Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > I want a quick "first meet", he wants a leisurely dinner!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 26
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner! Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Coffee, drinks... what is wrong with food.
On many women profiles I read as a first meet: a romantic dinner in a nice place.
Shame on you, you argue without knowing one another, why meet?
Do this man a favor, decline so that he can meet someone whom appreciates his wallet.
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 27
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 6:24:52 PM
Don't you people write, talk to the persons you are going to meet before hand?
By the time a meeting is set, one would know enough to be comfortable, be decent, sit across from one another.
This is not speed dating.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 28
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 6:32:30 PM
Coffee, but all the men want to meet for drinks or dinner.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 29
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 6:37:28 PM
Walts, you ol' ride ho, you...

You just want her to take you home and have her way with you!
We got your number
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 30
view profile
History
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 6:56:21 PM
Silver_T asked
Or gentlemen, do you insist on dinner as a first date vs the quick meet?

I prefer the coffee or drink route. I care to word it that way because the amount of time spent together is a mutual arrangement. It could be fast or slow depending on the company. Heck, it could be so enjoyable that lunch, dinner and a movie could occur! It just depends, but a beverage and conversation comes first.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 31
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:57:32 PM
I honestly don't "get" this dinner thingy either. I prefer drinks. Lots of em. And not any of those girly,off coloured drinks with umbrellas in the glasses.(who the phuck orders those anyways?????) Straight whiskey. No ice. 6 or 7 of those and I'll be ready for the ride home. Or,really for that matter, I'll take a ride where ever.


Oh walts...always the charmer..lol

And for your information....I think those coloured drinks with the little umbrellas are fun and kinda cutsie...especially when you're lying on a beach somewhere warm and watching the waves curl to and fro....to and fro ~grins~



...mae
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 32
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 9:17:24 PM
I always like to meet for a "quick" drink but I allow for extra time if we are having a good time.

I've spent anywhere from an entire day on a first "date" to about 1.5 hours. With the latter, I would have left earlier but he was a little chatty so I stuck around for a bit longer. I figure if you're getting along, why cut it short? I don't have a lot of time so if there is an attraction/spark/good connection, I like to stay longer.
I have a girlfriend who always does the quick meet and greets, just not my thing I guess.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 33
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 9:22:54 PM
I'm more along the lines of your way of thinking...

first meet... a glass of water....
first date... coffee...
second date... coffee and a pastry...

Dinner ?? ... not without a prenup!
 mroccolo2
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 34
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:07:30 PM
It can be taken as a bit obnoxious when someone insists on a "quick meet" date. You are basically saying "I want to assess you to see if you meet my physical standards". I have seen many women post on POF that they can tell in the first two minutes if they "click". How do you suppose they do that?

I am not condeming the practice but I do recognize that it is a shallow thing to do and what it makes me look like. Some people bring a lot to the table and dont want their time wasted with someone less attractive. It is kind a of a****move but I understand why some people do it.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 35
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:12:05 PM

You are basically saying "I want to assess you to see if you meet my physical standards".
C'mon, as if this doesn't go both ways, lol..

I remember a frequent flyer in these forums many moons ago who called the first meet a 'chemistry experiment', I like that. It makes sense. And no one needs to spend a fortune to ascertain it either.
 soicat
Joined: 5/17/2012
Msg: 36
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:21:22 PM
Seriously? You're complaining that men want to take you to dinner?

You are exactly why older men date younger women.
 GurugiGets
Joined: 6/1/2012
Msg: 37
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:50:48 PM
You're in sales so it's reasonable you want a quicky meet. They just have to adjust and not put anything into it. I've has those first meets for tea and turned them into walks on the beach, sushi and wine dinners and making out in parking lots but I've got more game than most men. I don't waste my time with Geminis and Scorpios though.
 Portlanderr
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 38
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 3:41:14 AM
Thank you for your replies everyone.

To clarify a few points . . . my possible "date" and I don't argue back and forth, it's certainly not a fight, but if he asks me where I would like to meet, I will suggest a walk, drink or coffee. My first preference is to take a walk near the waterfront where I live and if we hit it off, we will either go for coffee, a drink or a meal. Granted it'll be casual, but I have spent several hours on a first "meet" when we've connected.

A few times I have agreed to go to dinner . . . but I will ask for a casual dinner, say at a pub or some outdoor venue. Most of the time it's been fine, the man was easy to talk to, although no chemistry. Only once did I want to run within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone, but I stuck it out.

And ladies . . . I always dress for a "date" even if it's just a shorter "meet". I am a casual person, but I will fix my hair, wear a little make up, shave my legs if it's in the summer, and dress according for where we are going, even if it's just a walk. One "first meet" we had breakfast . . . and we hit it off, and we ended up walking around a quaint part of the city for most of the day.

Oh, and I always bring my sneakers with me on a first "meet" or "date" . . . and it's NOT to run away if the date doesn't work out . . . I just like to walk.
 Portlanderr
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 39
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 3:49:04 AM
To Toddfoundry . . . you devil you, I have my game too, and have an occasional "meet" turn into an all day "date" . . .

And this site says I'm a Scorpio, but I don't think I am, I don't really follow this stuff . . . in almost every horoscope I read I'm a Sagittarius, except here on POF . . . my birthday falls on cusp or edge of the two . . . or am I just edgy?
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 40
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 4:01:26 AM

It can be taken as a bit obnoxious when someone insists on a "quick meet" date. You are basically saying "I want to assess you to see if you meet my physical standards". I have seen many women post on POF that they can tell in the first two minutes if they "click". How do you suppose they do that?


I so agree with you there.. Just a quick up and down to see if you pass muster.. Many men and women go to just see if they are physically attracted or not.. To me attraction is much more than just physical and in fact more of a mental connection..


Some people bring a lot to the table and dont want their time wasted with someone less attractive. It is kind a of a****move but I understand why some people do it.


Honestly my experience meeting those that wanted just a coffee meet was, they brought far less to the table.. They were less intelligent, less in the looks department (some even still dressed in their work clothes) did not take time preparing themselves at all for the meeting.. One guy even arrived covered in blood.. he had just been bitten by a dog. Why he showed up at all when he should have been at the hospital being treated I will never know.. Then bleeding and all before we went inside for the coffee he asked me if I would spend the night with him.. I told him to get himself to a doctor right away..He replied oh I just blew it..
Good gravy!
 Portlanderr
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 41
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 4:18:07 AM
I disagree with nativerock and others who thing a quick "meet" is just a way to check them out.

I try to set up my first meet so that if we do hit it off we can spend more time together. Meeting for a drink or coffee gives you time to assess each other, no doubt. For me it's not based on looks, but whether I can talk to someone, be comfortable around them, see if there's an attraction. Like I said above, I always dress for a "date" and I bring my A game too.

But if I meet up with a man who lied about his age, marital status, or just scares me, etc. (or like your bloody guy you described) . . . the coffee date or drink allows me a quick exit. Am I penalizing all men for a few jerks out there who do this, maybe to some extent, but if the man is who he says he is, then I will spend time with him, get to know him, and hopefully go on a full date.

I think it's all in how you present yourself and the first time you meet someone . . . I always call it a "date" so the men don't think I'm just hurrying things, but as a woman alone I have to watch out for me. I exchange several emails, we chat on the phone too, then I'll meet . . . not weeks and weeks of corresponding, but enough so I get a sense of who they are . . . most of the time it works out okay, but a few times the men were not at all who they said they were.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 42
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 5:24:47 AM
take the free dinner...after all u gotta eat..right?/ and who wants to eat alone? When u say 'dont hit it off' ur referring to instant chemistry, right? Thats the problem with women these days..they dont want to put the time & effort into getting to know someone..its 30 seconds..and either they love u or hate u. :-(
 Portlanderr
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 43
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 5:41:45 AM
Gourmetchef - when I say "we don't hit it off" I'm referring to men who are obnoxious, misrepresent themselves, just want sex, or otherwise creep me out. If I meet a man for the first time and it's a little awkward, or a little uncomfortable because we're nervous, or shy or whatever, I will stay for a while and try to get to know someone.

But . . . if I meet up with a man, we chat for a little bit, and admits he's married . . . I'm not going to stay and "put the time & effort into getting to know him" . . . no way! Or a man whose profile says he's 55 when he's really 70 . . . dealbreaker. Or the man who only talks about sex and hopes to get lucky with me . . . nope, not interested. These situations have happened to me, and no dinner is worth staying on these types of "meets/dates". True that we all need to eat, but I'd much rather eat alone . . .
 Trevork52
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 44
view profile
History
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 6:09:19 AM
Having looked at your profile I can well understand why he would seem to be wanting to have an "extended" first meet!

That's slightly tongue in cheek and I do think you both have to be comfortable with any arrangements for first contact or there is alreadya slight resentment which is not the best way to kick off!

Trevor
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 45
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 7:18:20 AM
I don't understand why all the negative attitudes about men insisting on a dinner meet. You do realize they are just trying to be generous, show good faith and offer you a gift sight-unseen?

In this context, the word "insisting" is not controlling at all.

They are taking the same risk we are having never met before. Being gracious and polite for a couple of hours isn't going to kill anyone.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 46
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 7:34:51 AM
I'm not a coffee-drinker, and preferred to meet my dates in places that had a bar and served food. That way, we could meet for a drink, then be on our merry way.

If we really clicked and wanted to extend the date, we had the option of ordering food. It isn't that complicated.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 47
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 7:57:07 AM
Just a shot in the dark here, so don't blast me if you disagree.

Many (most) women need to meet a man in person to know if there is ever a chance in hell of finding him physically attractive enough to sleep with.

Many (most) men find the women they approach attractive enough (a minimal level) to sleep with, so they don't need the first meet and greet to figure out that part. Unless the woman turns out to be completely unlike her photo, which pisses these guys off b/c they were planning on spending money for dinner with someone they at least thought they could shag, only to find out she is completely un-shaggable.

So, for a lot of women, the M&G is to ascertain the lowest possible threashold of attraction--can I imagine myself naked with him, ever? If not, I don't want to waste his or my time and/or money over dinner!

For a lot of men, that question has been answered and they are assessing whether or not they want to get more involved with this person (ie, they already know they would shag her, but should they? Is she going to be a bunny-boiler or someone I can't introduce to my mates, etc?)

All I have to say is, I would not argue about dinner or coffee. If we aren't on the same wavelength about something so simple, then we aren't likely to be more compatible down the road.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 48
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 8:04:18 AM

Posted By: mroccolo2 on 6/27/2012 12:07:30 AM
Subject: I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Message: It can be taken as a bit obnoxious when someone insists on a "quick meet" date. You are basically saying "I want to assess you to see if you meet my physical standards". I have seen many women post on POF that they can tell in the first two minutes if they "click". How do you suppose they do that?

I am not condeming the practice but I do recognize that it is a shallow thing to do and what it makes me look like. Some people bring a lot to the table and dont want their time wasted with someone less attractive. It is kind a of a****move but I understand why some people do it.


Clearly you have never been a woman! Attraction for women is often a complex thing and has only a small measure to do with a man's actual appearance. His voice, smell, mannerisms--things we don't even know we are processing at the time, frankly, will affect our level of attraction.

I'm attracted to a wide range of physical "types," and am not attracted to all men in any one of those types. I can see a man who I think is GORGEOUS and studly, but *not* be attracted to him.

A woman who is over 18 has had lots of experience with her own visceral responses to men, and she knows also what it feels like to be accused of "leading men on," or "just trying to get a free meal."

So, before you accuse a women of being shallow, take a walk in her shoes. If you take her reaction to you so personally, you need to toughen up and realize that you are not everyone's cup of tea--none of us is. It's ok; just keep fishing.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 49
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 8:30:10 AM

I don't understand why all the negative attitudes about men insisting on a dinner meet. You do realize they are just trying to be generous, show good faith and offer you a gift sight-unseen?


Well Janet that makes two of us, cause I do not understand it either.. Also he is the one that is planning a really nice meeting I do not see where that makes this a control issue . It only becomes one when you make it one..
 scb19a
Joined: 5/22/2012
Msg: 50
view profile
History
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/27/2012 8:42:54 AM
I'm with you. I want to meet someone in a casual setting and see where they are coming from and give them the opportunity to run like hell when they first set eyes on me. I also try to imply that the first meeting is a "dutch treat", but generally I will pick up the tab unless she is a total B. I guess someone insists on a nice dinner because they are trying to impress you. Personally, I'm hoping who I am comes through...and I would be much too stiff and nervous on a dinner date. OK, so here's one guy in your corner.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > I want a quick "first meet", he wants a leisurely dinner!