Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Pictures of your Ex      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 strolly10
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 62
Pictures of your ExPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
My ex had pictures of his ex wife displayed all over his house. He said he had them up for his children which he had custody of and i accepted that with no problem, but he did remove a few for me to feel more comfortable in his home (not by my request)..so in some situations its understandable.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 63
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 8/1/2012 2:00:09 AM

Brian88888
I threw all the old pics away since there really is no reason to have them around.


You're 28 and feel that way now, you might feel different about it in 30 years or so. I was lucky and after my parents died a few years ago, we found a lot of old pictures when cleaning out their house. Those pictures are more important to me at this age than they were at your age.
 beachielife
Joined: 7/24/2012
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 8/1/2012 6:30:37 PM
This thread reminds me of when I dated this very bright woman, law degree, intellectual...

After we've been dating a bit, she asks, "Why do you keep a picture of your ex on your refrigerator?", in an accusing tone. I said, "Um, maybe because it's that's my son's mom?" Geez, my ex was a raving nutcase with a drug problem, which is why I was a single parent—LOL—the pic wasn't for me. I guess you'd have to visualize all the refrigerator magnets pinning pictures of my two kids, art they did in school, etc. Anyway, that was surprisingly unobservant of her, or maybe the innate dislike of any symbol of an ex in a mate's household overwhelmed her common sense ;-)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 65
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 8/1/2012 7:36:32 PM

Behind-Blue-Eyes_53:
You're 28 and feel that way now, you might feel different about it in 30 years...Those pictures are more important to me at this age than they were at your age.


Are you referring to the stage in life when you start getting Alzheimer's and forgot that you're divorced and haven't had contact with any ex for the past 30, 35 years, and you're sitting by the door, expecting her to show up any minute? I don't understand the reasoning of pictures of an ex being more important 30 years later. I trashed all pictures of my ex, and I can guarantee that I will still have no interest in having pictures of her in 30 days, 30 months or 30 years from now. And I'm sure she would be of the same mindset concerning pictures of me, which she never had any to begin with. All photo albums were left behind when she moved out, including photo albums of her family, which she has made no effort to retrieve.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 66
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 8/1/2012 10:49:21 PM
Well I now have pictures of 6 generations on my Mom's side and the family history going back 20 generations. I will pass it on to my children. Some people don't care but sometimes their kids or grand kids do care and it's all lost. It doesn't take up that much room and once it's gone, you can't get it back. I am lucky that those in the past marked the backs of the pictures of who and when it was taken.

maleman999, again you show you're an angry bitter little man, but your rant is like water off a ducks back and you can go back to your angry bitter little world.
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:51:57 AM
What about if your partner has pictures of their ex hanging in their old bedroom in their parents house that they visit frequently enough ie whenever they go home? I didn't feel any threat (until now at least)...as far as I recall it's quite a few years ago now and they split on good terms but I found it odd to discover last night that he still has 2 of her pictures hanging on his pin board in his old bedroom in his parents house....we were there yesterday for dinner....

Then again I've held on to a few teddy bears and throws and stuff from exes........Comparable or is having pictures on your bedroom wall even in your parents house, holding on to the past?
 freshstartbraveheart
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 68
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/2/2012 7:23:07 AM
I only have pictures of my ex because he is the father of my children and they were pictures we took of memories/good times when our family was still in tact. I'm not going to get rid of them but they hold no sentimental value to me. I'm keeping them for my kids and when they're old enough, they can have them for themselves.

I don't really see the big deal of holding onto old photos or other items from the past - so long as you're not creating a shrine to your former lover. :D Maybe you keep them for memories and reminiscing on your past or maybe you just like whatever the thing is. Personally, I have a sweater that's 10+ years old that a different ex gave to me. It's not sentimental, I just happen to like the sweater. After over a decade, it's still in good shape and in style so I wear it in the winter. I have practical items such as a computer desk that were gifted to me from you children's father over the years. I'm not getting rid of them just because the relationship is over. I need somewhere to place my laptop!
 ggpaws
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 69
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/2/2012 11:52:13 AM
As I have a love for photography I keep all my pictures. I still have all my wedding albums packed away. My past is who I am and I have no problem with someone keeping their pics either. Now if someone I was in a relationship with kept a pic of their ex on the nightstand may not like it too much. Also let me add those "private time" pics from our youth need to be destroyed.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 70
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/2/2012 12:12:34 PM

A picture is just a picture... a remembrance of past events..If someone is bothered by a picture then they have serious emotional issues.


Nope you are actually dead wrong on this one.. if you cannot remove what isn't you are invested in what isn't... there is psychics and physiological and psychological evidence to prove otherwise..

In a broken marriage it is best to keep the pictures put away for your children so that they may have the pictures of their relationship with their parents.. in the case with out children only if the relationship ended due to the loss of the individual by death.. if you had a union that dissolved because you were poison to each other.. then it is best to destroy them.. there is alot to be gained in letting go by getting rid of this, you'd be surprised how much healing takes place when there is a tangible effort to removing the momentos .. if you ended a relationship of value why?
Anyone who displays the relationship is telling you that there is still a visual and emotional attachment going on and a sign that anyone who would want to invest in you as a possible significant other should run.. even with losing a partner to death.. therapy helps an individual release this person from themselves and shelve a wonderful love story to move on to be present and alive and to accept that they still deserve the right to be alive and loved and permit themselves this act of joy in living.

Pictures of people who did not hold their truth are false documents of relationships that had no value.. and are not really a healthy thing for anyone to covet.. again you would be surprised what amazing things happen to the human psyche when we disclose this dissolution via the release of pictures of past relationships that are not of value to our history or our journey of connection.. which is why many remain stuck by keeping documentation of poison.. it is both organic and spiritual damage .. when we move away from anything on a physical level in time and space we create new movement .. cellular and chemical .. no matter if you believe you will not release and experience the remorse necessary to move on.. your body and mind will do it for you... even if you think you think otherwise.. try it.. you will be surprised at what occurs in your being when you decide to live only in the present.

My take is never based on personal opinion.. this is actual organic fact.. and serious emotional issues arise from not allowing the physical release of something that no longer exists in the life you lead.. I don't need an argument on this .. just try the exercise and you will find out how profound this actually becomes for the being you call YOU..
 wisewoman_57
Joined: 10/12/2009
Msg: 71
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/2/2012 2:17:46 PM
I agree totally with this, although not everyone realizes it, or if they do, are afraid to act on it. It is very therapeutic in some situations.
I've been fortunate enough not to have had any relationships that were so traumatizing that I'd want to erase any visible evidence of them. There have been broken hearts, sure, but nothing even resembling 'hate'.
Because of this, I've not thrown out anything that wouldn't have been discarded otherwise, any more than I'd discard photos or things that remind me of friendships with females that no longer exist. It's all part of our personal history, a chronology.
But, I did go out with a guy who had a virtual shrine of an ex girlfriend Cheryl, in his apartment. Right on his entertainment center, front & center in the living room. A photo of her, one of the both of them, a dried flower, little doodads from places they went--it was bizarre enough, but then he told me that they only went out for 6 months (!). I'm a reasonable person, so I stuck it out because there were a lot of things about him I liked, and this was in the beginning. A few months later, I was helping him straighten his bedroom closet, and he handed me a large box to take out. He then told me that the box contained what he wanted to be buried with, should anything happen to him. It kind of creeped me out already, but then he decided to show me what it was 'just in case'. Aside from some family photos and mementos, there was a woman's sweater. It was Cheryl's which she left at his apartment when she broke up with him--8 years earlier. That, along with several other things that came to light in the year we were together, was the beginning of the end for me.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 72
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:26:41 PM
I kept a paper body target of my ex-husband that I shot the shit out of.

I'm a good shot.
 Love.Notes
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 73
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:31:01 PM
I personally wouldn't put them up on the wall for all the see, but because I have children with my ex husband I keep them. For their sake more so then mine. His picture does not bring out any bad memories for me. They don't open any old wounds nor do they bring out any hatred for him. The children love their father and for that reason alone the pictures remain up! My ex however did the total opposite. He won't allow (or should I say his wife won't allow ) my name to even be mentioned in the house. We don't have that rule here. We still laugh at the fun things or silly things or good times we had with Dad and I'm never going to take that away from my children. He is their father, and if they want to have a picture of him in the house, on the fridge, in their rooms then so be it. Once they have grown and left home...that's a different matter.

Then they will be well packed and stored to be remembered no more.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 74
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/2/2012 8:22:48 PM
I have pictures of a lot of people from my past. I expect someone I'm dating to have pictures of people as well. If we're framing pictures and keeping them by the bed, I can see the problem. In albums, or packed away with everything else is fine. It's totally possible to both keep old pictures of exes, friends, family or anyone else, and still move on with your life.
 Warrior_Poet74
Joined: 10/22/2012
Msg: 75
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/3/2012 9:29:19 PM
I deleted my ex from my pics before the tears were even dry on my cheeks.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 76
view profile
History
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/3/2012 10:02:11 PM
I like looking back. These were great girls, some as crazy as wolverines on acid,.. but yeah get what yah serve. What the hell, are all you folk just living in the moment as if all events in your past have no purchase or significance? That seems kinda ooggahh--whoa-ick.
 tomslick24
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 77
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/4/2012 1:43:52 AM
I agree with most women here.If you have pictures with kids with there Dad or Mom put them away so Kids can enjoy them later in life.As for marching back thru memory lane............Oh Hell No! Ex means just that EX.The past is just that the past.I don't want to see how I looked with hair back with some old relationship and I could still get it up:)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 78
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/5/2012 10:39:47 AM
I only requested to keep 1 pic from my wedding - the shot with MY whole side of the family in it. My Dad's parent's were there, and had just celebrated their 62nd Anniversary. Grandma passed away a few months later. I don't have it hanging up anywhere, and won't hang it up for obvious reasons. Everything else from that day I left in the garage when I moved out.

My Facebook photo albums with my Ex are still on my Facebook page, but that's because in the last couple years before we divorced, we did several cross-country road trips. I got some kickass shots of the sun setting behind the Grand Tetons, and feeding an Elk by hand while in Yellowstone. With the kind of awesome sites and scenery I caught on film, the fact that she's in about half the shots doesn't other me in the least. The albums and trips are CLEARLY noted to be from 2008 or older.

I'm not dumb enough to put any photos of my ex in my dating profile - and anyone who does is a complete moron; but if someone looks thru my Facebook pages and thinks I still have 'issues' about my Ex because I haven't erased and burned every single trace of that relationship, all I can say is this;

Those who deny their past are condemned to repeat it.

If you want to see your Ex as some sort of 'Toxin' and demand to eliminate all traces from your life, that's your prerogative. Good luck eliminating all traces if you had a kid with him.

That being said, the idea that women do NOT like seeing men's dating profile pix with OTHER women in them is pretty much a social FACT, and it really doesn't matter who they are - sister, Mom, cousin, Ex - it doesn't matter. Unless they are clearly two generations older or younger, women STILL associate those ladies as 'competition' on a dating site. Best not raise any eyebrows and just keep the shots of you being hugged by ANY woman OFF the dating profile altogether.
 Habs_Fan13
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 79
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/5/2012 1:48:50 PM
I deleted all of the photos off my phone or computer but, I do have a couple of photo boxes filled with pictures and among them have kept some exes photos. I went through them after he moved out and got rid of quite a few. I didn't keep any of just him. They are either group photos with our friends or there's a couple of us, none kissing or anything intimate. I do think it would be a bit weird if it was on display though. Especially weird if there's no children involved and even worse if it's just a picture of him or her.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 80
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:00:21 PM

do you, yourselves keep old pictures of your ex wives or ex husbands? Or do you throw the pictures away and move on with your life?


I need something to improve my dart throwing..............
 smileitsrteal
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 81
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/5/2012 7:48:29 PM
I think if someone has a pic of their ex then they are not ready to really move on to the next relationship. i am in that situation right now but it's all about the sex.
 smileitsrteal
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 82
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/6/2012 1:05:01 PM
I hear your rebuttal and somewhat concur. I personally would not rub my new girlfriends face in my exes pics. I don't want to answer all of the questions... how can you stand in someone's face you supposedly love and explain that you love this person in the pic? you will be forever single! I went through that and it's not cool. I don't look toward the past but to my future... past is past, let it go. now where do we go from here? Forward.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 83
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/7/2012 11:57:08 AM
I have a picture of my x, his (new) wife, their two kids, and my daughter on display in the kitchen, by the table. A family, to me, isn't just who lives in the house. It doesn't bother the current b/f. All of their pictures are scattered throughout our photo albums. My home is open to them and their home is open to us.

Photos of the relationship prior to that are in albums easily accessible if anyone wants to look at them.

All of the old 'love letters' between me and my x while he was stationed overseas are neatly tied up and stored with other mementos in a box in my daughter's closet. So are photograph albums of when we were dating before she was conceived. She can look at them anytime, but usually doesn't because they embarrass her .. lol. Some times we take them out and go through them if we are looking for something.

I couldn't image ever throwing out a picture. I take lots of them, and I learned early that they become very valuable to someone if a person passes away.
 TalkingPie
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 84
view profile
History
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/7/2012 8:29:01 PM
The only pictures I've thrown out - burned, even, in a fit of teenage-girl-level emotional drama - were of exes that caused me pain and whose memories were causing me pain in the moment. With the luxury of time between the breakups and now, I likely wouldn't do that, and would probably appreciate having the pictures to remind me of past events. Just because people aren't important in our present lives doesn't mean they didn't play a role in important times in our past. I have a bad memory and can be nostalgic, so I enjoy looking back at that sort of thing. I have pictures from all sorts of women I've been intimate with. I also still have friendships with many of them. Each one of them, in some way or another, has played a role in my getting to be who and where I am today. I have no need or desire to hide any aspect of my past, and wouldn't appreciate dating a woman who can't deal with that.

I agree with others here who say that the people who insist on getting rid of all exes' pictures may be the ones who have issues with insecurity and not being able to move on from the past.
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 85
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/7/2012 8:44:23 PM
Well, I don't have any pictures of any of my exes . .because I feel that once a relationship is over, I don't need reminders of them. They are exes for a reason. One of the people I dated still kept in touch with some of his exes. .of course, as I learned, he did this so he could have them as "backup" to turn to . .if he wasn't dating anyone. That's one of the reasons why I couldn't and refused to remain friends with him. .wasn't remotely attracted to him anymore, and he wanted to start things up again.
Actually, I don't understand the last statement made above. ..I would think that if one has pictures of one's ex. .one isn't ready to move on from the past. I don't have any pictures of my exes, and I don't think about them. I thought about the one who remained friends with some of his ex girlfriends (in hopes of rekindling the relationship) but only because I was writing a response to the post. Other than that, I don't think about them at all.
 JJRider2011
Joined: 4/27/2011
Msg: 86
Pictures of your Ex
Posted: 12/8/2012 2:09:43 PM
I have some pictures of my ex-wife since she shared almost half my life with me. I don't have a single one of them on display anywhere, they're stored away for family archives. I find it odd that anyone would completely try to eliminate evidence of a former spouse or lover unless they tried to kill you or something. Genealogy & family history is important to some people & someone in your family might find those old pictures of value, even if you don't.

I could see if someone had a lot of pictures of their ex prominently displayed all over the house being an issue with someone new.

My old pictures are nothing more than a part of my history including those of my ex-wife.
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Pictures of your Ex