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 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 176
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Living on a shoestring budgetPage 8 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I'm not in the market but:

-I have no interest in a woman I am not physically attracted to.
-Then we need an emotional bond
-I don't give a hoot about her profession or financial situation.

My girlfriend is a professional and financially secure but she could be a waitress and it would mean zip difference to me. I have about 30 years of living left and no desire to to kick the bucket owning my properties and various other investments. I've put assorted nieces and nephews through university and my siblings can leave them 'whatever' . There's no more important person in this world than my girlfriend and why wouldn I not want the happiness I find in spoiling her?...or actually in spoiling 'us'? I've travelled extensively but the pleasure from that doesn't add up to a smidgeon of sharing a walk in the park and an ice cream with the woman I love.

 KAKI3152
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 177
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History
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 1:24:52 PM
I have to agree. If initiating a long term relationship means giving up my comfortable life style, Im not going to do it.
There is a saying in Spanish "Mejor solo que mal acompañado" or better alone than with an undesirable companion.
There a similar one in English "Marry in haste, repent in leisure"

I've seen too many of my friends who ended up marrying a woman who made their life hell and it took them thousands of dollars to extricate themselves. Marriage in California is a financial morass which can and will empty your savings. I have to retain my savings so I can breathe easier about an uncertain future, espcecially now that I'm in my 50s.


Perhaps I will just "rent" with an option to buy from now on:-)
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 178
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 1:41:44 PM

If given the option, most men with the emotional & social fiber of a banana will seek out the company of a beautiful woman for the sole reason that they find her beautiful. They will stay with her until they consider her "past her prime" --- ifff her physical beauty is the sole reason for their attraction to her in the first place.

Upper middle class gentlemen (defined as those with $100-$200K of annual income after all financial obligations have been met) with above average intelligence, education, and physical health almost exclusively seek the company of:
-- a relatively thin (defined as one whose weight is located at the very lowest end of the weight/height chart or a size #4 -- whichever is lower);
--a toned woman with a BMI no higher than 20 and no muffin top;
--a woman who is educated and articulate and a witty conversationalist;
--a woman who enjoys sports;
--an esthete with regard to the arts;
--a nurturer;
--a woman with a sense of style who can dress as befits any occasion sufficient to turn all heads when "they" enter any room;
--a woman who is not necessarily at their level of income but is absolutely financially solvent;
and
-- a woman approximately 1/2 their age plus 7 years.


Maybe cause I am none of those things I am not seeing this (except the nurturer and the sense of style when I want :P)

I think this is like a nice guy or fat girl whine--SOME men are that way and so most are getting the blame vs understanding that there are some guys out there who don't want to purchase a new girlfriend/wife and some who like different type of women--they are rare--but then aren't we all rare as well?

I am not sayin it is easy --dating sucks imho--you meet someone you like and they dont like you but it doesnt mean the reason they dont like you is what you think--unless it is your focus and then you are unconsciously doing things to make it stand out.

If someone is really like that--what are you losing out of your life by not being with them?

I just think so many get fixated on the opposite sex having the issue as the reason they are single--I prefer to think that I just haven't met the right person for me.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 179
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 2:39:10 PM

I prefer to live a comfortable lifestyle free of money problems. If a relationship means supporting two of us primarily on my income, it's not going to be very comfortable and it won't be long before I resent footing all the bills.


I've seen too many of my friends who ended up marrying a woman who made their life hell and it took them thousands of dollars to extricate themselves. Marriage in California is a financial morass which can and will empty your savings. I have to retain my savings so I can breathe easier about an uncertain future, espcecially now that I'm in my 50s.
Perhaps I will just "rent" with an option to buy from now on:-)


This is an attitude that I was talking about. Whatever the reason is the bottom line is having their money secured is a priority number one, and having a close relationship with a woman is secondary. I don’t see it as a problem for many men since there are a lot of women who think the same way.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 180
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 3:04:39 PM
jsphn11
IMO it’s not just silly. It’s pretty offensive. I suspect that Behind_Blue_Eyes_53 is annoyed with women who like old-fashioned chivalry…


No, I'm annoyed at people who think it's OK to force their wishes on anyone who doesn't want them. So I'm annoyed at the people who say, the woman in this case, should have just accepted having her meal paid by this man. You cut one little part of my post. We're talking about someone when faced with another who wanted separate checks, TOOK THE BILL FROM HER!

Then I've come out of a 28+ year relationship that was a equal partnership. Neither of us had sole say how things were done and we each had veto power in everything.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 181
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 3:11:03 PM

I don't know, maybe you're subservient, and would like your date to feed you like a little BABY, he could put you in a highchair too.

That’s the quote that I find offensive. In regards to being annoyed… I didn’t mean any particular expression from previous posts, but rather the tone of your message (quoted above) when you reply to a woman with an opposite opinion.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 182
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 3:12:16 PM

tbicon: I'm not sure what's going on with you but you make some seriously OUTLANDISH generalizations. I've seen some of your other posts and I just don't "get" you?! Why generalize so much? You only seem to do so with the female gender. I don't understand generalizations to begin with.....they NEVER sound "intelligent".


Spot on, but I think tbicon is fond of trolling.


And "quality" guys aren't looking in trailer parks or those that work at a reception desk or bar for the good looking women. They look for the good looking women at fancy functions or meet them in their high end jobs.


Spot on, again--this is the point that I was trying to make.


If a man doesn’t like how a woman looks like he will not bother to find out how intelligent, educated, kind (and other good adjectives) this woman is.


So how DO all those ugly women find husbands? Also. this--and posts by tbicon--make the "hunt" seem rather one-sided, as if women do not have a choice.


On the other hand, most men who insist on 50/50 financially don’t do long-term full-time relationships. They don’t care about being a protector/provider because they have a need to be closer to their money then to a woman..


I used to date a guy and we always split expenses--a woman had really worked him over financially and he was wary. When we stopped dating, we remained friends. He and his present partner (they have been together for about three years) split all expenses, as well. They are one of the happiest, devoted couples whom I know.

Protector? Provider? Are women really so weak that they cannot protect or provide for themselves? I have been doing so for the last 14 years--many women have been doing so for much longer than that. I also supported a man for almost seven years while I was providing for myself. I was also "provided for" for 25 years. Neither scenario will happen again. I am an intelligent, capable woman--I do not need a father.


I have to agree. If initiating a long term relationship means giving up my comfortable life style, Im not going to do it.
There is a saying in Spanish "Mejor solo que mal acompañado" or better alone than with an undesirable companion.
There a similar one in English "Marry in haste, repent in leisure"


Indeed, sir, indeed!


Whatever the reason is the bottom line is having their money secured is a priority number one, and having a close relationship with a woman is secondary.


This is the either/or fallacy--having money secured is not mutually exclusive. And a couple who has a mutually loving, trusting relationship won't have problems in this area: it is the men who are unwary and men who marry women because of the way they look who need to secure their assets.
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 183
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 3:17:24 PM
HEY MY shoe strings are gone!!
I dont care how much money she has...it is her EX husband that I want to know about!!! hehehehe
ok one more hehe...
seriously, I am really down sizing my life...and making it much more simple and relaxed. I like nice things and will always work hard to insure I can enjoy life. But as I send my last child off to college I think about making life less hectic...
Give me a beach and a easy job in the sun, a good lady I can love, yes and the basics...food and such...
and if we both feel the same then that is pretty darn WEALTHY to me...

ok, now I am NOT saying I would tear up a million dollars and throw it away...But I am not hunting it down either.
true love is that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 184
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 3:33:48 PM


If a man doesn’t like how a woman looks like he will not bother to find out how intelligent, educated, kind (and other good adjectives) this woman is.

So how DO all those ugly women find husbands? Also. this--and posts by tbicon--make the "hunt" seem rather one-sided, as if women do not have a choice.

Ugly women by most standards can still be attractive to someone. I am not saying that all men look for a beauty queen. However, it’s necessary for him to like the way she looks. Otherwise, it’s no go.


Protector? Provider? Are women really so weak that they cannot protect or provide for themselves? I have been doing so for the last 14 years--many women have been doing so for much longer than that.

I’ve been doing this for the last 32 years. So what? It’s not a point. Do I need a man to provide for me? No, I am doing pretty well on my own. Do I want him to want to do it for me? Yes, that an emotional thing for me.


This is the either/or fallacy--having money secured is not mutually exclusive. And a couple who has a mutually loving, trusting relationship won't have problems in this area

I don’t think we will ever agree on this one. I have difficulty imagining a 50/50 couple being there for each other if one of them gets into financial trouble and the other would have to give up his/her money to help. From my perspective a close relationship is when you help with whatever you can, even with the money.
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 185
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 3:39:54 PM
I have spent a few minutes reading some of these replies. I am surprised, I guess I dont catch on easily, at the amaunt
of people that think money should be a priority.
I think most of us would agree first is physical attraction.
There is almost nothing that can be done about that.
I am not saying the hot chick always wins.. or the Ken doll. because everyone is attracted to their own style.
But it starts with looks of some sort, Then it goes every which way.
Now for any man or woman if $$ is number 2 on your list, that seems fairly shallow. But I dont walk in your shoes.
I have women all the time grill me so to speak on what I do....I am sure that is part of the attraction, the job?..but maybe it is just the income level?
My feelings are that I am a bit old fashion. I will pay and care for you, but not in the (Im in charge way). But also I dont mind if you step in and say 'I got it'.
As well as if you have a million dollar house and big boat and so on, I am not thinking I cant be with her...
Money is way down on my list, either having it or not....
its about how we are together with the $ we have.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 186
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 5:18:49 PM

I am not saying that all men look for a beauty queen. However, it’s necessary for him to like the way she looks. Otherwise, it’s no go.


Again, the emphasis is on the MALE finding the female attractive. We will have to agree to disagree--some people partner with whomever will take them--looks are secondary to the fear of being alone.


I’ve been doing this for the last 32 years. So what? It’s not a point. Do I need a man to provide for me? No, I am doing pretty well on my own. Do I want him to want to do it for me? Yes, that an emotional thing for me.


But it IS a point! If you can do it on your own, why do you need to find your security in a man? It just doesn't make sense to me. I have had that and ultimately, I rejected it. If I cannot feel myself feel secure and protected, I am not going to look outside of myself to find that security.


I have difficulty imagining a 50/50 couple being there for each other if one of them gets into financial trouble and the other would have to give up his/her money to help. From my perspective a close relationship is when you help with whatever you can, even with the money.


Do you really think that in an established, loving relationship, even one where the couples have been sharing 50/50, that one partner would refuse to give up money to help the other partner? For illness and accidents, this is a given. However, if one partner is fiscally irresponsible, it is another matter--and if one partner is fiscally irresponsible, such a couple would never have gotten out of the courting stages. I have been seeing a man for several months--he is a student and right now, works part-time while he goes to school. He SEEMS to be fiscally responsible but I will know for sure IF the relationship continues because at this point, there is no commitment. By the time I decide whether I want to commit, it will be far enough down the road to be sure of how financially responsible he is.

I will not ever, ever again support a man who will not work. Ever.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 187
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 5:37:27 PM
jsphn11
That’s the quote that I find offensive. In regards to being annoyed… I didn’t mean any particular expression from previous posts, but rather the tone of your message (quoted above) when you reply to a woman with an opposite opinion.


Oh well, sarcasm and hyperbole don't come across as well in this type of setting compared to real life, unless you agree with the sarcastic comment. Was it over the top? Yes, then I thought the guy she was agreeing with sounded domineering and condescending. Other Ladies here have taken the same stand, just not as sarcastically as I did.


I don’t think we will ever agree on this one. I have difficulty imagining a 50/50 couple being there for each other if one of them gets into financial trouble and the other would have to give up his/her money to help. From my perspective a close relationship is when you help with whatever you can, even with the money.


Well I was in a 50/50 relationship and it worked for us. Whatever each of us earned in our normal day job went into a common pot and the expenses came out of it. There were years I put more in and years she put more. But it wasn't my money and her money, it was our money. There was 2 years after the building crash that I hung on trying to ride out the down turn and my construction trucking company lost money. All the equipment was payed for and a few good months of work would have turned things around. So we survived on her earnings by trimming our expenses to essentials. When we could see that in the 3rd year things weren't turning around, we closed the business and sold the assets and I found another job and went back to being a wage slave.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 188
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History
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:41:21 PM

And when a woman abandons a career to become the loving, dutiful wife, what happens to her if the marriage ends in divorce or death? Oh, right, she gets married again.
Whewwww! Well, I know that most people call it "remarriage"....but *I* call it....."legalized prostitution". The idea that any woman (or man for that matter) who marries because it's the only means of survival available to them.....just turns my stomach. It's really sad that so many men STILL...in 2012 see this as a perfectly acceptable "tool" in finding a woman to marry. YUKKK!!!!!!

I do think however, that what men look for in a partner is changing. While "older men" 50+ are looking for 30 yr old hotties, younger men seem to care less about physical looks and prefer maturity, sense of responsibility, and financial stability. LOL! I disagree with tibcon....and believe that intelligence is STILL the #1 "enemy" to women looking for a mate however. LOL! I dunno.....maybe I'm still traumatized from all the years of my Mother droning in my ear..."KAREN!!!! If you DON'T STOP letting these boys know how smart you are....you will NEVER get a husband!!!!" OMG!!! I still have occasional nightmares over it!

I do disagree however that ALL "attractive people" seek out other "attractive people"....though I have no reliable basis for my conclusion other than personal experience. As a harmless old Granny nowadays, maybe it won't sound conceited to say...that 20 years ago (in my 40s) I was considered quite a "dish"....and I totally shunned "attractive men". I admit it! It's a prejudice that I was never able to overcome even knowing how unfair it was. I ALWAYS preferred men who were "average" to "below average" BECAUSE the fact that they even approached me was what I considered as proof that they had guts....and self esteem! Far too many men were as biased against attractive women as *I* was against attractive men! And whoever said the whole "good looking" thing gets boring is correct! Honestly, it's insulting after a few hours when a guy tells you a million times how beautiful you are, and quite frankly....he doesn't give a hoot about YOU....he's just complimenting your parents for their good genetic composition! Looks are NOT about the individual at all...they're about their ancestory! Characteristics that speak of the INDIVIDUAL are....intelligence, humor, kindness, creativity and talent, a strong work ethic, compassion, charity, confidence. I may be a sucker for a bearded man who's a great kisser...but without at least 4-5 out of those 9 characteristics....I don't care how good looking he is, or how much money he's got....I'm not interested.

LOL! NOW.....I have no freaking clue what one does at a "pagan nunnery", but my New Years Resolution every year is to do 10 NEW things that I've never done before....LOL! so...I'm IN!!!!

And just so all you applicant's know......GrandmaBooBoo's Home for Wayward Seniors is open to those on a "shoestring budget" or no budget at all. Black, White, Yellow, Green or Purple, visits by grandchildren and overnight guests wearing some gawd aweful tacky plaid golf shorts with white socks and Jesus sandals are welcome too....but I can't guarantee total supression of the giggles!!!!

I had hoped that before I died I would see the end of the days when a woman....single, old maid, widowed or divorced would have to spend her "golden years" as if she were again the "dependent child" of a man or her own grown child. I do not think that my wish will be fulfilled in my lifetime, but as far as it is within my power to help "elderly" women live as adults...with choices....and dignity....this much I swear to do.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 189
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:59:39 PM

I have spent a few minutes reading some of these replies. I am surprised, I guess I dont catch on easily, at the amaunt
of people that think money should be a priority.

Took me a while here in forums and a load of POF Public Beheadings to understand that my opinions on the topic of money (here in this venue) was likely not going to be overly appreciated. I still haven't caught on and I've been reading this stuff for over 6 years.

I think most of us would agree first is physical attraction.
There is almost nothing that can be done about that.
I am not saying the hot chick always wins.. or the Ken doll. because everyone is attracted to their own style.
But it starts with looks of some sort, Then it goes every which way.

I totally agree. I'm one of those who has absolutely NO interest in the "Ken Doll" type (well, unless it's Harley Ken....LOL) But it definitely does, for me, begin with physical attraction.

Now for any man or woman if $$ is number 2 on your list, that seems fairly shallow. But I dont walk in your shoes.
I have women all the time grill me so to speak on what I do....I am sure that is part of the attraction, the job?..but maybe it is just the income level?

I think some people are looking for a common link when talking professions. But there are plenty trying to figure out income level ~ and this includes men.

My feelings are that I am a bit old fashion. I will pay and care for you, but not in the (Im in charge way). But also I dont mind if you step in and say 'I got it'.
As well as if you have a million dollar house and big boat and so on, I am not thinking I cant be with her...
Money is way down on my list, either having it or not....
its about how we are together with the $ we have.

Money is way down my list as well. As long as someone does something, and are happy doing whatever it is they do and they are capable of taking care of their own responsibilities, I'm good with that.


Well I was in a 50/50 relationship and it worked for us. Whatever each of us earned in our normal day job went into a common pot and the expenses came out of it. There were years I put more in and years she put more. But it wasn't my money and her money, it was our money. There was 2 years after the building crash that I hung on trying to ride out the down turn and my construction trucking company lost money. All the equipment was payed for and a few good months of work would have turned things around. So we survived on her earnings by trimming our expenses to essentials. When we could see that in the 3rd year things weren't turning around, we closed the business and sold the assets and I found another job and went back to being a wage slave.

You know what? I don't even consider that 50/50. I consider this something much better than 50/50. Why not 50/50? Because in life/love/relationships nothing is EVER truly 50/50. Just as you state, you picked one another up and supported one another jointly. This to me isn't 50/50 ~ it's 100%. I have always felt this is how I do best. A team effort. I think a 100/100 is a much better relationship than 50/50 (yeah, I realize it's just symantecs to some but in my mind, I'd prefer a 100/100 ~ like you mention here.) JMO
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 190
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:18:00 PM

I don’t think we will ever agree on this one. I have difficulty imagining a 50/50 couple being there for each other if one of them gets into financial trouble and the other would have to give up his/her money to help. From my perspective a close relationship is when you help with whatever you can, even with the money.


I'm curious, what would you think of starting a relationship with a guy who was destitute and would be dependent on you?
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 191
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:18:49 PM

Well I was in a 50/50 relationship and it worked for us. Whatever each of us earned in our normal day job went into a common pot and the expenses came out of it. There were years I put more in and years she put more. But it wasn't my money and her money, it was our money. There was 2 years after the building crash that I hung on trying to ride out the down turn and my construction trucking company lost money. All the equipment was payed for and a few good months of work would have turned things around. So we survived on her earnings by trimming our expenses to essentials. When we could see that in the 3rd year things weren't turning around, we closed the business and sold the assets and I found another job and went back to being a wage slave.



You know what? I don't even consider that 50/50. I consider this something much better than 50/50. Why not 50/50? Because in life/love/relationships nothing is EVER truly 50/50. Just as you state, you picked one another up and supported one another jointly. This to me isn't 50/50 ~ it's 100%. I have always felt this is how I do best. A team effort. I think a 100/100 is a much better relationship than 50/50 (yeah, I realize it's just symantecs to some but in my mind, I'd prefer a 100/100 ~ like you mention here.) JMO


Thank you VGE, I think you took what I was trying to say and tweaked it a little and got to the heart of it. Yes it was 100% in, or in Texas Hold-em language we both went 'All In' on every hand. Not to say we didn't have 'our own' money. If she or I got a check instead of a present for a birthday or Christmas, then that was their money. Her Christmas bonus was hers to use as she wanted, though many times half of it was spent on me, I just didn't have a veto on how it was spent.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 192
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:30:11 PM

Again, the emphasis is on the MALE finding the female attractive. We will have to agree to disagree--some people partner with whomever will take them--looks are secondary to the fear of being alone.

Oops, I missed this one. The same goes for women. If a woman doesn't find a man attractive then nothing will happen. Mutual attraction is the key regardless of what attributes lead to the attraction.


But it IS a point! If you can do it on your own, why do you need to find your security in a man? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Gwen, I don't need it. I have no intention of ever depending on someone. I would feel really bad about myself if I allowed that to happen. But I would love it if a man I am with wouldn't mind doing it. Don't ask me "why". I have no logical explanation. It just would make me FEEL loved.


Other Ladies here have taken the same stand, just not as sarcastically as I did.

Yes, the other ladies took the same stand, but your choice of words I found offensive. Yep, sarcasm and hyperbole didn't come across.


Well I was in a 50/50 relationship and it worked for us. Whatever each of us earned in our normal day job went into a common pot and the expenses came out of it. There were years I put more in and years she put more. But it wasn't my money and her money, it was our money. There was 2 years after the building crash that I hung on trying to ride out the down turn and my construction trucking company lost money. All the equipment was payed for and a few good months of work would have turned things around. So we survived on her earnings by trimming our expenses to essentials. When we could see that in the 3rd year things weren't turning around, we closed the business and sold the assets and I found another job and went back to being a wage slave.

Actually, when I said a "50/50 relationship" I meant it the same as many other posters mean. There are his money and her money, and common expenses are paid 50/50. What you described is the best kind. That talks a lot about trusting each other.
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 193
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:52:21 PM
I think one of the big differences is between first marriages and later relationships. In a first marriage, especially one where you are raising kids together, blending incomes and finances makes sense. If the woman`s income is lower it is usually because she is staying home raising the family, so her financial contribution is in terms of lost economic opportunities.


However, when we are older, and meet someone we have obligations outside of the relationship. We have our own children, etc. We have already created our lives- purchased homes, made retirement plans. So it makes sense that people do want their partner to bring if not an equal, at least a not grossly disproportionate financial contribution.

And for people who have been financially taken to the cleaners after a split- well you cant blame them for being cautious.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 194
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/2/2012 8:24:47 PM
Can't we all just get along? :)

My time in these forums has me concluding that there are still women willing to trade on their looks, and men still willing to pay their way into the pants of a woman they consider hot. There are women who still want a provider and men who still put sexual access to a hottie above all else.

I do not think these people are likely to find long term happiness, but that is just my opinion.

And they are entitled to theirs. But when they try to justify their socially-constructed "preferences" as "biology," then I get mad--b/c they are denying it can be any other way. That type of willful ignorance just gets my goat.

As for the shoestring--I'd rather be on a shoestring budget and completely self-sufficient than living more comfortably but dependent. Ideally, however, I'd be living comfortably with another w/o feeling dependent, b/c we shared responsibilities of all types (financial and otherwise) eually, (and financially, in proportion to what we earned). We would agree on how to spend our shared resources, and the lack of exact equality in contributions would *not* give one person more/less power. If I earned 60% of the discretionary spending money in a joint household, then I'd pay 60% of what we chose--together--to do with that money. No biggie.

I would not, however, be willing to support someone who is lazy and careless about money. If they held a job and did their best, great. If they could not, for a reason under their control, we'd probably have other issues, anyway.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 195
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/3/2012 8:30:25 AM
" They just want an equal partnership, nothing wrong with that."

Of course there is something wrong with that in the context you used it. How much money a woman has is the least important factor a guy looking for true love would consider because money will never cause a guy to love a woman even one percent more.

" "Marry in haste, repent in leisure""

So don't marry in haste. What's that got to do with whether she has money?
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 196
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/3/2012 11:11:48 AM
""....because money will never cause a guy to love a woman even one percent more."" This is probably true IF a man already loves a woman. But it may well have a bearing on whether he would consider dating her or getting into a long term relationship/marriage to her. And the same applies to a woman in her selection of a man.

I know you're all that and a bag of chips but let's just say, for example, you divorced and your lovely wife took half of what you own, you're paying hefty child support and alimony (US) or spousal support (Canada). You're in your 50's with not much earning potential left in your life, your investments have gone for a dive, you ego has taken a shyt kicking and now your company is downsizing. Maybe, just maybe, you would look for a new partner that could help out with the finances so that you could live in that life style to which you've become accustomed and want to maintain. Or maybe just afford groceries and a house payment or rent.

This is what the "average" guy/gal has gone through coming out of a divorce. And I know SOME can well afford to take on a new mate with no concern for money. I also know that SOME will consider the potential partner's earnings and financial situation. Hell, there was a whole thread regarding dating those without a health plan. The "average" person wants an equal or close to equal partnership in all aspects of the relationship, including financial. Nothing wrong with that.

Not everyone can brag about their BMW, boat, fabulous career, intelligence, perfect athletic body and beautiful wife. We're just talking Joe/Josephine Average divorced person. Not the married who lurk on here, the ones that haven't been there/done that.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 197
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/3/2012 12:30:00 PM
The whole shoestring budget applied to me when I first got divorced.

No job, no debts, no where to live, no support payments and $7,000 to my name.

So I didn't date then because I had other priorities, I didn't even have a remote desire to date anyone. It wasn't problem as there was no interest on my part.

I am thrifty, drive the same 1996 car I bought when it was brand new. But if I want to do something, it doesn't bother me to spend $7,000 on a trip. It bothers me to stay in a $200 Hilton when I see a perfectly nice $30 hotel within walking distance of the $200 one.

So I would look for a LTR with someone that had a similar outlook. I wouldn't want to be with someone that needed to stay in the $200 hotel or buy a new BMW every 3 years. But if I don't consider the financies of someone I date to be very signficant, and if she could contribute 50% of everything, that would be a luxury.


I know you're all that and a bag of chips but let's just say, for example, you divorced and your lovely wife took half of what you own, you're paying hefty child support and alimony (US) or spousal support (Canada). You're in your 50's with not much earning potential left in your life, your investments have gone for a dive, you ego has taken a shyt kicking and now your company is downsizing. Maybe, just maybe, you would look for a new partner that could help out with the finances so that you could live in that life style to which you've become accustomed and want to maintain. Or maybe just afford groceries and a house payment or rent.


If I were working a poor job, barely making ends meet, saw no way out of that in the future, I just hope it never comes to that, because I have no idea what I would do. BTW, in my world investment aren't like people, investments only do what I let them do, so if they take a dive it was because I was foolish.

So I personally won't date if I don't have a good cash flow, but I don't look to someone that could help out with the finances so that you could live in that life style to which you've become accustomed but 100% for sure I won't stay with anyone I suspect would want to take half of what you own , even if I owned nothing.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 198
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/3/2012 12:52:20 PM
^^^Regarding your quote of what I just posted - I was responding to post #228.

Us "average" folks look at things differently than those that are "all that and a bag of chips". Us average folks starting over are just looking for an average person to share our lives with. Love, respect and the joy of it all, nothing more/nothing less.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 199
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/3/2012 1:03:45 PM

If I were working a poor job, barely making ends meet, saw no way out of that in the future, I just hope it never comes to that, because I have no idea what I would do. BTW, in my world investment aren't like people, investments only do what I let them do, so if they take a dive it was because I was foolish.

So I personally won't date if I don't have a good cash flow, but I don't look to someone that could help out with the finances so that you could live in that life style to which you've become accustomed but 100% for sure I won't stay with anyone I suspect would want to take half of what you own , even if I owned nothing.



Two guys I went to high school with (not hitting on me we are just friends)--college educated married for 20+ years recently separated and were getting divorced, one lost his job and moved back into the house and has to put off getting the divorce--he is hating every minute but focused on finding a new job--issue is he is 55, got a Psyc degree and went into sales, not management or marketing, so now no one is taking him serious even with 30 years of drug sales where he was specialized by being in operating rooms with the doctors during surgery to show them the correct procedures for the products he sold. He has two kids in college, one just started. He thought he had done everything right, make the right moves, worked hard, weekends had been unhappy in his marriage but waited until his youngest as 18 (said separate bedroom for 14 years even when the family goes on vacation).

Other guy got a 33% pay reduction but allowed to keep his job--moved into a small apartment but has an 10 and 15 year old...his wife (same age) and him waited on having kids. He has no idea how he can afford college for his children in a few years.

Both were making over 100k before; both are out and out scared of losing everything that they have left after starting a divorce process.

Third guy worked for a company for over 30 years, they came up to him in February at the end of the day and said sorry we are going to have to let you go--had him clean out his desk, drove him home cause he had a company car. He is 58 years old, he is just happy his kids are finished college and working now.

All three are very nice guys, not ready to date but when they are they are going to be so bitter about how life has in their eyes treated them--and I think that is what so many do not realize.

My point is no matter how hard you try to plan out the perfect life--to some people Life happens!

The whole life isnt fair--but it is your life and you have to learn to deal with the life you have and make the best of it.

I just find it sad that so many people wish to judge by financial standards and do not understand that life happens, I had plenty of money and then lost a baby, husband lost his mind and then I got cancer, I know once I finish my degree Ill just start over and Im seriously not worried about it, mainly cause I know I can make a good life for myself, the important things in life aren't what you own--cause after you loose them you come to understand what really is important.

The important things isnt if you can afford a 200 a room hotel or a 30 dollar one--it is appreciating that you can go to either one. It isnt about what you have--it is about what life has made out of you, are you allowing your past to make you bitter or are you letting it make you better.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 200
Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 7/3/2012 2:16:55 PM
At this stage - as long as he can support himself -- it's far far more about a man's health (both physical & emotional) than about his income. JMO
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