Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Pictures of your Ex      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
Pictures of your ExPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
A question for the people who keep pictures of their ex: Does your ex keep pictures of you? If not and you do, why not?

I got rid of all pictures of my ex and I'm sure my ex doesn't have any pictures of me, which is fine by me. In fact, when she left me, she also gave back all gifts I and the rest of my family gave her over the years. She wanted to completely sever all ties with me and also my family, who always treated her like gold and gave her numerous very expensive gifts.

I don't get the hanging on ex's pictures. Why? Most people said they keep the pictures in a box tucked away somewhere. Why? Do you plan at looking at them later and wondering what if? I don't see a point to that. You can't change the past, no matter how hard you try to. You only have control of the now and future. I prefer to keep the past in the past. As for keeping them for your kids to see, I don't see the point of that either. Depending on how old the kids are, they are going to be asking "If you two were happy together in the pictures from the past, why do you hate each other now? Why couldn't you maintain the happy times and have a good marriage instead of getting a divorce?" It will cause more confusion than anything else.
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:57:21 PM
I put them away, with other memories. To keep them out in the open would be totally incosiderate, and just outright weird.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 28
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:58:13 PM

As for keeping them for your kids to see, I don't see the point of that either. Depending on how old the kids are, they are going to be asking "If you two were happy together in the pictures from the past, why do you hate each other now? Why couldn't you maintain the happy times and have a good marriage instead of getting a divorce?" It will cause more confusion than anything else.

Well, maybe you don't have kids. I have pictures of my ex and I know he has some of me. We were married for 18 years and had two kids... would be childish to toss all that out, don't you think?

Yes, I keep them all in a box, but I keep ALL my pictures in a box (before digital, of course). I don't go looking through them... ANY of them. But I keep them all.

I know in my own case, my kids appreciate that we get along and can spend time in the same room together without causing them stress. It wasn't always that way, so I am SURE they prefer things this way.
 jmf29
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 4:15:08 PM
( TIPS HAT TO LORIKULA ) nice post xxx
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 30
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 4:24:46 PM
I have one of those pretend old west photos framed and displayed which has my ex, his brother, mother and my daughters in it. My ex and his mom are now deceased, and I'm not about to chuck the photo because it may make someone feel uncomfortable.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 31
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 4:47:20 PM
The only pictures of my late wife on display anywhere in the house are those in my daughter's bedroom, but I will never dispose of those that I do have in boxes or digital. But then she isn't an "ex" in the sense usually associated with the word.
 CptIronJack
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 32
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 4:55:08 PM
I have pics lying around in boxs and such and have pics on my facebook, but thats my history, if someone is with me long enough to create new history I don't mind losing them, but someone lasting 60 days isn't creating new history and I'm not willing to give up my history for them yet
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 33
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 5:12:55 PM

Hello! I think each person's set of circumstances results in a different reaction/behaviour. For me, I started going 'steady' with my ex when I was 17. We dated for 4 years, broke up for just over a year, got back together and were married for just over 22 years. So my time with my ex at the point when he asked for a divorce we had been together for more than half my life (he felt he had changed, had different interests/hobbies and because of our now different outlooks on past time fun, etc., he needed to pursue his desires and since our hobbies and interests had now divided, he didn't want to be married anymore). Although it was very heartbreaking and there were some tough periods through the process of separation, moving out, divorce, etc., we still remain amicable and have offered to assist or help one another if ever necessary. We had a standard chest full of pictures and we divided them to the best of our ability. When it came to our wedding picture album, he told me that if I didn't want it, he would still want it. So, what I did was copy photography of all the pics and he downloaded them on his computer. I knew that there was one picture of us that was silly, depicting a fun time in our marriage and he said he liked that one and would keep it out (but I don't think in full display view - I think it was in his office of our condo. In my condo I have two framed photos that he is in. One is amongst a bevy of pictures of antique family photos, more current family photos. The one where he is shown is with my sister, my mom, my dad, my now-ex and myself. It depicted a very nice memory where everyone had a great day and it reminded me of the 'good old days'. The other photo is a black and white pic of him and myself about 2 years before he asked for a divorce and I liked the picture - it was a happy photos. I have it amidst other family photos on a ledge next to my bed. It blends in with the others because they are similarly framed and doesn't stand out. I have explained to people that I want to have it out because it was a part of my life, and if I could not look at it objectively, representing a portion of my life and if I couldn't stand to look at it, it would convey to me internally that my whole 26 years with him was somehow tainted and painful. I felt that I had to look at it as a chapter in my life without regrets (despite the heartache and pain) and not reflect on the last 26 years as a chunk of my life wasted. As such, when I talk to friends, etc., about life events, I often have to refer to him because that much time and whatever activities, celebrations, holidays, good and bad times obviously almost always included him. If I were to get rid of my photos of events with family and friends, I would have to discard everything because he was part of everything. There was simply no question that I had to look at old photos and try to overlook any sadness or strife and view them as a major chapter of my life. It simply was not doable. I also very much never wanted to end up feeling bitter about things (although being human, sometimes one does feel upset about certain things). If over half of my life was with this person, throwing things away or never looking at photos again would result in me having nothing because he was a part of my life since I was 17. I had to arrive at a mindset to try and appreciate the experience for what it was. We are still cordial and his mother and my ex-brothers-in-law and ex-sisters-in-law still keep in touch with me by phone - it also follows the same train of thought - I knew them and cared about them for all those years, I would always want to know how they were doing. I have to chuckle because my ex-mother-in-law I believe still has our wedding photo up - she says it's her house and she'll leave it up if she wants. I think she too, views it as something that was a chapter of her son's life and doesn't just want to forget all those years of holidays, get-togethers, etc. just because her son is divorced. I doubt he wants the photo still up, but my ex-mother-in-law does what she wants and feels reflects her families' journeys accordingly. I had to laugh, once she phoned me to see how I was (we call each other every few months to say hello and check up) and said to me in her cute Italian accent "evena ifa youa never want to talka to me again, Iya always calla you my daughta-ina-law." I guess I feel fortunate to not chase away and forget a chapter of my life (26 years is a LONG time) and to know you still care about your ex's family and still maintain contact just to see how the other is doing once in a while is a contended thing. I realize other people have experiences that are just too painful to have reminders and want to move on with a fresh start; but in my personal experience it was necessary to reconcile that my life was different than it is now and that I learned many lessons, love and still care about people whom I knew and interacted with a lot, and I mustn't block out that time frame because it would then also block out all my experiences with my own immediate family and friends because they were all part of the same picture (sort of a pun I think). I see or talk to my ex perhaps once, maybe twice a year (because we share a Goddaughter of his first cousin), and we can be amicable amongst a group of people and can call the other (of course very, very rarely) if one needs assistance about something or has a question or needs to share some sort of family news. Divorce/breaking up is very tricky and fragile, so if there is no animosity, there is no hatred and no wishing that the past never ever happened. I think each couple who breaks up has such a different set of circumstance you can never give a blanket opinion of what is right or wrong, it just is, and people cope the best they can. I personally see no reason that one cannot have a pic of their ex as others have described that involves their children or significant events. To get rid of those depictions would result in getting rid of all the other people associated with or in those photos, and that means you're getting rid of them also who had nothing to do with one's divorce/breakup. I wish everyone the very best and that life treats you right and that you have found contentment and happiness in the long run.


Ah ... Baby.... the second greatest invention .. after the vibrator... is the paragraph. Which one you use in private is up to you... but in public.... Puh-leeeeasse!
 sunninginfl
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 34
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 5:15:34 PM
I keep all photos. These photos are a part of your life that your kids can look back at. I do not keep them out in the open, always in a box in the garage. However, I do let my boys keep their fathers pictures in their own private space, their rooms. I will actually print them out for them just so they know that when they are here their father isn't that far away.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 35
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:57:40 PM
I know a few people who have pictures of them with their exes hanging in their house, while they're married to someone else.

Those pictures are your past, it's a part of your life that's never going to change. Why waste a perfectly good picture?
 heypretty
Joined: 6/27/2012
Msg: 36
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:58:39 PM
a few kept in album but thats it...i keep them because i dont hate him or anything and kid likes to see them
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 37
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 7:55:27 PM
I burned all of my Ex pics except one which I have somewhere in packed stuff. I made that choice not to look back in my past anymore of ex's by burning bridges, even if it means burning photos. And I still burn bridges to this day.
 LoriKula
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 38
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:57:39 PM
It gave me a headache too.

I think it should have been more descriptive, more detailed and in a much larger font! ;-)

I've made an appointment for the eye doctor, because I just keep seeing dots and residual images when I blink (seriously!).

Actually, sorry - I know I couldn't follow the darned thing even using the mouse to mark my spot; I kept losing my place I'm a pain in the bottom. You should what results when I type a letter LOL! :-P
 LoriKula
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 39
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:01:40 PM
Thank you! But I do agree that it is excruciatingly and painfully long!! :-)
 LoriKula
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 40
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:07:44 PM
LOL!! I know! I know! I don't know how to delete my own post!

However, I had a problem - the vibrator didn't have a pause switch for me to hit the return key twice to make a paragraph. Someone's pleasure is someone else's pain (I truly apologize - I can't read the flipping thing either!)

@L@ now needs ~O-O~
 friendshipcomesfirst
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 41
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:42:32 PM
Yup, I have pics of the ex-husband... I don't think of them as pics of my ex, I think of them as "pics of the kids' dad"... They never see him, so they have pictures.

I'm pretty sure in a big box of pictures there are some pics from high school dances of me with various boyfriends through the years... I never displayed them during my marriage, and they are not out now. They are part of my past and belong in a photo album. Maybe one day...
 GurugiGets
Joined: 6/1/2012
Msg: 42
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/13/2012 11:52:14 AM
when you find his panty and dildo collection get back to us K?
 vancitygurl78
Joined: 7/6/2012
Msg: 43
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:09:26 PM
I remember my ex bf kept pictures of his ex wife on his computer in a folder with other pictures. They have 2 children together so at times I thought it was ok...I personally had a problem with him keeping pictures of his ex(pictures of her without the kids in it) lying around on his computer. Whose to say he doesn't look at it constantly? I always told him to delete it cuz memories are not meant to be on the computer especially of ur past and or ur marriage especially if that marriage ended badly. Memories are meant to be in ur head. Looking at pictures of someone that u once fell in love with hurt u and remind u of things. Funny thing is, me and my ex have been friends since we were 19 even b4 he met his ex wife. We used to sent pictures all the time...and in the process I lost all of his old pictures and one day he sent me a picture of myself that i sent to him when i was a kid! That just goes to show that he keeps EVERYTHING! I hated that. I'm pretty sure he has pictures of me still and emails still and it's not fair to his next gf or any girl for that matter. It makes the next girl think that he can't move on from his past! Thank goodness we broke up cuz I don't think I can put up with that!
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 44
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/13/2012 2:30:09 PM
^^^^
Vancitygurl
Exactly why I burn my photos. Is because I need to move on looking toward the future instead of looking back into the past. When you start looking at photos everything starts coming back that happened in the past and remembering all the good and bad times. You're not going to be totally OVER your past if you keep looking back there. All the more reason to burn them photos and move on.
 LetsMatchUp2012
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 45
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/13/2012 2:35:07 PM
Burned all of them the day after the Court Disolved the Marriage!
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 46
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/13/2012 2:46:38 PM
I was with my wife for 17 years, we have 3 kids together..we have a ton of pics around of us both. Great memories for us and our children. I would not throw her away. nor would i expect any women to throw 'him' away. Now i would never have ex pictures out in such a fashion as to hurt some ones feelings. and my ex is not my current lady...well if i had a current lady, I would make sure that she was very comfortable who was the most important lady in my life. the past exists, and it is safely in the past unless some one wont leave it alone.


I see some people state "throw them away" unless it was a light relationship i disagree. BUT I have no pics in my house of just minor GF's of the past.
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 47
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/14/2012 1:03:59 AM
I have at least one picture of every man I have ever had a relationship with. They are not in public, of course, but they are among my mementoes, in boxes on a shelf. I have a lot more of my ex husband because of the kids.

I totally agree that we need to put the past behind us, but I don't think throwing away everything really does that. A picture, like a song, can evoke strong emotions and these feelings remind us of what we learned from that particular relationship. And these lessons from the past make us stronger people for the relationships that we have today...
 MDIYM59
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 48
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/14/2012 10:08:16 AM
I have one picture with my ex in it, but my children and some good friends are in it too, since it is a group photo and she is in the middle, the only way to get her out of the middle is to photoshop it but I think that would look weird. Now when I look at that picture my ex strikes me as a random stranger in a photo of loved ones. I have that picture in an album and not on my dresser or wall, so a new woman in my life shouldn't have a problem with it.
 ChocoMamicita123
Joined: 7/3/2012
Msg: 49
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/14/2012 2:45:19 PM
I think its weird unless you have family photos and they happen to be in themthats fine other than that whats the point the past is the past move on.
 CheekyCapricorn
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 50
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 7/14/2012 7:16:34 PM
If someone were to crack it over me having pictures of the ex, they'd be the ones finding themselves on the receiving end of their marching orders!
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Pictures of your Ex