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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > "The Butterfly Effect"      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Blueline294
Joined: 3/28/2012
Msg: 39
The Butterfly EffectPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ah..the butterfly effect. An initial chemical reaction in the body that takes precedence over practically everything in your life at the moment. Almost everyone that passed puberty has had them. The problem are those that when this happens in a relationship (some.... not all) equate the subsiding of that feeling as a sign they haven't found "the one". Which in all likely hood isn't true. My last relationship she used this terminology specifically after 18 months and stated "I just don't feel the butterflies anymore and I know that when I find the right guy that feeling will be there for life" I responded by saying that there's not a human on the face of the earth that can keep you in a perpetual state of "butterflies" and at some point the reality of day to day life has to come back. You can't always be in a good mood, you aren't always going to be in perfect health, financial situations change and family situations change etc. The difference between those that "make a relationship" and those that drift from relationship to relationship looking for that elusive feeling is knowing this and realizing that it takes an effort on both parties to make a lasting relationship. I'm also inclined to believe that they have equated butterflies for love. Last I heard she was with the 3rd or 4th guy since me so I guess the search continues....
 Luv_Life_Now
Joined: 8/6/2013
Msg: 40
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/19/2013 8:28:30 AM

Ah the all elusive butterflies~
When I meet a man that gives them to me these days,
I RUN! It usually menas t-r-o-u-b-l-e in snug jeans with a nice package.


So true. My experience says those butterflies don't mean anything good. And really great takes time.
 Luv_Life_Now
Joined: 8/6/2013
Msg: 41
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/19/2013 8:33:50 AM

...there's not a human on the face of the earth that can keep you in a perpetual state of "butterflies"...


Blueline294 - Yes there is. The name for it is psychopath. And the butterflies state is achieved by Idealizing, Devaluing, then Discarding.

Great article at:
http://psychopathsandlove.com/stages-of-the-psychopathic-relationship/
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 42
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/19/2013 8:47:28 AM
I never equated the idea of swallowing living bugs that still move around in the body to instant love. The closest I got was the feeling of swallowing tapeworms.
 Blueline294
Joined: 3/28/2012
Msg: 43
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/19/2013 10:23:00 AM
The name for it is psychopath.
http://psychopathsandlove.com/stages-of-the-psychopathic-relationship/
^^^^
I read that and it's funny.....it almost described her to a T. :)

Or then again... would it be wrong to hope she finds what she's looking for :D
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 44
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/19/2013 2:53:30 PM
Butterfly feelings are neat, but they are a very poor indicator of a successful long term relationship. Affection and attraction grow with time, and relationships take work. Instant chemistry just doesn't last.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 45
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History
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/19/2013 6:08:24 PM
had that with only one man. The first time he kissed me. For ages after that every time I even just thought of that first kiss, I got the same exact feeling. he ended up being the love of my life. He was also a chronic liar and cheater. Incapable of fidelity. Lied to and cheated on all 3 of his wives. has lied to and cheated on the woman who will be #4.

I don't look for that "feeling" anymore. It's a just a chemical thing. I much prefer a relationship that has more substance.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 46
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/19/2013 6:20:41 PM

How long was it for everyone here between their own personal "butterfly effects" ...


Years.

I’ve only experienced real butterflies with two men; one I’d rather swallow broken glass than ever see again…the other still gives me residual butterflies when I think of him.

Most gastrointestinal feelings from men has been a temporary queasy nausea….
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 47
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/19/2013 6:23:20 PM
just be careful... sometimes those things can be intensely good; but sometimes you can miss something amazing altogether if you are trying for one specific reaction.

Some of my most intense butterflies came with a massively bad fit person. The chemistry was off the charts; but we'd never have clicked in a million years; and you can't live on chemistry alone.

So don't be so quick to try and have an exact feeling. One thing being open to it; it's another altogether to be slave to recreating something specific; when you have no way of knowing exactly when you are going to feel it; and how. Sometimes something amazing can totally sneak up on you and take you by surprise; and if you are closed to it because you are looking for a very specific something, you will fully miss out.

Don't box yourself in, ya know?
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 48
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/19/2013 7:05:19 PM
Raid usually takes care of the butterflies.


I am nearly 55 and have only had what I assume you mean as butterflies twice in my life, neither of which lasted very long. The woman I married never gave me butterflies, and that lasted 16.5 years (well 15.5 years before she turned evil).
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 49
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History
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/20/2013 5:33:07 AM

Blueline294 - Yes there is. The name for it is psychopath. And the butterflies state is achieved by Idealizing, Devaluing, then Discarding.

Great article at:
http://psychopathsandlove.com/stages-of-the-psychopathic-relationship/


Interesting site that would leave anyone wondering if they're falling in love running a mile on first read. Shame it's another one that gives the impression that all psychopaths are male too.

I've had butterflies too. Some from someone who was a psycho and left me in an abused state and ironically some from someone who must have wondered if I was after thinking I was too good to be true because I seemed so perfect for her. Both left me hurt and bewildered.
 floral2
Joined: 7/10/2013
Msg: 50
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/20/2013 7:38:34 AM

Butterfly feelings are neat, but they are a very poor indicator of a successful long term relationship. Affection and attraction grow with time, and relationships take work. Instant chemistry just doesn't last.


Exactly. I had relationships where the chemistry didn't start developing until the 2nd or 3rd date. I also had dates where there was "instant chemistry" on the first date. But the chemistry quickly fizzled out.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 51
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/20/2013 7:14:54 PM
LMAO, Had a BIG moth, fly down, inside the back of my scrub top. Gave me the heebie jeebies! Couldn't get my top off fast enough!

Exactly. I had relationships where the chemistry didn't start developing until the 2nd or 3rd date. I also had dates where there was "instant chemistry" on the first date. But the chemistry quickly fizzled out.
Isn't that the truth!
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 52
view profile
History
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/20/2013 7:19:47 PM
2 1/2 years MINIMUM. Sad but true.
 W_W_M
Joined: 7/20/2013
Msg: 53
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/21/2013 9:15:32 PM

Ah..the butterfly effect. An initial chemical reaction in the body that takes precedence over practically everything in your life at the moment. Almost everyone that passed puberty has had them. The problem are those that when this happens in a relationship (some.... not all) equate the subsiding of that feeling as a sign they haven't found "the one". Which in all likely hood isn't true. My last relationship she used this terminology specifically after 18 months and stated "I just don't feel the butterflies anymore and I know that when I find the right guy that feeling will be there for life" I responded by saying that there's not a human on the face of the earth that can keep you in a perpetual state of "butterflies" and at some point the reality of day to day life has to come back. You can't always be in a good mood, you aren't always going to be in perfect health, financial situations change and family situations change etc. The difference between those that "make a relationship" and those that drift from relationship to relationship looking for that elusive feeling is knowing this and realizing that it takes an effort on both parties to make a lasting relationship. I'm also inclined to believe that they have equated butterflies for love. Last I heard she was with the 3rd or 4th guy since me so I guess the search continues....


You sir, are very wise.

I find that the once the "butterflies" go away, it's make or break time. That's when you stop overlooking the negatives and really look at the other person and the relationship as they are. If they pass the test, you've found the one. If the negatives that were overlooked due to the "butterflies" are too much to fix or deal with? Time to move on mayhap.
 dmtibbs68
Joined: 9/5/2013
Msg: 54
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/22/2013 6:52:23 PM
A while I think..I went on here in April..had those same damn butterflies! lol..still not over him yet and I have been on alot of dates..Good luck to you..
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 55
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/23/2013 7:26:19 AM
Think I may have had that butterfly thing back in high school once . Back when I was young and didn't know any better .
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 56
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/23/2013 10:02:07 AM
hmm, that article on pyschos seems interesting, since the site also explains what the victims do to make themselves willing victims (ie, looking for what they can get from the psycho, rather than look for a healthy relationship which the psycho fails to do from the start).

As for the butterfly effect, I'm told the feeling comes from "fight or flight" chemicals being dumped into the stomach of all places, making it feel like butterflies flying inside. Perhaps that's why I haven't had it yet, I usually don't go into situations I can't handle so I haven't had that response :)
 pfif
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 57
view profile
History
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/23/2013 10:32:39 AM
I thought this thread was going to be about how when a butterfly
lands on a shrub in Kansas, it causes (eventually) a thunderstorm
in Tibet.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 58
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/23/2013 6:53:38 PM
I've had butterflies with every guy I dated seriously...I won't bother unless I get em. Granted, I use my head and if the guy is otherwise no good for me I won't bother, but getting them is how it always starts.
 elmuchoburrito
Joined: 8/27/2013
Msg: 59
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 9/29/2013 9:59:30 AM
thought I had it once -
turned out to be a bit of bad oysters - and revenge of borderline homebrew.
added those to the list of things never to try in combination again
this was before facebook - so luckily there are no fotos of it
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 60
The Butterfly Effect
Posted: 10/4/2013 4:50:46 PM
I usually don't feel any butterflies. When I am attracted to a guy, both hitting it off on a date, when it comes time for the kiss, I sometimes get some sort of electrical surge that either runs down my body or upward. It's weird.....but I like it!
Of course, it's not electrical but can't describe it any other way....but definitely not a butterfly.
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