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 AUTHOR
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 11
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Feel like I am trying to make the relationship work, but she is not willing to meet me half way.Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Find another girl. For whatever reason you two don't respect each others way.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 15
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Feel like I am trying to make the relationship work, but she is not willing to meet me half way.
Posted: 7/6/2012 4:45:25 AM
A lot of good responses, but I think Motown is closest to my reaction.

I too get my "spidy-senses" going when someone claims perfection (I am definetly without fault.).

I'll address some dynamics, which is what you zeroed in on, in your opening remarks, OP.


Frustrated with my partners borderline disrespectful way she talks to me sometimes.


Okay, that is a very vague thing to say. Being "disrespectful" is a judgement call. Not an independently verifiable event. What your claim of being "dissed" means in this case, is that you have a negative emotional reaction to HOW SHE EXPRESSES HERSELF. By your description, this is because you follow a systematic process of expression of your own design, and she does not. I too like to be careful and logical in my responses to events, so I can relate to your claimed process.

But you are mistaken in your demand that others adhere to your design, in order to have valid expressions. The single most important element about communication, isn't that it is logically or rationally conducted, but that it is successful It sounds to me as though you are actually using your procedural approach to arguing, as a trick to declare victory, rather than as a tool for YOU to come to a better understanding of things. You are playing a cheap game show trick on her (Jeopardy!), and yourself, along the lines of "You don't get the points, because your answer was not in the form of a Question." Thus in this aspect, I conclude that at the times you do this, that you are very much "with" fault.

Next, you can NOT claim the high ground as you try to do, if you also want to charge down into the gutter yourself. Here:

When She talks to me with what I feel is disrespect, I feel that the gloves are off and then get mouthy with her.


You openly declare that all the high-sounding crap you said about carefully choosing your words and seeing both sides, goes out the door as soon as you are ticked off. You are thereby in direct violation of one of my personal rules, which is "If your principles/morals vary according to how upset you are, then you don't actually HAVE any principles/morals."

You can't have it both ways, OP.

I would have to witness the actual argument to determine if I thought you or she was more in the right, or who had to "do all the work." Frankly, when I hear that two people are arguing, however they argue, it sounds like work is being done on both sides. Hint to consider: if you feel you "had to do most of the work," it sometimes means that you had the farthest road to travel, before you reached agreement. So in a very real way, it means that you were the most WRONG to begin with, and had the most adjusting to do.

That, or you were so insistent on the agreement being phrased in YOUR language instead of the other persons, that you dragged things on twice as long as needed, instead of learning the other person's "lingo."
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 22
Feel like I am trying to make the relationship work, but she is not willing to meet me half way.
Posted: 7/6/2012 8:10:04 AM

How else can I try and reach her without things getting out of hand?


Notice that in your exposition here you placed 100 percent of the fault on her, that you were not at fault and that you always tried to be the voice of reason. Yet you failed 100 percent here. You have only shown a very closed mind person, that is by having an alternative opinion "disrespected you."

So dude. Stop blaming her, and that is ALL you have done.
Realize also that you cannot change her. All the bull of coming to the middle, is not the middle, that is a middle that YOU have dictated. Start to actually listen to what she may be saying, repeated to her by saying "This is what I understand you are saying." That way, when you are fighting, or discussing, you actually listen, instead of spending your time formulating your great response and missing all that they other person needed from you to understand.

And one more thing. Realize that the only person you can change is yourself. Start by 5 things I can do different.
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