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Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 22
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personality vs. characterPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I think it was Ann Landers who said eons ago...
"You fall in love with their personality and then live with their character"
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 24
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personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:46:05 PM
I agree with you. A friend member had encountered a bad experience. Meeting a member, he was attracted to this person because of her nice personality. After meeting 4 times before dating just to know each other the other party pressured my friend to have sex and be committed because she is getting older and will start work pretty soon and will not have time to be with him. Barely not even give enough time to know each other. Where is the character of this person? She thinks 2 months is enough to know each other. There is also subject of religion. He is catholic and she is not....only she believe there is God. Because she did not get what she wants from him......and very pushy.....and very impatient.....she gave up on him. Where is the "character" in this person who my friend was attracted to her personality......two months is enough for her not even knowing his dislikes/likes, favorite color, favorite dish, birthdate....etc....Does only personality works or it has to be both?
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 25
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personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:43:38 PM
Its not only men...Women does the same thing too. Some are on the fast lane and dont want to slow down, take time to get to know the other person she was attracted. Yes after 4 meetings....she became impatient and did not get what she wants....because she got attracted to my friend younger than her age....she bailed out.
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 26
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:05:08 AM
The personality, however subtle, is a reflection of the true character.
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:09:06 AM, I'd be tempted to say that "character" should be treated neutral, as the's not that ted bundy had or didn't have character, but it's that the word refers to that part of him. Not that he "didn't have character", but that was his character.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 28
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:05:26 PM

found out the difference the hard way the personality which was displayed to me was totally different to the true character.
When my back was turned he used to talk sh..t about me to others. Didnt find that out till years later that he systematically did this to keep others away from me. Funnily enough, really found out who the persons with true character were through this.

The person's personality was no different from his character. This person, and psychopaths such as Ted Bundy and HH Holmes didn't have pleasant personalities: they had the ability to project pleasantness and were good actors.

In other words, they faked it well.

Some people are charming as heck but are lousy friends; they use charm deliberately in order to get what they want. The scheming aspect is the true aspect of their "charming" personality. Some people are better at detecting such BS than are other people. I worked as a desk clerk at a family motel when I was getting my MA; the owner hired a man who was quite charming and everyone but me loved him. I said he was not to be trusted and the charm was a facade. I was right--but not one other person saw through it.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 30
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:26:48 PM
"Actually, Bundy was a bit of a enigma/contradictory, on one hand he save a little boy from drowning I think, and he saved lives on a suicide hotline." Bundy was a sociopath/psychopath, these individuals have a charming, engaging personality, but are narcissistic and self important, lacking in empathy and see people only as things useful in attainging their wants or desires. I don't think the two words or synonyms but they're not opposite either, I think there's some overlap between what characteristics of a person they delineate.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 31
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:28:49 PM

In reality, sane (or even slightly insane) people cannot be judged against psychopaths such as Bundy, eh?

In addition, the human mind is highly complex (though most people are quite simple). Jung speaks of ambivalence, wherein "every attitude or anticipated course of action is counterbalanced by its opposite."

This is why the woman's friend was kind to her at face value but talked about her behind her back. It is the battle of ethics we feel when faced with a difficult decision, i.e. I have 50 cents and the candy bar cost 45 cents--I can steal it and no one would know it was me, but it is wrong to steal. Or, more apropos to POF, I like my best friend's girlfriend/boyfriend--should I make a play for her/him or not?

If he/she makes a play for the other person, is it a flaw in character? Who can cast the first stone?
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 32
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/19/2012 3:43:47 PM

I know that's pretty vague, but if a person makes a play for someone's girlfriend/boyfriend, that person to me shows someone with what would be called "bad" character; because they would not think it ok if someone did that to them; but if they justified doing it to their own friend, it means their ethics are fluid and self-justifying.

This is a problem with simplifying issues or saying people have "bad" character based on certain incidents.

What if the two, once together, live happily ever after and never look at another man or woman? If it doesn't work out, what if the "stealer" never does it again? Does the person still have bad character?

If the girlfriend/boyfriend goes with the person making the play, does that mean the GF/BF had bad character but possibly a good personality?

Does it make either person evil or bad?

Can't people make mistakes based on inexperience and/or immaturity? Is "bad" character unchangeable?
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 35
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/20/2012 6:09:03 AM

What character is _made of_: honesty, loyalty, honor, morality, dignity, integrity, courage, fairness, kindness, trustworthyness (others?)

What character _is_: the MEASURE of an individual's WILL to preserve and ensure the integrity of those traits under unfavorable conditions even, and in particular, when their preservation is not beneficial to the individual him/herself. That's character. Colloquially, dedication to do the right thing even when doing so is against one's best interest.

The presence or absence of these traits in an individual is usually a constant in time. It is the individual's internal code of ethics that serves as guiding compass. They rarely, if ever, change. However, the acquisition or shedding of some of those traits, as well as, the individual's will to preserve them, may be affected by extreme experiences, such as war.

Character traits tend to be expressed implicitly, as such they are subtle and, not always readily idenfitiable. Situations that reveal the presence or absence of character are not very common (though far from uncommon).

Character icons: Joey (the horse from the movie "War Horse"). Joan of Arc. Ghandi, Harriet Tubman.

Animals, just like humans can exhibit the presence or absence of character.


Personality traits are the many other traits that make us who we are. Among them, passion, intellect, humor, wit, ambition, decisiveness, faith, maturity, pragmatism, disposition, patience, openness, etc, etc, etc, etc.

Personality is the measure, and ways, in which those traits are expressed.

The presence or absence of some traits is usually variable in time. An individual can express certain traits to one person and a completely different set of traits to another (e.g chemistry with one person, lack thereof with another.) They are also easily affected. For instance, disposition can be affected by humidity (ever heard of a bad hair day ?)

They are often expressed explicitly (body language and speech among the most common ways), as such, they usually are easily identifiable using our senses (vision, hearing, touch, smell, taste). Situations that reveal most personality traits are very common.


It seems that most relationships are initially built on a "personality match" (aka chemistry). When we like someone's personality we WANT to believe they have character (formally proven fact in psychology). Con artists are notorious for their great personalities... they are also notorious for their great _absence_ of character.

Presence of character is best established under _unfavorable_ circumstances. Dating does not provide a suitable environment to make the determination. How long does it take to determine character vs how long do people date before entering into a relationship ? Is there a way of determining an individual's character in a reasonably short time (approx 3 months) ?

I've been burned a few times in letting someone's personality sweep me off my feet without taking the time to determine whether their character measured up to my standards.
Thank goodness I'm wiser now. Unfortunately it also means I am more likely to remain alone for a longer time period.


Actually, I would argue that the _net_ effect is that you will be alone _less_ time. You're not wasting a lot of time (months?) on individuals with whom a lasting relationship isn't possible. Therefore:

1. You have more time to observe and identify a greater number of "candidates", thereby increasing your chances of finding the right person sooner. You also stay focused because you are not "distracted".

2. You also have a better chance that the right guy will find you. If you were in some dead end relationship, the right guy would likely pass you by without you even noticing.

In conclusion, if the additional time, focus and availability, results in you finding the right person sooner, it is very likely that you will have spent less time alone than you would have otherwise.
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 37
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personality vs. character
Posted: 11/24/2012 1:32:29 AM
We all should take the time to get to know our S/O in as many situations as possible before we decide if we should be in a relationship with them. And not just because "all that glitters is not gold", but because even if they have a pleasant personality and are of good character, their priorities might be different than ours.
This doesn't mean they are flawed or that we are, it just says that we may not be compatible at this time for this type of relationship and maybe never will be.
This is when it becomes hard to let go, but this is the type of situation where true character will be revealed. If you can get through this even though you will be sleeping alone again, at least you can still sleep with yourself.

Funny too that sometimes a person's personality does not reflect their true character. They may have a rough delivery, or they may come off as "cheap" or "naive" but they have hearts of gold.

As for the semantics, I've got to go with persona vs. character for this thread title.

Great thread OP! and great posts forumites.
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 38
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personality vs. character
Posted: 11/24/2012 3:20:32 AM
Hi, here's my thought/opinion:

One has to look out for these character genius’/actors, (that’s my word for them), because they will appear later on after you fall in love with them. The problem that comes with these types of individuals is that they are more afraid of being themselves in fear of not getting the person that they want, then to be in their real character and lose the person they want. This can lead into a long term heartbreaking and emotional relationship/situation.

Tall Iq2 said it right; the truth usually appears months later. They’re bi-narcissus type of personalities. They will be whatever you want them to be in the beginning and change later, so be careful there are plenty of them out there in the world. They seem sincere and real, but they are total fakes. One day you’ll wake up and realize you don’t know the person you fell in love with because they are out of their character role, and your whole world will come crushing down. Scary. They think that once you fall in love with them, you will accept them, because you love them and don’t have the balls to leave them.

So do yourself a favor, don’t fall in love for the first six to nine months of dating. Be forewarned thou there are some bi-narcissus personality/character’s that can be fakes longer than a year.

It’s a scary world out there when a person is truly single and looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Take care,
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 40
personality vs. character
Posted: 11/24/2012 7:45:12 AM
Suffering builds character...

So what have you been through. What defines you??

Or are you a sheep, an empty shell with no core knowledge as to who or what you are.

Thats why its good to know yourself.. sometimes the best way to learn is to enter relationships... since they often act as a mirror.. giving you the opportunity to see yourself if you wish. Sometimes it starts the lifelong journey of discovering yourself.
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 42
personality vs. character
Posted: 2/13/2013 6:03:41 PM
I disagree. Personality is not superficial, it cannot be faked. Character allows one to lie and put on a show. But character without personality turns us into lifeless drones. Personality is everything, it comes from deep inside out souls, if we have them. I will never date anyone who does not have a dynamic and robust personality. Personality is what makes each of us unique. Character is below the surface but lacks life. They are the principles we follow. For some people, these principles are deal breakers. But personality is what we all find attractive, it's the spark in each of us. I am not attracted to people because they are truthful and trustworthy, etc. Anyone can learn these skills. But personality takes years to develop and one might argue what we're born with. We can continue to grow our personalities and become even more attractive. We can also add to our character, but again, character is not what people find attractive.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
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personality vs. character
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:16:51 PM
Not only are some shocked to find the real character of a person but many tend to then stick around thinking all the bad character will somehow turn into the fake personality they first met. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
personality vs. character
Posted: 2/14/2013 12:06:14 AM

Personality is what you see when things are going well.

Character is what you see when things turn to sh!t.

Practically perfect.

...have a little disagreement, argue about some little thing, or have a little unexpected obstacle, difficulty, or unplanned problem come up, then you see them. Take someone to the volcano's edge, and only then do you know who they are.
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 46
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personality vs. character
Posted: 2/14/2013 12:34:55 AM
Damn, this personality and character stuff looks like it has the potential of getting a guy laid! there any way I can rent some over the weekend?
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 47
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personality vs. character
Posted: 2/14/2013 3:11:50 AM
^^^^Duhhh....I think you had better leave what you quoted without your improvements....if anybodies got something flip's you!
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 53
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personality vs. character
Posted: 2/14/2013 12:43:41 PM
Character is a spectrum from how scared and selfish you are to how brave and selfless you are. Many factors can and do effect this and people move forward, backwards and stand still on this spectrum through out there lives. Some people try to be better people, live better lives and some people seem to have no concept of how they treat or effect other people.
It is funny if you think about it because it does seem to boil down to something that simple. Most of us are born selfish and brave. We need to be taught to have fear and how to become giving thoughtful towards other people.
I think we are basicaly born with our personalities. Have you ever seen a baby that smiles all the time and one who looks serious and very observant? Or heard grand parents say he has always been happy go lucky or she has always been very serious.
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 54
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personality vs. character
Posted: 2/14/2013 2:15:02 PM
^^^^Bullshit! Your personality may get someone to make you a loan, but your character will be exposed when the time comes to repay it. You know damn well what point the OP was trying to make, and she still made the point far better than you did. You just jumped in here to confuse the issue with a game of semantics to look smart.....but that's nothing new on the it?
personality vs. character
Posted: 2/14/2013 3:42:00 PM
Oh how funny. This dude posted a reference for synonyms of character and personality to support his idea that they are the same, but this reference turns around and describes each such that they are precisely what many in here are saying and that they are different.

Maybe you yourself should read this again guy:

Synonyms for character:
1. Character, individuality, personality refer to the sum of the characteristics possessed by a person. Character refers especially to moral qualities, ethical standards, principles, and the like: a man of sterling character. Individuality refers to the distinctive qualities that make one recognizable as a person differentiated from others: a woman of strong individuality. Personality refers particularly to the combination of outer and inner characteristics that determine the impression that a person makes upon others: a child of vivid or pleasing personality. 5. name, repute. See reputation. 14. sign.

Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 57
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personality vs. character
Posted: 2/15/2013 3:41:43 AM
Rich, I don't see digging as necessary to find discrepancies in your post.....they're right on the surface for everybody to trip over. Let's see here...the dictionary doesn't agree with you, I don't agree with you, no one that has replied to you agrees with you.....and you are probably the youngest of the what does that tell you?.....probably not a damn thing more than it would to any other mule head.
personality vs. character
Posted: 2/15/2013 3:12:50 PM
What's with the all-caps up there? I think someone really wanted to have our attention.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 59
personality vs. character
Posted: 4/13/2013 11:30:35 PM


Well, besides that it's rude to SHOUT all the time (all cap's on the internet is SHOUTING, fyi), and were I to take "you can't change no one" at it's English meaning, I would have to agree that you can't change "no one" because there is "no one" to change in that meaning... by what you probably really mean, that you "can't change anyone else", I would agree. The only person you can really change is yourself (although for the "right person", if you loved them, you might *try* to change things about yourself - "they" would never be changing you, just maybe being a 'catalyst' for you to change yourself).

On the topic of character though - this is why the early stage of a relationship is often called the 'honeymoon' phase, because both people are usually trying to 'impress', come across their best, etc. In essence somewhat of a lie, but there's the old adage that you 'never get a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression' - which is in many ways true - so people try to make a good first impression. It's not until several (3-6mo's or more) that people relax their guard and you start really seeing their true character.
personality vs. character
Posted: 4/14/2013 9:39:05 AM
ALL CAPS lewis armanti - you can emphisize fragments of text in two ways:

type the open bracket, the lower case i, then the closed beginning of what you want to italicize, and at the end, with a back slash added between the first open bracket and i for the sequence at the end. Like this -

[,i,] at beginning, and [,/,i,] at end. (without the commas)

Another thing is to bold-face something, by doing the same thing but with a lower case b in place of the lower case i, like this -

[,b,] at beginning, and [,/,b,] at end. (still without the commas)

You get this, or this.
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