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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a yearPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
She is using you. These type of person are excellent manipulators. They can turn that sex drive on and off depending on what they want. Many sexual therapist will tell you that while you sexual libido and desire can be down, for couples with this problem, once one of them (usually the one with a higher libido) then the other person usually is aroused and able to achieve an orgasm.

They also say that if one of the partners feel frustrated, is reason enough to recognize that there's a problem. So the big question to her is does she want to stay with you. What is she willing to do to make sure that BOTH are happy. If the answer is that she is making you feel guilty for having a sexual desire, then you are not compatible and you should terminate your relationship with her and get her out of your house.

Until that happens, enjoy your hell.
 gypsylady20090
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 27
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History
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/27/2012 10:03:18 AM
I think you should cut her loose and find someone who loves you back. Life is too short and too beautiful to live it unloved and unwanted.
 Sovereign1
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 28
view profile
History
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/27/2012 3:07:56 PM
Thanks everybody for all your input. I certainly will consider all of it as I slowly proceed with caution. Your time is greatly appreciated, and I wish all of you the best!
 outofhere5k
Joined: 6/24/2012
Msg: 29
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/27/2012 11:30:58 PM
I think you need to kick that **** out and move on and have no contact with her.
 sunshinebridge2U
Joined: 4/13/2012
Msg: 30
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/28/2012 12:32:19 AM
Sorry, I don't really know this woman; however, she sounds like a manipulator. You deserve someone better than this!!!! When two people actually love each other, sex is one of the most important things that you want to share with the ONE person you love. You want to make the other person happy. It's not this one-sided type of thing that you have going on with this lady. You are stepping up to the plate and providing for her, but she's leaving you hanging. If you want to keep her as a room mate, draw up a contract and charge her an acceptable amount of rent. Try to think of it this way: you can love from a distance many people - your mother, father, sisters, brothers, friends, pets, and neighbors. It's okay for you to have feelings of love for this person. However, you need to emotionally detach from this lady enough so that you can find the ONE person that was meant to be. Someone who loves you back. Sorry, it appears as though she isn't the one.

Oh and yes, please start thinking in terms of how you can approach her and talk about the matter at hand. Good communication skills and a level of boldness will be helpful for any relationship that you choose to enter in the future.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 31
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/28/2012 6:35:15 PM
People who take care of their own problems don't lose their living arrangements. They lose their jobs maybe, but losing an arrangement implies that they were freeloading or living with a lover. She sounds unemployed to boot, which is a no go in my opinion. You have a leech living with you it sounds like.
 BluejeanGirl3
Joined: 8/30/2010
Msg: 32
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History
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/28/2012 8:01:34 PM
I would say u are being used for a place to stay....I get that u dont want to be mean to her so just have a chat with her and tell her what type of relationship u r looking for . Its no fun to feel undesireable. Then ask her to leave . Simple
 wanted555
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 33
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History
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/28/2012 9:43:39 PM
i agree with youall but it sounds like the man is a bit desperate to have a third lover in the relationship? so i think its gonna take him some time to really move on ! some people rather live with@@## than be alone i guess!
 knt3
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 34
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:46:17 PM
Looks like you asked for it and you got it. Your profile says that you're looking for a lover with no strings attached and I think you found half of what you were looking for. She's not currently your lover but the no strings attached thing is working just fine for her if you'd only keep your mouth shut and let her stay. Pissed yet?....I should think so and hope so. She's using you. I don't know why her previous living arrangement fell through and don't want to know. You offered her a place to stay probably without any real conversation about expectations at all. All she had to do was tell you she loved you as you state so, my question is...if I tell you I love you and give you my address will you cut me a check and overnight it to me? See what I mean. You believed her crap and you're easy to manipulate. Yeah I went through menapause too but that never gave me a license to walk all over people and use them for my gain and at my convienence. So, you've found yourself in a pickle and put up with it for a year and you're the one that's not a happy camper while she's happy as a pig in shit because she's facebooking and crap while your horney and it's killing you. Question is, what are you going to do about it. I think you might need to kick her nasty butt out and start living again otherwise you seem to be a guest in your own home with very little power or say as to what you want or need. This is no longer a relationship, it's just a very convienent arrangement for her. Now are ya pissed? Good! Now get up off your azz and take your life back.
 sunshinebridge2U
Joined: 4/13/2012
Msg: 35
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:54:46 PM
Oh, I missed that part of the NSA relationship. OP - You're probably just courting bad karma.
 tonyxoxo2012
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 36
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/29/2012 4:58:22 PM
:shock: ,,, /facepalm
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 37
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/2/2017 2:56:09 PM
This is one sad story. I couldn't date someone for that long and not get some poon...
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 38
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History
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/2/2017 8:22:36 PM
1.) Change router password. If she can't louse about web-surfing, she will at least be gone 12 hours a day to the nearest free WiFi.
2.) Shut Off the money flow. Let the fridge go bare other than milk and juice. Let the cupboards dwindle down to Bisquick and beans. Eat out every meal. Put snacks in a cooler in your car, or in your locked office. Starve her out.
3.) Have a lawyer draft an eviction letter. The fear generated from a law firm may get her moving quickly.
4.) Do Not Change the locks or cut off heat or A/C. Security cams would be a good idea in case she decides to do damage or steal things on the way out.
5.) Make sure the gun locker is LOCKED
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 39
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History
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/3/2017 9:33:10 AM
^^^ One can only hope that this is no longer an issue. I mean it was five years ago.
 Jackcrusto
Joined: 2/27/2017
Msg: 40
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/3/2017 10:31:43 AM

^^^ One can only hope that this is no longer an issue. I mean it was five years ago.


A lot of desperate people out there right now so it is good information to have. People are tempted to feel sorry for each other and attempt to help and get taken advantage of in the process. I'd add cameras to the inside as well as the outside. So she can't say you beat her and get a protection order on your own residence and then move her real love interest in your place for 3 months. If there is no food she will have to leave sooner or later to go get some just change the locks when she does and call it a day.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 41
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/3/2017 5:03:56 PM
"If you're gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run"

Kenny Rogers smart man.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 42
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/7/2017 5:26:23 PM
Poor op was being used by a gold digger....she was a faker and manipulator...hope he kicked her out


Just trying to understand what's happening. I met her on POF. She lived in Sedona (about 55 mi. from where I live) it was magical and delightful, we really seemed to dig each other a lot. Then she lost her living arrangement there, with nowhere else to go. It was way too soon, but I offered her to move in with me, After all, she said she loved me, and I felt the same way for her. So about a week after she got settled in, I tried to reignite the spark we had in Sedona. It was terrible, like she was doing me a favor and didn't enjoy it at all. I felt completely rejected and it was months before we talked. I felt like I was set up and being used but didn't want to say anything hoping things would come together eventually. Finally we talked, she said it was menopause and that she lost her sexual desire completely, although she surely seemed to still like the pictures of shirtless hunks on facebook (her greatest obsession) plenty. I've tried talking with her about this no-romance problem a few times to no avail, she's just not interested in trying to work things out. She's deep into the facebook now, so it's really hard to talk! Monetarily I've given plenty and received very little in the way of any kindness or affection. Is it wrong for me to look outside our "just friends" relationship to fulfill my needs as a man, when she's not even willing to try? I just can't seem to turn the desire switch off like her. I can't seem to stop loving her, and I promised I would never ask her to leave. Have mentioned maybe finding a surrogate lover, and she was ok with that. Or was she? All I know for sure is that I'm feeling rejected and unappreciated, while wanting to be desired and appreciated. This year long celibacy thing is killing me! So here I am on POF looking for my surrogate lover, which somehow seems wrong? Meanwhile she still has her old profile on here. This is really a confusing and frustrating situation. Any ideas out there?
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 43
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/7/2017 5:42:02 PM
jackcrusto-
"A lot of desperate people out there right now so it is good information to have."

Indeed.
Laws vary by state, but if someone has lived with you long enough (the general you) if they dig their heals in and refuse to leave, you can be forced to evict them.
For this reason, (and many others) it amazes me how quickly and easily some people let other people move in.
Desperation is never pretty, but there are situations where it apparently can cause all but terminal stupidity.
 Jackcrusto
Joined: 2/27/2017
Msg: 44
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/7/2017 7:19:56 PM

jackcrusto-
"A lot of desperate people out there right now so it is good information to have."

Indeed.
Laws vary by state, but if someone has lived with you long enough (the general you) if they dig their heals in and refuse to leave, you can be forced to evict them.
For this reason, (and many others) it amazes me how quickly and easily some people let other people move in.
Desperation is never pretty, but there are situations where it apparently can cause all but terminal stupidity.


Well here I think it is three days if it is a stranger then you have to evict. Things are different when it is a boyfriend, girlfriend like if you let them stay it can be like evicting a spouse and if you let someone drive your car even once they can grab your keys and go without saying sh!t to you. Cops are like well did you let them use the car before? If you don't lie and you say yes they won't do sh!t.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 45
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/7/2017 7:44:35 PM
jackcrusto- There are good police officers out there, but there are bad ones too.
There is a lot of truth to what you just stated.
It's one of the things that keep people from leaving abusers.
The system has a lot wrong with it.
There's nothing like calling the police and expecting help, only to have nothing happen.
What's bad is a lot of abusers know it and take full advantage of it.
If someone literally threatens to kill you and you go to the police, they'll ask you if they actually did anything and if the answer is no, the most you can do is ask them to write a report.
They actually have to hurt you before anything can be done, a lot of people wind up dead because of it.
 Jackcrusto
Joined: 2/27/2017
Msg: 46
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/7/2017 8:31:11 PM

There's nothing like calling the police and expecting help, only to have nothing happen.


That's true that is a tough deal to have happen and a bad feeling. Something like physical abuse all you'd have to do is say they hit you and even if you have no marks they will go to jail for 3 days because they have a 72 hour hold. A man it will cost 1k to bond a woman is $100. Too many women have died with domestic violence and they simply don't play. That's why I made the suggestion I made about cameras and then hide your keys to your vehicle and such so they can't just take your stuff when they please. Now if she hit you and no marks and she tells them you hit her for retaliation then you both go to jail if no one has any marks. If someone has some marks they may not allow any of that noise and just take the person without marks to jail. If you do go to jail make sure you take your keys with you or leave them with someone outside the home you trust. Basically if it were me I'd beat the sh!t out of myself while I was by myself and I knew that person that won't move was there. Then I'd call the law while I was by myself and tell them they beat me. When the police arrive then come out crying. Done and done your problem is gone.

I remember reading a story about a woman who was a court reporter or whatever that little typing person's job is in courtroom. Well she worked in family courts and learned some serious laws while there. She got fired and went to a club and went home with a fairly well off guy. They had sex like all weekend long and come monday he had to go to work and she still had not left. So he was like I'm heading out to work and I guess he told her lock up on your way out and at some point told her about what time he gets off usually and when he came home she had the police waiting for him. According to him she had marked herself up claiming he had done it and so they arrested him and put him on that 72 hour hold. Then they put a 90 day protection order on his own residence because she claimed she didn't have anywhere else to go.

I never heard how the story ended as she had an option to renew the protection order when the 90 days ended. I did hear her daughter moved into his apartment during the 72 hour hold along with both of their personal items. In a protection order he has to continue to pay the rent, the lights, the gas and any other bills associated with the apartment or he goes back to jail as he violated the protection order. So all she had to do was get food stamps and her and her daughter were set for 3 months and longer if she could get it renewed.


If someone literally threatens to kill you and you go to the police, they'll ask you if they actually did anything and if the answer is no, the most you can do is ask them to write a report.


Probably not unless you got a recording of it, but that is a lot of the complaints about the domestic violence laws as well it's guilt without evidence or due process. As in it is based off of what someone says or can be. If a woman is beat to sh!t even and says you did it that doesn't mean the person is guilty necessarily either. For all anyone knows she went to see a boyfriend and he beat her and she came home to you and blamed it on you. Yet that is better treatment than people accused of this crime can get because it can be based solely on what someone says with zero physical evidence. It's really some crazy sh!t and a lot of it has nothing to do with good or bad police just some really bad laws made with good intentions.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 47
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History
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/8/2017 7:21:54 PM
This is an old post from 2012.

I hope he's resolved it by now.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 48
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/8/2017 8:04:45 PM
Here's what you do tell her there's the door back your sh!t and get out cause I wont tolerate abuse of any kind, you had your little fun you want to try that with me find yourself a new place.
 sugarlandguy
Joined: 1/3/2013
Msg: 49
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History
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/12/2017 12:25:15 PM
I once let an ex-girlfriend move in when she hit hard times. You never really get to know someone until you live with them. We lived separate lives but that was only ok for her, she lost her rabbid-ass mind if I tried to live mine. Finally I moved her stuff into storage and changed the locks when she was gone. She never really had a clue as to what she was doing was wrong and even asked a few times to move back in. Sometimes people don't know how good they have it until it is over.
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 50
No Romance/Sex in relationship for almost a year
Posted: 6/27/2017 3:16:44 PM
It's got nothing to do with you pal. It's that most women can go without s3x for months. Even worse, if she's past age 40, she prolly can go without it for decades.
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