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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship      Home login  
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 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 51
Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationshipPage 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

ed bear
When will we hear the last of this "give it away" crap?


Never, as long as they look at it as a commodity they can trade for something else. GPS
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 52
Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:26:48 AM
^^^^^When SOME OF THEM look at it as a commodity. Every time I read the words from some woman about "giving it away" or any of that other crap, it makes me shudder. What I am suppose to wait until it is paid for like some whore? I am not giving anything away, I am sharing a wonderful mutual act with someone that I may or may not have a future with and better to find out if we are compatible fairly early on in the relationship.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 53
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:39:14 AM
You dont have to have sex to tell if you would be compatible, in fact sex to soon after your heart goes zing could be disappointing the first time, then what?

Most usually give up.

Courtship is like foreplay if done right.Esp mentally.
The showing of being desired by someone and respected. Humor................all plays into chemistry.

I have desired men i have dated then they show no signs of being somewhat sexually "aggressive?" for a lack of a better word or interesting..I lose that zing I felt in the beginning.

There are those that can look in your eyes and you know or at least have a good idea you would at least have PASSION.
 mandabear12
Joined: 5/17/2012
Msg: 54
Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:20:38 PM
I believe that if you decide to be in a relationship with someone then that means you have a real connection with that person. Therefore sex afterwards will be fun no matter what skills both ppl bring to the table. I myself do not ever have sex with someone I am not in a committed relationship with. I'm not a fan of fooling around. And if the sex turns out to not be that great with your partner then it can be fun practicing;) o many guys insist on sleeping with me before even getting to know me...I think they are just trying to get some without having the relationship. To each their own. Luckily, I have yet to meet a woman so shallow=)
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 55
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 1:19:51 PM
Ah, Ms.'tunias,

Isn't that what courtship ought to be? Drawn out foreplay?
When I had naught but the makings of a man if it was female (of the human persuasion) and moved I wanted to mount. Fortunately, that desire was tempered with a larger dose of restraint and character.
Perhaps it is like growing your own tomatoes or peaches vs. buying the dreck sold in stores. With the latter you do have the form and function, but lack the character and flavor; with the former, you have all the goodness that time and maturity provide - that juicy pleasure that only patience can serve up.
When we rush into a physically intimate relationship too soon we miss out on the joy that patience can provide. And as Ms. 'tunia tells, compatibility outside the bedroom is what makes for long term compatibility within the bedroom.
Maybe that's what make adults more enjoyable: we don't have to be so overt in our displays and intentions to cypher out the rest. Perhaps it does take a bit of living to get good at loving.

TK
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 56
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/10/2012 4:14:48 AM

Ah, Ms.'tunias,


Say that really slow close to my ear a few times.

Knees like butta I tell you!!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 57
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:39:20 AM
Another aspect of this to recognize, is that if a relationship does last for more than a few dates, the sex is likely to evolve.

Who you were with before, and what seemed to work, and what you wanted and didn't find, can require quite a bit of experimentation and exploration with a new person, in order to discover what is and isn't a real part of even your own sexuality. I know of myself, for example, that there are a number of aspects to my desires and emotions that would likely require a large number of experiences in order to visit them all, and discover how many are just fantasies left over from my past, and how many are things I really want as a regular part of my life.

Because of that, sex is another part of a relationship which can take a long time to discover compatibility about, especially because it can change, and change quite a bit over a short period of time. I remember when I was very young, that I tried a different approach (for lots of reasons) with each woman I was fortunate enough to be found desirable to. That meant that each one of them got an entirely different first impression of me sexually. None of the ones who gave up on me after the first go, ever learned about the rest of my facets, nor did I ever find out what they were about.

So again, sex early tells you as little as any other first impression, and can mislead you just as much.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 58
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:07:26 AM

Therefore sex afterwards will be fun no matter what skills both ppl bring to the table.


If you're desperate or have no taste, maybe.

There's no way to tell if someone will be bad or good at sex without having sex with them. At most you'll get an "idea" that you can make a general guess from. But there have been quite a few women that you would think would be really good in bed, that would have no chance of making me orgasm, and then the exact opposite.

For instance some women have giant cavernous depths, others are far too tight, even when aroused. Some men are too small, others are too big. Their tongue/mouth shape dexterity might not be great, even if they try their best. They may orgasm too slowly or too quickly. Your bodies just might not fit together well, limiting the angles/positions you can do. Etc. etc. etc. etc.

As someone said, it's like not test driving a car before you buy it - it just makes no sense at all, and isn't practical in the slightest. If you aren't sexually compatible with someone, you can just be friends with them and have just as fulfilling of a relationship, but it's better to figure that out as soon as possible.
 drewcornwall
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 59
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:50:18 AM
"Just wondering...should you find out if a potential date/relationship is sexually compatible BEFORE going through the courting process. In other words, hop in the sac and see if you ya'll click in bed and figure out the rest afterwards?"



My Dear old mum said to me once " test your good before you buy"

My last girlfriend lasted 9 years

:)
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 60
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 11:42:56 AM

My Dear old mum said to me once " test your good before you buy"


Does anyone else find this line of reasoning as insulting and obnoxious as I do. It's just another way of saying "kick the tires before buying."

It is offensive. Ya' know, when I buy a truck, have never bought a car, I do "kick the tires." It's because that truck does one thing for me - haul my fat a$$ around with what ever cr ap I need to put in the back or in the trailer. I also know that as soon as I take that rig off the lot it ain't gonna get any better. It is also gonna start going down in value. When I buy any other piece of merchandise I will also test that article for suitability of purpose.

But, when/if ever I get into a relationship with a woman our relationship is not based upon just one thing. If it was, then yes, I would "kick the tires" to make sure that one thing was up to snuff; likewise, as said woman and I get to know each other better we will theoretically find out more and more about each other that will either add to or take away from the basis for our initial attraction. I have yet to meet a woman intimately (not necessarily physically intimately) that didn't also have something amazing hidden that was only discoverable after a long time together.

I also still hew to my opinion that what you learn about a woman (or a man) with your clothes on tells you enough to know about the person with their clothes off. Are there going to be outliers? Of course, but in any relationship there are going to be outliers regarding facets of the other person's personality, character, history, and [something].

As much as I like, hmm, need, physical intimacy and place it near the heights of my personal hierarchy of needs, I know, for me, it is the other aspects of a woman that will make or break the sexual relationship, not necessarily the other way around.

Now in defense of that proposition, from personal experience I know that frank discussions of sexual proclivities, preferences, and expectations will be necessary at some time during the initial stages of getting to know one another. The refusal to enter into or honestly share would be a cautionary note for me.

TK
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 61
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 1:09:50 PM
Exactly^^^

a man can tell me for 6 weeks that he loves to perform oral sex....and then we get in the bedroom and he's clueless and refuses to listen to my wants and needs and continues to use his bad technique.
I've just wasted 6 weeks and possibly breaking his and my heart because I WILL end the relationship.

Sure, sex gets better and better as you learn each others triggers......and I won't say that it's a "one and done" trial.....but if after a couple times there isn't a spark being ignited for me.......I move on.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 62
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 6:27:57 PM
MsMicki, Purrrrrfectmeow;

I think it would be a fair statement that you are both far more experienced in this arena than I am, even will be, or, truthfully, want to be. And the same could be said for most of the other men and women on this site. I do not deny the importance of physical intimacy and sexual compatibility be it frequency, style, proclivities, or even kinks and fetishes. My perspective, being a more traditional type of guy, is to not rush into introducing physical intimacy into a relationship. The emotional, physical, and even spiritual entanglements that result easily obscure elements that are necessary for an enduring relationship. Yes, I know, maybe all you really want is a roll in the hay, but for most folk long term compatibility centers around issues like finances, religion, etc., and sex. Of the reasons given for divorce finances ranks higher than sex.

As to the specific issue you sited, MsMicki, it is my contention that introducing physical intimacy later in to a relationship allows for sussing out the character of the man with whom you desire to get intimate. We are no spring chickens. As stringy and gamy as we may be now a days we also have developed a fairly good barometer of a persons character. A BS meter if you will. I confess that my ability to suss out that nature was quite immature way back then and I ignored signs that I would either take at face value or would investigate further. But while the issue of physical intimacy was an issue in our marriage it wasn't the only one. If the other conflicts had not been present or had been able to be worked out the issues of physical intimacy would have been minimized and, I believe, healed.

But this forum is not about me convincing you of the rightness of my position it is about getting my opinion posted for public consumption. I am no fool holding a belief that my way of thinking or approaching the world is held by more than a small fraction of the users of this site or of those whom I interact. I applaud you, both, for knowing what floats your boat and only wish I had that same knowledge several decades ago.

TK
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 63
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:39:03 PM

Yes, I know, maybe all you really want is a roll in the hay, but for most folk long term compatibility centers around issues like finances, religion, etc., and sex.

excuse me, but I am in a committed relationship.....and I am quite aware of all that makes a relationship work......
and sex is definately a major issue.....but the funny thing is.......it is only an "issue" if it's bad sex!!
I wouldn't enter into a committed relationship without knowing a man's religion, financial stability, relationship with his family/kids, hobbies, dreams and future plans.......
Why would I enter a relationship without knowing his interests in the bedroom???


it is my contention that introducing physical intimacy later in to a relationship allows for sussing out the character of the man with whom you desire to get intimate

Ha! "character" has nothing to do with sexual abilities!!
Why do you think so many women fall for "bad boys"?? Because 9 times out of 10, they are damn fun in bed!!
Being nice, compassionate, giving, etc outside of the bedroom does not always equate to being the same in the bedroom.
In all my life, and the numerous discussions I have had with men about sex........I have never once have a man admit he was a "minute man" or that he wasn't very good at giving oral.........I had to find those things out the one and only way one can truly find out........by having sex with them.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 64
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 8:30:47 PM
MsMicki,

My apologies, that was a corporate "you." I toiled over whether to say that differently or with a modifier, forgot in my proofing. I know you are in a committed situation. Well, not personally, you've expressed that several times in other threads. I'm glad you are content there.
Your final line points out one of the central themes of my previous post: you have much more experience in there matters than I and our varied experiences are different.

Again, my apologies for inept language, to you and Ms. purrrrrrfectmeow,

TK
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 65
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/13/2012 4:09:24 AM
Sex before commitment can be "different" , just like a personality. People may do things to please the other they don't really enjoy just to get someone interested/commited and starry eyed.

Guess yall never worked with people or knew people that complained.."Before we moved in together /got engaged/hitched they used to **** and ** me like crazy".

"Now I get a Sat night **/**** on occasion ect and it's considered a GIFT when he or she does this or that".
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 66
Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/13/2012 3:03:17 PM

personally would rather wait for atleast a very serious relationship (as in talking of marriage) but most women these days just want to give it up so I have no choice really.


Giving what up? Over and over it is not a commodity, not something that I give to anybody, not holding onto it for a ring etc. It is sex for gawd sakes something pleasurable and intimate to be enjoyed and shared by two ppl who enjoy each others company. Not the holy grail, not my key to your riches etc.
 gonegonegonegone
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 67
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/13/2012 4:06:15 PM
I have found the first time you have sex with someone it is never all that it could be. Good sex is trust driven and building trust requires time. Respect is another issue. I have to feel 100% trusting of a partner and feel he respects me. Then I am able to be myself . I agree communication is key. If you are not adult enough to speak openly about your wants and needs you are not adult enough to engage in sex, or you dont trust the person you are with enough to share that part of yourself. So why would you share your body?
In short, wait, talk frankly. There are signs, how do you respond to his kiss, his touch, his smell? Women are feeling creatures, how do you feel when you are with him? On pins and needles or safe and secure? If you respond well and after having spoken truthfully, the sex will be awesome and only get better.
 NYCmasterplumber
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 68
Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/13/2012 5:27:55 PM
Having jumped into the sac with with over 87 women when I was a teenager (17 - 21 USN) in less then 3 years I found a very compatable lady and I have been with her over 46 years.

I had so many to compare and it was not just sex even though it plays over a 98% role in a decent marriage .

All but 3 of the 87+ women were married.

Goes to show you a first date would have saved many of these gals wasting all those years waiting for Viagra to come on the scene saving all these women from a possibly "dead end" humorless husband.

Also look at Hellery Clinton when she yawns a light goes off in Ms Fridgid mouth and Mr Bama should be in jail as it is against the law in most civilized countries to be sleeping with a chimp or Gorilla look a like .

Mrs Savage Bama made me ashamed to be an American for the first time in my life as no one wants a president who sleeps with another species and calls it politically correct. Talk about strange bed fellows. some people should not be allowed to breed look at Nancy Pelosi possibly a walking incest product that should be drug tested IMHO
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 69
Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:57:50 PM

ChocoMamicita123
that doesnt really make sense then there would be no courting if he already banged you whats left for him to go after :/


Well what you say only makes sense, if the only thing you have to offer is your twat. Even if I've, as you put it, banged her, she still has her mind, heart, and soul to go after. But since you think the only thing you have to offer is your VJay, then I guess it would make sense to you.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 70
Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/13/2012 7:09:41 PM
hahah.. like i don't get this discussion hahah.. like women love ****in.. just like guys do.. why not get it out of the way.. and find out what the person is really about?? you'll see it right after that.

someone mentioned courting.. which is hilarious.. for this reason.. what are we courting you for??? PU.SSY. and what are you giving in the process??
nothing.

we come to you with all the bait, all the skills.. and we make you drop your panties and ****.
your job at the end of the day, is to make sure that you keep is wanting more and more from you, and only you.

a woman is really courting a man in order for him to stay with her.

and if guys were really on the same team, and figured it out, women would be in deep doo doo. because your holding your twat hostage, with concepts like relationship, friendship, and twat really isn't that special enough to place prerequisites before getting it.
to do that, builds resentment in a mans heart and mind, especially since after he does it, his mind goes back to normal, and then he realizes it isn't that important, and wasn't really that worth it.
up to the point we have sex with you, it's all a part of the plan, and once the mission is accomplished, we can be human again. human meaning, we aren't thinking or devising ways to get it, because we got it already. it's a conquering.. and your job ladies is to make a guy feel that, his conquering days are over, because your the best thing to have.

your job is to keep.

so when it comes to sexual compatibility.. you can find that out right away..

don't hold the twat hostage.. lets ****, and find out.. that way no need to have any time wasted. we traded.. your **** for my****.

fair exchange.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 71
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/13/2012 9:57:56 PM
oneladyforgreattimes opined:
If the sex is great then it makes everything much better.


hmm, I wonder what would happen if we turned that around: when the relationship is great that makes the sex much better.

TK
[oh well, another fishee putting the cart before the horse again I see.]
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 72
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/14/2012 8:51:45 AM
once again TK........you assume caring about someone somehow makes them a good lover.

If only that were true!!!

sure, with a connection of the hearts.......it can make the sex seem that much better because of the feelings involved.
But if someone is a lousy lay........loving them or them loving you makes no difference in their abilities.

Please explain to me how having a great relationship makes a bad lover a good one.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 73
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/14/2012 10:51:38 PM
MsMicki, Purrrfectmeow,

Ladies, you two are ganging up on me again.

I suppose it comes down to how we look at sex/physical intimacy. I have no expectations of partnering with the female equivalent of a legendary lover, a Don Juan. I certainly am not. But what I can bring to a relationship, and what I want brought to a relationship, is an understanding, a compassion, a desire, to please me, please us, just as I would do the same.

I am not going to judge the woman's physical prowess, although her ability to do more than just lie there or be more than mechanical is a pretty much a necessity. It will be her ability to bring her sensuality to our physical love making that will slake my thirst. I seek not perfection, nor do I seek depth of experience.

It is those qualities that I would first explore outside of the bedroom. I could be wrong but I think, for me, what I've learned over the past 30-35 years is that personality traits that are exhibited outside the bedroom carryover into the bedroom. The nature of a person doesn't just shift depending upon which room they are in. What can change, due to the intimate nature and uniqueness of the experience is that physical intimacy can be enhanced or not depending on the substance of the relationship. Frankly, for me, I would prefer to really get to know a woman before I get "to know" her. It's me. I'm old fashioned. I have prehistoric beliefs.
I also set apart physical intimacy from all other aspects of the relationship. I know many in these threads view sex as no different that eating, sleeping, and [ ]. To me it is nearly sacred. No other activity that man and woman can do together exhibits the same ability to bind one to the other. Physical intimacy effects chemical, psychological, and emotional ties like nothing else. It is too powerful to minimize it's importance.

I've said it before, the weight you two and others put on the sexual abilities of your partner from the git go is beyond my ken. It just doesn't square.

But, I've also said, in your world, if it works for you, blessings.

TK
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 74
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:22:39 AM

I am not going to judge the woman's physical prowess, although her ability to do more than just lie there or be more than mechanical is a pretty much a necessity. It will be her ability to bring her sensuality to our physical love making that will slake my thirst. I seek not perfection, nor do I seek depth of experience.


How does that fix if her vag is too big, or the guy's penis is too small? How about where you just don't match up physically to do the positions that give you the most friction and pleasure? What if you typically take a long time to orgasm and she does quickly, or vice versa? Getting off in other ways is a stopgap, but still becomes frustrating over time. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Some people just don't work out, no matter how hard they try. All the love and care in the world doesn't fix that. Unless you're one of the (many) guys that are so happy that you're able to have sex with a woman that you'll 'get yours,' no matter what, in which case, yes, it won't make that much of a difference.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 75
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Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:28:36 AM
Good sex makes a relationship better. A good relationship makes sex better. Doesn't seem that surprising, eh?
Good stuff makes good stuff better. The thing to note is that bad sex, or a bad relationship, will spread to corrupt other parts of life too.

All of which says nothing about having sex sooner, or later.
ED BEAR

After all, after 50, what's left EXCEPT sex? No, just kidding - that's a troll. o:)
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