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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Long List of Requirements met in order to message      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 74
Long List of Requirements met in order to messagePage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Own a business… I charge a "Fussy fee" for those who look like they will give me a hard time. If you expect me to break my back working on your mess, work weekends, 12-14 hour days, I'm going to try to break your wallet.

You don’t need to own a business – they’re everywhere! So are the people who think they know better because they have a little information.

I can understand having a ‘fussy fee’ and, if the workman is worth the hire, then I pay it. I pay more for people who will come to my house on weekends or who will explain why something can’t be done that way. I’m a very inquisitive person and question a lot of things – usually beforehand.

I used to have a little Nissan pickup with two gas filters – many fix-it shops, including the dealership, didn’t realize it had two filters and the unchanged/clogged one was making it stall out. When I found the shop that figured it out – and, yes, I was b*tchily complaining about incompetency the entire time and asking them how they thought they could fix it – I gave them my business and enthused about them to everyone I knew. Twenty years later, they still have my business as well as my family’s and best friend. I appreciate other people’s patience and explanations and I realize it is worth more than the work that is being done. But don’t try to break my wallet – that’s beneath you.


…. Sure, we can sit and gripe about what women want…. Ruthless players will take advantage of them… As the saying goes- "You asked for it"

I have to disagree here. No one has ‘asked’ for ruthless disrespect. Demands are worse in dating – this is my future I’m considering. Ultimately, I’m not here to endlessly date. I want to find someone I can enjoy a relationship with for the rest of my life. When I actually get around to making a dating profile, I probably won’t have a long list of requirements because my requirements aren’t so easily described and they usually aren’t ‘either/or’. They are also criteria I need to observe such as the way a man treats other people and what he complains about. I don’t think it’s a ‘you asked for it’ but rather a ‘you permitted it’. If a person’s criteria are solidly thought about and firm, then the ruthless player can’t take advantage, and have a ONS of fun by talking them into it.

As for sitting and griping about the opposite sex… yep, we’re all doing that. Hopefully, we take some wisdom home with us, look through our profile and expectations and adjust.


I've read plenty of profiles with a big laundry list of wants…I'm too busy to live up to your grocery list.

Yes, I have to agree with you – sort of. Here on OLD, it is so easy to have the laundry list mentality because we can all simply look at someone’s profile and say ‘too old’, ‘too young’, ‘smoker’, ‘not seeking LTR’. We can read their words and get an idea of their personality. Too much griping in the profile? I don’t want to deal with a man who complains that it’s all not his fault. Too much discussion about G*d or children being the center of his life? No, not for me. Too much discussion about NASCAR, sports, my toys, or his ex-wife/failed relationships. Forget it. The very nature of OLD makes it easy to put down a list and to judge by someone else’s list. The vast number of people makes it easy to not consider re-evaluating.


Yeah, I might complain about wasting time messaging. You are really saving me a lot grief and aggravation. We should be thanking them for not putting us through the wringer.

Ditto. So, to all those men with laundry lists that automatically exclude me for any reason… Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 75
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 5/30/2015 8:28:04 AM

THESE ARE ABSOLUTE MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:
-Bachelors Degree
-Single/Divorced
-Recent picture (within last six months)
-Non-smoker
Thank you.


If I saw this on a man's profile, I would have no issue with it whatsoever. First, everybody has standards. Second, her standards are not unreasonable. In fact, except for the bachelor's degree, her other requirements are pretty much the minimum buy-in for a LOT of people.


Instantly, they think that everything is the same, and and it's easy to for any contractor to be able to complete a job in a specified time frame.


I know, right? Imagine hiring someone and expecting him/her to get the job done in an agreed upon period of time! What a crazy notion.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 76
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 5/30/2015 11:44:17 AM
My first pickup truck was a 1984 Nissan, and I think I had that same double filter problem from the prior owner getting gas while a tanker was in filling up the underground tanks and churning up all the crud for customers to pump into their tanks. and my second mustang has two oil drain plugs, always catching some kid changing oil at a shop in the winter with that bit of car trivia. after a century of car design, you'd think some things would be universal and standard on all cars--like don't put the #$#ing radiator petcock right over the @#@ framerail.

on the flip side, yes, is the customer who needs to get zapped a "fussy fee". all those reality shows that make repairs seem like they can be done in a day's time make people with a little bit of knowledge more dangerous, as the saying goes. and i'm one of those nimrods who love to look over a shoulder and learn something new. the customer who knows more than you do is only useful when...they actually do.

but i'll agree with purple--if someone's got a list of disqualifiers, they saved me some time. they have a list of what they don't want, b/c they keep activing searching for it and finding it. we know best, that we experience the most. I can't be their kind of jerk off, so i'll just try the next person on the list.

if someone wants to focus on God b/c they are looking for a date for all the Church social functions..well...why shouldn't they ask for that on an internet website? it might not be my cup of tea, but it is the internet and we're in an age where we can have a cup of coffee any fussy way we like. if we can "personalize" something we buy on Amazon or some other website, why not "personalize" what we "obtain" for a partner online? chances are, we're probably passing up Ms Desperate or Mr. B. Rightover, b/c we're a bit fussy about someone who will take anyone.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 77
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 5/30/2015 2:39:42 PM

we're in an age where we can have a cup of coffee any fussy way we like. if we can "personalize" something we buy on Amazon or some other website, why not "personalize" what we "obtain" for a partner online?


I would love to find my perfect man on Amazon - I even have Amazon Prime. :-)

I think the problem many people have with a list of requirements is that it is so absolute, so cut & dried, so black/white, so either/or. If you're 59 you're fine on my list of criteria but 60 and you're blocked. You must have a degree and either you do or you don't. There is no court of higher appeals to the criteria because there's a million more men on POF. In real life when you're introduce to a man and they have a really great smile along with not looking too old and you know this by seeing them. They don't have the degree but are knowledgeable about a great many things and you know this by talking with them.

In real life you don't need to specify your list where others can see it.
In real life you can modify it immediately to make it specific for each person you meet.
 geniusperspective
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 78
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 5/31/2015 2:00:39 AM

but i'll agree with purple--if someone's got a list of disqualifiers, they saved me some time. they have a list of what they don't want, b/c they keep activing searching for it and finding it. we know best, that we experience the most. I can't be their kind of jerk off, so i'll just try the next person on the list.


Exactly. Except, in my case, I'll be leaving Online Dating (and likely Dating) at-large until I either leave this country or find a foreigner here. America is toast.

A Bachelor Degree does not infer intelligence, and a job today does not guarantee a job tomorrow. Women are being empowered to be absolute idiots with no regard for their own futures, while being told that they're powerful, equal, and independent. Huh? How does this make any sense?

Meanwhile, men are steadily seeking long-term relationships and familial stability (simultaneously being told that they should seek this, btw), and getting burned the whole way. The men who have caught on to this early have adapted and are taking advantage of women left and right. In a way, I am proud of them...even though they're taking all of the spoils.

I, on the other hand, seriously bought into the whole matrix and am still slowly unwinding from it all. It takes a while to realize that Snoop and Dre were not simply entertaining on The Chronic...they were being philanthropists. lol

Regardless, women, wake up. You will never get an honest man with requirements that embolden a dishonest man...
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 79
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 5/31/2015 4:07:08 AM

Exactly. Except, in my case, I'll be leaving Online Dating (and likely Dating) at-large until I either leave this country or find a foreigner here. America is toast.


Your choice.


A Bachelor Degree does not infer intelligence,


It does denote some kind of completed (or ongoing) commitment to formal education. For somebody like me, it's important. And since it's ultimately my decision to include somebody with one, I'll take the responsibility of any narrowing of my dating pool.


and a job today does not guarantee a job tomorrow.


No, but it does pay the bills, while you have it.

However, if you're referring to your own unemployment ("shouldn't matter," in your profile's case"), how do you expect to date anybody and anybody who's working more than one job to also cover you?


Women are being empowered to be absolute idiots with no regard for their own futures,


No, we should just surrender our employment, our cash, our investment in our own future and make our vaginas martyrs for down-trodden, downcast, and (willfully and chronically) unemployed men. IOW, her money isn't good if it's not supportive and her power worthless if she doesn't feel sorry for them.



while being told that they're powerful, equal, and independent. Huh? How does this make any sense?


Why do we need to be old any of these things? Isn't this inherently ours?


Meanwhile, men are steadily seeking long-term relationships and familial stability (simultaneously being told that they should seek this, btw), and getting burned the whole way.


Aren't restricted reproductive options, violence, public shaming (for having sex, being raped, deciding not to become a mother), abduction and theft of children burn women (those whom are mothers and others whom are not?



The men who have caught on to this early have adapted and are taking advantage of women left and right.
In a way, I am proud of them...even though they're taking all of the spoils.


They want the **** and the going dutch and the free bread-n-breakfast...


I, on the other hand, seriously bought into the whole matrix and am still slowly unwinding from it all. It takes a while to realize that Snoop and Dre were not simply entertaining on The Chronic...they were being philanthropists. lol


...another sexist, chauvinistic PUA wanna-be whose pissed because women reject him on dating sites.

Dating isn't an equal-opportunity opportunity, "geniusperspective."


Regardless, women, wake up. You will never get an honest man with requirements that embolden a dishonest man...


You need to grow the **** up.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 80
view profile
History
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 5/31/2015 12:58:50 PM
The men have caught on LOL oh gawd, that one always cracks me up. You know like men and women belong to a separate species, and have plans of attack and the one species that harms the other species the most, wins! The moment I hear that one gender has caught on to the other gender and is attacking them, I know what kind of person I'm dealing with and walk away...because you simply cannot fix that kind of mental masturbation type of thinking.



Ruthless players will take advantage of them… As the saying goes- "You asked for it"


Wow, just wow, that does say a lot about a person.
 BussOfEsprit
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 81
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 5/31/2015 2:39:00 PM

THESE ARE ABSOLUTE MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:
-Bachelors Degree
-Single/Divorced
-Recent picture (within last six months)
-Non-smoker
Thank you.

I think this is a rational set of requirements and the only requirement I would quibble with would be the one about a bachelor’s degree.

I usually look at requirements like this or those listed on a profile to help formulate a better understanding of a woman. The last thing I need in my life is a migraine!
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 82
view profile
History
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 5/31/2015 5:47:53 PM
OP, those very same people who have all those "requirements" are usually the ones who whine about how no one contacts them.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 83
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 5/31/2015 8:57:51 PM
It does denote some kind of completed (or ongoing) commitment to formal education.
---------------------
No, it doesn't. Most people go to college because employers require degrees (that aren't needed to do the jobs being offered). Most students are more interested in knowing what's going to be on a test than actually knowing anything.
--------------------

-------------------
For somebody like me, it's important. And since it's ultimately my decision to include somebody with one, I'll take the responsibility of any narrowing of my dating pool.
-------------------
That would mean someone who needs an organization to certify someone as "educated." If you can't decide whether or not someone is educated from a brief conversation, without knowing whether or not the person has a degree, what does that mean?
 lovebug0
Joined: 5/9/2013
Msg: 84
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 1:36:34 AM
Men hit on women a lot more. If you want certain men emailing, there has to be limits.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 85
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 1:52:35 AM

No, it doesn't. Most people go to college because employers require degrees...


I went to college because I wanted to learn.


That would mean someone who needs an organization to certify someone as "educated."


It means what I interpret it to mean and how it's relevant in my life and relationships.


If you can't decide whether or not someone is educated from a brief conversation...


How I make that decision is my business.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 86
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 1:57:43 AM

OP, those very same people who have all those "requirements" are usually the ones who whine about how no one contacts them.


Why would I complain about any alleged lack of contact? if somebody wants to contact me, it's their decision to make? I take full responsibilities for my decisions and preferences. If I'm not receiving contact, I'll make the sincere changes in my profile and approach.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 87
view profile
History
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 3:28:40 AM

Why would I complain about any alleged lack of contact? if somebody wants to contact me, it's their decision to make? I take full responsibilities for my decisions and preferences. If I'm not receiving contact, I'll make the sincere changes in my profile and approach


There is nothing wrong with being selective. You are uniquely fortunate that you can be. With some of us, putting restrictions like, must be vertical, breathing, and been alive since 1935, too restrictive. We have no idea what it's like to manage multiple possible dating choices. Or step out of one relationship, and start up another, inside of a week. It's a dream, a fantasy that will never happen. Some, however will take offense to your restrictions, and feel slighted that you won't give us the opportunity to present ourselves to you. It's just a cold, streamlining process that un-clutters your life. But it has all the appearance of old time segregation, the "whites only" or "colored to the back of the bus" signs. A few will make their disapproval known, in which case, they get labeled as whiners. It's just a downside of OLD.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 88
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 3:53:30 AM

Some, however will take offense to your restrictions, and feel slighted that you won't give us the opportunity to present ourselves to you. It's just a cold, streamlining process that un-clutters your life. But it has all the appearance of old time segregation, the "whites only" or "colored to the back of the bus" signs. A few will make their disapproval known, in which case, they get labeled as whiners. It's just a downside of OLD.


Relationships -- especially intimate relationships -- are very, VERY personal situations, in which people can be and should be (or not) be as selective as they wish. Whomesoever I choose to be in my life, sharing my space, in my body is my decision and my right, as are the processes that lead up to that decision, including precluding and including anybody who is/isn't preferred.

Dating is not an equal-opportunity, opportunity; and I resent being referred to being as "cold and unfair," discarding of anybody without merit, because I don't select you (I'm writing you generically and not specifically). Sex is a gift and not my obligation to give anybody.

To compare this to segregation is ludicrous (I don't think you have any idea what real racism and segregation entails).It's like me whining that men should overlook the fact that I'm middle-aged, overweight, no car, and a mother (things that some men don't want in a prospect). Sure, I don't want discrimination where it concerns my job, my rights, my housing, bodily autonomy, safety, and integrity, reproductive choices, et al -- but not a romantic relationship.

Albeit, I do have a level of dating privilege and by geographic location I have more opportunities (and more competition, as well); this doesn't mean I'm free from some of the many challenges of preferences that are presented -- and it's ok. I'm a very specific woman for a very specific man -- not men.

And yes, it's whining when people demand the affectionate of another, expecting them to overlook their own circumstances that lead to their choice, just to abate loneliness and sexual frustration.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 89
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 3:58:10 AM
Quite frankly, I don't care who is offended by my preferences; they do nothing to subjugate or oppress the people whom are offended. What I find most offensive is not somebody's preferences, but that they can behold their preferences whilst I should surrender mine at the risk of appearing conceited and whorish.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 90
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 5:04:53 AM
Oppression, surrendering, subjugating.....

We've got the an excerpt from that E. L. James novel.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 91
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 8:01:49 AM

Quite frankly, I don't care who is offended by my preferences; they do nothing to subjugate or oppress the people whom are offended.


I wouldn't necessarily be offended it. If someone has a long list of rigid requirements, I would simply move on the next profile. Even when I actually matched the requirements.
 Baalratn
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 92
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 10:10:26 PM
I'm merely looking for a supermodel with an IQ of 150+ with no emotional problems who is really turned on by hairy overweight middle-aged men that live within 5 miles of me.

How can I set it to that?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 93
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/1/2015 10:33:09 PM
increase your wealth level? :)

if someone has a bunch of requirements that limit me from meeting them, why do I want to meet them? tbey aren't a good fit for me, they seek someone who isn't me.

oh, that's right. I want to use them for sex, and aren't worried they are a personality mis-match for me. so I guess I have requirements, too, that keeps people who are a great fit for me but look like a friend from dating me.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 94
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/2/2015 1:00:53 AM
I went to college because I wanted to learn.
----------------------
Since you apparently did not learn that going to school and becoming educated are not the same thing, you should go try again. Since I have more degrees than you do, I am at least as qualified as you to judge what college and education have in common and even more qualified given your equivocation of a degree with an education.

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Relationships -- especially intimate relationships -- are very, VERY personal situations, in which people can be and should be (or not) be as selective as they wish.
----------------------
Sure. Everyone should be selective. However, using misguided criteria which are not suited to select for the traits one uses them for, is just plain stupid, especially when one is complaining about the lack of suitable people to date.

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Whomesoever I choose to be in my life, sharing my space, in my body is my decision and my right, as are the processes that lead up to that decision...
----------------------
Everyone has the right to be stupid as well.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 95
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/2/2015 5:56:17 AM
I went to college because I enjoy learning and debating various aspects of what I have learned with people who have similar learning but have different opinions.

Still, I think we're putting too much emphasis on meeting and dating while the subject refers to a list of requirements in order to message.

I probably won't have any criteria for messaging but I will probably automatically block anyone who does not provide anything of interest in his message or profile or is not referring to a forum post simply because life is too short. I don't think people should take being blocked personally because it isn't meant as an insult in many cases, merely a confession of there aren't enough hours in a day to deal with everyone and everything.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 96
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/2/2015 8:53:43 AM
Golly, I'm starting to worry if I am the ONLY person who waters here that has no idea of all this Blocking business. I doubt if I would know if I WAS blocked. I should be glad that it's not listed in our profile somewhere as to how many people we have blocked? Does NONuse of that feature make me less dateable?

Apparently Big Fish does not [as yet] consider it important enough to be at the top of our profiles but has included it as a site feature. Obviously, it's a useful tool to many. Makes me wonder if other sites, Free or not offer something similar?
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 97
view profile
History
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/2/2015 4:45:23 PM

eternitygracesme wrote:

Why would I complain about any alleged lack of contact? if somebody wants to contact me, it's their decision to make? I take full responsibilities for my decisions and preferences. If I'm not receiving contact, I'll make the sincere changes in my profile and approach.


You have no cause to complain. You can afford to be selective. Some of us, can't. BTW, I notice you changed your handle. According to your new handle, you'd likely love the continuum....... ;-)
 Luz1147
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 98
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/2/2015 5:46:28 PM
I can relate to the age requirement because I have one. Here is some insight on it from my perspective. My age restriction says 29+ but my actual, true, preference is closer to 35+ Putting 29+ is already a stretch for me and it's my way of being open minded and flexible. I'm just not into guys who are younger than me. I've always been that way. I'm attracted to the masculinity of older men. So, instead of being rude and ignoring all the younger guys who message me, I put the restriction instead.
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