn about women? (And don't forget books and pamphlets about women's health!)

WARNING: watching teen sports will make it hader for you to get to know women! :)
ED BEAR
 meowkatt2012
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 21
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/18/2012 3:22:03 AM
I lost my virginity at 19. So that in itself isn't bad. It was a guy i didnt like much but i just wanted to do it. Bad idea. Now your profile here will not get anyone really. You sound borriiiing. U have no pics up, u start to say some things about yourself and then have to go. I also doubt you.need this site at your age. Take a class where u will need a study group that's a way to make friends. Ask a girl in a class a question saying u don't understand. Even if u do. But one that's a pretty quick and easy answer lol. Thank her but dont go.overboard. if u don't really know each others name introduce urself & shake her hand. Them say hi to her when u see her but don't bug her. Pay attention to how she reactts if she ignores u move one. Don't look at a girl as a gf look first as friends. joining a bowling league I.met a bunch of ppl.or darts league. Just some ideas to get used to.just hanging out. Being a player isn't all.its cracked up to be. Its actually lonely if the guys would tell the truth.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 22
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/18/2012 3:33:47 AM
I've never had a girlfriend. I'm a complete virgin, I haven't even kissed a girl. I'm lanky, very skinny, and overall unattractive. I don't think a girl has ever been interested in me, whether it be physically or as a person. Because of this, I'm really self conscious which has led me to become incredibly shy and unsure of myself. I'm really afraid to approach girls, and I've been told I give off a creepy vibe, which really upsets me.

My lack of experience also leads me to feel very intimidated by girls. Girls my age already have a degree of experience under their belt, and I assume they would think even less of me if they knew. I'm 19 and haven't even kissed a girl. Isn't that a red flag? Don't girls like experienced men? This really bothers me, and leaves me with a feeling of emasculation.

Before break, when I was in college, literally everyone around me was in some sort of relationship or sexually active. It was so normal for them that it truly made me feel like there is something wrong with me.

Last year I tried asking out this girl and she just kind of laughed at me and walked away, she didn't even bother to say no. And she wasn't a super model, just an average girl. I'm sure I looked like a huge weird-o and it was super awkward, but I don't want to ever go through that kind of humiliation again.

I've decided to commit to working out to raise my confidence. Still, it bothers me that i've never had a girlfriend. I feel it makes me less of a man. And I know lack of confidence is a turn-off, but when I've had such poor experiences and I look the way I do, how am I supposed to be confident in the first place?

I don't know. I'm just really depressed about this. I wish I had someone to talk too. I'm working during the summer and I don't really have any friends around to talk too. It's weird, but I'm hoping someone out there can relate or help me.


I've had similar experiences, and I felt this way in high school. I wanted to commit suicide because of it. For better or worse, I've had my share of experience since then, but my longest relationship was 4 months and I am 33 now. I've been to counseling, I've done everything I could to better myself as far as education, employment, stuff like that, but I still get that worthless feeling. I feel like all of the good I've done in my life has been for nothing. Everyone says you have to find happiness in yourself, but what good is happiness with no one to share it with?

As far as people on this forum, some might give you advice that can help steer you in the right direction. In my case, they tell me to do stuff I've already done, or I am already doing. Some are genuinely trying to help, while others are condescending and patronizing.

I won't give you any advice, as I don't know what your hobbies are or what your style is. All I can say is that you are not alone. In my case, I'm probably scared for life, but you are still young. Realize that Hugh Hefner lost his virginity at 22, so it isn't the end of the world just yet.

At 6 foot, a girl could care less how attractive or unattractive you are. They don't care what you dress like, look like, or smell like, as long as you are over 5'10.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 28
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/18/2012 3:59:26 PM
Hon, no one but you will know that you are inexperienced. Most of the people that you see that seem confident and whatnot are flying by the seat of their pants, at least until they get the hang of things :)

And here's the deal, my son is 17, he is also a virgin and because his attitude is that he doesn't want to have sex until he is prepared to raise a child should birth control fail, he is likely to stay that way at least until he is over 18. He has the same worry you've raised but when he has wound up telling female friends and/or girls that aren't in or out of the friend zone yet they think it is sweet and respect his choosing not to nail anything with a vagina. My son is 6', has a six pack and gorgeous long curly hair. You need to become that guy in your head while you're working on the rest of you.

Considering most women are pressured to have sex when they would really prefer some courting and whatnot, I think you'll find that your status is more of an asset than a liability. If a woman is turned off by it I'd venture to guess she's pretty immature and not someone you want anyway.

And if you're shy, a friend of mine floored me when he said had I met him 3-4 years earlier I wouldn't have met him because he was terrified of being with people. This came out when I asked him if he's ever been anywhere that he doesn't run into someone he knows. He made himself start up conversations with everybody, and I mean everybody behind the counter, opening a door, etc. until he was truly comfortable talking to people. Get comfortable around girls that you aren't trying to woo and you'll learn to be more comfortable around the ones you're interested in.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 30
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/18/2012 5:34:05 PM

I'd like to here how other awkward teenagers came out of there shells, or if being a virgin will turn people off.


First things first. Get off this site, and get outside and play!!!! This place is not for a "virgin" or someone your age. Hell, it's not the best place for anything other than the forums themselves. If you want to get burnt,fried, chewed, barbequed, stay here. But, you'll quickly become very negative towards a future that should be bright.


For the longest time I've been hung up on being a virgin


Okay, understand this. You are only 19. You're not suppose to know it all, or have lived it all. That's the good thing about being young. You get to "experince" MANY things for the first time, including getting your pee pee wet. I'm sure you look around and "think" that EVERYONE your age has had intercourse. Not likely. And it's also not likely that most your age even knows what "good" sex is. It ALLLLLLLLL takes time, and you, at 19, have that time.

Use it wisely.
 troynm
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 31
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/18/2012 5:36:40 PM
I didn't have a gf 'till I was 25, and that was purely due to lack of opportunity.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 32
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:47:05 PM
My daughter is around your age and, as a socially awkward geek girl, she's had to learn social skills. She practiced speaking with people on-line which helped. She learned how to ask open ended questions (the sort that can't be answered with a yes or no) to get a conversation started - and keep it flowing.

Look for "How to Make People Like You in 90 seconds or Less" - it's a good primer on conversation, connection and building rapport with new people.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 33
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/19/2012 5:20:03 AM
How impressive and kind Xeno, what a douche
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 35
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/19/2012 10:26:27 AM
I was you once...

The trick is to realize that the worst part of rejection is that the girl says no.

If it's the kind of person that would laugh at someone instead of saying no, she's not the kind of person you'd want to be dating, so be happy that happened, you could have ended up in a relationship with someone who didn't really care about you at all, and was probably a really terrible person.

The confidence... That eventually comes once you realize that most girls will talk to any guy. Starting that conversation is the easiest thing in the world. Just saying "hi" to a random girl you see walking is all it takes. But don't let this site have any influence on your confidence. People are on this site for a reason. A lot of them are just really terrible people, and even though they're physical perfection, nobody wants to date someone that they have to be afraid is going to kill them.

Find what you're good at, and stick to it. That's where you're going to be your most confident. You're a little young, but in 2 years, start going to sport bars and stuff like that. Go to a park, go to games at a highschool or college close to you. Then maybe talk to a girl you see that night about the game, if you like sports, you'll probably be able to carry a conversation about what happened.

That'll get you started... Making your move is going to be A LOT of trial and error. You're going to get rejected, it's going to take time to figure out what really works for you.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 37
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/19/2012 11:49:10 AM
For a guy, 90% of dating starts with confidence.

If you don't feel worthy of a date, women will pick up on that. Just like walking into an interview without confidence becomes immediately apparent to the interviewer.

You have to start with BELIEVING that you are worthy of dating. If you believe you are not attractive (NOT the same as handsome), that you are not interesting, that you are not worth spending time on, then that will ooze out of your pores and everyone around you will sense it.

Some of the most successful daters I have ever seen aren't the most handsome. They are confident, they are aggressive, and they are fearless. More importantly, they never get discouraged.

Dating women is a craft like any other.

Players aren't players by accident, they learn how to attract a woman through practice and study. And not wanting to be a player doesn't mean you have nothing to learn from them.

So, it's easy to talk about confidence but where do you get it? It's not like there's some magical switch that makes you confident. It comes from the same place as any kind of confidence comes from...

1) Practice. The more you do something, the less it becomes unknown and mysterious. If you talk to 100 women, then suddenly talking to women is no longer a mystery, it's the same as talking to anyone else. Someone saying "no" is scary the first few times, after 20 or 30 times it stops being scary. Remember, all it takes is ONE yes and you're off to the races.

2) Study. When you don't know how to do something it's hard to be confident. It's like walking into a test without doing the homework. You need to STUDY women. You wouldn't apply for an engineer's job without going to school, you wouldn't perform surgery without studying anatomy and biology... yet guys want to talk to women all the time without any understanding of who they are or what they want. It's hard to make a woman attracted or happy if you don't even know what they find attractive or what they enjoy. Knowing that you understand what you're doing makes it alot easier to be confident.

3) Perspective. There's alot of women in the world. Even if only 1/100 women is right for you, all that means is you need to talk to 100 women. Most women won't be the right fit for you. The vast majority won't be right for you. Even if you're Amazing with the looks of Brad Pitt, the vast majority won't be right for you. It's a numbers game. Accept it and move on. It's the process that counts not the end result. Do the process right and you'll eventually reach the end result. Rejection is alot less painful if you accept that it's part of the game. Don't dwell on rejection, use it to learn how to be a better prospect.

4) Adapt. Everyone says "be yourself!". It's both true and a disservice. Everyone has parts of themselves that aren't attractive. If it's not central to who you are be ready and willing to adapt. That might mean changes to your wardrobe, it might mean changing your posture (stand tall), it might mean learning to get away from being a wall flower and learning to step up and introduce yourself to someone, or shutting up and listening on a given day, or learning how to put the toilet seat down, or remembering to send a text or call them on their birthday. Relationships are give and take... that doesn't happen if you're completely unwilling to change. That doesn't mean stop being kind, or generous, or considerate... it does mean learning that some things can change without giving up the core of who you are.

5) Realism. Not every woman will be a match. Not every woman will think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. Not every woman you're attracted to will find you attractive. Accept it for what it is and move on. And remember that dating is a LONG game. You're 19... you might be 25, 30 or 35 before you ultimately find Mrs. Right. Along the way you'll find yourself in good relationships and bad. Sure, maybe you'll be the guy that finds true love at 19, just don't bet on it.

6) Patience. Rome wasn't built in a day. Dating doesn't become easy overnight. It takes time to change your habits and behavior, it takes time to assimilate new information and become skilled and practiced. It takes time for others to learn to view you in a different light. Just remember that you're moving in the right direction.

In the end, how women see you is as much a measure of how you see and carry yourself than anything else. Women want to date Men, not boys.

They want Men that believe in themselves, that are confident in who they are, and aren't going to wilt under their scrutiny.
They want Men that show genuine interest in them as human beings, who care about their thoughts and feelings, and who see them as attractive and interesting.
They want Men who are not afraid to challenge them while still respecting their emotions and opinions.

In the end, the main reasons why a guy doesn't get a date isn't because they aren't handsome enough, or rich enough, or tall enough... It's because they aren't Man enough.
 troynm
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 38
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/19/2012 5:18:21 PM
I'm sorry, Wanderer, but "confidence" is a bs category based on speculation of the observer. The VAST MAJORITY of people who appear "confident" are really just mean, horrible people, and that is why the worst people in life are so successful at dating. Most of the time I see someone who appears "confident", a massive "red flag" comes up that this person is simply someone who hurts others. Don't buy into the "confidence lie". It's cr-p.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 45
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/20/2012 7:02:38 AM

If you don't feel worthy of a date, women will pick up on that. Just like walking into an interview without confidence becomes immediately apparent to the interviewer.


Confidence doesn't get the girl. Most women aren't thinking "Wow, that guy doesn't look confident, no way I'm ever going to date him". Confidence just gives you the balls to actually approach the girl. That's why the confident guy is the one who keeps getting the girls, he's the one who actually tries.

The reality, and you can talk to most girls who aren't on this site... Girls are just too shallow for most guys.

Or better yet, read through profiles on this site... Look at what people are automatically turned down for... The month they were born, their name, how much money they make, there's tons of profiles demanding being at least 5'10...

I've seen a guy get turned down repeatedly because he's in a wheelchair. And before you say "maybe he did something wrong", I was sitting right next to him and heard "I don't date guys who can't walk"

Women, as a whole, are just too superficial. You typically have to pass the "is he hot?" test before she'll even acknowledge that you exist.

Confidence is a start, but it's not everything. Looks matter to girls, and apparently your name matters to some of them.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 47
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/20/2012 8:33:40 AM
Women, as a whole, are just too superficial. You typically have to pass the "is he hot?" test before she'll even acknowledge that you exist.

^^^
Ahhhhhh, I'm now going to ignore every post you've made in the You are Hot thread I've been following.


OP, there's someone out there for everyone. Never forget that. :)
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 50
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/20/2012 12:18:12 PM
HAHAHAHA, you are a freaking loser never been kissed HAHAHAHAHA

Now go to bed and cry yourself to sleep

Just kidding, dude women are women , at your age they KNOW they have control and they can choose and do anything to guys, only a few do not feel that way.

My first kiss when I was 20 and I had to steal that kiss from a friend, i was a desperate little man. I felt like Da Man after that,even though it was a stolen kiss, Never had a GF in high school or college, and I did try, i tried alot, flowers, being in the wrestling team and all that did not work, still got turned down by taller more handsome richer guys, even if they were unfaithful dogs; I wonder why ?

I married my first GF but before her I was in love with a girl who would use me to practice kissing since I was a safe nice guy, I was head over heels for her, she only declared her love to me after she got preg from one of the mental institution inmates that she took care of at the military hospital here.

You are not the only one , I have stories , alot of cruel stories of women and how they treated me, I laugh about it now .... in my rubber room. HEHEHEHE HAHAHAHA HOHJOHOHO HUHUHUHU!!!
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 52
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/20/2012 2:25:01 PM
Very true , you need training , a college degree, seminars, books, or like me many experiences and fine tunning on the art or craft in meeting women.

Women say it is not hard to meet women, it is not if you have the tools and knowlege, the art of meeting and dating women and keeping them interested is quite difficult and alot of work, some cassanovas, players etc... are just wired for this they can charm without trying, for the rest of us we have to learn.

All the dating organizatios , books classes and semninars is a lucrative industry.

Women have their own crafts... it unfortunately cost men alot of money too.

Good I finally learned the craft in the real world and I am good at it. ;)
 TRESemme1
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 54
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:36:28 AM
hell i've never had a bf until i was 25.
 TRESemme1
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 55
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:56:54 AM
Hey, I bet you look way, way better than me.

So you're in Indiana. Am in Chicago. That's near. I thought you was in the UK. Lol.

Anyways, put a pic of you in here.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 56
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:27:30 AM

Man, you must have had some horrible experiences with awful women.


Prove me wrong... Date an ugly guy.

Also, when I said "Women, as a whole, are just too superficial", I was actually quoting a woman who said that to me.

It's true, it's nature. We're not magically different from how every other animal in the world works. It's not that I have issues or anything like that, I just actually understand people and how they work.

If a woman isn't attracted to you, she's not attracted to you. How many times has that appeared in these forums?

If you're not superficial, find thefattest, ugliest guy on this site, and get to know him, and give him the chance, date him for who he is, with completely zero thought into what he looks like. I guarantee you that none of you will do that.

Women, by nature, are superficial when it comes to picking a guy.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 57
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:45:29 AM
If you're not superficial, find thefattest, ugliest guy on this site, and get to know him, and give him the chance, date him for who he is, with completely zero thought into what he looks like. I guarantee you that none of you will do that.

^^^
None???!!!!
Whoa oh, man are you painting all with the same brush aren't you?

Like I said, there is someone for everyone. Looks, EXCLUDED! Take a look around you, it's not always beautiful people sticking with other beautiful people and ugly with ugly.
What's ugly to some could be beautiful others. Truth.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 59
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:54:58 AM

Prove me wrong... Date an ugly guy.

Also, when I said "Women, as a whole, are just too superficial", I was actually quoting a woman who said that to me.

It's true, it's nature. We're not magically different from how every other animal in the world works. It's not that I have issues or anything like that, I just actually understand people and how they work.

If a woman isn't attracted to you, she's not attracted to you. How many times has that appeared in these forums?

If you're not superficial, find thefattest, ugliest guy on this site, and get to know him, and give him the chance, date him for who he is, with completely zero thought into what he looks like. I guarantee you that none of you will do that.

Women, by nature, are superficial when it comes to picking a guy.


All human beings are superficial to some degree. Contrary to popular belief, love isn't completely blind the vast majority of the time. That applies to men and women so I don't understand the point you're trying to make other than a sweeping generalization of what you find wrong with women.

What you're missing is that while physical looks are a factor they are far from the Only factor or even most significant factor in the woman attraction equation.

As for the "ugly guy" thing, I've seen lots of those "ugly" guys do just fine with very attractive women MANY times. If anything, many guys undershoot in terms of dating because they have no idea to maximize the tools and advantages they have.

Here's something to think about... a number of years ago some British researchers did some experiments trying to determine the sources of female attraction.

They took a guy, put him in jeans and a t-shirt, an average haircut then had him walk past a group of women on a patio. Rating him on a scale of 1-10, they rated him about a 4.

Several weeks later, they took that same guy, gave him a haircut, dressed him in clothes that were somewhat color co-ordinated. That same group of girls rated him a 7.

Several weeks later, they took that same guy, gave him a stylish suit, polished shoes, and had him park in visible distance in a nice car. They rated him a 9.

None of the girls recognized him from previous passes (they were observing literally dozens of men every week).

Same guy all three times. Nothing changed about him as a person. He wasn't taller, or in better shape, or suddenly had a more handsome face. All they changed were his hair, his clothing, and his car.

Moral of the story, much as we hate to admit it attraction is hard wired to some degree... except men and women are hard-wired differently. Women notice things related to their priorities... status, stability, security, ability to provide, and being conscientious and reliable. Men tend to notice things related to genetic fitness for child bearing. Symmetry of the face, feminine curves, youth, etc.

As for my points on confidence, confidence not only helps you approach someone for a date, if you're self-confident it's easier to be yourself instead of that quivering pile of jello when talking to a woman. Also, when you're self-confident, it puts the woman at ease. If you're relaxed it's easier for her to be relaxed. Confidence also helps a woman feel safer in your presence. If you are acting like you're in control of the situation, she assumes that you are in control of the situation.

These can tie into the status/leadership aspects of attraction as well as the ability to provide.

You would be surprised how little a guy's ability to date is tied to whether they are handsome or not. It's not an accident that Sean Connery was considered the sexiest man alive for many years even into his 40's... and he was certainly no Brad Pitt.

More guys need to get off their "woe is me" and "women are awful!" self-pity wagon. It isn't rocket science, but there are no free rides either.

Step up your game, or sit on the sidelines and complain.

I'll take option 1 every time.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 62
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/21/2012 12:44:53 PM

I'm a tailor and a mistress of visual illusion. I had a young woman come for a final fitting, look in the mirror and burst into tears. She didn't know she was beautiful until she saw herself in a dress made just for her and she was utterly overwhelmed.

My point is, in the experiment you cite, clothing can change someone's appearance on many different levels and to conclude form this that women are after money and status is perhaps a logical fallacy. A haircut can dramatically change the appearance of someone's face shape, clothes can dramatically change the appearance of someone's physique. A skirt hem that's one inch too long can make a slim person look like they've got the legs of a rugby player, if its just in a certain place that creates an illusion.


Where did I mention money? Status and stability may or may not involve money, though money is not often a complete non-factor. It's not an accident that most women are unwilling to marry "down". Most men I've known don't even blink when it comes to dating a woman of lower status and means, women not nearly as much. That doesn't mean they want Mr. Moneybags, but they do want a man who can support themselves generally and they do care on some level about status whether they are fully aware of it or not.

A perfect example of this is a fellow I know who went to a social event. He had a PHD in Engineering and when women would ask him what he did for a living he would tell them he's an engineer. He got only the mildest of attention. Then a friend walked up and joked with him asking "How's it going Dr.?". Suddenly every woman in sight wanted to know everything about him and women were pushing him to call them even after he explained it was only a PHD in Engineering. He commented himself how bizarre it was. He didn't suddenly become more attractive in 10 minutes, just women's view of his value as a dating partner had shifted tremendously.


To interpret the experiment you cite so simplistically suggests playing to stereotyping and a methodology set up as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Did the designers of the experiment conduct it themselves, or was it a double blind methodology? If it wasn't double blind, then you have to factor in unconscious signals communicated by the practitioners as well.


This was a fairly rigorous study. And it's not the only study... for example, here's one that notes that a simple change in color raises one's level of attraction by the University of Rochester published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100802101821.htm

"Simply wearing the color red or being bordered by the rosy hue makes a man more attractive and sexually desirable to women, according to a series of studies by researchers at the University of Rochester and other institutions. And women are unaware of this arousing effect."

Here's another study by UBC indicating that Smiling is interpretted very differently between Men and Women...

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110524070310.htm

"The study found that women were least attracted to smiling, happy men, preferring those who looked proud and powerful or moody and ashamed. In contrast, male participants were most sexually attracted to women who looked happy, and least attracted to women who appeared proud and confident.

"It is important to remember that this study explored first-impressions of sexual attraction to images of the opposite sex," says Alec Beall, a UBC psychology graduate student and study co-author. "We were not asking participants if they thought these targets would make a good boyfriend or wife -- we wanted their gut reactions on carnal, sexual attraction." He says previous studies have found positive emotional traits and a nice personality to be highly desirable in a relationship partners.

Tracy and Beall say that other studies suggest that what people find attractive has been shaped by centuries of evolutionary and cultural forces. For example, evolutionary theories suggest females are attracted to male displays of pride because they imply status, competence and an ability to provide for a partner and offspring."

I'm not going to cite every study as they've been numerous and cross-cultural. Here's a decent general paper on the topic...

http://books.google.ca/books?hl=en&lr=&id=SxX4gRzOS6oC&oi=fnd&pg=PA267&dq=women+sexual+attraction+study+status+and+wealth&ots=Bg1l3L3LxH&sig=H3Z54MM78oRV6BuWC_kWkhHlkXQ#v=onepage&q=women%20sexual%20attraction%20study%20status%20and%20wealth&f=false

Anyway, the fact is we're still animals and the things which we find attractive while on many levels are individual, on other levels they are somewhat universal.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 63
19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:46:04 PM

All human beings are superficial to some degree. Contrary to popular belief, love isn't completely blind the vast majority of the time. That applies to men and women so I don't understand the point you're trying to make other than a sweeping generalization of what you find wrong with women.


I try to stay realistic.

You have an entire thread basically telling the guy "Just get confident". I'm just adding in that it's not only confidence. You DO have to be visually appealing too. It's not so much as hot vs not hot, as it is in how you carry yourself, how much you care about how you look. Basically, going from a guy PoV:

Now, it's true that everyone is someone's type. No matter what you look like, there's a good chance that there's someone in the world who sees you as being insanely attractive... That out of the way, it's true, a ton of us guys really love a nice fit body on a girl. To me http://www.e90post.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=178642&stc=1&d=1219205892 is pretty much exactly what I want the next woman I date to look like. That's the kind of girl I'm attracted to. And there's a good chance that a ton of girls just in this thread alone are attracted to the guy version of that.

Now, the OP said he's skinny, lanky, and unattractive. He's comparing himself to the guy version of that girl I linked.

Now, me personally, http://www.yensa.com/fat/hot-fat-girls01.jpg this girl has the exact opposite body type and I still see her as attractive. And there's probably a ton of women who even though they're attracted to the really built guy, they can see a skinny guy with no muscle definition as being attractive.

But when you look like http://thedirtysun.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/capt.5d21319bd1d84465b9172911da7ebd8e.love_handles_shooting_njatl101.jpg it's probably a lot harder.

You can be confident all you want, but if you look like you just got out of bed, it might be hard to get a woman's interest. It's how you present yourself, it's how much care you put into how you look. Make sure you take a shower, definitely have clean hair, dress like you actually care about how you look, and people can end up with exceptions to what they're attracted to.

The same way that I think a fat chick can be as attractive as what I see as the perfect body, a girl who's into fit guys can see the OP as attractive. But just like I see the second girl as looking gross because she looks like she literally just got out of bed and sat on the couch, a lot of girls will probably not think you're attractive if you also put no care into how you look.

We're attracted to what we're attracted to. We're shallow and superficial. Women probably more than men. (Put literally any show on about mammals that involves any mating... we're the same way. Guys compete for the girls attention, but the biggest, strongest one gets the girl. We ARE animals. We do have that instinct of only wanting what we're attracted to. There's nothing wrong with it, it's nothing to get defensive about. We're all shallow, we all care about looks... It's human. We might not all be attracted to the same thing, but we're typically not going to go after someone we have no attraction to.). This got a little out of hand from what I was trying to say. In the animal kingdom, females want what they want. If you think I'm ugly, odds are, there's nothing I could say to you that'll get you interested in dating me. I'm not saying you're a bad person for it, it's just that it is what it is. You're not attracted to me.

I was just trying to make the point that the OP shouldn't get the idea that all he needs is to be confident and women will swarm to him. They typically still will have to have that physical attraction, it's going to matter. But while one girl thinks he's hideous, another will think he looks great.
 Online_dating_blows
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 72
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 8/27/2012 12:06:26 PM
Bro simple solution to your problem, find a hooker pay her whatever she wants, talk to her and then **** her, if nothing else happens at least you'll get your viginity out of the way, and maybe through talking to her you will realize women are'nt so scary
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 75
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19 and Never Had a Girlfriend?
Posted: 9/2/2012 12:16:21 AM
A hooker - nah, don't do that. It's a life transition you don't want to spend with someone who hates you. And, believe me, that hooker will. Not because of you you are, just because you're a john. They don't even capitalize the word.
ED BEAR
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