Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 TheoriginalGeek
Joined: 7/8/2012
Msg: 30
Religion and datingPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Sounds to me like your obsessing about nothing.

Take my advice, Don't worry about it. Worrying never helped anyone do anything.

Go out with her and see how it goes. If you don't want your beliefs to clash then don't talk about them! But if they keep coming up or get in the way of things to the point where you simply cannot stand to be around her, then discuss it. Tell her how you feel.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 31
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 9:33:45 AM
Whoa, does she know how you feel? Maybe she never glanced at that part of your profile.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 32
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 12:21:45 PM

it's less about the difference in beliefs than it is the ability to accept the other person for who they are.
Sooooooooo true.

Hey Op, why not just mention it to her? See how the conversation goes first.
 AdriaticMind
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 1:46:53 PM
No, Holly, I don't see anyone bashing Atheists, or any other religious group here. I respectfully disagree with you in that I very much DO see people randomly knocking Christians on here all the time; it's as if Christians are the last group that it's socially acceptable to insult and mock, based on nothing but generalizations.and intolerance. The people who do that are usually the first to blindly accuse us as a group of being judgemental and intolerant.
As for Atheists and other groups, I never put them down , or even dream of spouting off generalizations. Everyone has a story, and I'm very glad that I don't forget that, and just spout off in ignorance and intolerance.
Peace, love, and tolerance to all. :)
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 34
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 1:53:10 PM
^^ It's true, I've seen it and have probably participated in it myself. Most days I know better.

Having faced prejudice and intolerance in the past is no excuse to perpetuate that very same thing, you are right. And not all christians are created equal (the same with non christians). You have made your point without putting anyone else down, bravo :)
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 3:21:55 PM
What if God was an atheist?
 suzannesuzsue
Joined: 5/1/2012
Msg: 36
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 3:47:52 PM
Hi, I think It would be a good idea to bring it up to her before you meet. It may not matter to her right now or she may not be thinking about that kind of thing. Maybe she will end up teaching you something, but you really should asks her about it. I think it is very cool that you are thinking about it at all. Good for you.
 suzannesuzsue
Joined: 5/1/2012
Msg: 37
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 3:54:57 PM
I agree with you totally. My Son says he is a Christian. I am in fear that he is not. He does not know what it means to be one. I think most people don't. It is very important . I will just leave it at that. I will ad, I was just sent this forum thing. I kind of like it . maybe better than the dating thing itself, for now anyway.
 suzannesuzsue
Joined: 5/1/2012
Msg: 38
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 3:57:29 PM
You are not a Christian. I feel very sure that you are not. If would matter to you more then.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 40
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 9:42:19 PM
Depends on the person. The name "Christian" doesn't really tell you that much. I can't conclude anything from the fact that they are Christian. Lots of people call themselves Christian. You have to talk to them more to find out what that actually means. I mean, the OP and I will never agree with anyone who calls themselves Christian, but it's not clear if being in a relationship with one poses any problems. I have had two girlfriends, and they were both Christians. Well, they are my ex's. In the case of the first one, she was open-minded enough for it not to be a real issue. Second one, not so much. She was just offended by my views--specifically, my acceptance of the fact of evolution, which I thought was somewhat separate from any attitudes I might have towards Christianity.


Don't you just love the way it's perfectly fine to bash Christians, sight unseen, from one end of the globe to the other?


There's bashing, and there's criticizing. Those are two different things. If someone wants to bash Christians or atheists, or anyone else, that is their free speech. I personally don't like "bashing" because that suggests non-constructive criticism and sounding too harsh for people to actually listen. But I wouldn't at all be surprised if what I call criticism, you call bashing.


All that is accomplished by such behavior is to prove that you are the one who is guilty of what you're accusing Christians of: bashing the beliefs and behaviors of others for no good reason, and, um...hypocrisy. Yes, it is hypocritical to profess being non-judgemental when that's exactly what you are doing---judging and bashing an entire group of people, just because you can.


A bit over-simplified and unrepresentative of 99% of the arguments people have with Christians. Seems like you are putting words in people's mouths. Only in a few cases would this paragraph describe anyone's opinions on Christianity. I'm not really explaining myself fully, since I am trying not to get too side-tracked into a religion argument, here.


As a Christian, I have nothing more to say. It would be wrong to judge people without knowing them, and their behaviors, very well. Best wishes to all. :)


If a group of people defines themselves by belief in certain doctrines, we already know something about their beliefs and may reasonably have some suspicions about their resulting behavior. In the case of Christianity, though, thankfully, most Christians appear not to take their Bible very seriously, or else we would have much greater cause for concern. Most of them appear not to have read much of the Bible, let alone know it very well. There are some good lessons in the Bible, as well as some not-so-good lessons. What's problematic is not the book itself, but the idea that it is the unaltered word of God, and therefore cannot be questioned. Again, only SOME Christians actually interpret it that way.

I have taken part in discussions where I come off as "harsh" towards Christianity and other religions. However, if you pay careful attention, I think I rarely criticize the people people themselves. Many Christians are great people, but I think that's more despite the religion, rather than because of it. I criticize the beliefs and the doctrines. I respect the people; I don't respect the "holy" books. I think it is possible to make a distinction.
 friendshipcomesfirst
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 41
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/14/2012 10:22:41 PM
Badger, I agree. You are looking for long term, and your profile says you want kids. I am Christian, I married a Mormon, neither of us devout... Having kids changed that FAST and the fights were INCREDIBLE!

If you are looking for a spouse, look for someone with similar beliefs and upbringsing... Don't put the cart before the horse, but don't get a cart the horse can't pull either ;)
 AdriaticMind
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/15/2012 12:40:07 AM
Maverick, I have no intention of continuing this beyond this post. Let me just say that I do study the Bible on a regular basis, as do many other Christians, so your statement about "most"not even knowing what the Bible says, is far too sweeping to be taken seriously. Be careful when you use sweeping quantitative estimations. . The study of the Bible is something that must go on for one's entire lifetime,it is a study of a worthy book, which many of us choose to engage in, so that we can better understand our faith. I have a B.A. in Biblical Theology,as well as many years studying the Bible in various study groups, yet I readily admit that I am still learning.
Criticize away, if that is your desire. You cannot respect a person while at the same time criticizing their beliefs and doctrines.That fine hair is very difficult to split. I would think that mental efforts would be better spent trying to find the good, the positive, and the possible.
Peace, love, and tolerance to all. :) My best to you!
 TheLongSpring
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 44
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:15:27 AM

Just an update, I did not go ahead with the date


Jesus Christ, dude. How many other date opportunities are you going to sabotage?

Do women do this too?
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 46
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:39:05 AM
I wouldn't take what someone puts as a religion to mean much at all until you meet.

As others have stated, it could be their family religion and not something they practice or preach whatsoever.

For me, the main thing is finding someone tolerant of all beliefs whether they are Christian, Jewish or Atheists.

For all the talk about bible thumpers, I've found the most vocal and least tolerant to be Atheists.

I met a man on here that stated "non-religious". After several weeks of going out he told me he was a pastor.

So, moral to the story you never know what you're getting until you get to know a person.

I recommend you always take the time to do that.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 48
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:07:02 AM

Religious people, even if from different faiths still have 'faith' in common.

But saying we are the least tolerant is possibly a bit extreme, I think it's simply more of a clash.

Well just take for example you and this lady you are deciding not to meet...

which one of you was least tolerant in this case?
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 50
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/15/2012 8:23:13 AM

Just an update, I did not go ahead with the date.
I'm curious, did you even let her know the reason why? Ask her questions as to how religious she considers herself?
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 51
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:31:03 PM

Maverick, I have no intention of continuing this beyond this post. Let me just say that I do study the Bible on a regular basis, as do many other Christians, so your statement about "most"not even knowing what the Bible says, is far too sweeping to be taken seriously. Be careful when you use sweeping quantitative estimations. .


Okay, I don't have statistics on hand, but it is fair to say that "a lot" of Christians have not read too much of the Bible. I didn't mean it to be taken too seriously. I meant it as a rough statement and it's at least close to being true if you don't alter my words. I said they haven't read much of it. I didn't say they don't even know what the Bible says. Note that most just means over 50%. I think that's probably not too outlandish of a guess for people who have never made it all the way through the Bible, but I don't know what the actual percentage is. I also said they "appear" not to have read it, imply some uncertainty.



The study of the Bible is something that must go on for one's entire lifetime,it is a study of a worthy book, which many of us choose to engage in, so that we can better understand our faith. I have a B.A. in Biblical Theology,as well as many years studying the Bible in various study groups, yet I readily admit that I am still learning.


Of course, there are Christians who are really into studying the Bible. That's not quite the same thing as applying it to your life. There are actually three things that I am talking about when I say they don't take their Bible seriously--and by the way, all of these only apply to certain people, not all. One is not knowing it very well. The second is reinterpreting it to make it more friendly. And the third is knowing it, but not actually putting it into practice.


Criticize away, if that is your desire. You cannot respect a person while at the same time criticizing their beliefs and doctrines.That fine hair is very difficult to split.


So, basically, merely disagreeing with someone is a sign of disrespect? Maybe the opposite is a sign of disrespect. To assume that they are too oversensitive or unquestioning to handle any criticism or have their beliefs challenged. That sounds more disrespectful by my standards. I want people to challenge my opinions. Only people who don't care about whether they are right or not don't want to consider all sides of the story. I think people who talk too much about splitting hairs are essentially admitting that they think that all subtleties should be swept under the rug and that it is mistake to be to be discerning. In fact, if I criticize someone's beliefs, I AM criticizing (criticizing, not disrespecting) them indirectly. But you fail to see the big picture here. For a Christian, their beliefs CAN be a big part of who they are. But for most non-Christians and even some Christians, the beliefs are not really an important part of who they are. Therefore, from OUR perspective, we are criticizing a very small part of their life. But they don't see it that way. They see it as a big criticism, but actually, it's not.


I would think that mental efforts would be better spent trying to find the good, the positive, and the possible.
Peace, love, and tolerance to all. :) My best to you!


I actually agree with that. However, sometimes, the disagreements are pressing enough for some action to be required and the most efficient thing to do is to criticize, rather than just to ignore and hope the problem will disappear from lack of attention.
 Holly63
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 52
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:18:14 PM

I respectfully disagree with you in that I very much DO see people randomly knocking Christians on here all the time;.....................As for Atheists and other groups, I never put them down , or even dream of spouting off generalizations


To AdriaticMind...I meant no one is knocking us (Christians) here in this particular thread. lol. I thought you thought they were with the first line of your first post. :)

Absolutely, its a fairly common trend in some discussions in these forums for religions (of all kinds) to be argued about in which, like yourself, I won't participate. I respect everyone's beliefs. Pardon the pun.

OP? I'm sorry you cancelled your date but if you really felt you and the lady wouldn't be a match to begin with, I understand. I also understand this:...


Religious people, even if from different faiths still have 'faith' in common. An atheist and someone religious have extremely different views of the world.


Yes, atheists don't believe in any deity (a higher being, a "God", a special object, force etc) whatsoever. Its not limited to simply not believeing in Jesus.

Anyway thats my rant for the day. :) I wish you all the best, OP. xx
 Thornz2000
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 53
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/15/2012 8:37:13 PM
I'm Christian and my last relationship she was not. Over time it became an issue.
If your not religious then its hard for you to understand the hows and whys aside from what you read about religion.

In the Christian world its called being 'Unequally Yoked'. There is articles about on the web. You might wanna read up a little to understand things better.

I think she will ask you go to church with her off and on and not sure how you going to deal with it.

Go on the date. You might be surprised and very happy with her.

If you have questions feel free to ask me ok?
 AdriaticMind
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Religion and dating
Posted: 7/15/2012 10:51:59 PM
Lol. Maverick, you made me laugh, and I thank you for that.! :)
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 56
Religion and dating
Posted: 10/15/2014 6:20:09 PM
Interesting. I was recently approached by a very religious (Christian) male in this site and wanted to know more about me. It's very clear his religion is important to him, given by what he disclosed on his profile. I respected his position, I politely let him know that I'm not religious at all and I don't feel we'd be a match, without explaining too much. Instead of accepting this, he then told me he could teach me the way of Jesus Christ and that I should accept him, the resultant effect would be that my life would surely improve. I should have blocked him; but then I responded by telling him that faith in God is a Private matter of unprejudiced choice, and that I don't need religion, in my life, to have a better life I'm already living. I made it clear a second time that I wasn't interested, to which he replied that I had misunderstood him. I didn't reply.

Twenty-fours after that bizarre interaction, he wrote back to tell me he wanted to get to know me, but that he wasn't sure because I was, to him, "negative, frustrated, and have low-self esteem," this after I declared twice I wasn't interested. I blocked him.

I don't date people who are religious. Period. It doesn't make any sense for me as somebody who is quite content without it in my life, who doesn't need it, and doesn't appreciate cafeteria believers imposing their ignorance with the intent to oppress, to falsely and mindlessly give myself to any elusive deities in place of thinking for myself. I would never want to lead anybody in and I don't want my rights and wishes trampled upon, either.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 57
Religion and dating
Posted: 10/15/2014 6:42:22 PM
It sounds like he was trying to do one of two things:
He was trying to tone down the religious aspect a day later because going all out religious from the get-go wasn't working, or
He was looking for people to "save", so he goes on social media sites to recruit under the guise of looking for dates and is trying different methods of social interaction to get people to join his flock.

Too bad you didn't toy with him a bit before blocking him. You could've said you're strongly into you religion of Satan worshiping or Muslim or Islamic and how he can be saved if he converts, and you can show him how to convert away from Christianity.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Religion and dating
Posted: 10/16/2014 4:58:06 AM

Twenty-fours after that bizarre interaction, he wrote back to tell me he wanted to get to know me, but that he wasn't sure because I was, to him, "negative, frustrated, and have low-self esteem," this after I declared twice I wasn't interested. I blocked him.


Fortunately, this kind of manipulative, condescending behavior comes pretty much standard with the type of people who want to live their lives according to bronze-age tribal superstitions. Makes them easier to spot and avoid.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 59
Religion and dating
Posted: 10/16/2014 8:20:47 AM

He was looking for people to "save", so he goes on social media sites to recruit under the guise of looking for dates and is trying different methods of social interaction to get people to join his flock.


I met someone like this on match a year or so ago. I had 'agnostic' listed as my religious description (I don't know, I don't spend a lot of time seeking that knowledge). We messaged back and forth for over 2 weeks (schedules not in synch) before our meeting and he did a good job of 'hiding' what became clear was his end goal - proselytizing. (As soon as he mentioned (in person) what church he attended, it clicked)

Because I am one who often errs on the side of giving someone a chance, I actually stood in the parking lot after our get-together (dinner, yes, I split the check, as I always do) rebutting his 'arguments' for longer than I should have. It was only later that it dawned on me that he was a bit disrespectful - that he had an ulterior motive going in.

I grew up in the church, but no longer attend. I'm a little more up front now about that - if someone appears to be religious (a choice I respect completely) I will share that story so they know I'm not fertile ground for conversion. I've had a couple people drop off communication after I have shared that story.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 61
Religion and dating
Posted: 10/16/2014 8:27:44 AM
I have met Atheist that are as intense in their belief and dislike of things religious that they are no different than the Religious people they so often criticize. So I could not go out with them.

In my profile I used to have Buddhist, but more than anything I am Spiritual. There are people that say they are Christians but are more as a general belief than being a bible thumper. Born again Christians I find very annoying.

Also I have a hard time with a god that excluded other people, other religions, other ways of thinking. Why would god give an exclusive to only one group of people and ignore thousand upon thousands of others.

I actually believe that GOD is inside of every person, and as a force, even the word God is limiting.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >