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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 30
How many people actually go on a second date ? Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
if I tried loves tud advice, i'd find that blowing her off...gave her time to try out the next guy and i'm SOL. As for the OP's making out and not getting a call back, since this is an old post I can risk insulting him and suggest maybe his making out skill sucked?
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 31
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/19/2017 6:13:43 AM
Some rando bought my dinner last night. I didn't even meet him. He just left a biz card. If I contacted him would it qualify as a second date?

Inquiring minds want to know.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 32
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/19/2017 7:15:29 AM
first date, but second dinner. so two more dates to go before sex is supposed to happen, but you get four dinners before you give up "dessert". Bonus score!

:)
 IBup4it
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 33
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/19/2017 9:53:14 PM
@Spot4username Sorry that's a random act of kindness.

You people should try it some time a random act of kindness to a complete stranger without the thought of reward or return.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 34
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 5:17:51 AM
^^^^^^^
NO. Leaving a biz card with a note on the back that he'd like to get together is not a random act of kindness. He was definitely thinking about reward or return.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 35
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 6:33:53 AM

You people should try it some time a random act of kindness to a complete stranger without the thought of reward or return.


People commit random acts of kindness for how it makes them feel just as much as it makes the other person feel. There really is no such thing as true selflessness. That's not to suggest people don't genuinely care for others and show it through their actions, but there is always a "reward" for the self in the equation.
 sandwater
Joined: 4/2/2017
Msg: 36
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 9:20:14 AM

Many people expect instant chemistry on a first date / meeting or they quickly lose interest.


Some of my past relationships would have never happened if I had this attitude. There wasn't a solid connection until the second or third date.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 37
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 9:36:39 AM

Some of my past relationships would have never happened if I had this attitude. There wasn't a solid connection until the second or third date.

I think that for me (and probably others also) on a first date or meet I may have a hard NO. Just like I would if I was approached in real life. I will know if I don't want to see the man again or have a conversation with a man who approaches me.

I may also have a hard YES. I will know if I definitely want to see the man again or am welcome to being approached.

But I totally get what you are saying. Sometimes you are on the fence and it takes a couple or few dates to know if that solid connection is or is not there.
 sandwater
Joined: 4/2/2017
Msg: 38
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 9:51:40 AM

But I totally get what you are saying. Sometimes you are on the fence and it takes a couple or few dates to know if that solid connection is or is not there.


Yes. There were times when I didn't want a second date with a man. Usually because he was a jerk or it was clear that we were not compatible for some reason. But when I'm undecided about how I feel about a man after a date, I'm open to going on another date and seeing what happens.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 39
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 1:02:29 PM

Many people expect instant chemistry on a first date / meeting or they quickly lose interest.


I wouldn't doubt online dating has perpetuated this mentality to an extent. They figure why wait for something to grow when the potential for "instant chemistry" (just add water) might be "hot-n-ready" for order with another trip to the online menu.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 40
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 1:20:05 PM

when I'm undecided about how I feel about a man after a date, I'm open to going on another date and seeing what happens.


That's how I feel. If there is at least some physical attraction and no obvious dealbreakers about a woman during the first date / meeting, I would consider going out on a few more dates and seeing if the chemistry develops or improves over time. Then I could reassess the situation after the next date(s).
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 41
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 4:56:04 PM
I was on for a couple weeks and met with three nice gentlemen. They wanted to see me again but I wasnt romantically attracted to the first two. I've never been one to go out to see what 'might develop'. With the third man, my current partner, there was instant chemistry and I couldnt wait to see him again.

In the world outside of on line dating I might go on a date to go dancing, on a hike, etc. However, my purpose on OLD was to meet a life partner...not date. Also, as a female I have never had a desire to be intimate with a man who was not my explicit partner. Men have a natural tendency to want to be physical and i didnt want to have to strategically ward off advances. I want to hold hands and kiss lightly a bit on a second date and cant do that unless there is an attraction.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 42
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/20/2017 7:31:33 PM

never been one to go out to see what 'might develop'. With the third man, my current partner, there was instant chemistry and I couldnt wait to see him again.


To each their own. It worked out for you. But I don't think instant chemistry is always a general indicator or a requirement because of reasons mentioned earlier. Plus when 2 people do have instant chemistry on a first date, sometimes it fizzles out not that long after that .
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 43
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/23/2017 7:37:59 PM

That's odd that you would actually make out and have it fizzle out.....do you get them drunk ?

Well, how else is one going to make out with them? Sober? Ha! Good luck doing that after sipping lemonade! If you want a shot at a girl, ya gotta buy some shots. Or...

Some rando bought my dinner last night. I didn't even meet him. He just left a biz card. If I contacted him would it qualify as a second date?

... buy them dinner mysteriously, then follow them home to try and get a kiss at their doorstep. Yes, if he followed you home and met him at your doorstep, and you agreed to go out with him and gave him a kiss, that would count as an expedited 1st date, thus the one you agree to go on would be the 2nd. ;)

But I totally get what you are saying. Sometimes you are on the fence and it takes a couple or few dates to know if that solid connection is or is not there.

IMO, it's not an on-the-fence thing if one's talking about a solid connection. Either you have one or you don't, if referring to the literal terms (not attraction to the senses). One can be shy, the convo is too "date robotic", one has a bad day going thru stuff -- where there is no solid connection made, but at the same time, one can't rule out that one couldn't occur.

But usually on a 1st date, IMO, it's just (a) Are you Fully Attracted to this person? (mild doesn't cut it), and (b) Are there clear elements of an Anti-connection? If no, green light.

People will go on 2nd dates when only mildly attracted to the person. Unless one's more or less asexual, it's a mistake to continue it. And many people will mean "attraction" + "went-fine" when they say "connection". Lack of attraction will naturally make many Not want to form a connection in how they carry themselves with the person, of course.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 44
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/24/2017 5:29:00 AM
^^^^
Do you even read a post before you comment?
Or are you so desperate to throw up a wall of words that you just grab a line and start posting?
My post clearly and somewhat succinctly went into the specifics of a hard yes and a hard no before my "on the fence" line that you quoted. The "solid connection" you spend three paragraphs on was addressed prior to the "on the fence" line.
I can't imagine what trying to converse with you might be like.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 45
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/24/2017 5:48:27 AM

Some rando bought my dinner last night. I didn't even meet him. He just left a biz card. If I contacted him would it qualify as a second date?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Were you holding a tin cup at the time?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 46
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/24/2017 10:05:09 AM
"many people expect instant chemistry on a first date"

>>>unless its a blind date, I suspect they decided to go on that first date b/c they saw something they liked (perhaps physical appearance) and want to confirm it. I'm going to commit a sin of posting thrice a link:

https://www.davidwygant.com/products/men/7-second-seduction/?utm_source=Infusionsoft&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=7%20Second%20Seduction&inf_contact_key=9c8459cea34aa98ff13113d9bb604e3dbd2886279f7ad3f083b1c053adc09a3c#letter

only b/c its a 40 min vid of a pickup artist talking about a man's body language telling a woman in the first 7 seconds, if he's date material or not. i'm not trying to sell the video, just the notion that perhaps we don't enter a first date tabula rosa.

as for doing a good deed to a stranger, i'll agree with Pig. A few years ago I was getting gas and two ladies had a flat tire. had to drive back to my house to get a jack that would fit the height of their car, and got the tire changed. I did it b/c the last time I had a flat, it took 4 hours to get the spare loose from the rusted-shut linkage. They bought me a Subway shop gift card to pay me back, and like a dope I declined it b/c my father taught me to do things without reward. But I was doing it b/c I knew how it felt to be stuck in some part of the state where you don't live, the sun is going down, and you're not sure how you're getting home. I was doing for them, what wasn't done for me.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 47
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/24/2017 11:02:14 AM

My post clearly and somewhat succinctly went into the specifics of a hard yes and a hard no before my "on the fence" line that you quoted. The "solid connection" you spend three paragraphs on was addressed prior to the "on the fence" line.

Yes, I read your three paragraphs on a hard yes and hard no -- which I agree with -- but I was disagreeing with your 3rd concept of "on the fence". My point was I don't believe there is an "on the fence" of a solid connection, and that has to do with Attraction instead. And how we blur the lines of Attraction & Connection.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 48
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/24/2017 1:06:10 PM

Yes, I read your three paragraphs on a hard yes and hard no -- which I agree with -- but I was disagreeing with your 3rd concept of "on the fence". My point was I don't believe there is an "on the fence" of a solid connection, and that has to do with Attraction instead. And how we blur the lines of Attraction & Connection.

If I am "on the fence" there is not a "solid connection". That is what on the fence means. It means you don't have a solid yes or no. Attraction and connection are not the same thing. I can be completely attracted to a person and it still be a hard no for dating. If I am unsure of a connection on a level that I would need for dating is when I would be on a fence and perhaps go ahead with a second or third date to see if maybe something is there that was hidden by nerves or whatever.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 49
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/24/2017 5:05:31 PM


only b/c its a 40 min vid of a pickup artist talking about a man's body language telling a woman in the first 7 seconds, if he's date material or not.


Body language and attitude are everything, and absolutely do determine how you're perceived. It's not even debatable.

However, I don't know much about the PUA stuff, and if their overall pitch is something along the lines of "we can take any man and turn him from dud to stud just by following this magic script NO woman can resist!!", then it's utter horseshit.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 50
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/24/2017 8:04:02 PM

If I am "on the fence" there is not a "solid connection". That is what on the fence means. It means you don't have a solid yes or no.

Okay -- you're NOT saying you're on the fence as to whether there is a "solid connection" or not. That I agree with. You can be on the fence with them about whether a connection is forming, to what extent, etc., but yeah, I (mis)read your statement to imply you're on the fence as to whether there's a solid connection or not. If one IS saying they're on the fence as to whether there's a "solid connection" or not, they can't have a solid connection (so they're answering their own question). That was the angle I was getting at.

Body language and attitude are everything, and absolutely do determine how you're perceived. It's not even debatable.

Yeah, it is huge. Body language, voice inflection/tone, attitude (which the prev two affect in it's projection).... makes a bigger difference than folks generally realize.

along the lines of "we can take any man and turn him from dud to stud just by following this magic script NO woman can resist!!", then it's utter horseshit.

Yeah, that's for marketing which a lot of stuff out there will do. There's lots of self-help books that'll be horsesh!t. The original core theme of PUA stuff is emphasis on body language, attitude, swagger, etc -- and what Not to do that many do by habit... and deprogramming from general society's politically correct POV (and of what girls themselves say) in what gals want in general, and seeing what actually Does work. Was started by nerds observing guys who could pick gals up naturally -- and seeing what they're actually doing (verbally and otherwise) to produce positive feedback.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 51
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/25/2017 7:13:04 AM
I've actually grown tired of society's obsession with self-help gurus. What the hell ever happened to ingenuity?

Deep down, I believe most people know the answers to their own problems, yet they bounce around from guru to guru, book to book, seminar to seminar, looking for the one that has just the right cute slogans and buzzwords to finally inspire them to take action, yet it never actually happens. A f*ckton of listening, but no actual DOING. It's pitiful.

As for body language, some of the biggest mistakes I see when I'm out are - resting the chin on the palm looking bored and miserable, looking down at the ground when walking, projecting zero confidence, and the classic standing in the back of the room all night in the dark with their arms folded in a standoffish manner, hoping women will notice them in all their statuesque glory.

The funny thing is, they're aware of what body language projects in others, but seem to be oblivious to their own.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 52
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/25/2017 7:38:18 AM
^^
I am also not a fan of all the self help nonsense that people pay for.
I do believe that if people always seem to have trouble connecting or missing/misreading signals they could do themselves a favor and watch some vids on body language and speech patterns. Lots of free ones on youtube. I have to be conscious of my facial expressions and my lack of filter. Imagine that!
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 53
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/25/2017 7:52:19 AM

I am also not a fan of all the self help nonsense that people pay for.


It really is stupid, and they always get sucked in by the same guru babble, too.

"I'll help you UNLOCK THE SECRETS to...."


I have to be conscious of my facial expressions and my lack of filter.


I'm all for lack of filters. I don't particularly enjoy having to go through the process of meeting two people in one.
The initial salesperson who makes sure to say all the right things, then the actual person. Bring raw and uncensored to the
table the first time around, please.
 The_Pearl
Joined: 2/7/2017
Msg: 54
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/25/2017 9:16:52 AM

It really is stupid, and they always get sucked in by the same guru babble, too

Not fond of people that need an outside source to know how to act decent or honest.
Mind you....I guess some therapy is good for those with some issues.
Common sense seems to be depleting in todays society....imo.


I'm all for lack of filters. I don't particularly enjoy having to go through the process of meeting two people in one.

I've been told many times not to disclose too much on a first date because I usually tell too much....but I am always honest and I can't help being who I am.

I don't look at it as a "lack of filters" however.
If I said....the first thing that came into my mind...yi...yi...yi...
I have learned for myself....that my first impression is usually right about others.
But have also learned....Just because I have an opinion doesn't mean I am right...haha

2nd dates....I've had a few off here.
That's how you get to know the "real" person....jmo.
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