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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > I want a quick "first meet", he wants a leisurely dinner!      Home login  
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 tuloa942
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 151
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner! Page 7 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I've had a couple of first meets that were dinners. One of the meets was okay but the other was excruciating. He wanted to meet at a steak house and I finally agreed. I knew as soon as I saw him look at me, it was going to be a very long dinner. I have ALWAYS posted current photos and am very up front with my size so he knew what I looked like but apparently, it was still different than what he expected. The dinner itself was fine and the conversation flowed okay so we got through it but I felt humiliated.

From that first look, I should have just said that I can see you are not interested and left, but I didn't have the guts. Never again will I have a dinner as a first meet date. Bookstore, coffee shop, that's it!
 Spook60
Joined: 8/13/2012
Msg: 152
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/24/2012 3:42:54 AM
I can only agree with the majority here in that a short meeting over coffee or something similar is better, that way if either party is uncomfortable or not interested, either party can end it quickly and painlessly.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 153
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/24/2012 4:02:38 AM
The problem here is..the OP is all about 'instant chemistry"..as are many others, however, why not give the dude a chance?..so what if you're not always ga-ga in the first few minutes! The dinner doesnt have to be long and drawn out and certainly not intimate!! Usually its no more than 1 hour out of your day..i really dont see the big deal. It takes me quite awhile to learn about someone, be in their company, observe their mannerisms, get to know them, etc. In reality ladies..how many of those 'instant chemistry' meet & greets have lasted months..or even years? So, maybe you have a quick fling....is that really what you want long term? Nobody is perfect..and god forbid if he doesnt look like brad pitt or george clooney! I think if you ladies were a little more realistic and gave average guys half a chance..you'd be alot more happy and prolly off POF for good!!
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 154
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/24/2012 6:22:42 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^ Omg….I think that’s the most sense I’ve ever seen you make.


From that first look, I should have just said that I can see you are not interested and left, but I didn't have the guts.


I had a sort of opposite experience…we agreed to meet in the bar of a restaurant and if we hit it off, we’d stay for dinner. So…after some chat and a crappy drink he invited me to dinner. I mean he was okay, I didn’t vomit when I saw him, but I wasn’t all fluttery over him, either. After a while I realized he was being insidiously dyckish, but I have no idea why he would bother inviting me to dinner with him just to turn around and be an azzhole to me. Oh well. He lied about his height, too. I guess he thought I wouldn’t notice when he was standing right next to me.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 155
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/24/2012 9:57:27 AM
Msg 181, some men do not give average women a chance, it works both ways. I do not meet anyone who says we will meet for a drink and eat dinner if we like each other. i.e. if you look good to me you are worth 15 dollars..I prefer to meet for coffee and pay for my drink myself.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 156
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/24/2012 10:01:35 AM

A drive-thru date!... McDate! ... 99 billion sausages served. 100% pure beef.


I almost spit out my coffee at this one! Too funny!!!

OT: Quick coffee meet works fine for this gal. Then neither one of us is stuck for any length of time if no connection...
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 157
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/24/2012 8:49:04 PM
Msg: 181: The problem here is..the OP is all about 'instant chemistry"..as are many others

Gourmet, you already took a run at ‘interpreting’ OP’s remarks for us back on page 2…

Msg: 42 When u say 'dont hit it off' ur referring to instant chemistry, right? Thats the problem with women these days..they dont want to put the time & effort into getting to know someone..its 30 seconds

to which she replied…

Msg: 43: ‘Gourmetchef - when I say "we don't hit it off" I'm referring to men who are obnoxious, misrepresent themselves, just want sex, or otherwise creep me out.’

And here you are again claiming she wants instant chemistry. Short memory?

Now I think we’ve heard this old canard…

181: …god forbid if he doesnt look like brad pitt or george clooney! give average guys half a chance… you'd be alot more happy

…often enough to know it’s a misleading story, the guy’s looks are usually not the problem and nor, in this case, is it women’s short attention span.
 masterotaku
Joined: 7/20/2012
Msg: 158
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/26/2012 12:45:05 AM
I suppose my answer will be a question. Is coffee, a drink, a walk more casual than eating dinner? Is it really? Is casual the word we're looking for?

Here's my take from a male perspective. I've done all of these things and had meaningful conversation and discovery regardless of venue. *BUT* I've also noticed (and I've got a lot of experience at this online thing) that more often than not the women who suggest a casual and BRIEF first meet are the ones who are almost assuredly the ones who are going to bail as quickly as possible.

I suppose the thinking is that it is easier emotionally to not to commit to this as an actual process by not committing to it. Granted there is a certain amount of risk associated with meeting anyone, but I think the risks are grossly overblown.

I've made good friends doing this, and had many meaningful dates as well as two long term relationships. I've even used the friendships I've made to network my way into other dates with friends of theirs LOL.

I just find the approach you prefer to be an odd one myself. We can part ways after a short amount of time?!? Is the process really that unpleasant? Even the most unpleasant encounters I've had were ones where it was quite easy to make it through dinner and wish someone a great evening.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 159
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/26/2012 5:41:20 AM

the women who suggest a casual and BRIEF first meet are the ones who are almost assuredly the ones who are going to bail as quickly as possible.


I tend to agree with you. The men that have suggested dinner were far more interested in knowing about me then the ones that did not..

nativerock
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 160
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:40:13 AM
well put nativerock...u hit the nail on the head.
 Portlanderr
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 161
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:43:31 AM
I thought this thread was dead . . .

I've had dates recently and a few have been dinner, not at a romantic place though, but at casual, outdoor venues. The dates went well, although one was awkward, the man was difficult to talk to, and at the end of dinner he said that we probably should have just met for a drink since there was no "chemistry" between us.

I am willing to spend time with men to get to know them, whether it be a drink, coffee, lunch . . . even dinner. To each their own, and for me I still prefer casual shorter first meets than a longer dinner. Maybe the title of this was misleading . . . should have said "shorter first meets" instead of "quick".
 mjseek
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 162
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/26/2012 8:26:26 AM
Hey if she wanted to meet at a bus stop (going to or coming from work) over a bottle of water...that's fine with me.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 163
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 8/26/2012 10:13:33 AM

well put nativerock...u hit the nail on the head.


Indeed and those were the men that I was far more interested in as well.. Not the ones that were interested in an instant hit or instant miss.. GGG

From one Chef to another
Namaste
Nativerock
 HDgal51
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 164
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 9/10/2012 10:13:15 AM
Personally, I think the gentleman should do whatever the woman wants...within reason. I prefer to meet for coffee or lunch. If it all goes down the drain, then no one is put out or out a lot of bucks. I've met some guys who complain about this over and over, so this is why I've settled to do a coffee date first.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 165
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 9/10/2012 12:54:08 PM


Personally, I think the gentleman should do whatever the woman wants...within reason.


This is exactly what a classy gentleman will do.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 166
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 9/10/2012 1:37:41 PM

In reality ladies..how many of those 'instant chemistry' meet & greets have lasted months..or even years?

Well, let's see. I do NOT indulge in meet/greets so my input on "how long" consists of relationships built by meeting off-line in one way or another. How long does instant chemistry last? In high school it was 2 years and into college (3 years total.) Then it was 4 years. Then it was 1 year. Then it was a relationship that ended with marriage/divorce (a total of 7 years) and I've been single until recently since then. Considering my BF now and I dated 20 years ago, I suppose we could say it was almost life-long ~ but given we had separate lives for many of those years, I'd have to go with "back then it lasted over a year" and now it's lasting however long it does. So yeah, sometimes that instant chemistry stuff lasts a long while. (And I'd NEVER be in a relationship that didn't begin with that wonderful sense of "OMG, my knees are almost weak just sitting here listening to him." For those who don't get that? I feel almost badly because it's so great when it happens and so mundane/routine/dull and ordinary when it doesn't. But to each their own ~ we all have our own way of doing things.)


Personally, I think the gentleman should do whatever the woman wants...within reason.

This is exactly what a classy gentleman will do.

I agree ~ fortunately for me? I'm happiest when "he" chooses what we'll do. So he gets to choose, and I get to know that he's choosing because it's what I want. Win/win. JMO
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 167
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 9/10/2012 4:36:03 PM

In reality ladies..how many of those 'instant chemistry' meet & greets have lasted months..or even years?


I'm not a Lady, but I have something to say on this.
When I met my late wife it was 'instant chemistry' or 'love at first sight' and it lasted almost 29 years and I think it would still be, if she had lived. This wasn't a 'meet and 'greet' and it was before the whole online dating thing, too.

But then who knows what would have happened between us if things had been different. Am I looking for it again, I don't think so, but lightning does strike twice sometimes. I could try and cross the street tomorrow and get hit by a bus, too.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 168
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History
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 9/10/2012 6:18:47 PM
I don't mind telling a guy that on a first meet, I like to keep it to an hour. I tell them that way if they don't care for my company they aren't stuck with me. ;-)
 Googleplus
Joined: 8/22/2012
Msg: 169
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 9/10/2012 6:51:05 PM

I just find the approach you prefer to be an odd one myself. We can part ways after a short amount of time?!? Is the process really that unpleasant? Even the most unpleasant encounters I've had were ones where it was quite easy to make it through dinner and wish someone a great evening.


I agree. I invited this lady for lunch, dinner and bowling. I wasn't even interested in her before we met. I just wanted to meet as friends nothing more, we spent more than 4 hours together. Mind you she wanted sex and I didn't. She talked about her ex a lot. The way she acted would be unbearable for some users on here but I didn't find it that bad. She complained the next day that I didn't even hold her hand. After that she went back to her ex hubby and try to take it work.

None I met was unbearable for me but then I guess I have patience. Don't get me wrong I rather meet for drinks because I am not a big spender but I would have no problems going for dinner if she asked me. Mind you it would be a cheap dinner lol
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 170
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 9/10/2012 8:30:13 PM

googleplus:
I invited this lady for lunch, dinner and bowling. I wasn't even interested in her before we met. I just wanted to meet as friends nothing more, we spent more than 4 hours together. Mind you she wanted sex and I didn't. She talked about her ex a lot. The way she acted would be unbearable for some users on here but I didn't find it that bad. She complained the next day that I didn't even hold her hand. After that she went back to her ex hubby and try to take it work.


Are you proud that you wasted this poor woman's time and soured her so on dating she went back to her Ex? Because that's what your post reads like to me. Di she even know you weren't interested in her for more than friends? It doesn't sound like it.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 171
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 9/11/2012 9:25:24 AM

Are you proud that you wasted this poor woman's time and soured her so on dating she went back to her Ex? Because that's what your post reads like to me. Di she even know you weren't interested in her for more than friends? It doesn't sound like it.


Remember it was her that was talking about her ex a lot.. I do not think I would want to get involved with someone that was already so involved..As for why she might have wanted some sex probably to drown her sorrows.. However she drowned them the right way in the end.. In the meantime there was no harm no foul .. all good in my books
 Rahn127
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 172
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 9/11/2012 10:00:44 AM
To the OP -

Schedule several guys for a quick meet for coffee, take a look at each one, dismiss each one based on looks and then pick the one you like best for a dinner date. And then with any luck, the guy you picked will dismiss you and go out with someone who is worth his time.

If you don't want to spend an hour with someone having dinner, then say no.
If you can't find a guy that you want to spend an hour with, then the problem might lie with YOU.

I could spend an enjoyable time having dinner with just about anyone. Pick a stranger on the street at random.
What could yo possibly find so distasteful about having dinner with someone that you presumably LIKE and that you've presumably had several good conversations with ?

I don't get it.

Why don't you want to spend time with someone you like ?
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 173
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 12/17/2012 7:47:41 PM
Why not go to dinner, ask for separate checks, then if things are not going well at the end of the appetizer, excuse yourself, cash out and go home. Or since you have to eat anyway, ask if the waiter can move you to a different table.
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 174
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 12/17/2012 8:55:49 PM
My recent experiences have been just like you described...the men who want to meet me want a dinner date. I like the idea of a meet first and if we "click" then we can make a first date and if we don't, then no harm done.

I met someone recently for a "meet" and we hit it off and the "date" followed the meet because we enjoyed each other's company. Went dancing and he met some of my friends (who like him), had a great time and parted ways that night talking about a second date!

Now that's a first for me but I find the quick meet is more conventional and realistic than a "date" for meeting the first time.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 175
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 12/18/2012 12:15:25 AM

Then again, I don't get most of you!! When I returned to dating, I simply took up where I left off. Which to me means, I don't do coffee meets, because I don't wish to be grilled like some guy in a police station.


I just read this on another thread which seems to tie in here... I also prefer a quick first meet over a dinner date.

Probably because it eliminates the whole 'beholden' factor.. I won't be pressured into feeling guilty that I 'owe' you (however you visualize that) for your time and expense if you do want to pay.... and I don't want to be stuck with you for 2+ hours if the vibes don't jive.. or find that you have a need for an ear to talk AT about yourself and your feats past and present (something older gents seem prone to do). Coffee is easier, quicker and more flexible.. if we do get along, great, we can extend as Bella mentioned.

Yes I do ask questions, as far as 'cop grilling' that would obviously be in the eye of the beholder. And yes, I am there for a reason... to see who you are and how you interact with ME, not for mindless chit chat, a pastime, the illusion of a date or to be obliged to listen to you through 2-3 courses.... my time is precious and wasting it with people I've very soon discovered I have no interest in, just silly at this point.
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