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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > I want a quick "first meet", he wants a leisurely dinner!      Home login  
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 gofurguy
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 176
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner! Page 8 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
i never insist on anything, if the lady wants a casual meet , give it to her, i find a casual meet with a nice walk and talk just as exciting, if the walk goes fa,r shes interested and if its a short walk, well maybe she just doesn't have the time
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 177
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 12/18/2012 9:19:10 PM
^^^I will not go on a walk or a drive with a man on a first meet. I do not know the man yet, so it is a safety issue. I prefer to meet some place public. The length of the meet or what we do there is not an issue for me. Most important is that the other person can carry on a conversation and is good company (polite, interesting, keeps his hands to himeself,etc.). We might click for a second date, we might not, but if the guy has any social skills at all, it will be a good experience.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 178
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 12/18/2012 9:55:33 PM
I'm with you SB, I won't go anywhere on a first date that isn't in a public place, or get in their car for any reason on a first meet.
I have done food courts at a mall before simply because they're usually easy to find and you can walk around there if you've a mind to or have something to do after, if it's a bust ;-)... but I do think that some guys really don't understand about our safety concerns... it's rarely their problem. I've never had any issues so far by keeping with this 'public' routine.
 wcratz2012
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 179
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/22/2013 11:53:58 PM
I'd only insist on diner if she was buying.
You women need to step up to the plate and doing this for us men.
You vote, you have equal rights, a say in a relationship/marriage (if things are going good) so you need to start paying for meals and none is more important than the 1st one an perhaps the next 12 or until we feel your serious with us....
 sunsunsun4
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 180
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/23/2013 3:43:11 AM
I hear you, sister! Nothing so awkward as discovering between soup and main course, that he has this little criminal record or had a child with his first cousin....

Then what? Do you finish the meal and try to make further conversation? Insist on paying? Run to the ladies' room and never return?

I believe in chemistry. I know immediately whether a man is someone I want to touch, kiss, get to know better. I prefer an early coffee, and leave my evening open. That way, if we hit it off he can suggest dinner. Maybe dancing. If neither of you want to move on to dinner, you know the relationship is headed nowhere.

I think a guy who insists on dinner may be a control freak.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 181
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/23/2013 3:59:05 AM


I think a guy who insists on dinner may be a control freak.

^^^^^^^^^^^
Maybe he is hungry at that time of the evening/day?
I know many that actually work and by the time they shower, shave and get dressed they want food after a long/hard day.
They are single/divorced and most don't have something waiting on them when they get home.

You don't have to EAT anything ..get a side order salad or an appetizer or have a drink and let him eat.

Women get to INSIST they meet locally where they feel safe..That makes them a control freak?
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 182
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/23/2013 5:13:10 AM

WOMEN WILL DATE ANYONE TO FEED THIER EGO.

Get it?

Good.

What a ridiculous premise. If that were true, you wouldn't constantly be seeing all the threads here from men claiming that women won't even answer the messages they send them, much less spend time with them.
 Green_Jello44
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 183
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/23/2013 9:23:22 AM
This thread really got under my skin. Like another poster previously stated, I always thought taking a girl to dinner was a classy move, a show of faith and confidence that it will go well. I've never really had a bad dinner date, because I don't mis-represent myself, and I take a hard look at a profile before I ask someone out, and I've never had a date that looked worse than their pictures, quite the opposite.
Having said that, I now understand why women don't want dinner on the first meet...because so many guys mis-represent themselves, weirdos and other bad experiences......I don't blame them, and I get it.
So what have we learned? 1. Don't be a nice guy (alpha threads) and 2. Don't go to dinner on a first date.
Its a good thing I don't take forum rules seriously, because A. Most people here never read the forums, and B. Its different in real life......some women will take a chance and meet me with little fanfare or messaging, and do like the idea of dinner, and certainly appreciate a nice human.....and those are the kind of women I like.
 Alwaysonthebrightside
Joined: 10/15/2012
Msg: 184
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/23/2013 9:54:17 AM
I have to agree with you
I have made it a point of being "a man" and not some Metrosexual version thereof
If I am making the date then I make the offer of location and circumstance. If the woman in question isn't into that and we don't find some common ground, better to know now than 6 months from now
Frankly my best "first dates" I was invited over - as per my profile - to cook dinner and provide some music as well and one of those first dates was a longer term dating relationship. So if you talk, you email and you see a spark then what is wrong with a little protracted contact to see if it might have potential? Otherwise, screw it - go Speedating.
 Alwaysonthebrightside
Joined: 10/15/2012
Msg: 185
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/23/2013 9:59:45 AM
If you checked out the backwards baseball cap clown that he was, you wouldn't be wasting time on this
Real men make decisions and choices and when it comes to asking a woman on a date - it is "asking someone out", not "What do you want to do?" If I exchange 2 emails with you and a quick phone call and we go to meet - then I would suggest a short meet and greet. If we have emailed a lot, spoken enough and see a possible fit then I would suggest a real date. If the woman is still reticent I figure there are Plenty of Fish in the sea
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 186
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/23/2013 11:05:35 AM
It doesn't have to be one size fits all situations.

At times I met to go to a movie, another I met and planned to spend 4 days, met to play pool, have a drink, and if things work out, they have dinner at the pool place. It should depend on how well you got to know them before meeting face to face. And being flexible about it always worked well for me.
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 187
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/23/2013 1:25:50 PM
I think the OP is right. I prefer coffee or something similar for a first meet. I can make the best of any situation even if there is no spark., but I also recognize that for some ladies it would be torturous to spend time with someone she isn't at all into.
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 188
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/23/2013 2:13:12 PM
Yet women complain that chilvary is dead. I think that they are trying to be gentlemanly. I dont think theres any alterior motive here...
 Brcjamsam
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 189
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/24/2013 6:05:53 AM
Hi I find the coffee thing like going for a interview would sooner have a walk and chat as we go
 smudgesmom
Joined: 1/20/2013
Msg: 190
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/24/2013 8:31:00 AM
My suggestion: if he wants dinner after you've suggested coffee and explained why, go for dinner. Meet at the restaurant. Linger over a glass of wine, telling the waiter you're taking your time tonight. If after what would have amounted to meeting for coffee, you're not interested, say so nicely and leave. You've accomplished your "short amount of time" goal without arguing.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 191
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:37:00 AM
Walts...don't know if you are joking or not, but I had that happen to me once on a first meet. I left him half a sleep at the bar and never talked to him again.
 Lucky...13
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 192
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:45:51 AM

They insist that our first time meeting is a date and they want to go to a nice restaurant for dinner.

IMO. Lowest common denominator theory. Man pays for dinner = Woman puts out afterwards
Cheers
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 193
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 2/5/2013 5:49:34 PM
Unless you have spent alot of time messaging or on the phone, which wouldn't really be my style, a meal sounds OTT.Do you live far apart? If so then it's different. I would want some messaging, photo exchange plus phone conversations before meeting for coffee, and I'm not interested in guys who live over 20 miles away. I need to feel comfortable.
 Bratty_to_the_core
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 194
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 2/6/2013 10:27:07 AM
lol, I once agreed to this with a fella whose picture was 10 years old and 80 lbs lighter ... what a nightmare .. one of my favorite restaurants and he ruined the whole meal and I didn't have the guts to walk out immediately.

I make this agreement, that we have a first meet over tea/coffee/beverage and we if neither of us bolt in the first 5 minutes, we can talk about setting up dinner.

On the other hand, I have agreed to supper for first meet and it was great supper. Not that I remember more than 1 sentence in the 2 hour meal. lol ... we had amazing chemistry ... actually too much chemistry for him to handle ... it scared him and he bolted afterwards. 6 months later he confessed what happened.

the other comments are very correct, if a man cannot understand and respect your wishes to be comfortable, keep looking.
 shylovedave
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 195
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 2/8/2013 3:22:43 PM
Perhaps a good comprimise would be fast food or a buffet? The time would be shorter, less formal, and less comitment.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 196
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 2/9/2013 3:32:31 AM
I'm stunned that GrandmaBooBoo thinks we have to shave our legs to go to restaurants.

I must be so out of touch with American social norms. Is there a doorman who checks before letting you in?

OP maybe they offer you dinner because you look underfed and hungry? That must be why my dates suggest we go to the gym LOL
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 197
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 2/9/2013 4:55:13 PM
Wow, so much insecurity here. I see no reason to rush into an instant relationship. I take my time, first meet them. This simulates the real world really well. In the real world, you see someone, you go up to them, strike a conversation, get a number then set up a date. But what's the big rush into a formal dinner? Oh, yeah, right, 3rd date sex rules. Forget that, focus on building a friendship and your relationships might have a better chance of lasting. I don't see the need to have dinner with them for quite some time. If it just happens spontaneously, fine but I focus on spending time with them, doing fun things, usually free stuff.
 SambaDeUmaNotaSo
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 198
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 2/10/2013 5:13:54 AM
No way will I agree in advance to be trapped at a table having dinner with someone that I have never met before.

I would, however, quickly agree to a walk in a park, a stroll along the beach, or a visit to the Zoo.

The Zoo is always my favorite, as I am always going to enjoy the animals, and seeing the woman's reaction to various animals has always given me valuable input on what she likes, and how she expresses herself.

If the Zoo goes well, I extend an invitation for a meal at an eclectic restaurant.

If the Zoo bombs, I shake hands, and I go back into the Zoo, and look at the otters. :)
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 199
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I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 2/11/2013 12:16:06 AM
this has happened to me as well. for the most part, i don't like it. the exception is when i really hit it off on the phone and know this person could be a friend, even if no chemistry. for the iffy ones, they are usually trying to impress, often compensating or maybe thinking of something in return. at least that is what i have experienced.

too soon for this in my opinion. then again, many are just lonely or don't get many hits, so they are going to try to make the best of it. so, i warn my male friends not to be taken advantage of financially and explain that if the chemistry goes well on the coffee date, then they can "impress"--or go dutch for awhile.

however, i live in an area where there are many older singles, with many things going on with meetups, et al. so, not like in the sticks. if there, maybe i would meet, providing that it is understood there may be no chemistry and i would like to pay my share of the bill. after that, a traditional date would be great. or perhaps if no chemistry networking between us to introduce to other friends.

i met my guy for dinner because i knew we could be friends and he also traveled quite a bit. our date went so well, we added a movie and a walk around town. but, even if no chemistry, i would have invited him to my meetups, etc. i have done that with nice guys i met, thinking they could meet my friends! now that i am coupled, we go to meetups together for the activities, although the majority of those attending are single. i guess we offer "hope".
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 200
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:39:23 AM

A coffee and a chemistry check is now my only first meet option!

Pass.. I don't do tests and I don't date women with a rigid set of rules. So you stick to your guns and you know what kind of guys are going to bow before you?


rude guys or liars!!

What a shock huh?
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > I want a quick "first meet", he wants a leisurely dinner!