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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 26
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
My guy said he's pulled down other dating site accounts but left open his POF because he enjoys the flirting and the ego boost he gets from POF

Hard to believe that wasn't all the warning sign you needed.

Things have progressed rather quickly and we've been exclusive for the past two weeks. I'm so new to on-line dating

You seem over-excited. When women are over-excited about relationships, they rush into things. When women rush into relationships, they ignore the warning signs. When women ignore the warning signs, they make bad decisions. When women make bad decisions, they make themselves vulnerable. When women make themselves vulnerable, they set themselves up to get hurt. When women set themselves up, they date a douchebag. When women date a douchebag, they start asking silly questions. Don't date a douchebag.

Do you believe that if you both have decided to be exclusive to one another that the POF account should be hidden?

DUN Dun dunnnnn...... What are you saying, that you didn't believe him when he said he wanted to be exclusive? Or that you didn't believe his reasons for still being here?

it really bothers me to know that the person I'm dating still has their POF account active

Then dump him. Problem solved.
 BurtonGusterJr
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 27
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 4:52:56 AM
Hard to believe that wasn't all the warning sign you needed


Some people never see coming even when it's right in front of their eyes


Kayla stop giving away trade secrets of us guys
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 28
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 4:55:03 AM
My guy said he's pulled down other dating site accounts


How do you know this for certain?
You met him on POF, right?
Unless you know his user name on the other accounts, he doesn't really have to delete them, does he?

He ONLY has to explain the account of which you are aware.

I have found that it really bothers me to know that the person I'm dating still has their POF account active and may be messaging or receiving messages online

Sorry, OP. He is using you as a placeholder until the next prettier, bigger breasted, younger, sexier, whatever-er messages him.

Wake up before you get very hurt, if it isn't too late for that, already.

P. S. You are NOT exclusive. Protect yourself.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 29
view profile
History
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:16:02 AM
I could give a rat's butt that he's still here with a visible profile. What is a problem imo is why he says he has it up, because he enjoys flirting and the ego boost he gets from POF. OK, if he's a flirt and a harmless one, he should be getting enough flirt in his normal day unless he never leaves his house. And why pray tell does he need an ego boost if he is in an exclusive relationship with you.

Sounds like an immature asshat
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 30
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 8:51:38 AM

I think it should be done after both sign the exclusive agreement


Jaysus. I ain’t signing shit for any man. He can get his cheating manwhore ass off PoF or take a hike.

That would be great fun in civil court though. :)
 daywalker720
Joined: 4/2/2012
Msg: 31
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 12:16:10 PM
To answer some questions: (and I apologize because this is my first postings in the forums....I don't know what OP stands for?)


Yes, we both discussed being exclusive
We've changed our Facebook status
We're together all of the time unless we're working
He's given me a key to his apartment
He's about two years out of an abusive (DOC) relationship

I told him about this post and we've had an interesting discussion from it. However, he still wants to maintain his profile for entertainment purposes. He may decide to weigh in here as well. I hope so!
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 32
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 12:22:46 PM
If you think you deserve sh$t, then that's what you will probably get...
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 33
view profile
History
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 3:11:55 PM
OP = Opening Post
... and also Opening Poster.

I'm still here and, until he got tired of the forums, so was my sweetie.

It's good you are openly communicating together about this... that bodes well for learning about each other. Taking how he has presented this at face value...

I generally don't have a problem with flirtatious behaviour. I have a huge problem you are uncomfortable and he is placing his virtual flirting ahead of your discomfort. If either my sweetie or myself were uncomfortable with continuing here in any capacity, we'd pull out of here pronto. Real life has to come before pixels, or in the world according to me, priorities are messed up.

I also have some issue with him flirting with people who think he is genuine - yanno, available. Besides the obvious (to me anyway) integrity issue... There's a fair number of timewasters and jerk-people-arounders on POF and your new fellow obviously doesn't care about being one of those people who get women's *hopes up* only to pull a disappearing act. I don't like it when people put their ego stroke or gratification ahead of consideration for other people - even strangers.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 34
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 3:29:00 PM

However, he still wants to maintain his profile for entertainment purposes.


Such as……?

So he’s progressed from wanting flirting and ego boosts to a nice comfy euphemism…’entertainment purposes.’

It’s the same thing with a different name. Sneaky.
 WildDNA
Joined: 7/22/2011
Msg: 35
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 3:49:33 PM
I'm still amazed that people find a relationship to be exclusive after a month. What happened to taking your time to know him REALLY WELL.. Making sure the relationship is OFF THE GROUND before calling it anything.

I think way to many people jump head first into what they call a "relationship' after "just meeting them" only to have a head on crash later on down the road. It may work for you sweetie and I hope it does, but I think more time should be given to the "lets get to know you stage" before calling it dating or exclusive or anything for that matter. A month? What can you tell about a person in a month ? Like you said it's all happening so fast..

S L O W down and give it some thought before you call it exclusive. If he really wanted you to two to be exclusive he'd have delete his profile without you having to ask, or wonder, or worry, or say it kinda bothers me dear that you still have a POF profile. And you would do the same.

I don't think the POF account should be "hidden" unless you plan on coming back after a few months to look again if it doesn't work out?
 Jaypeesky
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 36
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/23/2012 4:28:02 PM
When u get married because that's when all the great sex, great times etc become official. Period! Flirting and or ego boost searching isn't crossing a line when the parties involved are aware of the content of each others hearts. Maybe it's an addiction the flirting etc like gambling or cigarettes even d & a......We are flawed individuals and Vanity is most of our chiefest sins/indulges. With this flaw being the only one that keeps the 9 from being a 10....give the guy a break JEEZ Louise!
 daywalker720
Joined: 4/2/2012
Msg: 37
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:28:26 AM
[Quote] Does it matter to you that it is upsetting to your significant other?

I'd like to believe he understands how I feel about it. I just have to decide if its a deal
breaker...
 Phil_an_derer
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 38
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/24/2012 11:56:06 AM
I really think POF should look into the possibility of a Reality TV show...
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 39
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/24/2012 1:15:35 PM
When u get married because that's when all the great sex, great times etc become official. Period!


What? Are you a dinosaur? That's the mentality for a day and age when daters always had a chaperon on a date, no alone time or sex till married. This isn't 1870 and people have committed relationships live-in or not, without being married.

You are not ready to be committed, so just be honest, stop playing house and don't take advantage of this woman.
 NYCmasterplumber
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 40
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/24/2012 1:18:51 PM
Your on here BUT he should not be DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Dang double standard is alive and well
 Johnnyzehner
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 41
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:49:25 PM
Run while u still can!
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 42
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/24/2012 4:57:53 PM
So your on here (Oh it's only for the forums and you have your profile hidden, right?) but it's not alright for him to be??????????? tsk tsk tsk

It's only been A MONTH for Christ's sake!!!!!!!!!!!! You two hardly know one another...........

It is entirely possible he's looking for someone else but we can't know what is going on in his head.
It's up to you to set down AND COMMUNICATE what you are feeling about this situation(IF there is one)...........
 Clever66
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 43
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/25/2012 3:12:03 AM
I don't know - I think a little flirting makes people confident and keeps relationships fresh. It's not unusual or bad to have that - but the fact that it's in this forum - one specifically for "looking" and also that it's so soon into your relationship is what concerns me. If you were a couple for years and you went to a party and came around the corner and saw him flirting with another guest, that's probably nothing and will make him feel good and attractive for you. But this is different. I'd ask him straight out to close it and see how he reacts. Then you know how he feels. Don't state it as an ultimatum - just tell him that it makes you uncomfortable that he has it open and see what he does. His actions will tell you what you need to know.
 catfa51
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 44
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/25/2012 3:29:00 AM
Put YOUR profile back up...he is not being as exclusive as you thought!
 daywalker720
Joined: 4/2/2012
Msg: 45
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/25/2012 4:12:14 AM
POF, I think, kind of breeds insecurity. How can I not log in and check to see when he was last online? I hate that its made me suspucious and planted a seed of doubt in my mind. Then I water it by seeing, for example, that his last online was at 2am this morning. Ugh!!!!!
 itsosimple
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 46
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:08:16 AM
I totally agree with you! I've fallen for that crap once before! The guy is so insecure that he needs re assurance all the time. And not just from one woman but as many as possible. Don't date cops! They're immature and insecure and have egos as big as this planet!!!
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 47
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:24:52 AM
Put your account back up and let him know you need ego boost also.


What she says...




When u get married because that's when all the great sex, great times etc become official. Period! Flirting and or ego boost searching isn't crossing a line when the parties involved are aware of the content of each others hearts. Maybe it's an addiction the flirting etc like gambling or cigarettes even d & a......We are flawed individuals and Vanity is most of our chiefest sins/indulges. With this flaw being the only one that keeps the 9 from being a 10....give the guy a break JEEZ Louise!






Does it matter to you that it is upsetting to your significant other?


I'd like to believe he understands how I feel about it. I just have to decide if its a deal
breaker...



um... OP? There are two things at play here. One of them is whether someone intends to cheat. And that he may very well not be planning to do. I fully beleive he has no intent for this.

But the other? Is respect. Respecting your feelings, and genuinely wanting what you want.

What he wants? Is validation from other woman to make him feel better.

What you want? Is validation from HIM that you are enough woman for him.

Those two things? Don't sound like they go very well. One of you is going to win and one of you is going to lose. And it sounds like he is not even playing. He already said he NEEDS other women's validation for him to "feel like a man" and has no intention of giving it up; so you are going to have to like it or lump it.

You are the only one who can choose that; but if you are driving yourself crazy this early in on it? Is this REALLY want you want in a relationship?

Best of luck to you whatever you do. But OP? You can do a hell of a lot beter than settling for someone who is that callous to your feelings or that needy of stroking by strange women.

Take care, but hope you'll soon be back unhidden and looking for someone you are exclusive with literally AND figuratively...
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 48
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:31:11 AM
planted a seed of doubt in my mind.

Seed of doubt, what a laugh! You should be running like your pants are on fire.


He's given me a key to his apartment

A proxy for honesty. Meanwhile, sincerity is out whoring around on the internet at oh-dark-thirty.


I'd like to believe he understands how I feel about it. I just have to decide if its a deal
breaker...

He knows how you feel, he just doesn't really give much of a shit. This is all about him and what he wants.... YOU are not a significant part of the equation except when you're riding that thing good & hard. Why else do you think his innocent lil' flirting on POF takes such priority over how you feel about it? Now you have to decide if being used in that manner is some kind of a dealbreaker. Alrighty, good luck driving yourself crazy at 2 in the morning.... you're gonna need it.

LOL, if this doesn't have train wreck written all over it....

Best case scenario, he has issues that need to be fixed before he's ready for any kind of exclusive relationship. More likely, for the price of an apartment kehe sold you "exclusive" because it means regular sex.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 49
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:49:39 AM

POF, I think, kind of breeds insecurity


POF has nothing to do with your insecurity. It has to do with the one you're dating. He comes on here still looking in case someone better comes along. He doesn't want to miss out.


How can I not log in and check to see when he was last online?


You can't not check. You are human, and this is something that's bothering you as it would most people, it's called self preservation. You know how he thinks, you've let him know how you feel, but he obviously doesn't care. Now you have to decide if you're going to continue accepting this kind of treatment; It's demeaning to you. The ball's in your court. You have a choice.


I hate that its made me suspucious and planted a seed of doubt in my mind. Then I water it by seeing, for example, that his last online was at 2am this morning. Ugh!!!!!


Sometimes you have to acknowledge the obvious. I was in a similar situation with my partner when we first met. We had been dating for about 8-10 weeks when he asked me to go away with him. I graciously refused. He got irate and accused me of being ambivalent about our relationship. I looked at him and simply stated that since he was still looking on POF, he obviously wasn't ready for a relationship and that I didn't make it a habit of going away with men simply because they asked me to. I went one step further to suggest that perhaps we were wasting our time here and should stop seeing each other since he obviously wanted a woman who would accept the status quo and I wasn't her.

The next day he hid his profile and called me apologizing profusely saying that I was everything he was looking for and didn't want to lose me. We've been together 20 months now, now living together and doing great. My profile is hidden and only here for the Forums which I enjoy, with his full knowledge and approval.

There are hundreds of men who want the comfort of a regular girlfriend without the committment. It still gives them the opportunity to keep looking, and flirting, as you have discovered. Never doubt that he will meet women if the opportunity arises,"out of curiosity, because it boosts his machisimo".

There are many decent men out there who want monogamous relationships as do you. Don't stop looking, for someone who doesn't appreciate you.

In my opinion you deserve better; but it's your opinion that counts!
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 50
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 6/25/2012 7:39:15 AM
This has disater written all over it.
His exclusions are not the same as yours. I'd suggest figuring out what "exclusive" means to YOU and not settling for something less. Because what this is starting to be is you giving all yourself and him giving part, playing on the side.
He's playing on the side Girl. You can either accept it and carry on and one day he'll go out with one of the women he's flirting with and you can go through all that drama or you can have an honest conversation about what exclusive means to the 2 of you, draw the line and carry on.
He is telling you, right now, that you're not that important to him. Hear it.
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