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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?      Home login  
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 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 64
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Interesting. You should talk to him about how you feel regarding his actions. If you're exclusive that means you two should not be exploring outsiders. Sit him down and come to a consensus about your situation.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 65
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/22/2013 1:11:49 AM

Do you believe that if you both have decided to be exclusive to one another that the POF account should be hidden?

Yes, that's common sense. You have to agree to be exclusive -- or seeing each-other so frequently that it speaks for itself (usually a quick on-the-same-page talk solidifies it).

Once Exclusive, I would say at least set your profile to "Not Single / Not Looking", and change the wording that you're seeing someone. If one's new to POF or doesn't use the forums, yeah, just delete the account (since there'd be no need for it) if you've been seeing each other for a while and are exclusive.

A pretty common-sense approach, IMO. If they become a significant other (more than just exclusive agreement), and they have trust issues since you use the site for the forums -- I would say give them your password and let them check in on it whenever they want. That will ease any sane person's feelings (and give them a new hobby of reading what you post).
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 66
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/22/2013 6:53:53 AM
It's a catch 22 situation. You have to be on this site to see if someone has a profile here, which makes it a bit hypocritical. Plus, if you're on the site to see if a certain person still has a profile here, or go to other dating sites as well, it means there isn't full trust, which is a lousy way to start a relationship. I would be willing to delete my account for the right person, and the right person wouldn't have any accounts on any dating sites. I'm not going to get into a relationship with the attitude that I'll keep a hidden profile here, so that if it doesn't work out, I can quickly unhide the profile and jump back into the dating pool within seconds after the breakup. That leads to the attitude that the grass is always greener on the other side, so no relationship would be fulfilling if you always think you can do better simply at the click of a mouse.
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 67
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/22/2013 2:10:32 PM
It was nice when you could just hide your profile while things evolved or faded out, I guess that's why it's a pay for perk now, people liked it!
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 68
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/22/2013 3:46:50 PM
Pretty simple what you do: You put "only on the forums" and you don't write what sounds like you are looking for someone. So damn hard.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 69
view profile
History
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/23/2013 12:47:06 PM
Being on a dating site does not mean you are still looking or thinking you can do better, that's a very self-defeating thought pattern. It just means you are not taking down your profile, it may mean you are staying for one reason or another or it may mean you are lazy, it could mean anything. It's your job when dating to get to know someone well enough before you make any commitments, to know if this person is someone you want to be with. If you have nagging doubts, if their profile still being up, etc., make you feel insecure, then obviously this person is not a match for you. Not everyone is cheating or lying, but it's your job to be involved with people who behave in ways that work for you. Just because a person isn't doing anything wrong doesn't mean they are for you, matching is complicated, it's not going be that simple. Just as saying you are exclusive might very well only mean that you are having sex with someone you have just met and both agree to not have sex with others while you figure out if want to keep dating. But if you think someone you just met means what they say, well you won't know until you get to know them much better, and that will always take time. You can jump into something and have it work, and you can jump into something and end up with a ruined life. Most things are going to be more in the middle, love at first sight just means it worked out, it does not mean it was actual love right from the start. It is never going to be that the other person has to change for you, you are going to have to find people who are already the way you need them to be. And maybe once in a while a person will change for you but you can't rely on that, they may be lying. Life is so much simpler when you spend your time on things that work for you instead of beating dead horses. Then again, the drama lovers want to beat dead horses, so there you go.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 70
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/23/2013 4:49:07 PM
If a person says they are exclusive but still has a written profile that says they are looking and describes what they are looking for, that is not a person to trust, pure and simple. You can erase what you "want" and still have a profile on here, and if your exclusive relationship doesn't work, you can retype your written profile like it was before.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 71
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/24/2013 10:15:48 AM
The whole 'Online Now' indicator makes people paranoid - what are they doing? Well, obvious the same thing YOU are, because you gotta be logged ON the site to see that little green dot.

If you're confident in yourself and the relationship, ALL of this online crap shouldn't matter one bit. I've been dating someone for about a year now, and she knows I'm in these forums and thinks it's 'weird' because I use it for my time-killer at work, but I've told her she can look at my inbox/outbox any time and realize I haven't messaged anyone looking for a date since last year. We're not 'friends' in Facebook, and don't need to be - because we are friends in REAL LIFE and talk every day on the phone and don't NEED a Facebook status update to tell us what is going on.

Cheating is a real-life activity, NOT an online one. If you want their exclusive attention, do it in the Real world. Stop panicking about whatever may be happening online, because being paranoid and insecure is a MASSIVE turn-off, whether justified or not.
 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 72
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/24/2013 10:23:17 AM
Do you believe that if you both have decided to be exclusive to one another that the POF account should be hidden?


No, I believe it should be DELETED

Unless, you are a Forum ADDICT , then it should be HIDDEN....IMO

As for the people who say " oh , but what if things don't work out ? I don't want to have to go through opening a new profile all over again "

Seriously ? You're THAT lazy ?????

Talk about LAME CITY !

It's not difficult or time consuming to open a new account, if you think it is then you have ISSUES .... IMO, lol

If your reason is " oh but it's so hard to think of a new username " , then I say WOW

Send me money and I'll think of one for you ....

HOLY DINAH !


My guy said he's pulled down other dating site accounts but left open his POF because he enjoys the flirting and the ego boost he gets from POF


Even if that is the reason....yeah right... do you really want to be with someone who needs something other than YOU to " boost his ego" ? Sounds like a pretty INSECURE boy to me ... IMO
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 73
view profile
History
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/24/2013 12:16:48 PM
This thread just made me realize the ultimate absurdity of the recent changes.

It's free to find your love, but you now have to PAY to stay on the site AFTER finding your love, if you want to do so in the least misleading fashion (that is, with a hidden profile). Most POF users are unwilling to pay anything to get a date -- why would they then pay anything to avoid getting a date?

This is probably the dumbest POF paid feature to date (even dumber than the animated .gif). Besides, as usual, losing substantial page views from irate users deleting their profiles because a previously free feature is now paid, it's difficult to imagine the free user who would sign up just to be able to hide his/her profile (as the vast majority of people who hide their profiles have ceased looking for dates, and those who hide their profiles for nefarious reasons probably would never pay for anything; the only users that might consider paying just to have the ability to hide their profile are the handful actively seeking dates but with legitimate reasons not to have a public profile -- more POF punishment of innocent victims).

Personally, if I found someone, I'd be outta here so fast you'd just see a trail of smoke and my profile would just be a smoldering crater, because I seriously hate this somewhat necessary evil, forums especially. But that statement has to be clarified: a date or two isn't "found someone." I would certainly leave my profile intact until there was no question about me being in a committed relationship (which, with me, there ALWAYS is a "question").
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 74
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/24/2013 2:19:12 PM
Reading back through these replies in this thread, I'm just stunned at the overall over-reaction to this whole 'exclusive' status. What the heck does 'Exclusive' really mean? - Because judging by some of the reactions in here you're treating it a lot more like Engaged. This relationship is only a few weeks old, which means a HANDFUL of dates at best.

There's NO way to realistically believe, promise or enforce an exclusive commitment just because you've dated a few times and had sex. You can HOPE for it all you want, but asking for a commitment THAT early is frankly someone's insecure ego looking for reinforcement. The people that get duped into a false sense of security because of labels like 'Exclusive' are the naive ones that think the label means they are magically 'protected' and DON'T have to be aware of any real-life bad behavior or hanky-panky on the side.

Actions speak louder than words. Actively sending messages to other women online soliciting dates IS an action. Browsing profiles or participating in these forums is pretty much as harmless as flipping channels on a TV or googling celebrity gossip. You CANNOT tell which is which simply by a 'Currently Online' green dot.

If you really need to find out what they are doing online, ASK - DON'T ASSUME. If they're comfortable with you at THAT POINT in the relationship, they'll probably let you flip through their inbox without hesitation. If they are NOT comfortable with you looking, well, THEN it's a situation you need to deal with. They MIGHT be cheating, or they might not TRUST you enough yet to show you those personal details - cuz you've only had a few dates!

Work on your RELATIONSHIP - the time you spend TOGETHER. Give them a reason to NOT want to look anywhere else. (Here's a hint - Your mere presence is NEVER going to be a 'reason' unto itself, and that's true for every human being, no matter how rich, powerful, or pretty)

Trust is EARNED, people. Not entitled, required, or demanded. It takes a leap of faith to be OK with and still care about someone even though you don't know every little step they take through the day. Insisting on labels like 'Exclusive' to cover that trust is a shortcut - not an answer.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 75
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/30/2013 7:49:39 PM
Reading back through these replies in this thread, I'm just stunned at the overall over-reaction to this whole 'exclusive' status. What the heck does 'Exclusive' really mean? - Because judging by some of the reactions in here you're treating it a lot more like Engaged. This relationship is only a few weeks old, which means a HANDFUL of dates at best.

Exclusive is different than a Committed Relationship. Exclusive means you're not going to be seeing anyone else, or chasing anyone else. It merely means 'going steady'. When you're going steady, you're not going to be active on online matchmaking sites. It's not a tough concept to change your status to "Not Single / Not Looking" and noting in your profile you're just on for the forums, if that's the case.

Secondly, they were past a Month into it (even though they got exclusive early before that). That's not super quick to start going steady if you hit it off well enough.

Third, as a disclaimer, I *am* a fan of "playing zone" vs "man to man" early on (sports analogy). Don't go "man to man" (cutting off all other options) just because you've had a good date or two. Wait until you're exclusive by a talk or by obvious demonstration over time. However, if you bought into being exclusive/going-steady, ya just be honest about it, whether you jumped into too soon or too late.

There's NO way to realistically believe, promise or enforce an exclusive commitment just because you've dated a few times and had sex.

It's just as easy (or not so easy) to 'enforce' exclusivity/going-steady whether it's too soon or not. I agree, just because you've had a few dates and hooked up, doesn't mean you Are Exclusive. Totally agree. Not by itself. But that's not the OP's position.

Trust is EARNED, people. Not entitled, required, or demanded.

Well, you're certainly not going to earn trust if after you agree to go steady/exclusive with a woman that you're constantly browsing POF profiles as Single & Looking. :)

If you're still actively online in the matchmaking arena and not set as Not Single / Not Looking -- you're billing yourself as not taken -- you're not going steady with anyone.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 76
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 10/31/2013 12:31:33 AM

When you're going steady, you're not going to be active on online matchmaking sites. It's not a tough concept to change your status to "Not Single / Not Looking" and noting in your profile you're just on for the forums, if that's the case.
Secondly, they were past a Month into it (even though they got exclusive early before that). That's not super quick to start going steady if you hit it off well enough.

Someone please chime in here that you can swear with total honesty that your LTR was 'confirmed' without a doubt within a few weeks of dating. I want to know who has the guts to lie about it to the entire world. Of course when you meet someone right away you know it's 'special', and they MIGHT be 'the One', but anyone with any degree of patience and objectivity knows better than to get stuck under an 'Exclusive' label after a few weeks when there's still a LOT of things you can't possibly know about the other person. How many people met their date's families or went to their church with them within a couple months? Got to see where they worked or who they worked with?

Trusting the person is loyal to you CAN be done the instant you meet. Having faith they will do right by you means a LOT moving forward in a relationship. You can do both without needing a label attached to it. You can also date someone for a whole year and trust their loyalty without needing ANY label attached to it. I'm living proof of that. I recently helped my GF clean out and re-sort her email archives, and she's still getting dozens of POF emails a week. I don't give a damn, because I know her free time in REAL LIFE is with me.

Cheating doesn't happen online - it happens in the REAL World. Whatever online activities may be happening, it's the stuff in REAL LIFE that really matters.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 77
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 11/1/2013 5:41:16 PM

Sweet_Danimal:
Someone please chime in here that you can swear with total honesty that your LTR was 'confirmed' without a doubt within a few weeks of dating. I want to know who has the guts to lie about it to the entire world. Of course when you meet someone right away you know it's 'special', and they MIGHT be 'the One', but anyone with any degree of patience and objectivity knows better than to get stuck under an 'Exclusive' label after a few weeks when there's still a LOT of things you can't possibly know about the other person. How many people met their date's families or went to their church with them within a couple months? Got to see where they worked or who they worked with?

Trusting the person is loyal to you CAN be done the instant you meet. Having faith they will do right by you means a LOT moving forward in a relationship. You can do both without needing a label attached to it. You can also date someone for a whole year and trust their loyalty without needing ANY label attached to it. I'm living proof of that. I recently helped my GF clean out and re-sort her email archives, and she's still getting dozens of POF emails a week. I don't give a damn, because I know her free time in REAL LIFE is with me.

Cheating doesn't happen online - it happens in the REAL World. Whatever online activities may be happening, it's the stuff in REAL LIFE that really matters.


I met my late Wife on a Saturday night. I went to her work the next Monday and had Dinner with her and her Parents that Thursday. We were Exclusive after are second date and started planing the Wedding 3 months later. We married 10 months after we met and We were together for over 28 years when she died.

Could or Would I do that today? I don't know, though I'm not planing on getting Married again, I wouldn't rule out the possibility...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 78
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 11/1/2013 6:34:04 PM
Someone please chime in here that you can swear with total honesty that your LTR was 'confirmed' without a doubt within a few weeks of dating.

Like being Exclusive? Yeah, although it's pretty quick in many common circumstances... but 3 weeks can easily mean around 6+ get-togethers if you hit it off. Being Exclusive is very different than Committing yourself through thick & thin with someone (being in an LTR, committed relationship).

Exclusivity is assumed by obvious demonstration or agreed upon between the two people. It's that you don't chase others and you cut out your window-shopping for prospects. Pretty simple.

but anyone with any degree of patience and objectivity knows better than to get stuck under an 'Exclusive' label after a few weeks when there's still a LOT of things you can't possibly know about the other person

Well, it depends. If you've only gone out on 3 dates -- I can see how that can be. But about a month, and seeing each other quite frequently? Fish or cut bait, man. Going steady/exclusive doesn't mean you're dedicating yourself to them... you're at least temporarily taking yourself off the singles market. If you can't hardly spend much time with them from the get-go and see each other only once a week -- yeah, 3 weeks is way too soon.

You can do both without needing a label attached to it. You can also date someone for a whole year and trust their loyalty without needing ANY label attached to it.

I agree (to an extent). You are what you do -- so no "talk" or "official label", would need to be pronounced when it comes to going steady or being exclusive... or even to have some weird official "start date" on when you were Boyfriend / Girlfriend.

But if one avoids labels of BF/GF, being a couple, or an item after a year -- you're in a weird mess. :) A "label" is just an abbreviated description of generally what you are.

All in all, if I can accurately say I've been "seeing Sally" and Sally & I both know that yeah, duh, we are seeing each other, and it's frequent and been a while where we can't count the # of dates, etc -- there needs to be no discussion that we'll be crossing boundaries to chase the opposite sex, let alone hook up with any.

Cheating doesn't happen online - it happens in the REAL World. Whatever online activities may be happening, it's the stuff in REAL LIFE that really matters.

Ask Andrew Weiner about that. :)

Cheating is purposely chasing someone. If you're taken, even just for the sake of going steady when it's early on and it's beyond any gray area that you've already been seeING each other, you should put your profile as Not Single / Not Looking. If the significant other Refuses to do that and keep their profile active, then they're scoping for new prospects, and one should GTFO. :)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 79
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 11/2/2013 4:13:16 AM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you have to be a paying member now to be able to hide your profile? If you're in a exclusive (assuming it means committed) relationship, it would seem to be going backwards to be paying money to be on a dating site. Which leads to the next question: Why would you feel a need to maintain a profile here or on any other dating site if you're in a committed relationship-unless you're dating just for fun and have no desire to "settle down" with someone? Saying that you're keeping a profile here just in case your current relationship doesn't work out seems to be setting yourself up for failure and easily bailing if there are any hiccups in your current relationship.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 80
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 11/2/2013 5:18:26 AM

We were Exclusive after are second date and started planing the Wedding 3 months later.

Thank you for posting an exception. Did you need a label 'Exclusive' to prove it to the rest of the world at that time? Probably not. My argument is not against the practice of dating exclusively, it's against this idea that you need a label to make it 'official'.

My guy said he's pulled down other dating site accounts but left open his POF because he enjoys the flirting and the ego boost he gets from POF

Admitting to flirting and other communicative actions online is indeed really poor taste; and doesn't bode well for anyone trying to build trust with one particular person. If you're dating someone, and claim to be committed to them, your account's 'Outbox' should be EMPTY of new messages.

The idea that a person needs to change, lock or delete their online account from existence simply because they've been dating someone for a short time is absurd. Some of those profiles took a boatload of effort to put together. If you're in a relationship, what's the harm of just leaving is sit there and walking away? Personally I think a sign of a great relationship starting is a dating profile that gets completely forgotten about and dies of 'old age'.

And as far as that 'Online Now' indicator thingy - the smart phone apps give out alerts all the time for every little thing that happens inside the site - you tap on your screen in slightly the wrong spot and *boom* suddenly you're 'Online Now' - even though you're not Actively Online Now. I know the alert settings can be changed and stuff can get blocked, but the ONLY ones that really should cry 'foul' are the prospective daters who read it and think they are active -- but if all THEY do is spend 30 sends reading it and another 30 seconds typing a one-sentence message that doesn't get returned- Oooooh cry me a RIVER! That happens in here thousands of times every day, if not every HOUR. If people are still looking at other profiles - LET THEM LOOK - if they are staying with you even after sizing up the competition, that should be a compliment TO YOU, not some betrayal.

If you're in a developing relationship, trusting them is EVERYTHING. If you feel the need to control what they do online, or 'lock' them into a status to feel that trust, then you're doing it WRONG, plain and simple. Facebook and POF and any other online entities out there are NOT in control of your relationship - YOU are. Date the PERSON, NOT THEIR PROFILE. Give them a reason to ignore the internet completely, and THEN you've got it right.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 81
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 11/4/2013 9:41:24 AM
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you gotta concentrate on your REAL LIFE interactions with the person, and don't worry about what's beyond your control in the cyber world. If you give them a decent enough reason to date an attractive, positive, CONFIDENT individual - they won't care about websites any more than you do. Life is so, so much more than a Facebook status or profile.

Patience IS a virtue, yet so many people want to be 'established' even BEFORE date One sometimes. I really wish the younger generation could grasp the idea of a world without texting and smart phones, because IT DID exist for centuries. Love letters were done thru the 'snail' mail, with a few days in-between to consider the possibilities, or to gamble on the wrath of your parents for making a costly long-distance phone call. This speed of access thing has created a short fuse for everyone, and there's no reason for a great deal of this panic, impatience, and insecurity.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 82
view profile
History
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 11/4/2013 6:16:24 PM

This speed of access thing has created a short fuse for everyone


I never considered this. That's very insightful.

I was thinking the other day how letter writing makes you think a little more. No backspacing, just crumpling up the paper and re writing. The downside is it gives you a lot of time to get lost in your own thoughts. I'm sure many romances have started in a person's head, though :)

I have a whole box full of letters from my daughter's dad written during a time when he was serving overseas. I know my daughter will cherish them one day, and it's sad she will probably never have many letters to save herself (in her lifetime).
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 83
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 11/4/2013 8:38:55 PM

If you're dating someone, and claim to be committed to them, your account's 'Outbox' should be EMPTY of new messages.

More than that on here... they should select Not Single / Not Looking if their outbox should be empty -- right? If they refuse to select that, what does that tell you? Not Single / Not Looking will not come up in general searches.

If you give them a decent enough reason to date an attractive, positive, CONFIDENT individual - they won't care about websites any more than you do. Life is so, so much more than a Facebook status or profile.

Soo saying "Why are you still active on eHarmony all the time?" or "Why do you still have yourself as Single while active on POF?" is giving them a decent enough reason to date others?

Actually, I think actively surfing said sites is giving themselves a decent enough reason.

Pursuing someone else IS cheating. Now, if you're dating early on and they put their profile on hold/invisible on a pay site like eHarmoney or Match -- yeah, that's where trust comes in. Same with POF marking it as Not Single / Not Looking. On Match & POF you can still write people -- but yeah, that's where trust comes in, and as long as they're not on those sites like a Tetris addict is to Tetris, fine -- I understand.

But to say they shouldn't at least mark their profile appropriately given the situation while still being active on it is being just as naive like a freshman girl. If asking they do so would be pushing their buttons -- they're wanting to still pursue others, plain & simple.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 84
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 11/4/2013 9:27:12 PM

Actually, I think actively surfing said sites is giving themselves a decent enough reason.
Pursuing someone else IS cheating.

So how is reading someone's profile 'cheating'? Are you pursuing them? How about reading their Facebook page? Their "Linked In" page? Following their Twitter feed? Looking at paparazzi pics from the latest movie premiere? Browsing porn sites? Actually LOOKING at other people in public? Where do you draw the line? C'mon - all that talk is just someone who wants to control the situation more. Big F'n deal if your girlfriend checks out the bass guitarist at the club - she's still going home with you - provided you can stay cool and confident and avoid being a whiny controlling azzhat.

Where the 'trust' comes in a relationship is EVERYWHERE, not just because you know they're not 'Online Now'. Trust doesn't come with exemptions - you either have it, or you don't. People are ALWAYS in here trying to 'bargain' for a reason to add an asterisk (*) to their love/trust/faith in another - and it's all B.S. Getting into a new relationship is ALWAYS a gamble, yet people are absolutely convinced they can 'fix' the odds in their favor. Well, good luck with all that.
 paintedldy
Joined: 4/6/2010
Msg: 85
view profile
History
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 12/8/2013 7:40:28 PM
How about this one dating guy for 2 years and find him on here ? Think it s ok? I did not Thoughts ? Did it to next. Chick too now she's gone too. Opinions in this? I say cheat liar etc.......stayed on here all through their relationship behind her back on here day and night now ........
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 86
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 12/8/2013 8:47:14 PM
So how is reading someone's profile 'cheating'? Are you pursuing them?

You're pursuing the opp-sex on POF if you're active on the site and your profile is Not Single, Not Looking with adequate time to change at such -- yes. Again, that's the game-changer. If one doesn't want to change it to Not Single, Not Looking, their bf/gf would have to be the biggest idiot to think "Oh, I trust them." Uhhh, trust is already broken, dude. If that's the case, they Are pursuing.

Getting into a new relationship is ALWAYS a gamble

Exactly. But I'd rather be gambling at a Blackjack table than playing something else that's 1-in-1500 of winning. Walk away from girls who want to stay on POF without changing it to "Not Single, Not Looking". Walk away from girls who want to go out on vacations with their ex's who pine for them ("Oh, he's just drunk sometimes when he calls me at night and says he still loves me..."). The SO or SO-to-be, purposely emersing themselves in those situations already broke the trust.
 ImNotForYou
Joined: 4/28/2013
Msg: 87
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 12/10/2013 4:49:23 AM
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every time someone posts this type of thread all I read is "He/she won't behave the way I think they should. Please tell me I'm right so I can tell him/her they are wrong and make them do things MY way!"

Everyone has an opinion on what they find acceptable behavior for them. If your SO does not tow the line in a manner you feel they should, guess what?.......they probably shouldn't be your SO! It really is THAT SIMPLE!!

Constantly debating the rights and wrongs of relationship statuses and appropriate behavior of those in relationships really is up to the two individuals in that relationship. Some will not have a problem with their SO maintaining profiles, others will find it abhorrent. Find someone who feels the same as you regarding acceptable and unacceptable behavior and these problems will disappear.
 SuzieQForForums
Joined: 8/5/2013
Msg: 88
We're exclusive - does the POF account need to be hidden?
Posted: 12/10/2013 6:26:13 AM
Just remove your photo and no one will write to you.
Just add one line to the top of your profile, "NOT LOOKING AT THIS TIME" or put that in the headline.
Easy enough to undo later if things don't work out. Takes about 5 minutes.
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