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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Living on a shoestring budget      Home login  
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 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 51
Living on a shoestring budgetPage 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
For five years, I had an off/on relationship with a man who is rich. He lived in another state and when I saw him, it was first class all the way, including buying me anything that I mentioned admiring in a store.

It did not mean that he was emotionally mature or stable--except financially, of course.

Because I had nothing after my divorce (some women get the shaft) and because I supported a man for about seven years, I said that I would not date a man with no money. I am now dating a man who is a student and who works part-time--he has NO money.

I date him because I like him, but when he finishes school (he is 55) and cannot get gainful employment or pull his part financially, there will be no long, long-term relationship. I won't live with a man who cannot support himself, but dating a man with little money is now in my realm.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:55:57 AM
concerts in the park, fireworks displays, fishing, strolls through farmer's markets and art fairs, picnics, free sample day at the local club mart, church/library events, camping/campfires etc. We even found a little bar that offered free salsadance lessons on Wednesday nights. A home cooked meal and a DVD rental
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These are great date ideas....Funny how most posters are sympathetic with this OP (as am I) and assume that another with long blond hair is out to take advantage of men for extravagant dinners, etc.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 53
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 7:46:52 AM
Anybody want to define rich or financially stable from their perspective.

Gwen i don't get it. Clearly not only do you not love this guy, but you expect him to fail. Why waste your time..and his.. dating him?
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 54
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 8:55:24 AM

Funny how most posters are sympathetic with this OP (as am I) and assume that another with long blond hair is out to take advantage of men for extravagant dinners, etc.


Assumptions ---- as well as presumptions --- are apparently in the ears and eyes of their beholders!
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 55
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:03:43 AM

Anybody want to define rich or financially stable from their perspective.

Rich worth a couple of million
Financially stable worth anywhere from 500,000 to a million, however am talking about people over 55
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 56
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:46:53 AM
Well it could be property you have paid for in full..Not money invested in the market, because that is not nearly as stable.. As far as income goes around 3-5 thousand a month.. not to include any Social Security retirement money..
Also no debt, since not something you want in your last chapter. I made my living in your lovely country by the way and still have a son living there in VT..
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 57
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:52:49 AM

Stability can mean being able to live within your means, be that 730 bucks a month on disability(yep, folks are doing that in the US) or 100,000 year or more.


Stability does mean living within your means and no big debt like a home you are still paying off..Unless very little is left to pay on it.. 730 bucks a month on disability and no debt and nothing else? That not being financially stable in my books.. That could be equal to very high condo maintenance fees or rent..
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 58
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:15:42 AM
tbicon, it would appear you have a fair amount of money, how would you define rich or financially stable from your perspective?

BTW, I think it's complicated a little. Liquid assets, home, debt, ability to earn, expenses, health and health care plans have to be factored in. Children living at home?

For instance, I would say my mother is financially stable. 2009 Honda Accord paid for in cash, ~250.000 in liquid assets, home paid for, no debts, medicare and a crappy suplemnetary health plan, SS and Pension checks. No reason that can't last her 20 more years with a lot of cash left. Her monthly income covers all expenese plus a little, she can draw on liquid assets if she want to buy a new car or take a more expensive vacation. She would never call herself rich, even if she had a 1 million in cash. Only because she was born in the great depression, and has never been a big spender.

BTW, the market is less stable but very liquid, and homes have proved they aren't really stable, they aren't liquid at all. But most important in my view, you can't sell your home at the top of the market and live in a tent for 5 years waiting for the bottom. You and do this with the market no problems.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 59
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:46:59 AM
Well dragon, I suppose everything is relative and based on perspective. I am sure some people here would consider me "rich". I see myself as just getting by to comfortable. I am fortunate in that I never have been divorced so did not have to split my assets. Still, raising a family is very expensive. My girls compete in one of the most expensive sports there are. I have college to look forward to paying for over the next few years for them. The market, both housing and stock, shaved a very signficant percentage of my net worth over the years. I guess in the end, when I ask myself how I am doing, I compare myself to my peers in my profession. I am doing far better than some of them, and far less than a few of them. But I am healthy, and so long as I keep my health and mental acuity, will always have a very good earning capacity if I choose to exercise it in the future rather than retire. So overall I guess I am doing okay.

By the way, my wife has not worked since our youngest was born. When we first started dating, she was making twice what I was making at the time, and I was a professional. I was really impressed at the time.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 60
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:53:49 AM
tbicon, then for you I would guess over 1.5 million total assets, but not more than 2.5 million, including real estate. Liquid net maybe 700,000.

Just my guess, I don't expect you to confirm or deny.

ciao
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 61
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:09:04 AM

But I am healthy, and so long as I keep my health and mental acuity, will always have a very good earning capacity if I choose to exercise it in the future rather than retire.

That’s what many people ignore. Earning capacity is very attractive. Most women who are interested in a man with money are not that attracted to what the money can buy, but rather to the qualities of a man that make him financially successful (smarts, guts, energy, risk taking, etc). However, it’s always easier to call women “gold-diggers”. Shifting blame works for self-esteem :-)
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 62
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:36:05 AM

That’s what many people ignore. Earning capacity is very attractive. Most women who are interested in a man with money are not that attracted to what the money can buy, but rather to the qualities of a man that make him financially successful (smarts, guts, energy, risk taking, etc). However, it’s always easier to call women “gold-diggers”. Shifting blame works for self-esteem :-)


Indeed smarts, guts and energy are really attractive attributes..I knew one man that worked the same job for 30 plus years at a low salary and was satisfied with that.. But guess this he did not even like his job, in fact worried about all those chemicals he is exposed to daily.. But would be try for something better nope.. Rather complain about the job and do nothing about it. In fact his brother got him in this job way back then so not like he went out looking for himself..

Women simply gravitate towards those that they have things in common with.. Someone that had little would probably not be sharing the same lifestyle or thought process they do.. If they are seriously thinking of coupling and not living apart this would matter to them.. If living in separate homes as was discussed on another thread this might not matter to them as much, but really do not know am guessing here.
 ronosaurus
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 63
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:41:39 AM

Rich worth a couple of million
Financially stable worth anywhere from 500,000 to a million, however am talking about people over 55

I agree with nativerock's criteria, assuming one's home is paid for and is living in a country with a stable government and economy. Most homes in a middle-class or upper middle-class neighbourhood in major Canadian cities are in the range $500,000 to $1,000,000. It also requires sufficient and stable income to maintain such property as well maintain a comfortable lifestyle.
See the web site below for reference. Note that these are averages across all neighbourhoods and house types.

http://canadabubble.com/charts/canadian-major-city-housing-price-chart-.html
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 64
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:46:48 AM

Gwen i don't get it. Clearly not only do you not love this guy, but you expect him to fail. Why waste your time..and his.. dating him?


Ah, but I do love him--he is kind, smart and funny. Plus, I find him very attractive. I do not expect him to fail, but I am realistic. If I did not love or if I truly expected him to fail, I would not invest my time or waste his. I have the feeling that if the relationship fails, it will be for religious reasons, not financial.

When I met this man, I had a dream in which I asked him, "If you knew this will not be forever, would you still want to date me based on what we can have even in a short time together?" In the dream, he answered that he would take even the short-term, so I asked him in real time. His answer was the same.

He is responsible for his decisions, as I am for mine.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 65
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 12:13:59 PM

that make relationships fail, formost...finances.


Boy do I ever agree here. I have spoken to enough people that have told me that was why their relationship failed. So you can see having money problems can be a huge stress factor in any relationship.. I never experienced that one but so can relocating to another country..
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 66
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 12:53:22 PM

and the way I see it "stable" can change at the turn of a dime.


Yep. My thinking exactly. One year in a full service nursing home can cost up to $250,000.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 67
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:10:02 PM
^^^ or a car wreck.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 68
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:12:09 PM

Yep. My thinking exactly. One year in a full service nursing home can cost up to $250,000.


Don't you have health insurance to cover that. plus carry additional in case you were to require let us say an aid to help you daily in your home? Here are the rates in Quebec hardly that price since they co-pay.. However I bought additional insurance that would make my co-pay far less than what you see here.. I of course would go for a semi-private or private room.. Assuming I went private it would cost me about a thousand a month since my additional insurance would also co-pay on what I had to pay out.. So 12,000.00 per year

Nursing homes in Quebec are called centres d'hébergement et de soins de longue durée (CHSLD). Fees are set on the 1st of January of every year by the ministère de Santé et des Services Sociaux (Ministry of Health and Social Services).
Monthly Cost
Wards (3 beds or more) $1,017.30
Semi-Private Room $1,368.00
Private, $1, 637.40
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 69
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:12:51 PM

These are great date ideas....Funny how most posters are sympathetic with this OP (as am I) and assume that another with long blond hair is out to take advantage of men for extravagant dinners, etc
not to go off topic mj, but yes that stereotype does exist.

Op my advice is to put it out there that u r getting by, if someone offers to treat you to a lovely evening, saying "yes" does not a gold digger make!

It's not like u r saying "take me here, take me there, gimme gimme gimme"! But if you like a man, nothing wrong in graciously accepting his offer...and if u really dig him, cook a great meal 4 him for a 2nd date!

Yesterday, my S.O. told me how he saved $$ w/ coupons & got a free gas card on top of it...I trained him well! LOL!
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 70
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:13:29 PM
I do have one male friend that has never been married, will never get married but lives together with his GF. They are both on the mortgage together, he trasfered some money into her retirement account to help her out.

I ask him why he never wants to get married since he is more married than more married people. The best answer he can come up with is he wants to keep their finances seperate in the event one or the other gets seriously ill.

I don't believe him, I still think something else is going on, but no idea what. He's a very nice man, so no big deal really.

Gwen, hope your relationship works out in the LT, sounds good so far.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 71
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:16:26 PM
Cheaper than living at home for a 1,000.00 a month I get fed and nursing care round the clock..
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 72
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:47:29 PM

Gwen, I get it. I too have dated a man who is my BFF, since 2005, but we will never get married or do the whole enchilada. We have rarely had an arguement. We live an hour apart. That's it. Tah Dah.
Not because his finances could not be eventually overcome. Shoestring is a lift up. The reality is that we have been individuals alone so long and know the things that make relationships fail, formost...finances. Strengths are in the Knowing.
Someday, somewhere, over some rainbow the next great guy will walk through the door and there will be a difference that Nothing will undertow.


Yes!

I do not think that I will ever marry again, but someday, I might live with a man again--maybe this man. We have already discussed finances if we do, and they will be kept separate--his, mine, and an account to run the household.

However, at this point, I simply cannot imagine sharing living space with someone. What makes it worse, and perhaps selfishly so, is this is MY house. I made the down payment and have made the mortgage payments for three years. Not only that, it is a house that is big enough for my comfort and use, but I can't see two people living here. This would necessitate a bigger house . . . so, if this guy, or another guy, can't pull his weight with the expenses of buying and maintaining a home--draw your own conclusions.

Two cannot live as cheaply as one and love will not pay the rent.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 73
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 2:02:09 PM
blissness108
I am really happy to read this positive thread about those of us who are living a la shoestring. The last thread I read had become very negative. Thank you everyone. Good luck to you Notricksters. Our financial bracket should not be used to judge the quality of our characters or how much love we have to offer.


Go read any of the 'who pays' threads and see how many men and women tell guys that if they can't afford to pay they don't deserve to date.

Also read the threads about using a coupon or 2 for 1 dinners and how so many think it's tacky.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 74
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 2:24:17 PM

Go read any of the 'who pays' threads and see how many men and women tell guys that if they can't afford to pay they don't deserve to date.

Actually, that was said not just about guys. Women with limited resources are not desirable either.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 5:48:51 PM
^^^^^^^By some, not all. :)
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