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Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 3
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NegativityPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Could be, but it's just as likely to be how they perceive others. Whether it's negative or not, they may well see these people as annoying, etc. Not everything is a reaction to high or low self-esteem, sometime things are just a person's viewpoint.
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 4
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Posted: 6/28/2012 10:39:44 PM
the way i see it, people who are so concerned with judging people they dont know feel like others are doing the same to them and are very concerned how other view them. not yet comfortable in your own skin/being yourself maybe?
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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Posted: 6/29/2012 3:53:21 AM
Self esteem? Sort of.

I've known a fair number of males and females, who I deduced were critical of others, primarily as a way to figure out where they were in the world, rather than having a desire to get others to change. Sort of an "I know I'm this, because I'm not that" approach to finding ones way around life. I wouldn't say that they had self esteem issues per se, they didn't appear to me to need to dislike other people in order to feel better about themselves. It was more like expressing the realization that they didn't want to involve themselves with those other peoples lives in any way.

I've also dealt with people who got off on being critical in general. They awarded themselves "points" for every negative thing they figured out that they could find about other people. I think it was sort of a cancerous version of an otherwise normal human technique of sorting, which most parents actually train children to do. We are encouraged to figure out what WE are doing wrong, by running constant comparisons between ourselves and others. The positive idea behind that, is to help us improve by learning from others successes and mistakes, but if it goes "cancerous" in a persons mind, they can take up a habit of using negative comparisons simply as a reason that they don't HAVE to do any work to improve themselves.

I would call this second behavior, more of another take on LAZINESS than a self esteem problem.

A lot of "critiquing as being a problem," is a matter of intensity and quantity. Like spices, a little can actually indicate a healthy mind, but a lot can indicate a problem personality. Therefore it's not an easy thing to use for "red flag" warning purposes. But it is something I have come to be cautious about.
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 10
Posted: 6/29/2012 4:08:02 AM
OP: It's best to try avoid the amateur psychologist and try to link things that may not even be linked. Some people enjoy gossip. This is all you'll receive from these ladies. So, why not intermingle with the ladies who come up with interesting ideas?
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
Posted: 6/29/2012 6:21:13 AM
Negative people have a way of sucking the marrow out of your own life. It's so amazing that in many of the self help books the first thing they tell you is to get these people out of your life. The problem many times is that they are so critical of everything and everyone that they drown in a glass of water, or rather than find a support system around themselves, where they help each other, they are constantly alone because all the criticism they have of those around them.

So be happy. Namaste.
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 16
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Posted: 6/29/2012 7:53:42 AM
iam a very nagative person i dont see why ppl are so happy all the time them ppl annoye me. it not because i hate my self our any thing iam just more relisctic i guess. exp like oh let go to a movie all say no ever time its a waste of money and time and how do you no if movie any good. i never do any think i work and go home that all i ever do thats the way i was rasied once ur a dult fun goes a way
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 17
Posted: 6/29/2012 8:00:24 AM
Drama Queen's!
Some people ARE insecure, jealous and tend to concentrate on other people's lives, yet avoid their own lives and it's complication's.
If they are talking about other's to you then you can rest assure they are talking about YOU to other's.
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 19
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Posted: 6/29/2012 10:05:15 AM
Some humans are inherently more optimistic or pessimistic than others. There have been multiple studies that have confirmed this.

The concept of a "positive" or "negative" personality is actually grounded to a significant degree in genetic disposition. Similarly, base levels of happiness appear to be influenced by genetic disposition.

There simply are people who are better wired to be happier or unhappier than others.

However, this does not mean that every Negative person is just pessimistic. Some negative people are simply wounded individuals seeking to psychologically compensate for their particular issues.

Whether you want to date someone like that is up to each person to decide.
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 20
Posted: 6/29/2012 10:19:31 AM
but judging others was a big part of what they talked about and it's always bothered me a little bit.
Would you say this is almost always tied to self esteem issues on their end?

Our frontal lobed human brains evolved a hard-wired locus with which to judge things/people quickly, make choices quickly of what to do in possibly life-threatening situations.
Those that hesitated were sometimes eaten by tigers or just killed by hostile strangers, and many times may have missed the chance to catch food for dinner.. So may have starved.

That hard-wired "Blink" judgment is usually present and functioning whether or not people acknowledge they have made instant evaluations of most others they meet.

For most Quakers and other spiritual-focused pacifists, and some of the more broadly educated and experienced civilized folk there exists the second-guessing rationalization next step after the default judgment happens.

That next step requires more mental energy and may often counter the initial negative view/appraisal with an internal thought something like: "That person may not appear to be nice but I will act as if all people are nice, and let each person's actual character come out over time".
That mindset can work most of the time in much of our current modern civilized society, (except when walking down a dark alleyway) ( or when handing over your millions to B.Madoff ).

For some people their recent negative experience with certain criminals or overly aggressive/unfriendly actions of others may have caused them to fear ALL strangers, or to mostly expect people to BE bad, with bad intentions.

When you live by fear, your perception of others intentions can clearly be warped into the negative, and your biased perception of their actions may cause you to think and say the absolute worst about people that you can think of, as a way to set yourself up as *better* than they are..
Little do most of those negatives-espousing overly judgmental people realize just how badly their attitude reflects back on them and self-fulfills their bad experiences with people...

VVV IF you ground a *positive* or a *negative* they will become a *neutral* charge. Good catch.
Wonder if that works in personalities, and if more education can be considered "grounding"..
Joined: 6/2/2012
Msg: 22
Posted: 6/29/2012 10:55:57 AM
whats with threads disappearing in this place?

there was a thread about failure of love and marriage and it seems to b gone now

not the only thread to disapear sudenly either

those threads were interesting and they were related to relationships

why r they gone?

this thread going to disapear to?
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 27
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:10:44 PM

Would you say this is almost always tied to self esteem issues on their end?

In the past, I had poor boundaries w/ some people, cuz I was raised to be "nice"...then when they crossed the line too much, I retreated & then harbored a least that is what I used to do...I think I've gotten better. But I still b1tch about some of the situations & have even posted on that low self-esteem? or just that I was a pushover & hung around w/ some people who were not good for me?

Now I am very selective, I do not want to go through life feeling resentments, grudges, etc. I do not want to have much to do w/ toxic people, but positive invigorating ones...
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 29
Posted: 6/29/2012 11:04:44 PM
It's absolutely tied to how they feel about themselves. think about it, their focus has to be on something. whether on themselves or others, it is a reflection of their inner state. you don't hear of confident, happy people judging others. judgement is perception of what they're seeing, from their own feelings, beliefs, and experiences. a lot of women struggle with insecurity, judgments of others is a way to quell that
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 33
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Posted: 6/30/2012 3:54:05 AM
I think it can just become a bad habit and if commented on they'll realize how negative they sound. I work with a lot of women and it's almost "catchy". It's how some women bond, trash someone else and now the others feel accepted. They must know as soon as they walk away they're the one being trashed.
I also think a negative outlook can just be part of someone's personality. My ex husband was so negative I told him one day that I was tempted to slit my throat after spending 15 minutes with him. Nothing was ever good, people/his life/etc. His brothers were also the same way.
Unfortunately my youngest son has inherited this attitude. I was the primary caregiver during his growing years yet he's exactly like his father. I feel bad for him, I'm sure no one wants to be this unhappy/negative all the time.
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 36
Posted: 6/30/2012 10:45:24 AM

Wow...look at all the positive people!!

Ugh. I know. You people are really getting on my nerves. I have to go find a H8R thread.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 37
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Posted: 6/30/2012 11:16:49 AM
Negaitve as in "90 of 100 people polled would deem her comments as negative" or negative in that YOU didn't agree with her position and let the "negative" label get glued on her ?

It may be that she was "negative" in tone but not a "negative" person overall

Did you:

Did you ask a few more Q's to clarify her attitude ?

Did you infuse a bit of humor yet she remained a grump dog ?

Change the supposed "negative" subject and she continued ranting and raving ?

Were her comments bluntly prejudicial to the point where an average person would perceive them as "negative" ?

I've witnessed "negative" behavior in children and adults of all ages as we all have. Much of it was just an "off" day for them or a temporary "pet peeve" situation or a slip of the tongue per se.

Also, with all the corruption in this world she may just be stating/venting facts that the rest of us refuse to acknowledge or deal with. A little realism is not "bad". Hmmm...

Although not the greatest "make friends" strategy, she may be seeing how you deal with conflict. Do you run for the hills at the first sign of "trouble" ?

Make an honest attempt to see beneath the surface. If "dry rot" (decaying soul) is revealed and/or you've spent too much time in this regard then cut them loose knowing that you didn't just judge the cover without reading a few chapters.
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 42
Posted: 2/18/2013 4:24:25 AM
They're negative mainly because of 3 possible reasons:

a) their parents were very negative and/or critical of others and this is what they've been taught by osmosis
b) they've been burned in relationships by negative thinking men that they've picked up on the habit
c) the advertising industry by the nature of ads pushing the perfect female body has perhaps influenced her behaviors

They can grow out of it but it takes a very understanding person to help them. They need to disconnect themselves from the negative influences in their lives in some way.

There are therapists that can help people change mindsets to think positive thoughts.
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 43
Posted: 2/18/2013 4:31:21 AM

I have dated more than one woman who had a lot of negative/critical things to say about other people.

She will do the same to you.
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 44
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Posted: 2/18/2013 6:32:02 AM
It is funny, to some extent society tells us we are not suposed to like our selves or we are too ''full of our selves'' or not humble. So i think people focus on the wrong things. They look down at other people to make themselves feel good or better then other people instead of realizing their own strenghs, talents and developing skills they can be proud of.
Plus people talk about other people because people are interesting.
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 45
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Posted: 2/18/2013 8:32:11 AM

Ugh. I know. You people are really getting on my nerves.

Don't be so negative..wink wink..LOL
On topic, I can't stand negative people.
Than again, if I am positive, doesn't that means we something?? Hahaha
Battery joke!
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 48
Posted: 2/18/2013 7:58:50 PM

I like to sing the Barny song to myself while they talk.

This is how I picture the positivity people - with their fingers in their ears singing lalalalalalalalalalalalala. The negative folks at least want to share their opinion and hear the opinions of others, but lalalalalalalala go the positive folk. Positivity - the new passive-aggressive?
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