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 AUTHOR
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 29
One Line Replies (from Men)Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I don’t agree. If you send a lengthy message to someone who you genuinely think you are suited to, I believe you have a reasonably high chance of getting a positive response. The problem is, I suspect a lot of men are sending messages to people who are COMPLETELY UNSUITED to them, which means that even if they write a lengthy response, it’s not going to be meaningful, because you don’t have anything in common. If you can’t refer to things you have in common, of course it’s going to be difficult to write a quality response. On the other hand, if you are well matched, writing a couple of paragraphs should not take more than 15 minutes.


When I was on a different dating site, I only emailed women when I clearly matched all or most the requirements on their profile and we had some common interests. Some of my emails were 2 sentences and others were longer. My positive reply was about the same in both cases. If a woman doesn't like my photos, she may not even read my email. However when I added new photos, my positive reply rate often went up.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 30
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 6/30/2012 11:23:47 AM

I very much agree that in theory you should acknowledge his effort, but if you are not interested (e.g. because the person is completely unmatched intellectually) how do you say that?


Being honest usually works pretty good.

Let me help you fix your problem. Pretend me and you are standing face to face, in person, and I just asked you out. Now I want you to turn me down. Remember, in person, ignoring me is probably the meanest possible way to do it, so you have to say something.
 not1ofthecrowd
Joined: 2/18/2012
Msg: 31
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 6/30/2012 11:35:50 AM

when I added new photos, my positive reply rate often went up.


As you pointed out there are obviously other factors/ potential red flags that influence whether you get a response. e.g. I would not respond to someone with no picture on their profile even if the initial email was fantastic and we were theoretically matched.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 34
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 6/30/2012 1:56:49 PM
While it's true that people don't extend conversations beyond the initial greetings, this shouldn't be cause for concern about your ability to inspire great communication. Some folks are under the impression that they don't have to exert the energy or work in keeping somebody with whom they're interested, leaving the responsibility in the hands of the other party. It may also indicate that a lack of interest, because to be frank, some people are seduced by the idea of choices they think they really have in this venue.

They could also be saying hello, as someone might greet you with a good morning at the grocery store, the library, or the coffee shop.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 35
view profile
History
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:56:41 AM
"I very much agree that in theory you should acknowledge his effort, but if you are not interested (e.g. because the person is completely unmatched intellectually) how do you say that? Isn’t saying something to the effect of ‘thanks for the thoughtful reply but I’m still rejecting you’ still very hurtful?"

It might be, but he'll just have to grow up and get over it. I've gotten a number of "Thanks for the email but I don't think we'd be a good match" responses (mostly from other dating sites -- women almost never send any responses at all on POF) and I just shrugged and moved on to the next one. Now don't confuse this stance with a bunch of guys' stance on this site that EVERY woman they email owes them a response, positive or negative. I don't agree with that at all.

But if you're requesting that men make a substantial effort and put a lot of work into their emails to you, and one of them does what you asked while 99% of the others don't, then that's a very different set of circumstances. Completely different, in fact, from you NOT requesting thoughtful, intelligent, lengthy emails and a guy sending you one -- that guy deserves nothing from you, in my opinion. He just gambled and lost. And it's also different from the cases I've seen in which a woman puts in her profile, "You need to include this 'magic word' in your email to prove you read my profile or I will ignore it" -- the guy who fulfills that request deserves nothing either, because that doesn't require any real effort in and of itself.

"I don’t agree. If you send a lengthy message to someone who you genuinely think you are suited to, I believe you have a reasonably high chance of getting a positive response. The problem is, I suspect a lot of men are sending messages to people who are COMPLETELY UNSUITED to them, which means that even if they write a lengthy response, it’s not going to be meaningful, because you don’t have anything in common. If you can’t refer to things you have in common, of course it’s going to be difficult to write a quality response. On the other hand, if you are well matched, writing a couple of paragraphs should not take more than 15 minutes."

If you ask me, you answered yourself in that response. Seriously, is there an epidemic of men sending lengthy emails to women they have nothing in common with? I mean, that wasn't the jist of your original post in this thread! I'm an award-winning writer, but I can't write 5 paragraphs to a woman I have nothing in common with. Well, arguably, I could take one sentence in her profile and go off on a 5 paragraph tangent. But why the hell would I do that and who the hell would do that? If I'm going to spend a significant amount of time writing a 5 paragraph email to a woman, I don't think there's much question that I'd have much of substance to say. But I wouldn't even do that with my supposed "soulmate" in a first contact email, because, apparently, it freaks out most NORMAL women. I suspect you're not "normal" but that's beside the point.

Anyway, again, the point in doing that with someone who might not find me physically attractive is... what? So I can possibly gain a new friend? It's a dating site and if the woman selected the "dating" or "long term relationship" option then I assume she's here for dating and not friends, just like me (unless she says otherwise in her profile). And the chances are EXTREMELY high that any woman on this site won't find me attractive, since I am in the bottom 1% of men for physical attraction traits, so there is really no point in putting a substantial amount of effort into an email until I find out if a woman is physically attracted to me. It is impossible for me to guess who is going to find me physically attractive, since the very few women who I know have found me attractive were extremely diverse and had little in common with each other (other than all of them having mental issues). Now understand, this is a very different situation with me vs. most men, who by definition aren't in the bottom 1%. So maybe your theories are better suited for the "typical" man than me.

And on that same note:

"I strongly believe that you are much more likely to be successful if you take the trouble to limit your initial emails to a few people (e.g. 2 people a week) who have a lot in common with you rather than sending 100s of copied and pasted one liners to everyone you are attracted to. That approach would be far less time consuming I would think."

First of all, I've never sent "100s of copied and pasted one liners" -- even when I hit the 40 first contact emails a day limit, every one of those emails is individually crafted and geared toward the profile and usually several sentences long. But "2 people a week" -- this would only work if you (the sender) are of at least average attractiveness. Which, admittedly, most guys are by definition. But if you're in the bottom 1% and it's impossible for you to guess who is going to find you attractive, then your only option (especially on a site like POF with no preference listings) is to send out as many emails as possible to every woman you find attractive, including your so-called "perfect matches" (which probably necessitates stronger emails). Because there's a 99% chance you are not going to hit a person that finds you attractive either way, and at 2 emails a week, you'd hit someone that finds you attractive maybe once a year. But if you're sending out 100 emails a week, you will hit one around once a week. Simple math.

" think it’s ironic that many of the men who are resistant to writing meaningful messages to a woman they are supposedly interested in, have no problem writing lengthy posts in the forums."

I suppose that depends on what your definition of "meaningful" is. But no doubt, forum dwelling is a vast waste of time, and I wish I could quit it (don't you?). On a side note, do you really think I'm finding very many women on this site that are superior intellectuals? Once in a blue moon I'll stumble across a college professor or brain surgeon -- those are about the only cases of me writing someone that's probably out of my league intellectually. It's highly unlikely very many women are not responding to my emails because they think I'm dumber than they are. And on that note...

"I would not respond to someone with no picture on their profile even if the initial email was fantastic and we were theoretically matched."

So, you are saying attraction matters more than great writing? Really, what are we arguing about here then?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 36
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/1/2012 8:25:03 AM
It's not only men, women do it too. When I get a three word email, I reply in kind.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 37
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/1/2012 10:09:30 AM
As you pointed out there are obviously other factors/ potential red flags that influence whether you get a response. e.g. I would not respond to someone with no picture on their profile even if the initial email was fantastic and we were theoretically matched.


This is one key reason why many men don't write long messages. As stated before, if a man doesn't have a photo or a woman doesn't like his photos, she won't be interested. No matter how long his email is.
 not1ofthecrowd
Joined: 2/18/2012
Msg: 38
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/1/2012 4:02:01 PM

Seriously, is there an epidemic of men sending lengthy emails to women they have nothing in common with? I mean, that wasn't the jist of your original post in this thread! I'm an award-winning writer, but I can't write 5 paragraphs to a woman I have nothing in common with.


No, but a few men are able to write one meaningless paragraph which seems to meet my 300+ character requirement.


So, you are saying attraction matters more than great writing? Really, what are we arguing about here then?

Definitely not saying that. I (and I imagine most women) don't respond to men with no picture because it's an obvious red flag (nothing to do with attractiveness). I actually once got a great message from a man with no picture who appeared to be extremely suited to me. He even gave me a link to what was supposed to be his 'real' identity with his picture (he was a university professor - the link was to his profile on the university website) and gave me his phone number. However, I told him that the absence of a picture on his pof profile was a deal breaker for me....I feel that it indicates that the person may be in a relationship with someone else and don't want to be seen on a dating site.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 39
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History
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:03:07 PM
"So, you are saying attraction matters more than great writing? Really, what are we arguing about here then?"
"Definitely not saying that."

So, you're telling me you would consider a date (ROMANTIC date) with a man you find physically unattractive just because he sent you a brilliant "meaningful" email?

Because if that's the case, then you are the rarest of the the rare things on here, male or female (I've seen many women in the forums say they wouldn't consider dating a guy they find unattractive, no matter what he initially writes). More power to you. I dated women that visually repulsed me out of what seemed like neccessity when I was younger, and it was a bad idea in every possible way. I never want to do it again (but as I move into year 6 of datelessness, the itch is starting to get a little strong -- but with all my most recent dates [hwever long ago they were] being with women I actually found attractive, it's difficult to deny how much better that felt and how much better it was for my dates as well, so I try to keep that in the forefront rather than in the back of my mind and attempt to keep going forwards rather than backwards).

Unfortunately, most of us guys have to deal with the 99.9999% of women for whom physical attraction is important, and finding one of those who finds us attractive and that we also find attractive is a serious numbers/guessing game, and writing Nobel Prize-winning prose in every first contact simply isn't efficient. Sending one or two lengthy, meaningful, high quality first contact emails a week for you probably will work out -- though it's certainly more because you're a woman than anything else, and you have profound advantages on this site as a first contact initiator. So if you're sick of getting crappy first contact emails, I suggest you hide your profile and initiate all first contacts yourself. That strategy just simply does not work out for most men, especially the most unattractive ones.

(Admittedly, from looking at your profile, I don't know why most men with half-a-brain would have difficulty composing a strong first message to you because you give them a lot of good stuff to work with -- but that's one of the problems with POF: most men on here have half-a-brain. There are much better sites than this one for those looking for intellectual dialogue. I just can't afford to be on them all the time.)
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 40
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:08:36 PM
I got an initial message from a woman last night that said "hello".

I replied "good evening".

I didn't get (or expect) a return message.

My recommendation to women is to "be what you expect".

Evidently, this woman expected me to unload an eclectic semi-paragraph, complete with a question at the end to prompt a response. One must wonder why she didn't put at least a COMPARABLE amount of effort into the initial message. My initial messages are ALWAYS complete thoughts in complete sentences with an introduction and an 'interest getter'.

I don't ask for much, but I do expect 10 cents on the dollar.
 free4all59
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 41
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/1/2012 8:28:30 PM
my messages are usually a paragraph, and usually pertains to something they wrote in their profile, just to show that I actually took the time to read it and not just gawk at the pictures, only to have it ignored, yeah pretty frustrating(annoying)
 SELSEL2017
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 42
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/2/2012 10:18:59 AM
Think nothing of it...on here I get bombarded with emails too...I might be interested in a lot of guys...but I can only hold down one conversation at a time....so I talk to who I am really intereseted in...and the others not on purpose...i sometimes dont have time to get back to them...so I stick with the one I like...see what happens if it doesn't work out ill go to the next one...thats alll you can do...so maybe they are talking with other woman ...its nothing personal too you...maybe once they date and see they are not that interested in her they will talk to you the next time....it's not like you were dating for awhile or talking for a long time and then he did that...then i would be thinking a whole other situation...I personally give the respect of one a t a time...I'm hoping to find "The One"The bottom line is...if someone is reallly interested in you...he will pursue you all the way...you wont have to do anything but respond..
 barky bark
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 44
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/3/2012 9:28:31 AM
I've sent out hundreds of well thought out emails and got no response. I don't have the time for it now.
 ooochris
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 48
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:07:20 AM
Well how would you reply to an email that told you that I was kind and nurturing and educated.. Would that then tickle your fancy?
Well I"m a nurse, a Registered Nurse so yes I've done a degree and I work in an Emergency Dept. Does this make me more desirable?...
I don't think so it just means I have a brain and I have worked out how to use it... but it doesn't define who I really am. Everyone has something to share just let them shine for a minute...
 ooochris
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 49
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:10:47 AM
happy to know u have so many women waiting for u to 'move on to' but I agree that there are many boring people out there... We are all on this site for one reason or the other...
It's either to 'find someone we're compatible with' or 'for sex' lets all be honest here and really say up front what we really want....
I believe it should be just that easy... Chris
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 50
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:34:06 AM
so I meet this guy through another friend. We go to his house (he is average looking) and there he is on his BIG screen looking at POF. I asked him if he had any luck and he pulled up his mail history...there were too many to count and he had just started for the night.

One liners is all he throws out til he hooks the ones he wants and reels them in.

That is about it...it's a fish pond...the more they get the better they feel about their catch that day.
 Choporis
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 51
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:25:27 PM
This site is called Plenty of FISH for some reasons, haha
People throw out their "baits" and wait. The "bait" doesn't have to be fancy, you just have to hit the right spot at the right time to catch a fish. :]

I have received those short initial messages before, mostly are just, "Hi", "Hey", "What's up"
I always just delete them if I am not interested, though I would reply if I like their profiles; HOWEVER, if someone really spent time on typing a message, I would always reply and chat.
I much rather have quality over quantity.
 friendshipcomesfirst
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 52
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:32:57 PM
Men have to send hundreds of messages to get a response that is positive from just one or two women. it's not realistic to think they should be writing a book to each one. I'd rather get the "Hi" to see if I'm interested than get a copy and paste rambling letter that they wrote two years ago... If I respond to the "hi" it's because something about their profile caught my attention, and I do send a message several sentences long, though I don't count the characters...

if the response to that is not even a full sentence I block them and move on. If I return their interest and they still can't be bothered to find out what is written in my profile then I'm not going to waste time on them either.
 Phil_an_derer
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 53
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/13/2012 1:28:13 PM
^^^^^^^Some men have to.....
I know women don't read profiles cause my inbox is full......gives me something to "read" while I'm reading my morning paper and sipping on my large double double....

its funny getting those one liners;
Hi how are you
I'm fine,then silence....its like at that very moment they were swooped up by aliens...
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 54
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/13/2012 1:29:55 PM

Hi, I am very new to this site, and although I have felt very flattered and surprised by the amount of replies I have had from my initial profile, why oh why are so many just one line or even two words?



Yer pretti, Chessie


That's Right.






 ultra10match
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 56
view profile
History
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/19/2012 10:40:14 AM
I get a lot of one liners from women too so its not just form men.

They are usually GTFO, GFY, EWWW, Beat it, etc.

But they are "one liners".
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 57
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:00:50 AM
It is just men. I got an email from a woman that said "Hi" and that was it. I deleted it right away without even checking her profile.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 59
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/19/2012 4:20:13 PM
Not really a gender specific occurrence if I get the same. I assume they're preoccupied chatting with others if I have to pry a conversation out of them. I send a message "Feel free to email if you'd like to pick up on our conversation again since you seem so busy now". I end with "Look forward to hearing from you". Cuts off the one line communication now but doesn't close the door completely. Most of the replies I get are simply "OK" too...lol...
 pfif
Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 61
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/19/2012 5:18:18 PM
I generally only write to women who gave an essay with a
conversational tone. If I'm inspired, I'll write at length, up
to about 5-7 lines that are as long as mine are in this post.

The process is about the same as in the forum; I see something
I have a response to -- so I respond.

I'll be the first to admit, it's often not enough -- too short; a
single thought. Sometimes, a question.

I do treat them as though they'd invited a response. I don't
think that's necessarily the case. I think, to them, it's a big
mystery, and that they're not really here to respond. Instead,
they're here to suddenly change venue or context.

That is to say, they don't care what I wrote, since it is not in
their agenda to begin with (which I cannot know, since they
did not state it -- or -- and maybe more likely -- I bypassed
their stated agenda, or tried to, and responded to peripheral
matters in their profile
).
 CheekyCapricorn
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 63
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:22:15 PM
I received a message today asking me what i did for work, so gave a brief description asked the same q back. i got "I work in the city" told him that doesn't tell me much he replied "I'm with a big sales company", guess he didn't like my reply much since i haven't heard from him since, but hey don't ask question's of me you're not willing to answer yourself. but since they messages me first, i thought why bother in the first place!
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