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 AUTHOR
 gbntbedtyr
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 26
Grocery Store Dating.Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
UniquelyPassionateCandy. Heard that same story forever, indeed the reason I had posted on another form that it never happens to me, and truly thought this thread would take on the, see, be careful what you ask for, line. It didn't :~

Reg_Herring, in regards to all your posts, buy you chose your name well. :)

Infinity_G, I wouldn't have tried the second time, why do that to yourself? But are right the next guy may just hit it off great. That's singular attraction vs mutual attraction, happens all the time and eventually that mutual will be you. And yes it sometimes is the line, but more often it is just attraction. And it is a beginning. However what is wrong with a Doctors Waiting Room, if you both click, she may just be Mrs Perfect.

purfectmeow, I love your brother, leading him on just for that perfect garden landscape... Well ok, not so bad. But I've has the hard end of that stick. Nursemaided one girl for seven years, all the way through Law School. She use to call me the most quotable man she ever knew. We'd eat peanut butter sandwiches down by the crick while I helped her with her papers, played frisbee with her dog while helping her cram for an exam, all the while with her reminding me that these were not dates, she would not date till after she graduated. And I always respected that and never asked. I enjoyed our moments, as I enjoyed helping her, and patients has never been a problem for me. But it cut deep, when after her graduation, after seven years, she dropped the bomb, not ten years her senior, I was too old. She literally married some drunk in a bar, or so one of her friends told me later in life, she was a drunk before me, but I was her sobriety, and her ticket to the Law Degree she so coveted, but I was just a piece of toilet paper in the end.

Don't mean to be mean to you purfectmeow, I think you know, I do like you as a person. Just saying, us guys are fragile too, tread carefully.

GurugiGets, Getting laid is never a problem. You must not have looked at my profession GurugiGets. I could get laid for every hour of every day, of every week, for the rest of my life if I wanted to, well that may be a short life as I'm sure my heart would give out long before that. But, Love, real Love, mutual attraction, a total caring for each other, sharing each others lives, total complimentary personalities, more. That is the person that is hard to find, the person I am looking for. And trust me, it wont start off in the bedroom, maybe from behind the camera, but not from sex meaning no more then a handshake. Dude if that's your gig, that's fine for you. I'll never condemn you for it. It's not for me, and we're not all that way.

Bourne2LuvU, Been there, done that. Oh younger days... Girls don't beat this gentleman up to bad. There are plenty of women that love to flirt, indeed there are girls that will go out of their way to flirt enjoying the thought of knowing that you can not do anything about it without risking your job. Bourne2LuvU, don't sweat it, just smile and continue being the gentleman you are. And trust me, if the girl is truly interested, she'll slip you her phone number without you ever having to ask.

Coma White, Two thumbs up.
 Reg_Herring
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 27
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/8/2012 5:05:06 PM
Gwen2010: show me 1000 women that say a man "harassed" them, and I'll show you 999 women who are exaggerating, and one that may be telling the truth, instead of playing the "I'm so hot, the only possible reason men talk to me is to hit on me." Men are not the only ones to mis-read body language, hon.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 28
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/8/2012 5:17:44 PM
OP: the fates didn't 'deliver you a married woman'-'they' have more integrity than that!

and I'd just like to say, to all the Men who have politely moved out of the way, NOT blocked the aisle with their cart and offered to help load groceries into the car or return the shopping cart, THANK YOU! I noticed every kindness from every guy on his best behavior on every grocery trip over the years. Some of us women DO take note of the good stuff. Puts me in an even better mood everytime I go! ~so here's a smile for y'all :)
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 29
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/8/2012 6:13:48 PM

Gwen2010: show me 1000 women that say a man "harassed" them, and I'll show you 999 women who are exaggerating, and one that may be telling the truth, instead of playing the "I'm so hot, the only possible reason men talk to me is to hit on me." Men are not the only ones to mis-read body language, hon.


I, and other women, might misread body language, but it is impossible to misread what men SAY, eh? As I have said ad nauseum, I go to McD's (or Starbucks) to grade on my laptop because too many enticements exist in my house. At one McD's, a group of old farts gathered every morning--I say gathered because one who consistently said sexually inappropriate things to me also said something inappropriate to a gay man. He was banned from that McD's, but he just went to another.

This man asked me to his apartment, told me that his penis was titanium steel like his knee replacements, and that he liked to see me eat ice cream cones because my tongue did such a good job. I told him to leave me alone and he continued. Finally, I cut him down in front of his friends and he stopped talking to me. Yup, I could have complained to management, but I did it my way.

In the meantime, one of his friends also made a remark about the way I eat an ice cream cone! I can't sit in a public place without a man approaching me and making overt sexual remarks about eating ice cream???? I handled him and another man in the same way I handled the other guy.

Usually, men back off when you tell them to, but I have met men from POF who made grossly inappropriate moves when I wasn't expecting them, including one who stuck his tongue halfway down my throat in front of Barnes and Noble. Then, he couldn't understand why I was upset because HE had wanted to do "that" at the onset of our meeting. What's more, he thought that there would be a second meeting.

A man speaking to me in a grocery store is not harassing me, not even if he asks for my phone number, but if he persists, it could become harassment. When I have told men that they couldn't have my number, some have wanted to know WHY--because I say so.

I went on my daily walk this afternoon and as I got back to my car, a man who had been walking behind me started speaking to me. We exchanged pleasantries and he told me that he managed a motel and I told him that I was a teacher, adding that I had worked as a desk clerk for several years. He said I should come by and see him. My inner eyebrows were beginning to raise but he said he needed part-time help to teach his desk staff how to write emails and use the computer--none can spell and they also don't have good customer skills.

Maybe he is on the level and maybe he wasn't--but he was a pleasant man.

I wonder how much he would pay me?

And by the way, Reg, I am pretty hot for a 59 year old woman. Some guys talk to me to be friendly, but there is a substantial number who would like to be friendlier--you can believe it or not.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 30
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/8/2012 6:28:43 PM
Abelian, apparently you thought I was posting about you (I wasn't) and you accused me of being rude and bothering others when you went on your rant about "irony":

Your idea of friendly is not everyone's idea of friendly and to criticize someone else for not knowing that is just the ultimate irony.

I wasn't criticizing anyone in particular, just the mindset that some people were expressing in this thread and the gym thread: "How DARE anyone speak to me in public? That's so rude!"

But then again, you did say:

I go out of my way to not talk to people when I go anywhere. Why would I want to talk to some random person out in public?


I, and many other people, do have enough social skills to read body language and expressions and not "bother" another person such as yourself who has such obvious and often-expressed disdain for us "yahoos".
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 31
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/8/2012 6:45:08 PM
^^^^^ BINGO!

Thank you for a concise, articulate and common-sense post.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 32
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/8/2012 7:14:36 PM

Dating is a numbers game. The more approaches you make, the better chance you have of getting a date. Some guys get overly persistent and rude and I understand that, though.


Remember the King of the Hill episode where Boomhauer took Bobby to the shoe store to show him how to pick up chicks? (It aired some time ago--I haven't had a TV for about four years.) Boomhauer asked about 50 women for their phone numbers and finally, one gave hers to him.

A game of numbers.

I can't believe the rude and crude guys ever score, but I guess some women are fairly desperate.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 33
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/8/2012 7:31:43 PM
I, too, recall that episode!

It's like handing out resumes seeking for employment. You will receive many no's and then, a yes.
 Reg_Herring
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 34
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:35:28 AM
A smart person will do something about an uncomfortable or unpleasant situation (starting a thread on Plenty of Fish complaining doesn't count as doing something). A woman who won't do something about an uncomfortable situation, but expects everyone else in the world to change so that she doesn't have to change, is either dumb or stubborn.


And by the way, Reg, I am pretty hot for a 59 year old woman.


If you say so.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 35
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:29:50 AM
Every grocery store is going to be different. The social environment varies a lot from place to place, which is something that is often over looked in these forums.

The likelihood of meeting someone, and the effort necessary to do so will be different in a more densely populated community than in a more sparsely populated one; a community with a higher population of unattached people will be different than one where mostly everyone is all coupled up.

In some communities you could go to the grocery store every day for years and be all smiling and friendly and still not meet anyone you'd want to date.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 36
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:48:08 AM
I'm a friendly person. I smile and say hello to everyone.
I don't assume everyone who smiles back and says hello
is hitting on me.

I think you have to understand body language and send out
your own signals.

If I'm not interested, most people have no problem discerning
that. I usually don't have a problem figuring out who is being
nice and who is being interested in me either.

If I'm not sure what they're thinking, and I'm interested, I just act more interested,
it either works out or it doesn't.

It's really not rocket science.



 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 37
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:05:24 AM
Tops Friendly Overpriced Markets is having a special on slightly expired overripe guys in aisle four but you’ll need your bonus card.

The last thing I care about is picking up guys when I’m at the grocery store. I want to get what I need and get the heck out of there. I’ll chitchat with the cashiers for the minutes it takes to cash me out and then I’m gone. I don’t give guys the opportunity to approach me.
 livingwithadog
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 38
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:07:03 AM

... last time i went to a supermarket, i hooked up with a couple of firm, sweet melons and a rump roast, plus a bag of charcoal briquettes, which led to a very hot evening. and nutritionally enriching to boot.

Yeah baby. That's the ticket.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:42:51 AM

The last thing I care about is picking up guys when I’m at the grocery store. I want to get what I need and get the heck out of there. I’ll chitchat with the cashiers for the minutes it takes to cash me out and then I’m gone. I don’t give guys the opportunity to approach me.


Just out of curiousity, you have stated that you don't like guys approaching you in the Gym or the Grocery store.

In your definition of an ideal world, where IS it okay for a guy to approach you?
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:57:44 AM
"In your definition of an ideal world, where IS it okay for a guy to approach you?"

I'd be interested in knowing the answer to that as well.

I don't even approach women in bars and clubs because I've long been told by my female friends that they just go to bars and clubs to drink, dance and hang out with their friends and either hate being bothered by guys or just find them amusing but would never actually date them. So I try not to be THAT guy.

But there's really nowhere left for people to meet for the purposes of dating. Except, on a dating website. I mean, other than POF, which as we all know, is overwhelmingly stocked with people just for "forums only." As someone else pointed out in the gym thread, you know the dating world has imploded when you can't even ask a woman out on a dating website.

Basically you are going to be everywhere you are ever going to be for some purpose other than meeting someone. Grocery store, gym, church, work, mall, park, laundromat, sporting event, art gallery, film festivals, parties -- you basically don't leave your house unless you're going somewhere to do something. If everybody decided they weren't going to try to meet people at these places, no one would ever get together (since we know nobody ever gets together because of online dating!). But that said, I still follow these women's rules and don't approach them, even if all women aren't in agreement on that. I figure if a woman's at a place with meeting men in mind as either a primary or secondary goal, and she thinks I'm worth meeting, she will introduce herself. Admittedly, this strategy has not worked very well for me, but on the other hand, I haven't p-ssed off very many women in my life by bothering them in public either.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 11:05:20 AM
"In your definition of an ideal world, where IS it okay for a guy to approach you?"

In my ideal world, both men and women would have a busy social lifestyle such as belonging to clubs, organization, and have a healthy amount of friends that they socialize with. They would see a person during any other those activities several times and get to have minor friendly passing conversation more than once before they approach the other person for anything other than "Hi, how are you".

In an ideal world, the person approaching would already have an understand of whether the person they are approaching is available, and has at least a bit of interest in being approached.

It is a huge time waster if the person is part of a couple, isn't open to dating anyone at that time, or has huge red flags ie. alcohol, drug issues, is already married and looking for a bit on the side etc.

If we meet someone several times in a social setting, we will either be told by someone present, or we can ask someone present if the person approaching us is married etc.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 11:41:27 AM
"If we meet someone ***several times*** in a social setting, we will either be told by someone present, or we can ask someone present if the person approaching us is married etc."

You're asking for a whole lot of luck there. OR, you're one of those believers in "fate" or some such nonsense. It's utterly absurd to meet someone once and there be mutual attraction, but then decide they will just wait until after a few more meetings before they exchange information, even if the likelihood is that they will never see each other again. That usually only works out in movies.

That world you describe is "ideal" because it is extremely old-fashioned. Which may or may not be a good thing depending on who you are. But in the modern world, it is often an unworkable strategy, with many people working two or three jobs to make ends meet and not having the time or money to invest in a ton of "clubs" and "organizations"... which I should point out have purposes that do not involve dating, so really it's no different than grocery shopping (where I also frequently see many customers repeatedly since I normally go to the same store).

Although I don't do it, I don't see how approaching someone in a grocery store or a gym or an art gallery or whatever is a "time waster" just because you don't know if that person is available or interested or psychotic. Trust me, it only takes a couple of minutes to get rejected! What would you have used that time for otherwise? Double-checking to make sure your ground beef was fresh and your eggs not cracked?

I think, more than anything, that "strategy" (such that is) bothers me because you so limit yourself in potential partners. It's like being in the third grade and only asking out the 20 people in your class. What's wrong with asking out the kid you meet at the spelling bee from the other side of town? That was one of the primary sells for online dating to begin with: why limit yourself just to the people you see everyday at work, school, bar, church, social organizations and across the street? The vast majority of people you will meet once (or never if you don't expand your radius) are good people. If there is attraction, why argue with it just because you meet them at a place you went to do something else besides meet people? I just don't understand why people throw away opportunities. So you're really going to tell your "dream guy" to take a hike because you meet him at a grocery store, but marry Mr. Not-Quite-Dream-Guy because you met him at your friend's barbecue and showed up with stellar references? What sense does that make?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 43
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:03:51 PM
"In your definition of an ideal world, where IS it okay for a guy to approach you?"


I know this wasn't asked of me, but I'll answer anyways.
It's okei to approach me anywhere except in the ladies room.

I'm a wicked busy person, but I've yet to be so busy I don't have time
for a hello. If that's all I have time for, I'll let ya know, otherwise, I'm
good to go.

Just to forstall the inevitable, no I'm not desperate or needy or anything
like that. I just haven't reached the stage in my life where all human contact
is unnecessary. I actually like going around with a smile on my face and
having people smile back. I've got friends and family galore, but I've got
no problems with helloing strangers.
 gbntbedtyr
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 44
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:23:05 PM
Sory to hear of your Mom purfectmeow, good that she has you two around. Good to hear you consider him. Ever thought of using your brother as a lever then, a polite way of saying your not available but would reward the guy for his help, ie. We truly could not afford to pay you for your advice, but my brother and I put on a heck of a barbeque if we could convince you to drop by and take a look at what we are doing. It's including your brother and making a new friend. Such might even help for guys you are interested in, making them friends with your brother and keeping the piece. And such tells the guy right up front, he ain't going to let me date you unless you make a good impression on him too.

onlydateIF, The fates are mischievous, and not always for good reasons, maybe for a greater good, but. They are one of my favorite studies in Theology, as well as a favorite attraction in entertainment. I think my favorite book on the topic would be, what was it, A Tangled Web We Weave, by Piers Anthony. Am glad to hear you appreciate a gentleman, you would be surprised at how often we hear "I can open my own d** door, what do you think I am an invalid". Just like being helpful, don't like making people unhappy. Of course I am getting old enough these days that I could probably set away with giving some of these young ladies a lecture in manners. Thanks onlydateIF for being a kind heart.

TheLongSpring, well if your Mom is also your Grandma, I'd say you might want to consider some other options. But most major chain Grocery Stores, like those you named, will consider demographics before building a store just anywhere; thus picking up a date there is a lot less likely to result in genetic misfit being born of the union.

Gwendolyn2010, titanium hey? I don't think I could have stopped laughing long enough to think of something else to say. Holey Cow, I mean... that guy needs to get a rebate on that line, d** I still can't stop laughing.

Ok, took a moment to get my breath back. The great "WHY" question. It is an honest question. As men and women both we often do not understand why someone we are attracted to is not attracted to us, especially after ever repeated recurrences of this phenomena. We do both begin to build an inferiority complex. We begin to think there is something wrong with us. Indeed that is the furthest thing from the truth. If Love was easy, it wouldn't be special; even mutual attraction being uncommon. A no was only an easy out in the process of elimination to finding Mr or Mrs Right. The yeses that we later find out should have been noes are truly the hard ones.

Bourne2LuvU, much worse actually. I have met women that were raised to believe that they were nothing until a man took interest in them, and for that man they should then tailor their whole life around making that man happy. Scary but true.

NonamousDog, good analogy, but let me add one. Out here around Vegas, the population is very transient. Of course you have a very large Tourist base, thousands, or millions of people that are only here for a week, or maybe a month. But you also have a large base of people that move here for one reason or another only to find that they can't handle it, this is a Desert, our heat is, no exaggeration, Lethal. The point I am making, is the person you see in the Grocery Store today, you will likely never see ever again in your life.

abelian, not to jump in on any misunderstandings or mis meants. But, chit chat is a social skill at every level. first if we couldn't communicate there would be no society at all. Second there are many people that are to some degree homophobic, afraid to leave their house, or small circle of friends. Third, try to chit chat with someone of a language that you are not familiar with. Communication is always a skill, maybe overlooked or discounted, but it is the very skill that raises us above the animals that we are.

browneyesboo, simplicity is beautiful.

Fleuron, That's funny! I like it. But honestly if i ran into you at a Grocery Store I would probably just return your cold shoulder. I do think you are missing out on a lot in life, but it is your life. Yet I would add, why are you bothering to post here if you are so set on not wanting to talk to others.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 45
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:49:58 PM

And by the way, Reg, I am pretty hot for a 59 year old woman.



If you say so.


I must be--I mean, the men who have approached me in real life and told me that I am hot, sexy, attractive, looking good, and look 39 can't be lying, can they? Surely, NONE of of them would stoop to flattering an old woman, would they? Why would 20something men in their pick-up trucks drive by and whistle at me when I am standing in my yard? Even more have told me that on POF. In fact, I must be the hottest damn 59 year old woman in the USA.


In your definition of an ideal world, where IS it okay for a guy to approach you?


This was not asked of me, but I will reiterate what I said before: it isn't that men approach me in public places, it is when they are crude and lewd, persist after I make it clear that I am not interested, or persist in trying to talk to me when I am obviously busy.

Of course, one of the men who approached me in the produce section and to whom I DID give my phone number had just gotten out of prison where he had spent 20 years. He didn't tell me that until he called that night. He was not the best looking guy, but he was polite, clean, dressed fine, and was with his aged mother at the store. When I asked what he had done to get a 20 year sentence, he wouldn't tell me. That was that--except for the other phone calls that I didn't answer, including one in the wee hours of the morn.

Oh, and then there was the other guy who dropped a piece of paper with his phone number on my table in a restaurant. He was quite presentable, but it turned out that he was the ex-husband of a colleague of mine--the divorce had not been pretty.

Oh, and the guy who saw me at Barnes and Noble and followed me to Target, leaving the number at his motel in a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

Oh, and when I was working at a convenience store when I was getting my MA . . .
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 46
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 1:36:23 PM

Just out of curiousity, you have stated that you don't like guys approaching you in the Gym or the Grocery store.

In your definition of an ideal world, where IS it okay for a guy to approach you?


Actually, I said I don’t go to the gym…I work out at home.

I don’t know why my personal preference would be considered some quoted ideal world.

Most men I’ve dated have been introduced to me by friends or other people I knew, and usually started out as friends. I’m not receptive to strange men who want to ‘date’ me. That has never worked out well for me. I’ve been approached by men I didn’t know for years and I don’t like it. I wouldn’t be interested in a man I’ve just laid eyes on for the first time.

I’m not perpetually on the make and I don’t want to be approached by someone who is.


ETA


Fleuron, That's funny! I like it. But honestly if i ran into you at a Grocery Store I would probably just return your cold shoulder. I do think you are missing out on a lot in life, but it is your life. Yet I would add, why are you bothering to post here if you are so set on not wanting to talk to others.


Who says I give anyone a cold shoulder? I’ve lived long enough to know how to discourage men from approaching me. I wouldn’t even notice your cold shoulder to me.
I’m not rude or unkind to people….I just don’t want to be picked up while I’m choosing between brands of peanut butter.

Posting on an internet forum is not quite the same thing as being approached by strange men at the grocery store.


vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv


Ok... so if I read that right you don't want to be approached by anyone, anywhere except through friends/acquaintances.


NO, I don’t want to be approached by strange men for the purpose of being picked up.
It’s very simple, really.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 1:40:06 PM

Actually, I said I don’t go to the gym…I work out at home.

I don’t know why my personal preference would be considered some quoted ideal world.

Most men I’ve dated have been introduced to me by friends or other people I knew, and usually started out as friends. I’m not receptive to strange men who want to ‘date’ me. That has never worked out well for me. I’ve been approached by men I didn’t know for years and I don’t like it. I wouldn’t be interested in a man I’ve just laid eyes on for the first time.

I’m not perpetually on the make and I don’t want to be approached by someone who is.


Ok... so if I read that right you don't want to be approached by anyone, anywhere except through friends/acquaintances.

Different strokes for different folks I guess...
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 1:49:49 PM
I think I can write an entire book about how to approach a woman at a grocery store. Suffice to say, I agree with Cowboy that it requires practice, tough skin, and being as genuine as possible.

I am 29 years old, so I remember how the world was before the internet, cell phones, etc, but I also was the first generation introduced to computers at a young age in first grade. So, I am in essence the gap between the two worlds, but I still maintain that having the skills to interact with strangers in public is still important. Especially, if you are looking for a date.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 49
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 2:13:43 PM

You would if he started quoting Oscar Wilde by memory, so I hear.


You heard that, did you?

Okay…next time a man quotes Oscar Wilde from memory to me at the grocery store, I’ll let him take me home with him.

I’m sure that will happen any day now.
 SirCharles007
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 2:21:39 PM
So gal's basically pls let me be.... at the grocery store. Not looking for a date.
You know sometimes it is totally by coincedence that I end up in the same place or isle or wine and finer beverage section. I hope they dont think Im isle stalking. LOL
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